Another update

Hey everyone -- A few people have asked me what the deal is ("The Jerc Store is really hurting"), so I wanted to let you know that yes, I'm still alive and I will soon return to posting at the rate I had been.

My laptop is [almost] officially shot. The power adapter port thing (I really know what I'm talking about) doesn't give the computer enough juice to even boot up, thus making it impossible for anyone to tackle the virus, which, if you recall, was the original reason posting ceased.

The good news is that the government is giving me a lot of "free money" in about two weeks: Because I didn't get a stimulus check last year (for whatever BS reason), I am apparently getting one this year on top of my tax return -- whoo hoo! -- and that means it's time to start shopping around for a new laptop!

Now, while I could afford a MacBook with this money, I'm not sure that it's the best route to go. That's where you (if anyone still reads this) come in: If anyone's got any suggestions for a good, middle-of-the-road laptop that would primarily be used for writing and surfing the Web, please throw them my way.

Once I make the purchase, I'm hoping to give this site a facelift and get back to bringing you the entertaining -- yet utterly pointless-- posts you once so enjoyed

Until then, please be patient! I promise to be back soon!

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

You guys remember my post about the Palin family baby name generator? (If you didn't try it out, please do - it's quite entertaining). Well, we weren't just being mean by making fun of the ridiculous names the children in the family have: Apparently they're all quite fine with producing offspring with equally as terrible names.

Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, gave birth to a son Sunday. The baby's name? Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. If you got that output from the Palin family baby name generator, you win!

Tripp weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

What makes me laugh is Bristol's fiance, Levi Johnston, apparently had the following on his MySpace page in September before news dropped about his sweetheart's pregnancy: Under status: "in a relationship," but after kids: "I don't want kids."

Either way, it looks like the couple will make out by selling photos of the new baby Palin. Reports Monday night put the number close to $300,000.

Yes, Sarah Palin is now a grandma. I guess now she's gone from MILF, to VPILF, to GILF. Either way, I've got a message for her: Have a nice Tripp, hopefully we don't see you Fall of 2012.

Person of the Year '08

Yup, shockingly enough, Barack Obama has been named Time's Person of the Year for 2008. (I'm sure Sarah Palin was hoping she'd at least win something this year...but praise the Lord she didn't.)

It's no surprise our soon-to-be first Black president is gracing the cover of the annual issue, but I'd still suggest you take a gander. The article is very well-written, and right off-the-bat puts to rest your, 'Gee, Obama as Person of Year - that's original' complaints.

It's unlikely that you were surprised to see Obama's face on the cover. He has come to dominate the public sphere so completely that it beggars belief to recall that half the people in America had never heard of him two years ago — that even his campaign manager, at the outset, wasn't sure Obama had what it would take to win the election. He hit the American scene like a thunderclap, upended our politics, shattered decades of conventional wisdom and overcame centuries of the social pecking order. Understandably, you may be thinking Obama is on the cover for these big and flashy reasons: for ushering the country across a momentous symbolic line, for infusing our democracy with a new intensity of participation, for showing the world and ourselves that our most cherished myth — the one about boundless opportunity — has plenty of juice left in it.

Read on: 2008 Person of the Year. (Don't you love that they no longer call it 'Man of the Year'?)

Recession is in session

It's official, folks: We've got a recession on our hands.

The National Bureau of Economic Research said Monday that the U.S. has been in a recession since December 2007.

Employers have trimmed payrolls by 1.2 million jobs in the first 10 months of this year. On Friday, economists are predicting the government will report a loss of another 325,000 jobs for November. Well that's uplifting...

Click here to read more from CNNMoney.com.

"I'll never let go, print journalism; I'll never let go..."

So, I'm depressed. Today, I drove into work for an ominous "all-staff" meeting with my company's executive editors, whom we only see about three times a year. And while we were all surprised that we weren't laid off [...yet], the news was grim. Apparently, the company is beginning its "streamlining" (code for "layoff") efforts, so the writing is on the wall.

