Luck o' the Irish

Happy St. Patrick's Day
from The Jerc Store!

It kinda stinks that St. Patty's Day is on a weekday this year, but that doesn't seem to stop millions from celebrating the notoriously drunken holiday. I will not be partaking, but Godspeed to those of you who do.

Little fun fact for you: The most leaves found on a clover is 18, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Think about how lucky that would be!

And for all you true Irish out there (1/2 of myself included), here's St. Patrick's tale:

Good St. Patrick traveled far, to teach God's Holy Word
And when he came to Erin's sod, a wondrous thing occured
He plucked a shamrock from the earth and held it in His hand
To symbolize the Trinity that all might understand
The first leaf for the Father
And the second for the Son
The third leaf for the Holy Spirit
All three of them in one.

Newsfeed eating up lies

I heard a funny story this morning about a guy in Australia who took a "sick day," but got busted because his boss read his Facebook status: "Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f..k it i'm still trashed. SICKIE WOO!"


I laughed out loud when I heard it, thinking, "See? This is exactly what they told us in college about the professional backlash possible in putting dumb crap on social networking sites."(Thanks, Prof. Brown!)

An e-mail, presumably between Doyle and his boss, surfaced on the Internet shortly thereafter: The boss asks the 21-year-old AAPT worker for a medical certificate to prove he deserved the day off, and he writes back saying he did not need a medical certificate for one day's leave. The boss then discloses his proof behind the doubt, and Doyle says, "HAHAHA LMAO epic fail. No worries man."

This story is all over the damn Internet... but now it appears that the now-famous Kyle Doyle might have been framed! [DUN DUN DUN]

"Following an investigation into AAPT's email records, we can confirm the email exchange between two of our employees ... never occurred." -- statement from AAPT.

It appears that either someone set Doyle up--even his mother is vouching for him. Yeah, set up or he set this up to get his 15 minutes of fame, mmm? Either way, pretty comical.

As of this morning, Doyle's status reportedly read: "trying to hide :-/" and he had received at least 175 personal messages regarding the incident.

'Feast' your eyes on this world record

Maybe the country of Iran should change its name to Hungary (haaa):

On Friday, organizers in Tehran attempted to break the Guinness World Record for Largest Sandwich, but locals ate the sandwich before it could be measured.

The 1,500-meter-long sandwich was going to be stuffed with 700 kg of ostrich meat and 700 kg of chicken, but people rushed forward and devoured it "in minutes," according to a witness.

Mmmm, Ostrich-chicken sandwich - however could they resist?

Three Guinness representatives on hand had not yet measured the meal, but organizers of the event said video taken could still prove that the sandwich is (or was) capable of holding the record.

The current "largest sandwich" on record hales from the U-S-of-A (pictured right): Wild Woody’s Chill and Grill of Roseville, Michigan created a 5,440-lb (or 2467-kg) sandwich in 2005.

RELATED LINKS
'When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza line'
Ear today, hair tomorrow
Dare I say, 'Where's the beef?'
Hiccup in the plan
That's haute
Who wants to break stuff?

Happy Olympics!

Today is 8/8/08, which means it's time for the opening ceremonies of the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing.


Sorry, everyone. I'm not super into these games, minus the soccer. In fact, I don't think I've really cared about the Olympics since the 1996 U.S. gymnastics team (you remember Kerri Strug, right?).

But don't let me get you down. Enjoy your shirtless Michael Phelps, USA's "Redeem Team" of basketball, smog-covered Beijing and 3,600 hours of Olympic coverage.

[click here to view a complete schedule of events] Yay America!

Actually, I'm much more interested in the bestial alternative to the Olympics: Animal Planet's 2008 Puppy Games. It's the most incredible show I've ever seen. Click here for a quick preview!

Close out that tab, mate

An Australian man who had heart broken was drowning his sorrows in alcohol, only he probably could have literally drown his sorrows and himself in the amount of beer he was consuming per week.

Michael Leary, a father of four, was spending an average of $972 a week on beer after breaking up with his partner five years ago, according to the Northern Territory News. (And P.S. that's about enough to buy 2,500 bottles of beer per month)

Authorities figured the construction worker had a problem when he was charged a few months ago with drunk driving...for the seventh time--no? You think he's got a problem?? The man was not sentenced to jail time, but has been banned from drinking or even holding a beer for 12 months.

Leary earns approximately $2,000 a week gross - or about $1440 after tax, according to the court. About $150 goes to rent, $150 on buses and taxis and $50 on his phone. The rest? Beer.

What's funnier is that the while in court, the judge made fun of the guy's taste in beer, saying, "(That is) poor judgment on two counts there -- drinking that much and drinking Melbourne Bitter."

