I'm singing M-to the-C-to the M-to the A...

After years of sidekicking the "Tonight Show," making children's dreams come true on "Star Search" and delivering those big ass Publisher's Clearing House checks to small towners, Ed McMahon now plans to spread the love as a rapper for FreecCreditReport.com.

Think of it as his own personl bailout plan...

McMahon, who recently revealed he was fighting foreclosure after falling $644,000 behind on mortgage payments on his Beverly Hills home, will be featured wearing a tracksuit, being chauffeured around LA in a Cadillac Escalade golf cart and spitting lyrics about his very public financial troubles.

"When I retired, I was famous/I had money and glory/ I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/ Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/ Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn't funny," so the rap goes.

The spots will appear in two viral videos, set to be released online in October.

Charles Harris, FreeCreditReport.com's vice president of strategic marketing, said the company sought out McMahon to star in the humorous spots after seeing him openly discuss his finances on "Larry King Live." Harris said McMahon represents "a man who is taking charge."

I think it's brilliant. Does anyone remember when FreeCreditReport.com's old commercials just had a lady singing "Freeee credit report dot com!" and that was it? Probably not because they were lame. Women are crooning over the indie boys in the new commercials and people everywhere can't get the songs out of their heads. I'm sure these new ones will be no exception. The Web site even has the "As seen on TV" logo on its mainpage. Talk about hamming it up.

This one is my fav.

Bo, fo' sho'

I stumbled across this video of Bo Burnham, a white rapper busting some rhymes in what appears to be a small room presumably in his parent's house (because he doesn't look a day over 17).

He may not be the fliest rapper alive, but his rhymes are actually really good. And he could probably wipe the metaphoric rap court clean with Shaq if they were to ever throw down in a battle.

Oh, and he totally gives all you babies of the '80s a new way to think about Patty Mayonnaise...

Oh snap, Shaq can't rap

In the words of Best Week Ever: "In case you missed it..."

Here is the now-notorious Shaq freestyle rap dissing former teammate Kobe Bryant, presumably titled, "Tell me how my ass tastes." In the performance, Shaq mocks Kobe for his playoff disappointment and blames his rival for his ongoing divorce.

Is it me, or didn't Shaq retire from rapping after his song "Biological Didn't Bother" got more sympathy for being God awful than it did for being about his deadbeat dad? (And my entry's title clearly shows that even I am a better rapper than the Sun's center)

And now, I don't know if anyone told him this, but does he realize that he's asking another man how his ass tastes...like, over and over again...?

In any case, have yourself a laugh (or two minutes of cringing) by checking it out. Notorious B.I.G. would be so proud to have been mentioned in a Shaquille O'Neal rap.

"Like Rosie O'Donnell at a bi-sexual bridal shower"--???

I saw this video a few days ago and passed on posting it...but I was told yesterday that a local Philly radio station was playing this and making fun of it on the air and decided that I'd post it before it blew up and became the next "Chocolate Rain."

I'm not quite sure what the deal is with these guys, but the video sticks true to its name: "Worst Rap Battle Ever." Enjoy!

Holler, yo

In honor of Black History Month, which ends today, here is a list of the Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love. Click here for the list with videos.

10. Positive K - "I Got a Man"
9. Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance"
8. Biz Markie - "Just a Friend"
7. Young MC - "Bust a Move"
6. Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock - "It Takes Two"
5. Naughty By Nature - "Hip Hop Hooray"
4. Tag Team - "Whoomp (There It Is)"
3. Vanilla Ice - "Ice, Ice Baby"
2. House of Pain - "Jump Around"
1. Sir Mix-a-Lot - "Baby Got Back"


Apparently it's "damn near bullet proof"...but I would definitely move Ice to number two and move the big bad Biz Markie up as well.

Anyway, now that I think about it, honoring Black History Month with a list about white people's likes probably isn't satisfactory, so here is a whole slew of BHM links. Enjoy!

Best (and worst) of the 'Bowl

*Note: This is the second of two posts regarding the Super Bowl. This is everything but the actual game. For more game coverage, see below!

• Paula Abdul's pre-game performance: No one was more psyched than me to see the "Spellbound" songstress make her comeback, but man oh man...Paula's performance was more of a pantomime than a 'straight up' hit. Lip syncing worse than Britney and moves as bad as, well, Britney on MTV circa six months ago. And what was with the New Years Eve-looking hat? I couldn't have been the only one in American hoping that that weeble-wobble microphone would smack her in the face. [In case you missed it...]

• Paul Brogan's Super Bowl Rap: Soup or bowl? Soup, soup or bowl? This was the greatest part of the pre-game show, in my opinion. This guy is a freaking genius.
  
  

• Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers halftime show: I'm all for the 'Freefallin' and the 'American Girl,' but it's no coincidence that my friends and I spent the length of the halftime show in front of our cooled hors d'oeuvres, discussing tax rates and competitive eating. Every year, the halftime show is but a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more (thanks, Shakes). I'm sure some day, when I'm older, I'll enjoy performances from my childhood heroes -cough Spice Girls cough- but for now I'd rather load up on unnecessary cards for the second half than watch the streamers and strumming.

• Bawk, bawwwk: No one did the Chicken Dance in the end zone, so no-go on KFC's charity promise. Guess they were too chicken to pay the fines.
  

• Celebrity sightings: Perhaps Giants fans should be thanking Gisele Bundchen for the Patriots' choke; it's that Tony Romo-Jessica Simpson curse, praise the Lord! There were more blond bombshells in attendance last night too: We got a glimpse of a somewhat shy Pamela Anderson, who covered her face with straggly, bleached hair. And half the room 'aww'd' at the Jenny McCarthy/Jim Carey shot...and the other half said, 'Wait, what?' Yes, they've been together for a year and half - wake up! And of course, we had Mr. Peyton Manning watching over baby bro. Not gonna lie - as a superstitious Giants fan, I was a bit worried.

• Commercials: Of course. What would the big show be without a collection of exorbitant, over-hyped and underwhelming advertisements? This year, there were several forgettable commercials and a few memorable because they were so terrible (yes, I mean you, hideous girl dabbing Planters nuts on your hot spots). Here's a look at my top three:

• Mice like Doritos--Mickey's revenge.

• Chris Kattan might get sick of Diet Pepsi Max--what is love?

• Donkey Lips makes a comeback better than Paula--ahh, push it!