Dream a dream of this lovely lass...

It's the new Internet sensation, but if you live under a rock and haven't seen it yet, please watch this clip from Britain's Got Talent. I find it hard not to weep, and I promise you it's not over the way this woman looks...

[watch Susan Boyle sing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables]

I couldn't embed the video for copyright reasons, but Susan Boyle, 47, certainly made her mark this week with her appearance on the original "American Idol"/"America's Got Talent" show. 

She's no looker -- and she probably turned a few stomachs with her sexy hip swivel in Simon Cowell's direction -- but Boyle sure can sing. Pretty amazing.

Foxy laaaady

A woman, bit by a rapid fox, ran a mile to her car with the animal still attached to her.

The Arizona jogger said she was running on a trail Monday when she noticed the fox in a clearing. It did not initially appear aggressive, but as she approached, the fox attacked and bit her foot. She grabbed it by the neck but it bit her arm and clamped down. It did not release, even when the jogger tried to choke it, she said.

Concerned that the fox could have rabies, she ran all the way to the car--a mile away--with the fox still biting her arm. She pried the animal's jaw open, wrapped it in a sweatshirt she was wearing and tossed it into her trunk before driving to a hospital.

When an animal-control person removed the fox from the vehicle, it bit the employee, too - oops!

Shockingly enough, it turned out the animal had rabies. Both the jogger and the animal-control person are receiving rabies vaccinations.

Thanks, Dad!

Clay is gay - sounds like a nice nursery rhyme?

[Breaking news] Clay Aiken is gay.

...Wait, really?? I'm not trying to make light of this--I just legitimately thought he had come out like, three years ago.

Aiken apparently comes out on on the latest cover of People magazine, holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken. The headline reads, "Yes, I'm Gay," with the quote: "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

The baby's mother is Aiken's friend and record producer Jaymes Foster.

This is nowhere near as shocking --or as devastating-- as finding out in 2006 that Lance Bass was gay. Or is gay. Whatever. You know what I mean.

UPDATE Lindsay Lohan is jumping on the orient(ation) express - she admitted this week that she has in fact been dating friend Samantha Ronson for "a very long time." Another not-so-shocking announcement: The media has been covering this for months, but whatev. Good for them. (Thanks, Dave.)

'Hole' lotta laughs

If you're like me, you've spent your entire day watching the first Sunday of the NFL season... and that means you've probably seen the commercial for FOX's new game show, "Hole in the Wall."

But if you haven't, you need to watch the clip below. Ignore the urge to condescend simplistic and slapstick humor -- people being smacked by a moving wall in an attempt to win money is funny.



FOX may not be leading its fall lineup with the best programming, but it's certainly got my attention!

Contestants contort their bodies to fit through holes in a moving wall. If they are unsuccessful, as it appears many of them will be, they get knocked into a pool. The winning team receives $25,000 and gets to take on the Blind Wall (seemingly even more impossible than the regulation round) for a chance at an additional $100,000.

The show, which will air a sneek peak at 8 p.m. tonight, is taken from a popular Japanese television show, if that's any indication of what hilarity will ensue.

And if that's not enough to whet your viewing appetite, maybe the 300-pound woman attempting to fit through a figure skater-sized hole will.

9021Oh noo.....

Thanks to a quick commercial in the middle of tonight's season finale of "Gossip Girl" (and a heads up from my friend, Jackie), I have learned of the CW's intention to make a 90210 spinoff.

When I first heard about the reinvention of one of my favorite teenage dramas, I was like totally stoked, but after learning of the show's intended plotline, it is not looking so good in the upscale neighborhood.

This spinoff, which is set to premiere in the fall, is based around the Mills family (reminiscent of The Walshes), who have moved from St. Louis to Beverly Hills and are adjusting to the scenery.

According to E! News, there's Harry Mills (aka the Jim Walsh of the series)and his wife Celia (aka Cindy Walsh) and the couple's biological daughter, Annie--who much like Brenda Walsh--is into acting and alternative music and longs to fit into the cool crowd at school.

But in order to differentiate from the original series, the Mills don't have twins--they instead have Dixon, an adopted son who's the same age as Annie and was taken in by her family six years earlier. And apparently the show is looking to cast a minority actor in the role in order to more accurately depict California than its predecessor's completely whitebread cast.

And while there are Andrea Zuckerman and David and Donna-like characters, none of the original cast will be featured in the show. E! reports, however, that both Tori Spelling and Ian Ziering have said that they would participate if asked.

This...yeah. Not so good. I doubt CW will strike gold as they have with "Gossip Girl" (which is seriously one of the best shows on television these days), but I will probably end up checking this out...if nothing else, but to see what The Peach Pit looks like and if Nat is still alive.

