RIPs

UPDATE: Pitchman Billy Mays was found dead today in his home. He was 50. Unbelievable.

I haven't updated in a long time -- no time at all -- but I felt the need to chronicle today/this week as it will become legendary in pop culture history.

Michael Jackson, the "King of Pop," died suddenly today after an apparent heart attack. The artist behind best-selling album of all time died at the age of 50.

Also today, actress Farrah Fawcett lossed her very public battle with cancer. The "Charlie's Angels" actress famous for her pin-up status, Fawcett recently released a documentary depicting her struggles called "Farrah's story." She was 62.

Hollywood lost another legend earlier this week when former Johnny Carson sidekick Ed McMahon submitted to a number of health problems. He was 86.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day

from The Jerc Store!

Don't forget to wish your momma a happy Mother's Day today! And if you're having trouble finding the right words to say, DON'T take the Shia-LaBeouf-approach...

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." -- Actor Shia LaBeouf

That's, uh, flattering...and really f'ing creepy. Read more here.

What's also moderately creepy (but obviously much more hilarious) is SNL's new "Dick-in-a-Box" guys skit, "Motherlover."

Anyway... Happy Mother's Day!

Pageants and healthcare are about integrity, okay?

 With all the drama drama surrounding the Miss USA pageant last week, I feel the need to bring the attention off the question of gay marriage that [in my opinion] Miss California so totally flubbed and focus it on Miss Arizona's awesomely terrible "stance" on health care in America.

"SNL"/"All That"/"Keenan and Kel"/"Mighty Ducks" star Keenan Thompson (dressed to the nines in a hoodie) asks the pageant contestant, Alicia-Monique Blanco, if the United States should have universal health care as a right of citizenship. 

Taking a page right out of Miss South Carolina 2008's book ("Everywhere, like such as, the Iraq..."), Blanco declares the issue a matter of integrity... several times... and leaves us all scratching our heads.

Really? Did these girls not come prepared to answer questions like these? We just had a presidential election with bountiful coverage of every important issue plaguing our country --you had the "study guide" five months before the test, you witless loser.

RIP Bea Arthur

We are losing American icons left and right this month...   :(

Actress Beatrice "Bea" Arthur, best known as Dorothy on Golden Girls, lost her battle with cancer today. She was 86. 

[read the full story]

Thank you for being a friend, Bea.

Harry Kalas passes away at 73

[NOTE] As promised, here is a tribute to the late Harry Kalas in the form of a special guest post from Dave.

"We lost our voice today" - Phillies President, David Montgomery

The Philadelphia Phillies family and the entire baseball world lost a beloved figure today in Harry Kalas, when he was found collapsed in the broadcast booth just after noon. He was rushed to the hospital where he was pronounced dead. Kalas was 73, and in his 38th season of broadcasting Phillies baseball.

While the entire city of Philadelphia is in a state of shock, we must remember that Harry died doing what he loved, which is something that cannot be said for most who have passed on. A man who called over 6,000 games in his career, his voice will always be synonymous with Phillies baseball.

For 38 years Philadelphians welcomed Harry Kalas into their homes whether on TV or radio; many can remember listening on tiny transistor radios when games were not televised. 610 WIP's Anthony Gargano recalled stories of his childhood, when his parents would order him to sleep on a school night, and the Phillies would be playing a 10 p.m. game on the West Coast. He would hide a silver transistor radio and fall asleep to the sweet sounds of Harry The K with the radio under his pillow.

Others in the Philadelphia media echoed these thoughts, affirming that there will never be a classier individual in the business.

"He was just such a genuinely nice guy, and there will never be anyone else like him", said my uncle, KYW 1060's Ed Benkin. "I remember meeting him when I was an intern at 6 ABC in college, and asking him to come on my talk radio show at Rowan. Without hesitation he gave me his home number and agreed. I still have the cassette tape of that show, and will keep it forever."