Our company's satellite offices (ours included) are all being closed so we can consolidate staff into the main office (which is an hour away from my house). What they're really saying is that we're going to be crammed in like sardines until we're picked off one by one. Rumor has it that we'll each be meeting with the executive editors to discuss our positions, straight up "Office Space"-style.

In another dated movie reference, it's kinda like the Titanic just hit the iceberg and it's only a matter of time til we're all floating dead on planks of wood in the middle of the ocean. God, I love that I went to school for journalism. I mean, I knew the money was awful (my academic advisor told me that the guy who worked across the street at 7-Eleven would make more), but the economy --and the Internet-- are eating my industry alive.

Basically, it's not good... but my one laugh today came after reading an e-mail from my fellow reporter (and blogger), entitled "6 Emails You Get When Your Company is About to Go Under." Check it out and see how many apply to your job, and if it's a lot...start applying to other jobs.

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures

EMPLOYEE: DUMB B----

A Missouri man was shocked to find a racial slur on his Journeys receipt after returning a pair of shoes this weekend.

Keith Slater, 22, bought an $80 pair of shoes at the store, but later returned them after finding a better bargain at another store. Slater got his money back, but was later shocked to see that the receipt identified him as "Dumb N-----"

Like, really? Did anyone there think that someone somewhere might possibly notice the N-word printed on their receipt? My God, that's stupidity!

By the time the college student returned to Journeys that night, the store was closed. When he came back on Saturday, employees said that a generic code had been entered with the return and that's what appeared.

But, Slater's father said, there were six or seven choices that came up when that code was entered and the one the employee had chosen was at the bottom of the list. Probably not a coincidence then, eh?

The employee who rang up Slater was fired, according to a statement issued by Genesco Inc, the company that owns Journeys.

"While we are continuing to investigate this incident, it appears an employee in one of our stores entered highly inappropriate statements in a form used to process a merchandise return...Needless to say, such an act was not authorized by Journeys, and will not be tolerated." --Genesco, Inc.

The Slaters received an apology call today from Genesco's corporate office, and have also been contacted by the Justice Department. The department will reportedly refer the case to the FBI to investigate whether a civil rights violation has occurred.

This is news?

Now, I once questioned the newsworthiness of a story I wrote around the holidays about a woman who had been searching for a fruitcake recipe for 30 years, but seriously CNN? This is news?



Please refer to artistisahorse.com. You can get the horse's painting (not a painting of a horse, a painting by a horse) for $900!

Luck of the flush

Ever since my dad told me the story about how my uncle won $10,000 on a scratch-off lottery ticket last week, I've mentioned it in casual conversation whenever family, the lottery or luck have come up...

And then during a delicious dinner at The Melting Pot this weekend, my friend told me about Kory McFarren, the Kansas man who won $20,000 on a scratch-off twice this year.

Wow, that's really luck--Wait a sec...Haven't I written about him before? Ohhhh, that's right--he's the guy whose girlfriend was stuck in the bathroom and on the toilet for two years.

Yup. The guy involved in one of the most unbelievable stories I've ever heard struck gold twice in one year. He cashed in his winning $2 Bonus Crossword ticket Monday. (I am addicted to that crossword one, too, by the way.)

In July, McFarren received six months of probation after pleading no contest to misdemeanor mistreatment of a dependent adult.

He called police in February when "something was wrong" with his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, who had essentially been living in the bathroom for the last two years and was literally stuck on the toilet for about a month. The seat had adhered to sores on her body and she underwent several months of treatment following police intervention.

McFarren said the woman developed a phobia about leaving the bathroom which stemmed from beatings she received in her childhood. To read more about the incident, click here.

Thanks, Jax!

RELATED LINKS
Literally stuck on the john

I'm singing M-to the-C-to the M-to the A...

