Whole lotta De La Hoya... but not that one

VH1 is at it again - Another "Love" loser will be getting her own show...

Enter former "Rock of Love II" bimbo Daisy De La Hoya (yes, she's related) in the network's upcoming show, "Daisy of Love." Do they not realize that the title of that makes absolutely no sense? Do they not have anyone at VH1 who come up with something--anything--better than that?

The show will air in Spring 2009, but I'm only watching it if Bret Michaels makes an appearance...Oh, who am I kidding? I will probably be mildly addicted to this, even though on-camera Daisy is close to braindead and sounds perptually stoned. She just be bi-sexual and go on "Shot at Love."

Casting for the show is apparently based on an Internet vote (ala "I Love New York" and "Real World Hollywood"), so if you're really interested in dating the Daisy Duck look-a-like, click here and upload your profile. Round 1 ends in 33 days. Let me know if you're doing it; I'll start a Jerc Store campaign and rally the readers behind you. It'll like, be totally, like awesome, ya knoowww?
RELATED LINKS
Giving me 'something to believe in'
Belting and blogging it out with Bret
"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"
Bret leaves the ladies 'Charmed'
Open up and say, 'You're an idiot for getting my name tatooed on your neck'

Not sure if I'll give this one a 'chance'

VH1 recently announced its fall line-up, and no one loves a reality television-packed week more than I, but I think the network should probably give up on the "I Love xyz" brand.

Ex-"I Love New York" stars Real and Chance --aka the Stallionaire brothers-- will have their own reality dating show premiere Nov. 3 on VH1.

According to the Celebreality blog, "Real Chance of Love" will feature the "broken-hearted" brothers searching for love on the Stallionaire ranch. The 15 girls will vy for the guy's affections, and because the show is slated for 11 episodes, I imagine Chance and Real will be faced with two women each in the finale.

At first I was like, "Oh, this is awkward. How will they decide which goes for which girls?" And then I remembered that it wasn't less than two years ago that they were both fighting over the same, sassy lady in awkward fashion. I hope this does better than "Flavor of Love 3," because I'm pretty sure that tanked.

In other news, "Rock of Love: Charm School" will premiere Oct. 12. I'm stoked. I can't wait to see the return of Heather, Lacey, Kristi Joe and Brandi M drama.

...I think my brain is rotting.

D-d-d-did you watch it?

If a glowing piece of the radical rock was something you dreamed of when you were younger, Nickelodeon is giving you another chance to make that dream come true.

"My Family's Got GUTS," a family version of the popular 1990s game show, premiered tonight on Nick. Contestants compete in events similar to the original GUTS, including the basketball "Sky Slam," a football throwing competition and a soccer ball scoring battle.

And of course, we get a glimps of the trademark Aggro Crag - intimidating as ever.

The show will run weeknights at 8 p.m. starting tonight (Monday) until Friday, Sept. 26. The series is comprised of two, 11-episode tournaments, each of which includes an hour-long finale and a half-hour special. This season's finale will air Saturday, Sept. 27 at 8 p.m.

Unfortunately, MFGG took a backseat to tonight's episode of "Gossip Girl" (my crack in television form), but I did manage to catch a few minutes of it during CW commercial breaks...

Props to Nickelodeon for revitalizing one of the greatest shows in the station's history--especially amidst a period of what I consider comparatively lackluster children's programming--but nothing is ever going to live up to the good ole' GUTS days.

This new host, Ben Lyons, can't hold a candle to Michael O'Malley's enthusiasm (and oddly enough Lyons is the new host of the popular critic show "At the Movies"). And Nickelodeon actually had the audacity to bring in a judge with a funny accent who's not Moira Quirk ("Let's go to Mo - MO!").

Maybe I'm just hating a little bit because my family is too old to go on the show now, as is likely the case for most of the original GUTS viewing audience. Watch the clip below. Seriously - how badly did you want to go on this show when you were younger? I remember screaming at the stupid kids who missed an actuator and yelling about how badly I would own them if only I were given the opportunity to try out...