It's kind of like the Australian version of Natural Light. Like drinking $1,000 worth of Natural Light. Come to think of it: I think I have a friend who might get along with Mr. Leary pretty well...

Talk about running up a score...

Well, I love me some baseball season, so this story undoubtedly caught my eye.

A Japanese high school baseball team let up 66 runs Thursday before the coach pleaded for the game to end.

That's not even impressive; that's just straight up sad.

Kawamoto technical high school's pitcher threw 250 pitches in 1 and 1/3 innings, allowing 26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second. I think they should probably fire their manager and pitching coach, ehh?

But, in an effort to make the score look respectable, the team's opponent from Shunshukan school was only credited with a 9-0 victory. Wow, that's some good sportsmanship they're teaching them over there...

*So* worth the obnoxious two-in-a-row video post

Yeah, I hate posting two videos in a row because, well, this blog is supposed to be about the written word, but this is super crafty.

I know I posted the hand farting guy playing the Mario Bros. theme song, but this thing is way more incredible. Check it out!

The faces of Lali

A baby born with a rare disease in India is now being worshiped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess.

Newborn Lali has craniofacial duplication, a condition where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated, including her nose, lips and eyes.

Rural India is deeply superstitious and the little girl is being hailed as a return of the Hindu goddess of valor, Durga, a fiery deity traditionally depicted with three eyes and many arms. Up to 100 people have reportedly visited the baby at her home every day to touch her feet out of respect, offer money and receive blessings, according to her parents.

Somewhat similar to Lil' Bit, the kitten from Arizona who was born in November, minus that whole goddess thing.

Mmm, plastic and microwaved...

I found this mildly entertaining article on The Consumerist, which linked to a German site depicting the art of food photography, i.e. making hideously disgusting food look delectable. It's worth a few quick peeks.

Check out these in particular: Seehecht Fllet, Streit, Hacksteaks.


And as a supplement, check out this article on the secrets behind the photography.

And God said, 'Let there be solar panels!'

The Vatican is getting hip to the times, yo.

The city is going green namely by adding photovoltaic cells on buildings to produce electricity. Apparently, it's been a huge issue for Pope Benedict, who has said that issues such as climate change have become gravely important for the entire human race.

And the Vatican's energy resources aren't the only thing getting a face life: Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti spoke this week about his thoughts on a number of new-age sins, which include causing environmental blight, drug trafficking and messing around with genetics.

"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control."--Gianfranco Girotti

I guess Cake was wrong--Sheep won't go to heaven. Guess it's looking better for the goats.

Ear today, hair tomorrow

So, here's another interesting Guinness Book of World Records feat...and a little 'hair raising,' if you will...




The tufts coming out of the man's ears were more than 5 inches long when he set the record five years ago. Now, the hair has grown to nearly 12 inches. Getting ready for the day, the man shampoos and combs the hair, and plans to continue growing it...until the point he can braid it.

So...don't die?

*This was brought to my attention by a co-worker, and as journalists, we are extremely familiar with crazy lawmakers, so thanks to Matt for pointing out this insanity.

The cemetery in Sarpourenx, a village in France, is full...so the mayor has done what any respectable lawmaker would do: threaten his 260 constituents via municipal ordinance saying that if they die, they will be severely punished.

Um...what?

"...All persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish. Offenders will be severely punished."

The mayor said he was forced to take drastic action after an administrative court in the nearby town of Pau ruled in January that the acquisition of adjoining private land to extend the cemetery would not be justified.

He makes it sound like dying is comparable to speeding or littering. 'People of Sarpourenx, I know you were planning on dying and all, but don't. It may be punishable by death.' Duhhh.

Snake: 'Chihuahua muy tasty'

This is gut-wrenching: A 110-pound python ate a family dog as the family's two children watched Monday in Australia.

The scrub python, a breed that stalks and kills small wild animals, set its sights on the family's terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed and devoured it as a 5-year-old and 7-year-old watched.

The snake showed up in the dog's bed a few days earlier, but no one contacted the zoo to come get it out of there. On Monday, all that could be seen of the dog was its hind legs and tail sticking out of the python's mouth.

How freaky is that picture?!

The snake was brought to a zoo, and was reportedly still digesting the dog Wednesday.

In attempt to stop the snake, a woman threw plastic chairs at it. Yeah, smart.

There he was just a-walkin' down the street...

A Japanese man was arrested recently after donning long blond wig and a school uniform and entering the grounds of a local high school, police said.

Tetsunori Nanpei, 39, told police he bought the uniform over the Internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo.

A group of students saw Nanpei walking by and starting spazzing--as one might imagine they naturally would--causing the man to dash inside the school's gates.