After years of sidekicking the "Tonight Show," making children's dreams come true on "Star Search" and delivering those big ass Publisher's Clearing House checks to small towners, Ed McMahon now plans to spread the love as a rapper for FreecCreditReport.com.

Think of it as his own personl bailout plan...

McMahon, who recently revealed he was fighting foreclosure after falling $644,000 behind on mortgage payments on his Beverly Hills home, will be featured wearing a tracksuit, being chauffeured around LA in a Cadillac Escalade golf cart and spitting lyrics about his very public financial troubles.

"When I retired, I was famous/I had money and glory/ I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/ Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/ Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn't funny," so the rap goes.

The spots will appear in two viral videos, set to be released online in October.

Charles Harris, FreeCreditReport.com's vice president of strategic marketing, said the company sought out McMahon to star in the humorous spots after seeing him openly discuss his finances on "Larry King Live." Harris said McMahon represents "a man who is taking charge."

I think it's brilliant. Does anyone remember when FreeCreditReport.com's old commercials just had a lady singing "Freeee credit report dot com!" and that was it? Probably not because they were lame. Women are crooning over the indie boys in the new commercials and people everywhere can't get the songs out of their heads. I'm sure these new ones will be no exception. The Web site even has the "As seen on TV" logo on its mainpage. Talk about hamming it up.

This one is my fav.

Don't want these panties in a bunch...

I've written a few entries on crazy eBay auctions, but this one is by far the most wacko: The King of Pop's panties will be up for sale Thursday, according to Page Six.

And they're not just any panties--they're the same unwashed, tighty-whities used as evidence in Wacko Jacko's child molestation case. That's not disgusting at all...

The size-28 Calvin Klein white briefs will be sold at a reserve price of $1 million. The unwashed undies were confiscated in 2003 to obtain a DNA sample, and are part of Jackson artifacts offered by New Jersey businessman Henry Vacarro, who obtained them in a bankruptcy case. The panties come sealed in an evidence bag and wrapped with police tape.

Also being sold are Jackson's handwritten note explaining why he wanted an annulment from Lisa Marie Presley and a used half-ounce tube of skin-bleaching cream--why? I don't know. But you should probably spend your life savings on it.

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Like something out of 'Thriller'
Taking it to 'the tart'
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Baby for sale!
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Spears sock stunt stinks

'Hole' lotta laughs

If you're like me, you've spent your entire day watching the first Sunday of the NFL season... and that means you've probably seen the commercial for FOX's new game show, "Hole in the Wall."

But if you haven't, you need to watch the clip below. Ignore the urge to condescend simplistic and slapstick humor -- people being smacked by a moving wall in an attempt to win money is funny.



FOX may not be leading its fall lineup with the best programming, but it's certainly got my attention!

Contestants contort their bodies to fit through holes in a moving wall. If they are unsuccessful, as it appears many of them will be, they get knocked into a pool. The winning team receives $25,000 and gets to take on the Blind Wall (seemingly even more impossible than the regulation round) for a chance at an additional $100,000.

The show, which will air a sneek peak at 8 p.m. tonight, is taken from a popular Japanese television show, if that's any indication of what hilarity will ensue.

And if that's not enough to whet your viewing appetite, maybe the 300-pound woman attempting to fit through a figure skater-sized hole will.

Your cell phone is a bit fuzzy

I know they come up with some crazy things in Japan, but this is almost unbearable (haaa).

The Kuma Phone -- or "Bear Phone" -- by Wilcom is a stuffed bear that holds a SIM card and is an actual working phone. Users can even program four numbers into speed dial, which can each be dialed by pressing one of the bear's four paws. It also vibrates and makes custom noises for incoming calls, which can be answered and ended by pressing the animal's tail.

Call me crazy, but I thought we were tending toward sleek and shiny phones...

The item was recently shown at the Good Design Expo in Tokyo. Maybe it can help you get your bearings - haaa, get it? bear - rings. I love being corny.