Thanks, Dave!

"Just forget you smelled it and move on"

"Entourage" is back - praise the Lord! Some semblance of quality television amidst reality garbage and political smut. Sundays at 10 p.m., HBO.

"If Vince passes on this now, he might as well be Cat Stevens doing butterfly strokes in the Caspian Sea searching for Mohammed." - Ari

'Hole' lotta laughs

If you're like me, you've spent your entire day watching the first Sunday of the NFL season... and that means you've probably seen the commercial for FOX's new game show, "Hole in the Wall."

But if you haven't, you need to watch the clip below. Ignore the urge to condescend simplistic and slapstick humor -- people being smacked by a moving wall in an attempt to win money is funny.



FOX may not be leading its fall lineup with the best programming, but it's certainly got my attention!

Contestants contort their bodies to fit through holes in a moving wall. If they are unsuccessful, as it appears many of them will be, they get knocked into a pool. The winning team receives $25,000 and gets to take on the Blind Wall (seemingly even more impossible than the regulation round) for a chance at an additional $100,000.

The show, which will air a sneek peak at 8 p.m. tonight, is taken from a popular Japanese television show, if that's any indication of what hilarity will ensue.

And if that's not enough to whet your viewing appetite, maybe the 300-pound woman attempting to fit through a figure skater-sized hole will.

Back in 'The Hills'

Old news now, I know, but this week has been nuts.

For those of you who didn't tune into MTV's "The Hills" season premiere Monday, you weren't alone: Apparently ratings are down nearly 30 percent from the March premiere.

We step right back into the drama surrounding the girls' new house during Audrina's birthday party. The long and short of it? Audrina has friends that don't have Gucci sunglasses and blond hair and apparently they're abhorrent enough to send Lo to her room for an hour while the party was in full swing. The two have a moderately heated conversation in the poolhouse wherein Audrina tells Lo that they'll never be friends (whether that was audio spliced in while Audrina is off camera or not, who knows).

Lauren's got a new guy named Doug. He's hot. They go on a date and it's pretty obvious Lauren gets her conversation topics from her latest Cosmo magazine: Doug orders a beer -- "I think your drink says a lot about you...It says you're a guy's guy." Such stimulating conversation. I guess this lends some more credibility to Gavin's take on dating LC from last this year.
Spencer and Heidi are seemingly happy again and in pure scripted drama fashion, Heidi's sister unexpectedly arrives to stay at their apartment for the weekend. Spencer throws a temper tantrum and insults the breakfast Holly makes for him. As she's getting into her car for the airport, she tosses out the possibility of her moving out there aaaand perhaps she'll stay with them while she looks for a place, which pisses off the Gerber baby. Holly in Hollywood -- I smell another spinoff!

Speaking to Ryan Seacrest on the radio recently, "Speidi" said they think that Lauren is sick of doing the show (and apparently she's expressed that this could be the last season of it). But regardless of what LC decides, Spencer and Heidi say they're "just beginning" and would gladly continue doing the show. Spencer even 'selflessly' volunteered to takeover the voice over narration job.

I think the way I'll handle this season is by creating a Hills drinking game, like, every time XYZ happens, you take a drink. For this premiere episode:

• Every time Heidi hisses, "That's my sister," to Spencer.
• Every time you see a red mohawk.
• Whenever you think about how much you used to love Lo.
• Every time you wonder, "What does Spencer actually do all day?"

Going through 'Hills' withdrawal?

August is just about two hours away at this point, and my fellow reporter, Steph, brought up a good point this week...

"When does 'The Hills' come back?!?!?"

That's a good question. How are we less than three weeks away from the season four premiere and there's barely been a blip on the MTV radar?

Hype or no hype, the fourth season of the Hollywood pseudo-reality show is quickly approaching. Tune in Aug. 18 at 10 p.m. to catch all the drama from past seasons carry on and some brand-spanking-new (undoubtedly scripted) drama unfold.

