"PLEASE, let me be your Rock of Love..."

[NOTE] Leading up to this concert, I couldn't find many reviews -- mostly because this was only the third or fourth stop of this tour -- so I hope this helps people going to future concerts get an idea of what's in store.

As I mentioned last week, my girlfriends are fantastic for supporting my love of Bret Michaels and this weekend only elevated my irrational obsession of the "seasoned" rocker.

My four friends and I journeyed down to the House of Blues in Showboat Casino Friday night (March 20) for Bret's Atlantic City stop on the "Rock of Love Bus Tour."

We made it down in good time, but our 20-minute check-in and dimly lit hotel room made getting ready for the show a frantic mess of high heels, eyeliner and lingerie (What? Did you think we would show up to a Bret Michaels concert and not dress the part?).

Doors opened at 8 and the show was set to begin at 9, but we unfortunately got in there a little later than I had hoped and fans were jammed tight up to the stage. My friends and I scooted through the crowd and landed about 20-25 rows of people away from the stage. I wanted to get closer, but we were essentially stonewalled by people much larger than we. (Rachel would later say we were blocked by the "fat fortress.")

In my opinion, Bret brought the house down. His voice is a little gruffer than it used to be and he didn't play long (little more than an hour?), but his and the BMB's energy had the crowd -- hardcore Poison fans, Bret Michaels solo enthusiasts and reality television lovers alike -- dancing, jumping and unskinnybopping all over the place.

Bret was smiling the entire time, doing some dancing in his skintight jeans and repeatedly reaching out to the extended hands of fans pouring over the railings. He told mildly insightful stories about his songs (like writing "Every Rose" in a laundromat), reminded us that "ROL" has been the highest rated show on VH1 for three seasons and directed cameramen around the stage as they filmed segments for the channel.

The music was a mix of old Poison, new Bret Michaels Band and cover songs. He opened with the again-popular "Talk Dirty to Me" (for all the Guitar Hero fans in the room), ripped through the "oldest of the oldschool Poison" with "Look What the Cat Dragged In," ended with "Fallen Angel" and encored with "Nothing But a Good Time" (which I called from a mile away -- video below).

Bret also went oldschool with covers of "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Of his newer material, he played the theme to his hit reality show, "Go That Far," the corny-but-catchy "Bittersweet" and --my favorite-- "Driven."

Looking back, I'm a little disappointed we didn't work to get backstage, and while I didn't get to meet Bret, my friends and I did manage to meet and get a hug from Chuck Fanslau, the drummer from the Bret Michaels Band (and who infamously kissed Beverly in ROLB ep. 4 -- pictured below)!

So, overall, Bret Michaels' solo concert was nothing but a good time and my friends and I are already planning to see Poison (with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick) in June when they kick off their tour in NJ in June -- whoo! And you can bet your extension-wearing, silicone-loving butt I'm going to be front row next time Bret comes to town ;)

Bret: 'Bus,' birthday and a book?

During my blogging sabbatical, lots of exciting and offbeat stories made it to the forefront of every imaginable news outlet (excluding, of course, The Jerc Store). Among these were the "Octo Mom," a violent chimp attack, a crashing plane miraculously landing in the Hudson and Chris Brown allegedly beating girlfriend Rhianna.

I'm over all of these stories, and --frankly-- too lazy to write about them, so let's move on to more important things, like Bret Michaels.

Today is his 46th birthday -- rarrr.

A big thanks to my girlfriends for dignifying my irrational love of the Poison front man: A group of us is going to see Bret in concert next weekend at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. (And we're buying appropriate "Rock of Love" attire, to boot.)

But what really prompted this Bret lovefest post is the announcement this week that he will be penning a "tell-all" autobiography called "Roses and Thorns: The Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy to My Realty." Got a nice ring to it, eh?

The book, which hits shelves in June, will explore "every aspect" of Bret's life, including the sex, the drugs, the rock 'n' roll...and the diabetes? He'll also go into detail about his very public conflicts with Poison guitarist CeCe DeVille.

And speaking of the band, Poison will be touring with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick this summer. Hey, whaddya know? They kick off the tour June 23 in Camden. Hmm... Maybe I will get more miles out of my new hookerwear than I thought!

Whole lotta De La Hoya... but not that one

VH1 is at it again - Another "Love" loser will be getting her own show...

Enter former "Rock of Love II" bimbo Daisy De La Hoya (yes, she's related) in the network's upcoming show, "Daisy of Love." Do they not realize that the title of that makes absolutely no sense? Do they not have anyone at VH1 who come up with something--anything--better than that?