For a taste of retro 90210, watch the show's intro below. Gotta love those good times on the beach.

Every 'Simpsons' couch gag

You may not be a fan of the last five-eight years of "The Simpsons," but you gotta admit that this video is pretty incredible.




*Note - the creator of this video has admitted that not every single couch intro is actually included in here. There's about six or so missing.

Belting and blogging it out with Bret

A big thanks to my co-worker, Geoff, who--after months of listening to me and fellow reporter Stef dish about "Rock of Love II" every Monday morning--informed me that Bret Michaels would be on FOX's "Don't Forget the Lyrics" tonight.

I must also thank (and apologize to) my boyfriend, who graciously let me off the phone when I made mention that Bret Michaels was on TV. With only a slight groan, he managed a sarcastic--yet, understanding--"I know, he's hot," and we said our goodbyes.

And in an effort to squeeze the life out of my love for Bret (and the aggregate 25 minutes of "DFTL" once you subtract commercial time), here is my live blogging of the heavenly occasion.

I missed the first 10 minutes of the episode, but tuned in just in time to see Bret, sporting his favorite rainbow bandana over those luscious locks, belting out some Tom Jones. But wait, why is Wayne Brady singing along with him? Ohhh, that's right. He can't remember that this show is supposed to be about other people...

9:14 - Bret launches into some warm, fuzzy moment about how even after all these years, he is still passionate about what he does. He wants to get some money for kids at St. Jude's. This is a great opportunity. And he aptly selects the "Inspirational Song" category.

9:15 - The screen reveals a battle of titans: Bette v. Barry, and Bret goes with Mr. Manilow. I'd much rather see Bret sing "Copacabana," but hey, can't have it all. He instead croons "Looks like We Made It," and the pathetic women in the audience go nuts when he sings, "I touched you." I shouldn't make fun of them; I'd be doing the same thing.

9:17 - Bret reveals that he has spent months in a tour bus listening to Barry Manilow and Metallica. I think he's kidding...but Barry must be honored.

9:23 - In the "Southern Rock"category, Bret sings some ZZ Top, and those dance moves...a bit awkward, Bret. I hope he moves better than that in the bedroom...for Ambre's sake, of course.

9:25 - Oh hey, another overly dramatic buildup to revealing the correct lyrics--and another commercial, shocking. This is almost as bad as American Idol.

9:29 - In order to reveal the correct lyrics to the ZZ Top song, Wayne directs Bret to sing the last few lines acappella style, baby. But Wayne decides to showboat a little more by unnecessarily harmonizing. Bret succeeds and adds, "Good vibes." Yes, Bret, good vibes indeed.

9:31 - So when the producers think "Rock," they think Meatloaf "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"?? Bret chooses Pat Benetar, but all I can think of is how terrible I am at Guitar Hero.

9:32 - Bret takes one of his lifelines and brings his solo bandmate, Steve, onstage. But not before introducing his other lifeline, long-legged Leah. "We are...old friends," he says, adding in a completely obvious throat clear. Aaaand now he's describing their friendship as a spiritual, romantic relationship that began one night behind his tour bus. Oh. This is awkward.

9:35 - I wonder if everyone (or maybe I should say, 'anyone') in America is loving this is as much as I am.

9:37 - Bret is wondering if he should go with his gut feeling: "I dont want to blow it all right now because I feel good" - oh Bret, talk dirt to me, haaaa. Get it? Get it??

9:42 - Extremely long pause to reveal the fate of the Pat Benetar song...aaand they're right. $100,000. Way to go Steve. Now get off the stage.

9:43 - The Who - Baba O'Reily. Yeah, love this song. Ooh, a little air guitar. Hot.

9:44 - Air guitar quickly followed by 8 blank spaces and some awkward dead air. "Don't cry. Don't raise your eye," it's only $200,000 for sick children, Bret.

9:48 - Surprise, another commercial. It's getting too close to the end of the show. There's no way he's gonna get this.

9:52 - "I'm here for all the right reasons," Bret says. Is that a veiled shot at some of the girls from "Rock of Love"?

9:53 - WOW, he got it. Moving on to the "Hair Band" category... Nine missing words for Quiet Riot's "Come On Feel the Noise." Does anyone else remember when this song was in Ore-Ida french fry commercial?

9:54 - So, Wayne Brady--seriously, can you stop singing along? He's harmonizing and it's clearly not working. And completely throwing Bret off his game.