And be on the lookout for the Pussycat Dolls' new song, "When I Grow Up," to be featured during the premiere.

Lauren, Audrina and Whitney all apparently have some new men in their lives. The "Will Audrina move out?" drama continues. Stephanie Pratt is strangely reminiscent of Jen Bunny ala season two. Brody goes to jail? The newly reunited "Speidi" has some more trouble in paradise when Heidi --for some reason-- invites her sister to move in with them...and I already know I'm going to have trouble telling Heidi's sister and Spencer's sister apart. Does everyone in Hollywood really need to be that blond?

Take a look for yourself. Below is the full season four trailer. Who's excited?!

Sex obviously sells

Congrats to Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte--

The ladies proved this weekend that sex sells, as the "Sex and the City" movie's opening weekend numbers trumped the opening weekend sales of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

I absolutely refuse to give away any bit of the SATC movie, but two of my girlfriends and I went opening night to see it, and I must say...If you are a woman who's seen even one episode of this show and you still haven't seen the film, what in the name of Manolo Blahnik are you waiting for??

The ladies have obviously aged, but I don't care what Maxim has to say: Sarah Jessica Parker looks stunning in this movie.

And two warnings: If you're a crier at movies, pack your tissues. My friend Jenn and I cried for a good hour of the movie. It's a tad more depressing in parts than you might like. And also, the movie is 2.5 hours long, so go easy on the pre-show martinis.

You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll be glad you didn't drag your grudging boyfriend to the film for him to complain about how unrealistic it is to spend $500 on shoes or how unattractive he finds Miranda to be.

Here's the trailer:

Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing

I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling a bit down tonight without my weekly dose of Bret Michaels and his love seeking vixens. It's Sunday, and Celebracadabra premieres on VH1 tonight, a show whose name makes me cringe and I expect will almost definitely be as humdrum as Celebrity Boot Camp.

...And this got me thinking: What happens to all my old reality television friends now that their respective shows have ended? Will they slip into the abyss of celebrity dating show losers now that their 15 minutes have ended? Will I never see Buckwild or TMNT-Tango ever again? How will I remember what Daisy and her bloated lips look like once they stop playing the Rock of Love II reunion on VH1??
But it's almost like VH1 read my thoughts (or my blog), because the brilliant minds behind all of your favorite celebrity dating shows (Flavor of Love 1,2,3; I Love New York 1,2; and Rock of Love 1,2) have created the ultimate reality show has-been series, aptly titled "I Love Money."

The show, which is tentatively scheduled to air July 13 (casting special July 6), will quit cloaking the real reason that most of these people sign up for these ridiculous shows (because it's certainly not love) and pit them against each other in physical and mental tasks for a chance to win some cold hard cash--$250,000 to be exact.

There aren't too many details available right now surrounding the show, just that shooting quietly wrapped in March and MTV VJ Lala will host. No official announcement of cast members yet, but Rock of Love 1's Heather and Rock of Love 2's Meghan are both rumored to be onboard.

UPDATE: VH1 is also planning a "Rock of Love Charm School," similar to the Flavor of Love version from last summer, and Heather will also be enrolled.

CAN'T WAIT--ahh, my reality television addiction is so not healthy...

Back in 'The Hills'

Clear your Monday nights for the next eight weeks: 'The Hills' are back, baby!

In case you haven't checked out the extended trailer for the continuation of Season Three, check it.



The latest gossip on The Hills wire?
Lauren is prego. Completely untrue: It's her publicist.
Nude pictures of Audrina on the Internet, This is completely true: She posed for them, as they were "meant to be art," but they were so obviously meant to be sexalicious. Click the link for the pics, but warning--not safe for work!

"Regarding the photos that someone released to the public today without my consent, I wanted you to know they were taken when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative. The photos were for personal and portfolio use only and not meant to be seen by the public. I was naive, overly trusting of people and inexperienced. I thought that to be a model you had to be comfortable in front of the camera. I’m not ashamed of these photos, but I dont want my young fans to think they have to do what I did. I hope people can learn from my inexperience. It’s been almost five years since I posed for that shoot, and during that time I have learned many lessons about this business."--Audrina Patridge

And now that the season will be in full-swing tonight, plenty more juicy Hills stories to come. Enjoy the premiere!

