Don't forget 'Sarah Marshall'

I'm too exhausted to write an eloquent--or witty--movie review, so instead I'll just tell you that I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" this weekend and it was hilarious. If you liked "Knocked Up," "Superbad" and/or "40-Year-Old Virgin," you're good to go.

Good writing. Lots of humor. Good story. Lots of sexual content. And straight boys, beware--there are more P shots than V or T shots in this movie. But Mila Kunis is gorgeous and I guess that Veronica Mars chick is okay, too.

Here's a clip to whet your whistle, sans nudity.

"I much prefer to hang out with copies of myself!"

No disrespect to my alma mater, but this clip could literally have been a commercial for my college. It's called "Honest College Ad," by the kids of Collegehumor.com.

The $20 mill renovation project that you won't be around to see the completion, the ghost town, the safety school, being the most God awful D3 school? Check, check, check aaand check. Oh, and don't forget the last line of the video--we even have a billboard on the NJ Turnpike.

How does your school hold up to this? Check it out:

Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing

I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling a bit down tonight without my weekly dose of Bret Michaels and his love seeking vixens. It's Sunday, and Celebracadabra premieres on VH1 tonight, a show whose name makes me cringe and I expect will almost definitely be as humdrum as Celebrity Boot Camp.

...And this got me thinking: What happens to all my old reality television friends now that their respective shows have ended? Will they slip into the abyss of celebrity dating show losers now that their 15 minutes have ended? Will I never see Buckwild or TMNT-Tango ever again? How will I remember what Daisy and her bloated lips look like once they stop playing the Rock of Love II reunion on VH1??
But it's almost like VH1 read my thoughts (or my blog), because the brilliant minds behind all of your favorite celebrity dating shows (Flavor of Love 1,2,3; I Love New York 1,2; and Rock of Love 1,2) have created the ultimate reality show has-been series, aptly titled "I Love Money."

The show, which is tentatively scheduled to air July 13 (casting special July 6), will quit cloaking the real reason that most of these people sign up for these ridiculous shows (because it's certainly not love) and pit them against each other in physical and mental tasks for a chance to win some cold hard cash--$250,000 to be exact.

There aren't too many details available right now surrounding the show, just that shooting quietly wrapped in March and MTV VJ Lala will host. No official announcement of cast members yet, but Rock of Love 1's Heather and Rock of Love 2's Meghan are both rumored to be onboard.

UPDATE: VH1 is also planning a "Rock of Love Charm School," similar to the Flavor of Love version from last summer, and Heather will also be enrolled.

CAN'T WAIT--ahh, my reality television addiction is so not healthy...

Stimulating stimulus, yeah!

Good news for those of you expecting some free money from the government: It's on its way a few days early! whoo!

The Treasury Department announced today that the special tax rebates will arrive five days earlier than the originally scheduled May 2 release date.

Want to know how much you'll be receiving? Click here for the calculator!

Thanks to a faster than expected computer program, 800,000 tax filers daily will get rebates on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. No rebates will be distributed on Thursday, and 5 million payments will be made on Friday.

Overall, the Treasury will distribute more than $110 billion to 130 million taxpayers by July and hopes to get the first $50 billion out by the end of May.

Even non-sports fans can appreciate this...

I can't help but laughing out loud at this video clip.

This man at today's Boston/Texas baseball game made a spectacular grab on a foul ball hit upper deck. Unfortunately for the silly Bo-Sox fan, his celebration got a little too braggadocious and he made a fool of himself.

I'm a compassionate person, and --at first-- I felt kinda bad for this guy, because, like, what if this were the first time he ever caught a foul ball and he was overjoyed beyond belief? But then I remembered he roots for a garbage baseball team and he deserves anything that happens to him, haaaa.

And PS. these announcers are terrible, but you gotta love the crowd's audible reaction to this guy's antics.

You'd have to be s'mash'ed to want to eat this

I might have to agree with metro.co.uk when they say that this is the world's most disgusting ice cream...

Food company Aunt Bessie's has released its "Mash Cone," complete with sausage, mashed potatoes, gravy and peas.

Just looking at that makes me want to vomit. Then again, it is 4/20 and maybe if all those really cool people (complete sarcasm) who have been wishing each other 'happy holidays' today get stoned enough, they might consider eating this. I mean, it's a steak dinner set in a sugar cone--what could be wrong with that?