Baseball is very different from the other three major sports: Because of the downtime between pitchers, you hear stories and anecdotes from the announcers and really get to know them. Harry Kalas was a part of all of our families.

Personally, I know there were times at school or work when I would have a rough day, but come home and put on a Phillies game; things seemed just a little better when Harry was at the mic. He could get you through a tough day, or an entire two-hour drive.

Every kid in this area who played baseball with their friends, or little league, has envisioned in their heads Harry Kalas announcing their at bat. I know I certainly did.

Everyone has done an Harry Kalas impersonation. Some are better than others. But there will never be a voice like Harry's.

We'll always remember the "Long Drives" and the "Outta Heres." The "Can you believe it's" and the "Chase Utley, you are the man's." None of us will forget the nicknames of Mitchie-poo and the Krukker, or Mike Schmidt becoming Mich-ael Jack Schmidt.

I am sure when Harry got to the pearly gates of Heaven, his best friend in the world Richie Ashburn, "Whitey," was waiting there with a cigar, a gin and tonic and a few kind words. While we'll never hear him call another inning of Phillies baseball, somewhere up there, he is calling every pitch with "His Whiteness."

As for this Phillies fan, I know I'll never be able to watch another Phillies home run without the echoes of "Swing and a long drive..." in the back of my head. He'll never be replaced or duplicated. Growing up -- aside from my father's-- his is the most familiar voice of my childhood.

Harry Kalas is a part of every memory I have of Phillies baseball. From Mitch Williams striking out Bill Pecota to win the 1993 Pennant, to the heart break of Joe Carter's home run. From the Brett Myers curve ball to send the Phillies to the post season for the first time in 15 years, to Eric Hinske chasing a Brad Lidge slider low and away. Harry is a part of everything, and watching a Phillies ballgame will never be the same.

Harry, we'll forever love and remember everything about you. You will be deeply missed by all of us.

RIPs in baseball

The baseball world has taken a few hits this week with the passing of longtime Philadelphia broadcaster Harry Kalas, the untimely death of young Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and the accidental death of former All-Star pitcher Mark Fidrych. 

As a non-Philadelphia fan living in this area, I've talked a lot of smack on Philadelphia sports teams, but --fan or not-- there's no denying how influential Harry Kalas has been in baseball. I'm sure fans are glad he was able to see and call the Phillies winning the World Series before he passed.

Please check back soon for a heartfelt guest post.

Baseball!

Tonight marks the start of the greatest time of the year: Baseball season.

The Philadelphia Phillies and Atlanta Braves will open the regular season tonight at Citizen's Bank Park, then the rest of the league will kick off their seasons tomorrow on Opening Day.

Opening night preview

And might I also add that with the beginning of baseball comes the end of my social life -- fantasy baseball is a sad, sad addiction.

(Off topic, but let's also rejoice that the Nova-Nation chants are no more. Haaaa)

...And GO YANKEES!

Prostitute 'slap-chopped' by the ShamWow guy

I'm an infomercial junkie and the ShamWow! ranks right up there with the Magic Bullet and Snuggie as one of my favs. So, naturally, I was pretty upset to hear that the magic towel salesman, Vince Shlomi, was recently arrested for assaulting a hooker.

According to reports, Shlomi -- also known as "Vince Offer" -- paid 26-year-old prostitute Sasha Harris $1,000 in February for "straight sex." But, as he told police, the woman bit his tongue while kissing him and refused to let go. He then punched her several times and ran into the hotel lobby to call police.

I guess it's pretty unlucky that his other highly tauted infomercial is for the "Slap Chop." (And ironically enough, he quips "You're gonna love my nuts" during the demonstration. See below for the remixed version.)



Both were charged with battery. Check out the pics courtesy of The Smoking Gun. They're pretty gruesome:



Funny -- I can't look at those pictures without saying, 'wow' every time. Thanks, Vince!

Thanks, TJS!

I bet I can find Waldo...