9:55 - Can we say anticlimactic? Bret doesn't even venture a guess at the blank spots and cashes out at $200,000--split between Juvenile Diabetes Fund and St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Whatta guy. 9:56 - Wayne calls Bret's friends back on stage, and Bret clearly pushes Steve out of the way to put his arm around Leah. Shafted. Watch out, Ambre.

9:57 - Oh, by the way, let's reveals the lyrics that no one in the venue knew. At least Kevin DuBrow isn't alive for this...? No? Too soon? Okay, sorry.

9:58 - On a happier note, Bret's going to debut a song from his solo album? I am so totally running to iTunes when this is over to download it. Yeah, I'm a huge sucker.

9:58:30 - Oh God, I ALREADY OWN IT. ahahahaha <---that was my completely genuine reaction, btw.

American *really* Idle

A woman left her 3-year-old daughter to nearly drown in a bathtub during last week's "American Idol" results show, police said.

Sheila R. Brooks, a 25-year-old mother of four from Indianapolis, allegedly left two of her children in the tub when she went to do laundry. She stated to another daughter that she forgot that both her 2-year-old and 3-year-old were unattended in the tub as she watched "American Idol." She sent her 7-year-old daughter to check on the babies in the bath, and the child alerted the incredible responsible Ms. Brooks that her daughter Sirius (right) was submerged in water and unconscious.

The child was still in critical condition today.

It must have been one riveting episode of Idol. I haven't wasted more than three minutes of my life watching the newest season, so I can't even come up with something clever for this. But regardless, American Idol rarely shows more than three minutes of programming without a 10 minute interlude of Coke commercial, Chevy commercial, Coke commercial, terrible Fox programming commercial... you'd think somewhere along the line she would have snapped to and remembered she left her toddlers unattended in the tub.

And oh, to make matters even better, police found about an ounce of marijuana, five burnt marijuana cigarettes and a scale in the house. Intelligent.

The following takes place between the years 2008 and 2009

Not even (a fully sober) Jack Bauer can save the newest season of "24" from the effects of the Writer's Strike.

Much to my dismay, the new season--which was supposed to begin last month--will not air until January 2009.

Eight episodes of this season had already been filmed before the beginning of the strike. Unfortunately, once the season is completed, for it to air would mean a season finale in the summer, which the network was unwilling to do.

RELATED LINKS:
Bauer back in business

BAM - Perfect!

I'm sorry. I swear I'll stop talking about the Super Bowl soon, but this commercial is fantastic. I can't believe I missed it.

Best (and worst) of the 'Bowl

*Note: This is the second of two posts regarding the Super Bowl. This is everything but the actual game. For more game coverage, see below!

• Paula Abdul's pre-game performance: No one was more psyched than me to see the "Spellbound" songstress make her comeback, but man oh man...Paula's performance was more of a pantomime than a 'straight up' hit. Lip syncing worse than Britney and moves as bad as, well, Britney on MTV circa six months ago. And what was with the New Years Eve-looking hat? I couldn't have been the only one in American hoping that that weeble-wobble microphone would smack her in the face. [In case you missed it...]

• Paul Brogan's Super Bowl Rap: Soup or bowl? Soup, soup or bowl? This was the greatest part of the pre-game show, in my opinion. This guy is a freaking genius.
  
  

• Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers halftime show: I'm all for the 'Freefallin' and the 'American Girl,' but it's no coincidence that my friends and I spent the length of the halftime show in front of our cooled hors d'oeuvres, discussing tax rates and competitive eating. Every year, the halftime show is but a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more (thanks, Shakes). I'm sure some day, when I'm older, I'll enjoy performances from my childhood heroes -cough Spice Girls cough- but for now I'd rather load up on unnecessary cards for the second half than watch the streamers and strumming.

• Bawk, bawwwk: No one did the Chicken Dance in the end zone, so no-go on KFC's charity promise. Guess they were too chicken to pay the fines.
  

• Celebrity sightings: Perhaps Giants fans should be thanking Gisele Bundchen for the Patriots' choke; it's that Tony Romo-Jessica Simpson curse, praise the Lord! There were more blond bombshells in attendance last night too: We got a glimpse of a somewhat shy Pamela Anderson, who covered her face with straggly, bleached hair. And half the room 'aww'd' at the Jenny McCarthy/Jim Carey shot...and the other half said, 'Wait, what?' Yes, they've been together for a year and half - wake up! And of course, we had Mr. Peyton Manning watching over baby bro. Not gonna lie - as a superstitious Giants fan, I was a bit worried.

• Commercials: Of course. What would the big show be without a collection of exorbitant, over-hyped and underwhelming advertisements? This year, there were several forgettable commercials and a few memorable because they were so terrible (yes, I mean you, hideous girl dabbing Planters nuts on your hot spots). Here's a look at my top three:

• Mice like Doritos--Mickey's revenge.