Thanks, Dave!

Talk about running up a score...

Well, I love me some baseball season, so this story undoubtedly caught my eye.

A Japanese high school baseball team let up 66 runs Thursday before the coach pleaded for the game to end.

That's not even impressive; that's just straight up sad.

Kawamoto technical high school's pitcher threw 250 pitches in 1 and 1/3 innings, allowing 26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second. I think they should probably fire their manager and pitching coach, ehh?

But, in an effort to make the score look respectable, the team's opponent from Shunshukan school was only credited with a 9-0 victory. Wow, that's some good sportsmanship they're teaching them over there...

*So* worth the obnoxious two-in-a-row video post

Yeah, I hate posting two videos in a row because, well, this blog is supposed to be about the written word, but this is super crafty.

I know I posted the hand farting guy playing the Mario Bros. theme song, but this thing is way more incredible. Check it out!

"Like Rosie O'Donnell at a bi-sexual bridal shower"--???

I saw this video a few days ago and passed on posting it...but I was told yesterday that a local Philly radio station was playing this and making fun of it on the air and decided that I'd post it before it blew up and became the next "Chocolate Rain."

I'm not quite sure what the deal is with these guys, but the video sticks true to its name: "Worst Rap Battle Ever." Enjoy!

Being a loser ain't just for the boys anymore

WARNING: SPOILERS

Congratulations to Biggest Loser Couples winner Ali Vincent, who became the reality show's first female winner last night.
In a live, two-hour broadcast, host Alison Sweeney first revealed the results of America's vote, a twist that would determine if it would be heavily favored front-runner Roger or the once-competitive-now-weepy Mark in the show's final three...And America chose Roger.

With Roger and the two female finalists--Ali and Kelly--backstage, the first hour of the show was chock-full of montages (for some reason I couldn't get Team America out of my head), showing the contestants' struggles on the ranch and their training at home. Those 17 contestants who were voted off in the previous weeks each weighed in for a chance to win $100,000. And remember...Biggest Loser goes by percentage of weight lost, not total pounds!

Curtis, who was eliminated in week two, went from 381 lbs to 231 lbs - that's a loss of 150 lbs for you non-mathematicians. Unbelievable. He was in the lead for the prize money until my absolute fav DAN came out (looking all handsome) and stole it away. Dan started at 310 and lost 136 lbs--or 43.86% of his body weight. Love him!

Unfortunately for Dan (left), his lead was short lived and big bad Bernie immediately took it away after the scale showed he lost 130 lbs (45.3%) of his original body weight. And then there was Mark ("Mahhk"), who made Bernie break a sweat one more time when he came 1 POUND short of beating him. I left the room for a second, but I'd be comfortable in betting he shed a tear or two. In fact, at some point during the show, Alison Sweeney cracked on Mahhk for being a crybaby. Ha!

Then on to the real competition. More montages of Ali eating frozen yogurt at 2 a.m., Roger plateauing and Kelly expressing displeasure with her herniated disk.

In the end, Ali--who had been eliminated in week four, but was accepted back onto the show in a mid-season twist--locked up the title of Biggest Loser. Much like Rock of Love's Ambre, the winner was given a second chance and never looked back. (Yes, anything to mention the greatest show ever made.)

Ali looks fantastic and you can't help but be amazed by a transformation like hers, or any of the contestants. Absolutely amazing.

New Biggest Loser Couples season coming in October!

RELATED LINKS:
'Weight' and see who's in the final three

Update: Those Bostonians just don't stop, do they?

The David Ortiz jersey that was buried on-site at the Yankees new stadium this weekend is outta there.

The Red Sox jersey was put there by Gino Castignoli, a construction worker hoping to put a hex on the team.

"We were upset about it and we didn't like the idea. There's enough Yankee fans, enough people on this project that are proud of what they are doing and they knew about it and they knew where it was and they decided to get rid of it right away." - construction worker Frank Gramarossa.

The team is looking to take legal action...Yeah, the Yankees aren't messing around. Eat it Red Sox moron.