[NOTE] This is a special announcement from my friend, Matt, who has organized a fantastic event at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. If you are in that area or know anyone there, spread the word -- You have the chance to do some good while being a part of history and setting a Guinness World Record!

Last year, Matt and more than 700 others set the Guinness World Record for most people dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This year, it's all about Waldo, and it won't be too hard to find him with potentially 1,800 people dressed as the stripey fellow. And hey, it's his 21st birthday this year!

Here are the details (ala Matt):

New Brunswick, NJ – On April 2, the Rutgers University Programming Association (RUPA) and Rutgers Student Life will attempt to break another Guinness World Record™. Over 1,500 Rutgers students, faculty, staff and community members are expected to overtake the historic State Theatre located in downtown New Brunswick, New Jersey, dressed as publishing phenomenon and pop culture icon, Where’s Waldo?

For an “entry fee,” each participant will be asked to bring at least one children’s book to donate to literacy efforts in the local New Brunswick School District. In addition to breaking the Guinness World Record™, the goal is to collect over 4,000 books. Candlewick Press, publisher of the best-selling “Where’s Waldo?” series, has also pledged to donate one book for every participant in attendance that evening.

The event will start at 8:00 p.m. with the doors of the State Theatre opening at approximately 7:00 p.m. Event participants are asked to wear blue jeans or pants and will be provided with Waldo’s iconic long-sleeved striped shirt, knit hat and glasses as stipulated in the official Guinness World Record™ requirements.

“The “Where’s Waldo? world record attempt is a truly unique charitable event,” said Matthew Ferguson, Assistant Director for Student Life and RUPA Advisor[ “The ‘double bottom line’ of collecting books for local schools and charities as well as attempting to break the Guinness World Record™ allows the members of our community to get involved with a philanthropic project while being a part of an exciting and memorable event.”

The event is a part of Entertainment Rights’ year-long 21^st birthday celebration for Waldo. Last summer, Waldo got his digital passport as he leapt off the pages of books, joining millions of other 20-somethings to travel the digital highway. An official Waldo online presence was established on key social networking sites including Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. Waldo’s official online destination, www. findwaldo.com, launched in September, timed to his 21^st birthday.

In April of 2008, Rutgers University was successful in breaking the Guinness World Record™ for the Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Ninja Turtles.

This event is being co-sponsored by the Rutgers Center for Communication and Health Issues’ RU Sure? Campaign which debunks myths about alcohol-use on campus and encourages students to choose responsible alternatives. Barnes & Noble, the official campus bookstore of Rutgers University, is also a co-sponsor of the event.

Kinda makes you feel nostalgic, right? Thinking about your kiddie crusade to find Waldo amongst the pyramids and vikings. If you can, get out to RU and find/be Waldo! It's a great cause and is sure to get a lot of attention nationwide!

"PLEASE, let me be your Rock of Love..."

[NOTE] Leading up to this concert, I couldn't find many reviews -- mostly because this was only the third or fourth stop of this tour -- so I hope this helps people going to future concerts get an idea of what's in store.

As I mentioned last week, my girlfriends are fantastic for supporting my love of Bret Michaels and this weekend only elevated my irrational obsession of the "seasoned" rocker.

My four friends and I journeyed down to the House of Blues in Showboat Casino Friday night (March 20) for Bret's Atlantic City stop on the "Rock of Love Bus Tour."

We made it down in good time, but our 20-minute check-in and dimly lit hotel room made getting ready for the show a frantic mess of high heels, eyeliner and lingerie (What? Did you think we would show up to a Bret Michaels concert and not dress the part?).

Doors opened at 8 and the show was set to begin at 9, but we unfortunately got in there a little later than I had hoped and fans were jammed tight up to the stage. My friends and I scooted through the crowd and landed about 20-25 rows of people away from the stage. I wanted to get closer, but we were essentially stonewalled by people much larger than we. (Rachel would later say we were blocked by the "fat fortress.")