The show will air in Spring 2009, but I'm only watching it if Bret Michaels makes an appearance...Oh, who am I kidding? I will probably be mildly addicted to this, even though on-camera Daisy is close to braindead and sounds perptually stoned. She just be bi-sexual and go on "Shot at Love."

Casting for the show is apparently based on an Internet vote (ala "I Love New York" and "Real World Hollywood"), so if you're really interested in dating the Daisy Duck look-a-like, click here and upload your profile. Round 1 ends in 33 days. Let me know if you're doing it; I'll start a Jerc Store campaign and rally the readers behind you. It'll like, be totally, like awesome, ya knoowww?
RELATED LINKS
Giving me 'something to believe in'
Belting and blogging it out with Bret
"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"
Bret leaves the ladies 'Charmed'
Open up and say, 'You're an idiot for getting my name tatooed on your neck'

Not sure if I'll give this one a 'chance'

VH1 recently announced its fall line-up, and no one loves a reality television-packed week more than I, but I think the network should probably give up on the "I Love xyz" brand.

Ex-"I Love New York" stars Real and Chance --aka the Stallionaire brothers-- will have their own reality dating show premiere Nov. 3 on VH1.

According to the Celebreality blog, "Real Chance of Love" will feature the "broken-hearted" brothers searching for love on the Stallionaire ranch. The 15 girls will vy for the guy's affections, and because the show is slated for 11 episodes, I imagine Chance and Real will be faced with two women each in the finale.

At first I was like, "Oh, this is awkward. How will they decide which goes for which girls?" And then I remembered that it wasn't less than two years ago that they were both fighting over the same, sassy lady in awkward fashion. I hope this does better than "Flavor of Love 3," because I'm pretty sure that tanked.

In other news, "Rock of Love: Charm School" will premiere Oct. 12. I'm stoked. I can't wait to see the return of Heather, Lacey, Kristi Joe and Brandi M drama.

...I think my brain is rotting.

Giving me 'something to believe in...'

So I just totally had a meltdown about five minutes ago when I found out that Bret Michaels and Rock of Love 2 winner Ambre Lake have officially split and VH1 will be rolling out a ROL3 next year.

No lie, I had a dream the other night that Bret and I were dating and we were at the grocery store picking up frozen food together. (I'm not kidding--my co-workers will vouch for me.) Perhaps I should try out for the show, ehh?

[click here to read and watch a recap of the ROL 2 finale]

Ambre had been posting on her MySpace page since the end of the show, detailing how hard the two were trying to make the relationship work. Apparently their schedules (his touring, her acting) just weren't working out so now it's splitsville, though they're still friends.

"Although I am deeply saddened by our breakup, our split was a mutual decision and we both tried hard to make it work. But, between his touring and my work schedule, we just didn't have the time to dedicate to our relationship." - Ambre via MySpace

VH1 issued a press release today: ROL3 will take place on a tour bus, or Bret's home away from home (or home away from swanky VH1-provided megamansion). They are taking another lot of strippers and wannabe actresses and cramming them on a tour bus for a month-long competition for Bret's heart.

"This time as the bus pulls into each new city, the girls will engage in challenges specifically revolving around Bret's life on the road. Whether it's greeting aggressive groupies with a smile, enduring grueling schedules, dodging the advances of the warm-up band or even stepping in last-minute to fill in for delinquent roadies – these girls will be put to the test." - VH1 release

So...I'm pumped. I was happy for Ambre and Bret, but this gives me a reason to put my Bret Michaels desktop wallpaper back up on my computer at work.

RELATED LINKS
Belting and blogging it out with Bret
"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"
Bret leaves the ladies 'Charmed'
Open up and say, 'You're an idiot for getting my name tatooed on your neck'

Update: Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing...

As previously reported, VH1 is taking their reality television programming to another level with "I Love Money," which pits former "Flavor of Love," "I Love New York" and "Rock of Love" contestants against each other in the quest for money--what they were actually on those shows for in the first place.

Now, the entire cast list has been announced, including:

Flavor of Love: Hoopz, Nibblz, Pumkin, Toasteee,
Rock of Love: Brandi C, Destiney, Heather, Megan, Rodeo,
I Love New York: 12-Pack, Chance, The Entertainer, Heat, Midget Mac, Mr. Boston, Real, Whiteboy


And a long "supertease" trailer has been released. These challenges are off the wall (a spitting contest inspired by Pumkin and some sort of chicken catapult??), the hook-ups look extremely underhanded and entertaining (Heather and 12-Pack, Real and Hoopz) and the 40-year-old Rodeo looks awkwardly out of place amongst the scantily clad youngsters.


video.vh1.com

More mindless television for me to get sucked into. God, I love it. "I Love Money" is set to premiere July 13 (with a casting special slated for July 6).