So, How much for this fuzzy phone, you ask? Oh, only $500. What a rip - they could have at least picked a cuter bear instead of some raggedy-ass looking furball.

Let's do the Time Warp again?

As if MTV weren't slaughtering quality television enough, now they're going after a cult classic film and its musical 'integrity.'

Variety has reported that the network is planning a "Rocky Horror Picture Show" remake, tentatively to air on Halloween 2009.

The original executive producer (Lou Adler) and screenplay will likely be used, but music not in the original RHPS could be used. God help us if they sign Miley Cyrus for the job.

No cast has been announced, but Russell Brand--who will also be hosting the MTV Music Awards next weekend--is rumored to be considered for the lead role of Dr. Frank N Furter, originally played by Tim Curry.

An angry Web site has been created to combat the remake, urging RHPS fans far and wide to sign a petition. There's even a contest to submit the best anti-remake photo. It's not the want to introduce the film to young audiences that's driving MTV's motivation, the site contends, it's to exploitation and money.

"This abortion will be worse than the usual shit they pour down on our throats. Prepare for the 'Highschool Musical' version of Rocky ... or worse yet, the 'Hairsparay The Musical' version of Rocky." - stoptheremake.com

The original "Rocky Horror," starring Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick and Meatloaf, has grossed $140 million in domestic box office over the years, primarily from midnight screenings of the flick.

Everyone's Favre-ite topic

Breaking news: Brett Favre has finally found a home. The Green Bay Packers officially traded the record-setting, retired-unretired quarterback to the New York Jets in an overnight deal.

The trade is extremely conditional, i.e. if Brett takes 50 percent of snaps this season, the Packers get a fourth-round draft pick. The conditions grow increasingly favorable for the Packers the better Brett does: If Brett takes 80 percent of snaps and the Jets make it to the Super Bowl, the pick becomes a first-round pick.

New York Jets # 4 Brett Favre jerseys are already available.

I'd like to think that now that this trade has gone down, all of the FAVRE lines on the bottom of ESPN will go away, but we all know that's not going to happen.

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The week in sports, kind of...
Favre saying goodbye to Green Bay
SI honors Fav-ra

Afternoon delight at Starbs

Speaking of tanking economy (see below), Starbucks is trying to take itself off life support by offering a new promotion to help save company loyalists a few bucks.

The "Treat Receipt" program allows Starbucks customers to bring in their receipt from a purchase earlier in the day to receive any grande iced drink for $2 (beginning at 2 p.m.). The deal is good til Sept. 2

This is excellent news for people who are addicted to Starbucks enough to regularly purchase its overpriced drinks twice a day, but for the rest of us... Is this really going to push you to spend $4 on a small--sorry, "tall"--coffee at 8 a.m. just to get the reduced price Mocha Choca Latta Ya Ya in the afternoon? Mm, probably not. You'd essentially be paying $6 to get the latter.

Still, the company says it is responding to customer requests for nationwide promotions, and Starbucks fiends who can overlook the backward logic in this program will be happy to know that their morning receipt could save them $2.15 off a Mint Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino. Okay, well that one kind of sounds good enough to go for broke...

RELATED LINKS
Your barista today is: Ronald McDonald?

Where's the beef--err--cheese?

Sorry, McDonald's lovers: Our tanking economy strikes again and this time it's one of the fast food restaurant's staples that will be getting sliced.

McDonald's is reportedly taking steps to modify its double cheeseburger --the anchor of its Dollar Menu-- due to rising food costs, particularly in dairy.

Some restaurants are selling it with one slice of cheese instead of two, and billing it as a "double hamburger with cheese," according to McDonald's President Don Thomas. Others are offering a double hamburger without cheese. Some are selling the traditional double cheeseburger at prices ranging from $1.09 to $1.19.

If the double cheeseburger is removed from the Dollar Menu, Thomas said there will still be some sort of burger available for $1.