In my opinion, Bret brought the house down. His voice is a little gruffer than it used to be and he didn't play long (little more than an hour?), but his and the BMB's energy had the crowd -- hardcore Poison fans, Bret Michaels solo enthusiasts and reality television lovers alike -- dancing, jumping and unskinnybopping all over the place.

Bret was smiling the entire time, doing some dancing in his skintight jeans and repeatedly reaching out to the extended hands of fans pouring over the railings. He told mildly insightful stories about his songs (like writing "Every Rose" in a laundromat), reminded us that "ROL" has been the highest rated show on VH1 for three seasons and directed cameramen around the stage as they filmed segments for the channel.

The music was a mix of old Poison, new Bret Michaels Band and cover songs. He opened with the again-popular "Talk Dirty to Me" (for all the Guitar Hero fans in the room), ripped through the "oldest of the oldschool Poison" with "Look What the Cat Dragged In," ended with "Fallen Angel" and encored with "Nothing But a Good Time" (which I called from a mile away -- video below).

Bret also went oldschool with covers of "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Of his newer material, he played the theme to his hit reality show, "Go That Far," the corny-but-catchy "Bittersweet" and --my favorite-- "Driven."

Looking back, I'm a little disappointed we didn't work to get backstage, and while I didn't get to meet Bret, my friends and I did manage to meet and get a hug from Chuck Fanslau, the drummer from the Bret Michaels Band (and who infamously kissed Beverly in ROLB ep. 4 -- pictured below)!

So, overall, Bret Michaels' solo concert was nothing but a good time and my friends and I are already planning to see Poison (with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick) in June when they kick off their tour in NJ in June -- whoo! And you can bet your extension-wearing, silicone-loving butt I'm going to be front row next time Bret comes to town ;)

Bret: 'Bus,' birthday and a book?

During my blogging sabbatical, lots of exciting and offbeat stories made it to the forefront of every imaginable news outlet (excluding, of course, The Jerc Store). Among these were the "Octo Mom," a violent chimp attack, a crashing plane miraculously landing in the Hudson and Chris Brown allegedly beating girlfriend Rhianna.

I'm over all of these stories, and --frankly-- too lazy to write about them, so let's move on to more important things, like Bret Michaels.

Today is his 46th birthday -- rarrr.

A big thanks to my girlfriends for dignifying my irrational love of the Poison front man: A group of us is going to see Bret in concert next weekend at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. (And we're buying appropriate "Rock of Love" attire, to boot.)

But what really prompted this Bret lovefest post is the announcement this week that he will be penning a "tell-all" autobiography called "Roses and Thorns: The Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy to My Realty." Got a nice ring to it, eh?

The book, which hits shelves in June, will explore "every aspect" of Bret's life, including the sex, the drugs, the rock 'n' roll...and the diabetes? He'll also go into detail about his very public conflicts with Poison guitarist CeCe DeVille.

And speaking of the band, Poison will be touring with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick this summer. Hey, whaddya know? They kick off the tour June 23 in Camden. Hmm... Maybe I will get more miles out of my new hookerwear than I thought!

"The Hills" have five

For as much as I loved Whitney on "The Hills," I must admit I've barely given "The City" a second glance. I'm not really sure why -- Perhaps it's the lack of Speidi or the fact that I can't understand anything that Australian guy says. 

Either way, I am [shamefully] looking forward to MTV's original scripted drama returning to Monday nights in April.

Check out the trailer for season five below. I love how it opens with a fortune teller soothsaying Lauren's misfortunes ("People who you thought were your friends turned out to be your enemies"). Gee, how insightful. Think she's got cable?

And just as Brett Favre proclaims at the end of every

 season, Lauren Conrad claims to be quitting The Hills...for good this time...

Seriously...

...But probably not.