"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"

WARNING: SPOILERS

So last year, Bret Michaels thought he had found his Rock of Love with Jes, but it turned out that she left and got a new boyfriend during the time between when the show was airing on VH1 and the reunion show in the fall. Fortunately, Rock of Love brought in some insane number of viewers and VH1 decided to give the Poison front man another go around of strippers and slutty rocker chicks.

He whittled 20 women down to two, eliminating "Frenchie" the Stripper, theUkrainian Love Tank Ina, crazy-ass Kristi Joe, Former 'Beauty and the Geek' Contestant Megan and Ultimate Groupie Destiney.

In the end, Bret was forced to choose between Daisy, the real-life plastic surgery version of Daisy Duck, or Ambre, the peppy Spartan Cheerleader-like actress who seemed like a fish out of water in Bret's house-o-rock.

The finale focused mainly on the fact that Bret has always had a sexual connection with Daisy (well duhhh, her silicone sambas were hanging out of every single thing she put on), but he's still concerned about her cloudy past. With Ambre, Bret has always felt comfortable and confident, but he wasn't sure if the physical connection was there and if she could handle his "rock and roll lifestyle," which, really? Come on.

As in all of VH1's formated celeb searching for life final episodes, Bret takes each girl on a day-long date, which begins with some sort of innocent--but scantily clad--activity, topped off with dinner and a nightcap.

Date 1: Daisy tells Ambre she's not sexy. Ambre focuses in on slutting it up on her next date with Bret. They go on some jungle tour and have some massages. She jumps on his back and rubs him down. They go to dinner (and PS. why does Bret NEVER get dressed up for any of these occasions? I guess he's too "rock and roll" for that). Ambre reveals she's not wearing any underwear and proceeds to cross and uncross her legs. Bret barks, "Check please!" and they whisk away to his candlelit bedroom, where he describes every piece of furniture in the room as something "to make love on," including some sort of peanut cart? Oh Bret, how I love thee. They ultimately land on the bed outside on the moonlit balcony. Romance, la la la.

Date 2: Bret takes Daisy out on a boat to go fishing, because she obviously looks like a girl who loves to fish. They somewhat reenact a scene from "Titanic" out on the front of the boat, except Daisy gets woozie and hurls over the side of the boat. But it turns Bret on--just like everything else on the planet does--and he feels a closer connection with Daisy. Fast forward to dinner: Daisy tells Bret she loves him. "Check please!" again, and away they go to the same bedroom...and the same bed on the balcony. Sanitary indeed.

The verbal battles between Daisy and Ambre in the bedroom made me want to punch a puppy, though it did yield the title to this entry. God I love Ambre. And why the hell couldn't the producers give these girls a keycard to the damn bedroom? The awkward knocking and entering scenes were terrible. [click here to watch bonus footage of Daisy and Ambre's arguments]

Elimination time. Bret gives his speech on how he loves both of them and they have both made an extreme impact on his life, yadda yadda. He calls Daisy forward--and in an extremely less dramatic and less clever style than last season's King Midas twist--Bret tells Daisy her tour has ended and selects Ambre to be his Rock of Love. [watch below!]


video.vh1.com

What's funny is Daisy's reaction to all of this: "I just want to curl up in a ball and eat a lot of ice cream." How profound.

And just as Bret said, it's funny how fate works out because Ambre was sent packing day one until Jackye had a panic attack and went home and Bret filled her place with Ambre.

So again, my favorite girl from the start has won Bret's heart. I hope this one lasts. Well, I'd love it if it did, but...I would be slightly okay with another season of this show. I need to go to Bret Michaels Anonymous, like, seriously.

And be on the look out for next week's season two reunion show. It looks like Daisy gets her ass beat by Heather, yessss!

Those Bostonians just don't stop, do they?

So about a week after sicking a vicious hawk on an innocent child with the same nickname as the Yankees' star third basemen, construction workers are working to bring a new curse to Ruth's new home.

The New York Post reported today that two construction workers --who are remaining anonymous-- secretly buried a Red Sox t-shirt in the concrete under the future visitor's clubhouse.

Not sure if it's completely true, but the Yankees said it ain't so.

"We noticed that the NY Post wrote a fun and interesting story about a T-shirt today - but it never happened, Yankee fans know that burying something in concrete in the basement is never a good thing. Memo to the Post: You're 10 days late for April Fools' Day."--Yankees spokeswoman Alice McGillion.