I personally could care less about this because I haven't eaten McDonald's since I was 8 years old and Happy Meals were like crack, but I know this is traumatizing news for some burger enthusiasts. But take a look at the nutrition facts - maybe they're doing you a favor.

Betrayed by the 'Bell'

Isn't it the best feeling when you're getting ready for work at 7 a.m., all the while knowing that you can put on TBS and see your friends from Bayside up to their old antics?

"Saved By the Bell" is probably one of the greatest shows of my adolescent life. There is not one episode I have not seen, one backstory I cannot describe in detail or one super corny line that I cannot recite.

But there were some things about the show -
particularly the real lives of its teen-now-adult stars - that I never really knew too much about... And thanks to Dustin "Screech" Diamond, that might soon be changing.

"Behind the Bell," Diamond's planned tell-all book, promises to detail "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying" during the SBTB days, according to New York Magazine.

And while this is probably the greatest idea ever --it's enough to make me sing, "I'm so exciiiited, I'm so exciiiited"-- a part of me wants to forever preserve the innocent images of Zack, Kelly, Jessie, Lisa, Slater and Screech hanging out by their lockers and sharing fries at The Max. I don't want to hear if Mark Paul Gosselaar was actually taking drugs; that would be way too Johnny Dakota of him.

...Plus, I really hate Dustin Diamond and think he's a huge douchebag that doesn't deserve to make money like he'll make off of this. Who knows if he'll even be telling the truth. The guy's got serious "angry typecast" syndrome and probably resents the rest of his castmates that went on to do something else with their lives, like not starring in 67 episodes of "Saved By the Bell: The New Class."

'Cuil' as the other side of Google

So some ex-Google employees launched an alternative search engine yesterday, touting it as bigger and better than powerhouse Google, but from my experience, that doesn't seem to be the case.

Cuil --pronounced "cool"-- drills into the actual content of a page, displaying results in more of a magazine-like format instead of just a vertical stack of Web links, according to one of its developers. Cuil's results are displayed with more photos spread horizontally across the page and include sidebars that can be clicked on to learn more about topics related to the original search request. [click here to learn more about Cuil]

One big advantage Cuil developers are pushing is privacy, which Google tends to ignore these days. Does anyone else think it's creepy that as soon as you send a Gmail message with the word "love" in it, you get 20 ad links on the page for "Who has a crush on you" and the like?

As far as Cuil goes, the name is fun (My co-workers and I certainly had fun telling each other to "cuil it" yesterday in the newsroom when one of us had an inquiry that would normally beg a Google search), and the look of the site is pretty sleek...but Cuil doesn't really cut it in my book.

Try entering your name, your hometown or even the name of this site and you'll see just how inferior Cuil is to Google --or Yahoo! for that matter. Most of the results don't even match, and what does come up is not very relevant. In fact, try searching for "Cuil" on Google and you'll learn infinitely more than if you enter "Cuil" into the actual Cuil search.

This is the first time a new search engine has been developed by former Google employees, but it doesn't appear as though Cuil will be giving Google a run for its money anytime soon. I mean, "googling" is synonymous with Web searching now, is it not?

Say cheeeese!

Just a heads up for your deal seekers--and cheesecake lovers--Tomorrow is National Cheesecake Day!

To celebrate The Cheesecake Factory's 30 years, the restaurant is offering individual slices of cheesecake at 1978 prices tomorrow, July 30, 2008.

The $1.50-per-slice special is limited to one per guest and it's only for dine-in orders, but come on... take one look at this menu and tell me that it's not totally worth it. Adam's Peanut Butter Cup Fudget Ripple cheesecake, described as "creamy cheesecake swirled with caramel, peanut butter, Butterfingers and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups"? I guess this was a bad week to crack down on my dieting...

A limited edition cheesecake --the 30th Anniversary Chocolate Cake Cheesecake-- will be introduced tomorrow, too. The company will offer $0.25 from the sale of each slice sold this year to benefit America’s Second Harvest – The Nation’s Food Bank Network.