RELATED LINKS
Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing

Bret leaves the ladies 'Charmed'

It's official: The ladies of "Rock of Love" will be featured in the second season of VH1's "Charm School."

Fourteen of Bret Michaels' former suitors--from both season one and two--will be on their best behavior in hopes of winning $100,000.

And I kept that last statement completely PC. I was toying with some sort of 'head' of the class pun.

Unlike the first season, which fell under the direction of comedian Monique, the show will be hosted by rock mama Sharon Osbourne. No official cast list announced yet, but it'd be safe to say that Lacey and Heather need the manners lessons most.

RELATED LINKS
Reality television brilliance, if there is such a thing

Belting and blogging it out with Bret

A big thanks to my co-worker, Geoff, who--after months of listening to me and fellow reporter Stef dish about "Rock of Love II" every Monday morning--informed me that Bret Michaels would be on FOX's "Don't Forget the Lyrics" tonight.

I must also thank (and apologize to) my boyfriend, who graciously let me off the phone when I made mention that Bret Michaels was on TV. With only a slight groan, he managed a sarcastic--yet, understanding--"I know, he's hot," and we said our goodbyes.

And in an effort to squeeze the life out of my love for Bret (and the aggregate 25 minutes of "DFTL" once you subtract commercial time), here is my live blogging of the heavenly occasion.

I missed the first 10 minutes of the episode, but tuned in just in time to see Bret, sporting his favorite rainbow bandana over those luscious locks, belting out some Tom Jones. But wait, why is Wayne Brady singing along with him? Ohhh, that's right. He can't remember that this show is supposed to be about other people...

9:14 - Bret launches into some warm, fuzzy moment about how even after all these years, he is still passionate about what he does. He wants to get some money for kids at St. Jude's. This is a great opportunity. And he aptly selects the "Inspirational Song" category.

9:15 - The screen reveals a battle of titans: Bette v. Barry, and Bret goes with Mr. Manilow. I'd much rather see Bret sing "Copacabana," but hey, can't have it all. He instead croons "Looks like We Made It," and the pathetic women in the audience go nuts when he sings, "I touched you." I shouldn't make fun of them; I'd be doing the same thing.

9:17 - Bret reveals that he has spent months in a tour bus listening to Barry Manilow and Metallica. I think he's kidding...but Barry must be honored.

9:23 - In the "Southern Rock"category, Bret sings some ZZ Top, and those dance moves...a bit awkward, Bret. I hope he moves better than that in the bedroom...for Ambre's sake, of course.

9:25 - Oh hey, another overly dramatic buildup to revealing the correct lyrics--and another commercial, shocking. This is almost as bad as American Idol.

9:29 - In order to reveal the correct lyrics to the ZZ Top song, Wayne directs Bret to sing the last few lines acappella style, baby. But Wayne decides to showboat a little more by unnecessarily harmonizing. Bret succeeds and adds, "Good vibes." Yes, Bret, good vibes indeed.

9:31 - So when the producers think "Rock," they think Meatloaf "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"?? Bret chooses Pat Benetar, but all I can think of is how terrible I am at Guitar Hero.

9:32 - Bret takes one of his lifelines and brings his solo bandmate, Steve, onstage. But not before introducing his other lifeline, long-legged Leah. "We are...old friends," he says, adding in a completely obvious throat clear. Aaaand now he's describing their friendship as a spiritual, romantic relationship that began one night behind his tour bus. Oh. This is awkward.

9:35 - I wonder if everyone (or maybe I should say, 'anyone') in America is loving this is as much as I am.

9:37 - Bret is wondering if he should go with his gut feeling: "I dont want to blow it all right now because I feel good" - oh Bret, talk dirt to me, haaaa. Get it? Get it??

9:42 - Extremely long pause to reveal the fate of the Pat Benetar song...aaand they're right. $100,000. Way to go Steve. Now get off the stage.

9:43 - The Who - Baba O'Reily. Yeah, love this song. Ooh, a little air guitar. Hot.

9:44 - Air guitar quickly followed by 8 blank spaces and some awkward dead air. "Don't cry. Don't raise your eye," it's only $200,000 for sick children, Bret.

9:48 - Surprise, another commercial. It's getting too close to the end of the show. There's no way he's gonna get this.

9:52 - "I'm here for all the right reasons," Bret says. Is that a veiled shot at some of the girls from "Rock of Love"?