• Chris Kattan might get sick of Diet Pepsi Max--what is love?

• Donkey Lips makes a comeback better than Paula--ahh, push it!
  

Super Bowl XLII: 'Giant' upset

*Note: This is the first of two posts regarding the Super Bowl. This is just about the game. More about commercials, segments and specials to come tomorrow. Stay tuned!

The result might have been an upset, but Super Bowl XLII was the most perfect I'd ever seen.

The New York Giants tonight beat Tom Brady and the undefeated New England Patriots 17-14 --against all odds--to make history.

"Offense wins games; defense wins championships," and the New York defense held the New England "dynasty" to just one touchdown until the last three minutes of the game. They also sacked, hurried and hit Tom Brady all game, forcing a less-than-perfect showing for the 'untouchable' quarterback and leaving the door open for Eli Manning to step up and lead his team to victory.

"That's a position you want to be in. You can't write a better script." - Eli Manning, Super Bowl XLII MVP

The first three quarters--close as the score was--paled in comparison to the last 15 minutes of the game. I'll do the play-by-play no justice, so check out this write-up, but when biggest Super Bowl upsets are discussed in years to come, no doubt you'll see the Eli "Houdini" Manning escape/insane off-the-helmet combo that came in the middle of a 12-play, 83-yard drive. Or the two consecutive long bombs Tom Brady let loose to Randy Moss that looked like they would be completely devastating to Giants fans (and Pats haters) everywhere. [when videos of the game are posted, I will most definitely be linking to them.]

The fate of the Patriots' perfect season on their shoulders. The pressure on Eli to live up to big bro Peyton and show some emotion. The 11-game on-the-road winning streak. Tom Coughlin's job on the line. The need to prove that the more you underestimate a team, the sweeter the win will be.

My emotions are getting the best of me here as I'm writing about this--almost as much as the teary-eyed Plaxico Burress in his post-game interview. But he doesn't deserve the same ridicule T.O. got a few weeks ago because Burress' presence in the end zone during the last minute of the game sealed the deal tonight.

There is an incredible amount to say about this game. And while it might have made for great bragging rights to say that the Giants blew the Pats out of the water 56-3 tonight, I wouldn't have changed a gut-wrenching, edge-of-my-seat, hands shaking, knot in my stomach moment for all the money in the world.

In the words of my brother, "This one's for Tiki."

Tons of television updates!

Normally meetings for work have me missing the 'fabulous' television that is Wednesday night, but I was fortunate enough to be home at a reasonable hour last night and caught a smattering of reality programming.
First off, if you ever thought American Idol was entertaining throughout it's 25 years of being on television, please feel free to comment, but I watched some of the singing show last night and thought it was worse than ever before. And if you never thought the show was worth a glance before, well, now is certainly not the time.

This season is not funny. Anyone who sucked at singing didn't suck badly enough to be amusing. Too many personal segments, especially about people who didn't even make it--why did we learn all about the female fighter pilot if she was just an average singer was gonna get rejected in bland manner? Or the guy whose wife went into labor but then the entire new family got the boot out the door. And Simon was a watered down version of his former seasons' self. Snooooozefest.


I was watching AI mostly because it was the lead-in to the 9 o'clock hour premiere of The Moment of Truth, Fox's new reality game show that pushes contestants to truthfully answer personal questions for $500,000.

The critics may rip this show, but it makes for an rousing hour of smutty, midweek television. If you like people embarrassing themselves and ruining their lives in front of their family, friends and the rest of the nation, you should probably tune in. (Now that I think about, that's probably why they put this show on post-Idol; same sort of results, eh?).

The premise is slightly difficult to follow at first. I think it's that contestants have several tough questions posed to them while hooked up to a polygraph test (yes, I know, how reliable are those?) to create a final report of which answers are truths and which are lies. Producers select 21 of those questions to again be asked of the contestant --this time on stage-- and they can choose to answer the same as before or change their answer if they believe they lied the first time around. The questions get more personal and harder to answer as the contestant moves up the pyramid, but if they answer everything truthfully, they walk away with a nice chunk of change.

Last night's first contestant seemed to have little trouble revealing that he believes he is the best looking one of his friends, has checked out other football players' goodies in the shower, has given his wife a reason not to trust him and that he believes she will not be his lifelong partner.

But that could all be worth it if you go home with half a mill, right?