And even if LC does take a break from the show that made her famous enough to have fake internships, fake boyfriends and a fake clothing line, producers are looking at ways to continue airing the popular show. Rumor has it that Lo is on board. And I'm sure they'll have a hard time getting Heidi and Spencer to come back...

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

You guys remember my post about the Palin family baby name generator? (If you didn't try it out, please do - it's quite entertaining). Well, we weren't just being mean by making fun of the ridiculous names the children in the family have: Apparently they're all quite fine with producing offspring with equally as terrible names.

Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, gave birth to a son Sunday. The baby's name? Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. If you got that output from the Palin family baby name generator, you win!

Tripp weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

What makes me laugh is Bristol's fiance, Levi Johnston, apparently had the following on his MySpace page in September before news dropped about his sweetheart's pregnancy: Under status: "in a relationship," but after kids: "I don't want kids."

Either way, it looks like the couple will make out by selling photos of the new baby Palin. Reports Monday night put the number close to $300,000.

Yes, Sarah Palin is now a grandma. I guess now she's gone from MILF, to VPILF, to GILF. Either way, I've got a message for her: Have a nice Tripp, hopefully we don't see you Fall of 2012.

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

Just think: 25 years ago that phrase was nothing more than a line in some movie about a little blond kid and his BB gun, a movie that debuted around Thanksgiving and was pulled from theaters before Christmas even came around.

But now, "You'll shoot your eye out, " sexy leg lamps and the phonetical pronunciation of "fragile" (fraaah-jeeel-aaay,--must be Italian) are Christmas staples, especially thanks to TBS and TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" -- a tradition that began in 1997.

Love it or hate, the movie has become a holiday tradition: Last year, the movie marathon brought in 4.4 million viewers - about 1/6 of the American population. Pretty ridic.

What's also ridiculous is the fact that a San Diego man has recreated the Parker house after winning an eBay auction, and it's become a major tourist attraction in Cleveland. Read all about it here. Roadtrip anyone?

And if you have any interest in reading the original movie review for "A Christmas Story," click here.

So, enjoy your holiday and sing "fra-ra-ra-ra" as you enjoy 24 hours of Christmas classic -- I triple dog dare you.

"I, Heidi, take thee Spencer..."

I figured it'd been awhile since my last "Hills" full episode recap, so when better to get back to it than the season finale? So sit back, relax and embrace my sarcastic commentary like Heidi and Lauren at a not-really-black-tie event.

So let's start with the less important --but just as staged-- storyline of the night: Audrina and Justin Bobby heading out to Palm Springs on a weekend getaway. Can we just talk about JB in the overalls without a shirt on his motorcycle? Aaaaand cue the banjo here. But what really made me laugh was Justin's acute observation that every time they go away together, it's never just the two of them -- it's always Audrina's friends "nibbling" in her ear. He's right. And in Palm Springs it was just the two of them... and the producers... the director...the camera men...the boom mic guy...

Things got more interesting when Justin Bobby presented a ring -- from his mouth. That's charming. He did manage to call Audrina by her name rather than the ever-affectionate "dude." For a split second I thought they would totally get married. I mean, it's no Patron, but the two of them had been chugging from that champagne bottle.

Back in LA, Lauren and Lo got all do-ed up (though their hair looked exactly the same as it always does) for a black-tie event hosted by none other than Brent Bolthouse. And Lauren wore lime green. (Shoutout to the show's editing team for cutting in the Dandy Warhols "We Used the Be Friends" here.)

Shockingly enough, Heidi was "working" the event, and I love that she looks around and says, "I haven't seen people look this nice and dressy in a long time," yet the girl just got married three days ago.

Anyway, Heidi approaches Lauren for a heart-to-heart... which really turns into three minutes of the most awkward television ever. There's a lot of nodding and furrowed brows (as per usual on The Hills), and the word "madame" is used way too many times than it ever should between two peers. The most cringe-worthy moment comes after Lauren drops the, "It is what it is" bomb and Heidi pauses, looks pensively and says, "You been working out?" Um? There's more champagne chugging --this time on Lauren's end-- and I am again waiting for two more people to run away and get married.