9:53 - WOW, he got it. Moving on to the "Hair Band" category... Nine missing words for Quiet Riot's "Come On Feel the Noise." Does anyone else remember when this song was in Ore-Ida french fry commercial?

9:54 - So, Wayne Brady--seriously, can you stop singing along? He's harmonizing and it's clearly not working. And completely throwing Bret off his game.


9:55 - Can we say anticlimactic? Bret doesn't even venture a guess at the blank spots and cashes out at $200,000--split between Juvenile Diabetes Fund and St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Whatta guy. 9:56 - Wayne calls Bret's friends back on stage, and Bret clearly pushes Steve out of the way to put his arm around Leah. Shafted. Watch out, Ambre.

9:57 - Oh, by the way, let's reveals the lyrics that no one in the venue knew. At least Kevin DuBrow isn't alive for this...? No? Too soon? Okay, sorry.

9:58 - On a happier note, Bret's going to debut a song from his solo album? I am so totally running to iTunes when this is over to download it. Yeah, I'm a huge sucker.

9:58:30 - Oh God, I ALREADY OWN IT. ahahahaha <---that was my completely genuine reaction, btw.

Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing

I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling a bit down tonight without my weekly dose of Bret Michaels and his love seeking vixens. It's Sunday, and Celebracadabra premieres on VH1 tonight, a show whose name makes me cringe and I expect will almost definitely be as humdrum as Celebrity Boot Camp.

...And this got me thinking: What happens to all my old reality television friends now that their respective shows have ended? Will they slip into the abyss of celebrity dating show losers now that their 15 minutes have ended? Will I never see Buckwild or TMNT-Tango ever again? How will I remember what Daisy and her bloated lips look like once they stop playing the Rock of Love II reunion on VH1??
But it's almost like VH1 read my thoughts (or my blog), because the brilliant minds behind all of your favorite celebrity dating shows (Flavor of Love 1,2,3; I Love New York 1,2; and Rock of Love 1,2) have created the ultimate reality show has-been series, aptly titled "I Love Money."

The show, which is tentatively scheduled to air July 13 (casting special July 6), will quit cloaking the real reason that most of these people sign up for these ridiculous shows (because it's certainly not love) and pit them against each other in physical and mental tasks for a chance to win some cold hard cash--$250,000 to be exact.

There aren't too many details available right now surrounding the show, just that shooting quietly wrapped in March and MTV VJ Lala will host. No official announcement of cast members yet, but Rock of Love 1's Heather and Rock of Love 2's Meghan are both rumored to be onboard.

UPDATE: VH1 is also planning a "Rock of Love Charm School," similar to the Flavor of Love version from last summer, and Heather will also be enrolled.

CAN'T WAIT--ahh, my reality television addiction is so not healthy...

"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"

WARNING: SPOILERS

So last year, Bret Michaels thought he had found his Rock of Love with Jes, but it turned out that she left and got a new boyfriend during the time between when the show was airing on VH1 and the reunion show in the fall. Fortunately, Rock of Love brought in some insane number of viewers and VH1 decided to give the Poison front man another go around of strippers and slutty rocker chicks.

He whittled 20 women down to two, eliminating "Frenchie" the Stripper, theUkrainian Love Tank Ina, crazy-ass Kristi Joe, Former 'Beauty and the Geek' Contestant Megan and Ultimate Groupie Destiney.

In the end, Bret was forced to choose between Daisy, the real-life plastic surgery version of Daisy Duck, or Ambre, the peppy Spartan Cheerleader-like actress who seemed like a fish out of water in Bret's house-o-rock.

The finale focused mainly on the fact that Bret has always had a sexual connection with Daisy (well duhhh, her silicone sambas were hanging out of every single thing she put on), but he's still concerned about her cloudy past. With Ambre, Bret has always felt comfortable and confident, but he wasn't sure if the physical connection was there and if she could handle his "rock and roll lifestyle," which, really? Come on.

As in all of VH1's formated celeb searching for life final episodes, Bret takes each girl on a day-long date, which begins with some sort of innocent--but scantily clad--activity, topped off with dinner and a nightcap.

Date 1: Daisy tells Ambre she's not sexy. Ambre focuses in on slutting it up on her next date with Bret. They go on some jungle tour and have some massages. She jumps on his back and rubs him down. They go to dinner (and PS. why does Bret NEVER get dressed up for any of these occasions? I guess he's too "rock and roll" for that). Ambre reveals she's not wearing any underwear and proceeds to cross and uncross her legs. Bret barks, "Check please!" and they whisk away to his candlelit bedroom, where he describes every piece of furniture in the room as something "to make love on," including some sort of peanut cart? Oh Bret, how I love thee. They ultimately land on the bed outside on the moonlit balcony. Romance, la la la.