'Give to me your paraphernalia, take from me my Lace'

You might not be pumped for NBC's reinvention of American Gladiators, perhaps because it's a WWE-ified version of its former self? Whatever happened to Zap, Diamond, Nitro...?

Well, I don't know about the rest of them, but Los Angeles PD busted former Gladiator babe Lace for possession of drug paraphernalia last week.

Lace? Drugs? Gosh, the joke is almost too easy. Maybe Blaze will get busted for marijuana next week.

Lace, also known as Marisa Pare, was held on $250 bail.

RELATED LINKS:
"Gladiators, are you ready?"

'The Hills' in Paris, real? Je ne crois pas!

Sorry, 'Hills' haters. Just a little tid bit of news for those on Team Lauren who are salivating in anticipation for the next eight episodes of season three...

More tampering with reality going on in The Hills, according to The New York Post's Page Six. Before Lauren and Whitney went to Paris, apparently producers were “frantically calling publicists to see if anyone knew any guys to set the girls up with in Paris. If they had a love affair there, then it would look better,” a source told Page Six.

When we catch up with Lauren and Whitney in Paris, we'll see the girls being set up with a band called Rock & Roll - yes, the most creative band name known to man - and Lauren miiiight be hooking up with the band's guitar player, Matthias. Scandalous.

Sucks for Brody.

According to a bulletin Audrina posted on MySpace yesterday, the episodes will be airing in late February/early March, and I've seen on MTV.uk that the show is scheduled to return on Jan. 20.

And in response to recent reports that Lauren's bff had joined Team Heidi? As fake as the show itself (those obviously weren't her words, p.s.). Audrina says she's been spending time away from Lauren to be with her pregnant sister and if she runs into Heidi out in a club, they will acknowledge each other's presence but they are not friends.

UPDATED: Lauren and Whitney will more than likely not be with Teen Vogue during the fourth season, according to a spokeswoman. "The girls have moved on from Teen Vogue," she said, declining to say whether or not Teen Vogue will be part of the series next time.

"Gladiators, are you ready?"

Please, tell me you didn't miss the premiere of NBC's American Gladiators tonight.

The two-hour reinvention of the 90's classic aired tonight and introduced America to 14 new Gladiators ready to whoop on some short and comparatively scrawny contenders: Blast, Crush, Fury, Hellga, Siren, Stealth and Venom for the women, and Hammer, Justice, Mayhem, Militia, Titan, Toa and Wolf for the men.

A little fun fact: Titan is the only Gladiator to be on both the original and the remake of the series, and Toa is the cousin of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

I was stoked for this show to start and tonight's double showing was entertaining, but honestly...it was a little too WWE for my taste. The extremely terrible overacting and audience singing "Nananana, hey hey hey, goodbye" every time someone fell into the water, sprinkled with the occasional heartfelt testimonial and shout out to the loving family, I felt like it was like fake-o wrestling meets Oprah Winfrey.

Also, I was pretty disappointed by how nice the female Gladiators were being. Don't shake that bitches hand--kick her while she's down!!

The 2008 American Gladiators leaves 1991 loyalists with much to be desired, but I was pleased to see the return of Assault (where contenders aim arrows and rockets at Gladiators while dodging 100-mph tennis ball shots) and the ever-popular Eliminator, which destroyed and embarrassed several of tonight's contenders.

I'm predicting the show probably won't last longer than this season (or until the strike ends), but for a shot of old school, cheesy, barbaric entertainment, check out the second part NBC's 2008 American Gladiators premiere tomorrow night at 8 p.m.

UPDATE: Titan appeared on a local radio show this morning saying that tonight's episode features a nice bone breaking - whoo hoo!

RELATED LINKS:
Reinventing Lace, Zap, Blaze and Laser