More students. More screaming. The man fled the premises, losing his lovely locks in the process. He was soon chased down by a school official and taken into custody by police, but for some reason images of ET running away in that crazy blond wig comes to mind.

Let's pray for rabbit season

Today I was searching for something to watch on Saturday morning and realized that children's programming these days is horrendous; however, it's certainly nowhere near as abomidable as "Tomorrow's Players."

The Hamas-authorized children's kids show, which airs on Gaza TV and is shown around the Arab world, features Assud the 6-foot rabbit threatening to kill the Jews to a little girl named Saraa.

Assud, who resembles Bugs Bunny, promises to "finish off the Jews and eat them, Allah willing." It's seriously disturbing.



"This program is telling us that they see children as tools in their propaganda and their war. They have no problem stealing their children's youth."--Itamar Marcus, director of Palestinian Media Watch.

Marcus' point is evinced by the fact that Assud is not the first of his kind: Hamas used a Mickey Mouse-like character named Farfur who--according to producers--was beaten to death by Israeli soldiers, and a bee character named Nahul who was also killed off recently - his death blamed on Israelis preventing him from reaching a hospital to get urgent medical treatment.

Thanks, Dave.

The 'perfect' gift

The Giants may have stunned the world by beating the Patriots in this year's Super Bowl, but the children of Nicaragua don't care, because we all win when one team loses.

Hundreds of shirts and caps proclaiming the victory of the New England Patriots were shipped off to poor Nicaraguan children in the southern city of Diriamba.

"The children are the winners," said Miriam Diaz, of World Vision, a Christian humanitarian organization.

So essentially, what would have made a perfect season is making the perfect gift, ehh?

Thanks, Kat Fox!

RELATED LINKS:
Super Bowl XLII: 'Giant' upset
Best (and worst) of the Bowl
BAM - Perfect

New meaning to 'cock pit'?

Good news for nudists!

OssiUrlaub.de, a German travel agency, will begin taking reservations for a July 5 flight where passengers can be nude the entire time.

In Germany, Naturism --or "free body culture" (FKK)--is a normal thing, and the flight is not intended to promote membership in the mile-high club, according the agency's director.

The flight will be a trial nudist day trip from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the Baltic Sea resort of Usedom, and will cost 499 euros, or $735.

Passengers must remain clothed until they board and put their clothes on before exiting the plane. The flight crew will remain clothed the entire flight due to safety reasons.

The flight holds 55 people, and the director said the plane is very small. So...great - as if flying weren't uncomfortable enough; now you've got some wrinkly, naked man crammed up next to you. But I guess if that flies with you, you can fly the nudist flight to Usedom.

Chester Cheeto going pink

New on the shelves of Tokyo food stores is Frito Lay's newest creation: Strawberry Cheetos.

And no, they're not strawberry puffs; they are actual Cheetos covered in some sort of strawberry chocolate-ish coating. They also make them in straight up chocolate flavor.

I...don't know about this. But if anyone has tried them, by all means, let me know how they are. I mean, I hate Cheetos because they make your hands messy, but these seem a bit more pristine, right?

Pristine and horrendously vomit-worthy.

Mars erects!

(from Reuters.com) An image from Mars taken by NASA's Sprint Rover shows an image that resembles a figure walking among the planet's rocks.

Maybe it's just a rock, but I personally like the commentator taking bloggers' observations seriously, including the mention of a lost garden gnome. Check out the video here.

It does kind of creep my out though - it totally looks like some martians erected a statue of their female goddess.

Sounding like a freak on a leash

A girl being lead around London on a leash was thrown off a bus earlier this week, but the bus company has apologized for its actions.

Tasha Maltby, 19, is a self-proclaimed "pet" of her 25-year-old fiance, Dani Graves.

"I generally act animal-like and I lead a really easy life. I don't cook or clean and I don't go anywhere without Dani. It might seem strange but it makes us both happy. It's my culture and my choice. It isn't hurting anyone." - Tasha Maltby in an interview with the Daily Mail.

Hmm, yeah, that actually does sound like a really relaxed lifestyle. And I'm sure happily being referred to as your husband's pet (possession, object, whathaveyou) is going to do wonders for you as a woman.

Regardless, they probably shouldn't have been discriminated against in the way they were. Maltby and Graves, dressed in Gothic-style clothing and being lead by Graves on a leash, boarded the bus but were reportedly told by the driver: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on."

Arriva, the bus company, said Wednesday they would not comment on the instance but apologized for the way the couple had been treated. A spokesperson did say that the driver was concerned for the safety of those on the bus.


And judging by all the reactions (and one death wish) I received from the last entry I used the word 'freak' to describe someone, I must mention a disclaimer: The title of this entry is just a play on words. These people are allowed to do, wear and say whatever they want. Just a play on words. Thank you.