Date 2: Bret takes Daisy out on a boat to go fishing, because she obviously looks like a girl who loves to fish. They somewhat reenact a scene from "Titanic" out on the front of the boat, except Daisy gets woozie and hurls over the side of the boat. But it turns Bret on--just like everything else on the planet does--and he feels a closer connection with Daisy. Fast forward to dinner: Daisy tells Bret she loves him. "Check please!" again, and away they go to the same bedroom...and the same bed on the balcony. Sanitary indeed.

The verbal battles between Daisy and Ambre in the bedroom made me want to punch a puppy, though it did yield the title to this entry. God I love Ambre. And why the hell couldn't the producers give these girls a keycard to the damn bedroom? The awkward knocking and entering scenes were terrible. [click here to watch bonus footage of Daisy and Ambre's arguments]

Elimination time. Bret gives his speech on how he loves both of them and they have both made an extreme impact on his life, yadda yadda. He calls Daisy forward--and in an extremely less dramatic and less clever style than last season's King Midas twist--Bret tells Daisy her tour has ended and selects Ambre to be his Rock of Love. [watch below!]


video.vh1.com

What's funny is Daisy's reaction to all of this: "I just want to curl up in a ball and eat a lot of ice cream." How profound.

And just as Bret said, it's funny how fate works out because Ambre was sent packing day one until Jackye had a panic attack and went home and Bret filled her place with Ambre.

So again, my favorite girl from the start has won Bret's heart. I hope this one lasts. Well, I'd love it if it did, but...I would be slightly okay with another season of this show. I need to go to Bret Michaels Anonymous, like, seriously.

And be on the look out for next week's season two reunion show. It looks like Daisy gets her ass beat by Heather, yessss!

My super worst show ever created

Unlike a lot of television elitists, I haven't been crying over the writer's strike keeping quality programming off of my idiot box. There's nothing that the average person can do right now to fix it, so buck up and watch The Biggest Loser or Rock of Love in the meantime.

But I stumbled upon a few new show announcements and I came very close to vomiting in my mouth over MTV's upcoming show, Exiled!

The network is taking past diva teenagers from its My Super Sweet 16 show and sending them to far away places, such as Africa and Antarctica, in hopes they will gain a new worldly perspective on life.

“Some of these girls had very little awareness of what was going on around them and were very self-centered. We thought, ‘Here’s an opportunity.’" - Dave Sirulnick, exec VP

I didn't think television could get any worse than Super Sweet 16, but I was mistaken. The show is set to premiere this spring, God help us.

Tons of television

Good news for those of you going through late-night television withdrawal lately: Leno, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Letterman and Craig Ferguson will all return to air tomorrow night.

But there is still a lot up in the air regarding primetime programming, and some people are worried that the reality TV monster is going to gobble up television as we know it. Sorry folks, but there's not a lot we can do about it, so let's celebrate some of the incredible--that's slightly sarcastic--television slotted to premiere in the next few weeks.

Biggest Loser Couples - NBC - Jan. 1: I've not been a follower of this show in the past, but I watched the premiere tonight and it was moderately entertaining [click here to read more about this season]. Interesting twist on the original. Something that might be left on in the background.

The Celebrity Apprentice - NBC - Jan. 3: I just got into The Apprentice last season, and I'm excited for more Trump time, but this list of celebrities is filled with scrubs. But I'm excited for the shameless product placement to come.

American Gladiators - NBC - Jan. 6: This is going to be incredible. That's all I have to say.

Rock of Love II - VH1 - Jan. 13: I'm a sucker for Bret Michaels and the first season of this show was entirely too addictive. It don't mean nothing but a good time, so please, tune in.

The Gauntlet III - MTV - Jan. 23: It's been way too long since MTV has put out a Real World/Road Rules challenge, so I'm stoked for the new Gauntlet. The cast will again be split into Rookies v. Vets and the characters look like they will not disappoint. Coral is back, baby!!

Let's also look forward to Flavor of Love III (Feb. 11), the continuation of The Hills' season three, Top Chef Chicago, and I guess we can look forward to American Idol's whatever number season it is, beginning Jan. 16. And in a non-reality television sense, we've got Entourage coming in sometime this year and grr, a postponed due to the writer's strike season of 24.

That's a lot of TV.
P.S. I do have a life, seriously.