RELATED LINKS:
"A-Rod" attacked by evil BoSox hawk

I'd start going to church every Sunday if it sounded like this

Please watch this...and no matter how terrible you think it is, don't give up on it. It gets so much better right around the 2:10 mark. This guy would totally dominate the religious hymn version of Rock Band...PSYCH.



Worst Singer Ever Omazing Grace - Watch more free videos

He called the Columbine shooters "my gods"

I stumbled upon this article about a 19-year-old Idaho guy who had previously plotted to kill his high school classmates, his mother and his sister...but now he's hoping kids who experience the same thing he did will seek help.

For some reason, this article doesn't really sit well with me. They throw in the "learn from my experience" graph at the end of the story, but for the most part, this article goes through this guy's history of mental illness and the fact that his mother is still afraid of him. And something tells me that exposing his true identity and mental instability on CNN is not going to make his life any easier.

Give it a gander. See what you think.

I appreciate CNN and the mother's attempt to share this story and try to avoid another Northern Illinois or Virginia Tech incident (as that anniversary is quickly approaching), but what I get from this article is--if you get caught while you're in high school and your parents make you go to a psychiatrist, wait til you're 19 and then go to town. But share your story with a large news source so no one expects anything. I don't know. I'm still not convinced. Quite disturbing.


RELATED LINKS
Another school shooting leaves six dead
Update: NIU school shooting

"A-Rod" attacked by evil BoSox hawk

Last week, a hawk at Fenway Park attacked an innocent eighth-grade girl named Alexa Rodriguez.

Yes, that's right. The bird that nests in the home of the Red Sox attacked A-Rod. Couldn't make it up if I tried.


The girl, from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Conn., was on a field trip with classmates when the hawk swooped down and attacked in an apparent attempt to protect its eggs.

"A-Rod" was not seriously injured. She was taken to a nearby hospital and released.

But this just proves that everything about Fenway Park--its players AND its wildlife--is absolutely classless. And that especially goes for you, Manny Ramirez.

Thanks, Dave!

To a trilogy, and beyond!

Disney studios has unveiled a lineup of 10 new animated films that will open within the next four years, the majority of which will be shown in digital 3-D.

Most notable on the list? Another installment of "Toy Story"--yessss! The entire cast (Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, etc.) will be back for the third film, which features main character Andy all grown up and moving on to the college life.

The robot love story "Wall E" will hit theaters at the end of June. I saw the trailer for this, and while the storyline made no sense to me, I'd go see it because that robot is freaking adorable.

The lineup will also feature a sequel to "Cars" and "Bolt," which will star John Travolta as the voice of a dog with super powers and Miley Cyrus as his owner. To see more of the upcoming films, click here.

Conan's creepy priest to do penance

Updating a previous item:

Father David Ajemian, the priest who has reportedly been stalking Conan O'Brien since they went to Harvard together, apologized in court Tuesday and pleaded guilty to lesser charges of disorderly conduct after prosecutors withdrew charges of aggravated harassment and stalking, misdemeanors that are punishable by up to 90 days in jail.

Father Ajemian has also been ordered to stay away from O'Brien for two years....What?? Shouldn't it be like, forever?

The priest did not say in court why he was stalking Conan, but had previously said he wanted a "public confession" or "a spot on Conan's couch."

RELATED LINKS:
Hell hath no fury like a creepy priest

'Weight' and see who's in the final three

I need another reality show addiction like a hole in the head, but add The Biggest Loser Couples to the 'completely obsessed' column.

I've been following this show only since this season began, but the interesting format (which had contestants arrive on the weight loss campus in pairs and lose the weight together) and the fact that Tuesday is one of the only nights I'm able to watch primetime television got me hooked.

For the first time in Biggest Loser history, a woman (Ali, formerly of the pink team) lost the most percentage body weight on campus. Fellow female finalist, Kelly, joined Ali above "the yellow line" last night, leaving 'heavy hitter' Roger and Boston-boy Mark (aka "Mahhhk") up for elimination.

Amidst a season so full of twists and turns the writers probably lost weight, producers threw in one last snafu seconds after the final weigh-in: The contestants would not be voting off the last person--America would.