Wrong. When asked if the guy touched his personal training clients more than needed, to his wife's relief, he answered no. Unfortunately, the lie detector test decided that was a big, fat lie and the guy lost all the money he had accumulated to that point (which was something like, $25,000). And his marriage is probably ruined.

The show should really be called "The [long pause] Moment [long pause] of [long pause] Truth" because sometimes there is a little too much dramatic pausing, but it's really just an entertaining Jerry Springer-like game show hosted by Mark Walberg (former host of Temptation Island, the greatest show ever created.)


And that brings us to the best premiere of the night: The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Gauntlet III.

All I've gotta say is this series has been the best show on MTV in the last 10 years, and this season should be no different. Already plenty of hook-ups and CT rage, and the challenges seem like they'll be no holds barred. I was pretty happy with the result of last night's first Gauntlet. I won't spoil it, but the person who goes home is the biggest tool on the Rookie team.

This season has a few new twists, as well. It's Rookies v. Vets, which are people who have participated in more than one challenge to date, and you've got a total of 32 people, adding even more to the drama. In addition to the episode's winning team selecting who from the losing team will enter the gauntlet, they can also select someone from the other team to be safe. This prevents the person going into the Gauntlet from knocking off the weakest person on the team, and making the team less effective in the long run by saving its weakest link.

A very welcome change is that there is no "team bank account" this season, so you must win the entire challenge to go home with anything. This leaves the guys on the Vets team already plotting to throw the female missions so that their team will be all men (and arguably stronger) going into the finale.

Tons of television

Good news for those of you going through late-night television withdrawal lately: Leno, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Letterman and Craig Ferguson will all return to air tomorrow night.

But there is still a lot up in the air regarding primetime programming, and some people are worried that the reality TV monster is going to gobble up television as we know it. Sorry folks, but there's not a lot we can do about it, so let's celebrate some of the incredible--that's slightly sarcastic--television slotted to premiere in the next few weeks.

Biggest Loser Couples - NBC - Jan. 1: I've not been a follower of this show in the past, but I watched the premiere tonight and it was moderately entertaining [click here to read more about this season]. Interesting twist on the original. Something that might be left on in the background.

The Celebrity Apprentice - NBC - Jan. 3: I just got into The Apprentice last season, and I'm excited for more Trump time, but this list of celebrities is filled with scrubs. But I'm excited for the shameless product placement to come.

American Gladiators - NBC - Jan. 6: This is going to be incredible. That's all I have to say.

Rock of Love II - VH1 - Jan. 13: I'm a sucker for Bret Michaels and the first season of this show was entirely too addictive. It don't mean nothing but a good time, so please, tune in.

The Gauntlet III - MTV - Jan. 23: It's been way too long since MTV has put out a Real World/Road Rules challenge, so I'm stoked for the new Gauntlet. The cast will again be split into Rookies v. Vets and the characters look like they will not disappoint. Coral is back, baby!!

Let's also look forward to Flavor of Love III (Feb. 11), the continuation of The Hills' season three, Top Chef Chicago, and I guess we can look forward to American Idol's whatever number season it is, beginning Jan. 16. And in a non-reality television sense, we've got Entourage coming in sometime this year and grr, a postponed due to the writer's strike season of 24.

That's a lot of TV.
P.S. I do have a life, seriously.

American Idle

Judging from the latest record sales, what little credibility American Idol gained as a "talent" competition six years ago is fading away almost as fast as Ruben Studdard's career.

...unfortunately, it's America's collective ADD that caused season six winner Jordin Sparks' self-titled debut album to turn out the lowest first week sales of any Idol winner.

The barely-18-year-old singer was arguably one of the best singers the competition has ever seen, and extremely likeable, but unless you're Sanjaya, this season's winner was destined to fall short of impressive on the record-sale front. Nobody takes that show seriously, and more and more, viewers are tuning in for a cheap laugh at shameless and oblivious tone deaf singers' expense, and moving on to a different reality show that probably whores itself out slightly less than Idol.

Comparatively, season-one winner Kelly Clarkson's 2003 debut, Thankful, opened at #1 with 297,400 scans, while Spark's debut coughed up merely 64,000 scans.

I'm thinking the mockery Sanjaya and his devoted fans made of the show this season, coupled with poor record sales? Maybe we're looking at the last season of AI starting in January--who's excited?

Bauer back in business

Fox premiered the new season of 24 trailer Thursday and the show is trying out a slightly different formula this time around. I mean, yeah, the nation is still under attack and Jack Bauer is still the man, but CTU has been dismantled and former good-guy Tony Almeida is now the enemy. I think I saw a glimpse of Chloe in that preview, but I'm not positive. Hopefully we'll see her and all her awkward grimacing come Monday, January 13.