Speaking of elopement, we find Heidi and Spencer this week attempting to make their Mexico matrimony legal in the US. We also witness Heidi awkwardly explaining the marriage to her friends, family and co-workers. You gotta feel bad for Heidi's mom here -- the poor woman just wants to be there to watch her daughter get married. "There are a lot of people hurt here, a lot of people who have helped mold you into the person you are today," she says. Wait, am I wrong in thinking she's referring to Heidi's plastic surgeons here?

Against her family's wishes, Heidi goes to the courthouse to meet Spencer and Stephanie for a really romantic ceremony before a fake judge. (Yeah, this was shot after hours and probably wouldn't have been legal even if they had gone through with it.) Steph implores Spencer to hold off on the marriage because it's not what his bride really wants. And even though he whines about having gotten all dressed up in his nice suit, he has a change of heart and tells Heidi he'll "deal with" giving her her dream wedding.

And hey, did anyone else think the judge said "through all the day of your lies" to Spencer during his vows? Freudian slip much? I wish she would have made him swear to shave off his Santa Claus beard, too.

So that ends season, what, four? Of course they didn't get married -- it would have essentially put the kibosh on all of the storylines that producers had cooked up. Those people can't keep coming up with new things all the time - they aren't miracle workers for God's sake.

And on the After Show, Lauren's big announcement was --surprise, surprise-- another season of The Hills is forthcoming. Perhaps there will be little Speidlets soon. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers offered them a raise in pay to reproduce.

Here's the final installment of my Hills drinking game. Until next time...

• Whenever you hear "dude"--twice if it's a term of endearment.
• If you have a craving for Sonic's chocolate cheesecake bites.
• Whenever you're a little sadder than you expected that Whitney is gone.
  
• Any time someone takes a swig of champagne.
• Every time Heidi and Spencer's wedding is blamed on alcohol or Mother Nature.

RELATED LINKS
Speidi and the Patron make it happen
Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding
It's a Speidi wedding!

Speidi and the Patron make it happen

As much as I feel the last episode of "The Hills" deserves a Jerc Store-style recap (and perhaps it will get one, if my job ever stops consuming my life), I just have to ask the question now: Was anyone else super confused by the Speidi wedding in the Mexico this week?

I consulted with fellow Hills-buff, Stef, on this and she confirmed that it wasn't just me being as vapid as most of the girls on the show - the continuity of the episode really didn't make sense.

In real life --that is, the life that you and I lead-- news of Heidi and Spencer eloping in Mexico broke Nov. 24, just three weeks before this episode aired. Meanwhile (in Hillsland), Lauren and the crew are saying goodbye to Whitney, who is about to leave for a new life in New York City. But, we've been seeing promos for Whitney's new show, "The City," for at least three weeks now and the show premieres in two. How is that they'd already shot, cut, edited and shipped all the footage for Whitney's new show essentially before she's left?

Did that explanation make sense to anyone? No? Okay, try this one out then...

Heidi and Spencer go to Mexico. One night they're drinking--heavily. Now, it's nighttime when Spencer seemingly forces shots of Patron down Heidi's throat and convinces her to marry him right then and there. (Of course, being the gentleman he is, Spencer pushes, pushes, pushes and then sticks his lip out and says, "You're sure?" Please.) The next time we see the couple --now newlyweds-- is during a morning in their hotel room as Heidi talks about being hungover last night from all the Patron. But yet, they whip out a camcorder to show footage of their wedding, shot in daylight.

If they were taking the shots at night and decided on a whim to get married at night, how was the wedding that they're seemingly discussing "the morning after" shot in daylight?

Could this mean that The Hills is --OMG-- fake? Did they do something like this to --GASP-- improve ratings?

[UPDATE] And hey, previews for next week's season finale show Heidi and Spencer making their elopement legal in a courtroom, but apparently that was filmed after hours and is likely not real either. Haaaaaa.