ROGER



MARK

If you care at all, you can click here to vote for which man will join Ali and Kelly to compete for $250,000 during Tuesday's live finale.

If you'd like to see a woman win for the first time in the show's history, it would probably be in your best interest to vote for Mark, even if you hate him, because Roger is the clear cut frontrunner should America choose him to stay in the competition. And if you're sick of seeing Mark cry...well, too bad, because he'll probably cry if he gets the book. Or moves on. Or his brother comes on stage. Or they go to commercial.

Apparently, the trainers were a little pissed about this change in format. [click here to read what Jillian had to say]

I must say, of all the terrible reality television shows that I watch and cannot legitimately defend, this one is actually worthwhile. Look at how incredible those transformations are...

A whole lot of 'f*cking'

I cannot get this song out of my head now. I thought that I had posted the original "I'm f*cking Matt Damon" song on here a few weeks ago, but apparently that took a back seat to baseball.

Regardless, watch that clip first--it's hilarious. And if you don't watch that first, this next clip will mean nothing. [click here to watch the original...and click here to watch the Ben Affleck response]

And so now, if you're all caught up on your Matt Damon-f'ing, check out the following clip, entitled, "I'm f*cking Obama." I don't like to talk politics on this blog, but this has nothing to do with campaigning. It's just fantastic.

The faces of Lali

A baby born with a rare disease in India is now being worshiped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess.

Newborn Lali has craniofacial duplication, a condition where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated, including her nose, lips and eyes.

Rural India is deeply superstitious and the little girl is being hailed as a return of the Hindu goddess of valor, Durga, a fiery deity traditionally depicted with three eyes and many arms. Up to 100 people have reportedly visited the baby at her home every day to touch her feet out of respect, offer money and receive blessings, according to her parents.

Somewhat similar to Lil' Bit, the kitten from Arizona who was born in November, minus that whole goddess thing.

"And boom goes the dynamite"

So the Women's NCAA Basketball Tournament just ended (CandACE beat out CandICE), and the Men's Tourney wrapped up last night in dramatic fashion, but bitter ole' me could care less because a.) I hate basketball, b.) I didn't go to one of these sports obsessed schools, and c.) I had UNC and UCLA in the Men's Finals and lost out on $300.

Anyway. In honor of this recent college sports craze, I present to you the most stunted and embarrassing college sports newscast in the history of the universe. Not only does this guy stumble over absolutely everything, but not one person in the studio comes to poor Brian Collins' rescue during his four minutes of awkward broadcasting. I bet he's super excited this hit YouTube.

I'd blame the guy on the teleprompter, but I don't even know if that would have made a difference. But, hey, Reggie Miller is lookin' good...or whoever that player actually was.

If you have a soul, you might not find this funny. Otherwise, enjoy!

Thanks, TJS!

Fantasy baseball owns my life

I feel like I've been doing a lot of this lately, but I am going to once again apologize for my recent lack of posting.

Instead of devoting my little free time to this blog, I have been obsessively staring at dots on CBS Sportsline in hopes that my fantasy baseball team actually put up some points. Yes, I am pathetic, I know this, but as the sole woman in my 10-person fantasy baseball league, I've got something to prove.

So hopefully not too many people have given up on me and you will continue to check back for what I hope will be more posts than in the last two weeks.

Can you handle another shot of 'Tequila'?

Yes, as I mentioned at the start of 2008, Tila Tequila and her bi-sexual reality show are back for another round.

Starting April 22, another lot of lesbians and straight toolbags will move into an MTV mansion to win a "Shot at Love with Tila Tequila." It looks like a lot of blood, sweat, tears...and vomit?

This season's trailer is seriously disgusting...


That's fine. I won't follow this as intensely as the first season--because I was pulling for my Indigo Girls-song-inducing-Dani to win Tila's heart--but I will probably end up watching this. I'm a sucker for some man-on-man headbutting, what can I say?

Otherwise, this show will probably be as terrible as its first season's spin off with Domenico. Is that show even on anymore??

RELATED LINKS:
How to save a bi
Here's to a shot at shameless self promotion
Ordering up another round of "Shot"
Tequila making you sick?
That's A-stupid