Thanks, Geoff and Stef!

'Oh, you guys can't breathe in outerspace?'

"Dark Knight" ads are popping up all over the place now that the movie is out on DVD and word just came out that Heath Ledger has been posthumously nominated for a Golden Globe. (Ledger, who played the Joker, will vie for the title of best supporting actor Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr., Ralph Fiennes and Philip Seymour Hoffman.)

All this Batman talk got me thinking about how awesome Dark Knight is and reminded me of a funny College Humor short I saw a few months back. I'm a Batman fan all the way (much more realistic, relative to other super heroes), but this made me laugh.




RELATED LINKS
Riddled with rumors
Dark curse?
Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint...and a Chupa Chup
Coasting by
"WHY SO SERIOUS?"
Update: Heath Ledger death an accident
Update: Heath Ledger's death
BREAKING NEWS: Actor Heath Ledger found dead

Better shake it like a Polaroid while you can

I'm a photo freak. I'm constantly documenting every important and mundane moment in my life by way of my awesome digital camera. That thing comes with me everywhere. But for the most part, those pictures just end up on Facebook, because it's en vogue. Having tangible photos is so last decade, right?

Well, apparently the people at Polaroid picked up on that: This month is the last month the iconic Polaroid film will be in production. Pretty sad, huh?

What will Outkast tell us to shake it like now? On what will Tyra base her "America's Next Top Model" castings? What will Eskimos get when they sit on ice for too long?????

Read more about Polaroids production shutdown and Americas response. (And for your information, shaking a Polaroid might actually hurt your picture.)

I feel a little guilty now. Like my love of the convenience that is digital photography is the sole cause of this. Actually, maybe we can just blame Ashton Kutcher because his stupid digital camera commercials never stop being on television.

RIP Polaroid. You will be missed.

Thanks, TJS!

Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding...

Okay, so I'm backtracking on the Heidi-Spencer wedding, as is the rest of the free media world--or at least those who had nothing better to write about than the faux-reality show stars' apparently faux wedding in Mexico last week. (Yeah, and that includes you, Associated Press. You're not so much better than the rest of us. Pfft.)

It appears as though Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's elopement was not actually a legally binding union, as previously reported.

"We had a beautiful ceremony here ... officiated by a minister and photographed by the hotel photographer. We've never been happier. And, like other elopements that happen outside the country, we'll take care of the legal details when we get home," the couple said in a statement.

Us Weekly, which features the two on its cover this week, reported that Speidi decided to get married while drinking margaritas on the beach. An hour later, they were exchanging vows, the magazine said. Gee, that sounds super well-thought out!

Apparently, it was thought out enough for MTV to get in on the action: "Fans will be able to see the exclusive footage from the ceremony in an upcoming episode, and we will continue to follow the newlyweds' relationship as it plays out in real life," said Executive Producer of "The Hills," Liz Gately.

It's not clear right now whether the footage of the ceremony will be a reenactment of the ceremony or footage obtained from another source. But I'm so totally sure it will be as totally real as the rest of the show.

Just what the Dr. ordered

It's not exactly free health care, but as of right now, you can now get a free 'appointment' with Dr. Pepper.

The soft-drink maker said earlier this year that it would give a free soda to everyone in America if Guns N' Roses released its "Chinese Democracy" album before the end of 2008. The album, which has been famously delayed since recording began in 1994, goes on sale today (Sunday).

And what the heck is the connection here?

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love. So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as 'Dr Pepper for the ears' because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic." - Dr Pepper director of marketing Jaxie Alt.

Coupons for a free 20-ounce Dr. Peppers will be available for 24 hours on Dr Pepper's Web site. They'll be honored until Feb. 28.

RELATED LINKS
Dessert in a can = no no
Dessert in a can
Chocolate's 'Reign' over marketing

Happy Birthday, Leen!