'Ew' does not even begin to describe this...

The bad news is that my laptop is still all virused-up, but the good news is that I've opted to completely wipe out the hard drive and start over. So until that's done, my posting will still be scarce, but I have to share this story I heard today -- And I thought my computer was sick!

From Philadelphia Daily News:
Dad had gone out to get coffee and breakfast. Mom was helping their 4-year-old son on the toilet. Their 9-year-old daughter was playing Nintendo.

That was how the morning of Jan. 3 played out for the Wolfe family of Massachusetts inside Room 142 of the Homewood Suites in Mount Laurel, Burlington County. Soon, the Wolfes would pack up and finish their long drive home from Florida.

But, wait: The couple's 22-month-old son was supposed to be on the hotel's pull-out sofa, watching TV. Instead, according to a federal lawsuit filed this week in New Jersey, the toddler was choking on a used condom that had been left in their room before they checked in.

When Amy Wolfe heard her youngest child chewing and choking on the condom, she rushed over to help him and retrieved it from his mouth, but according to the lawsuit, the boy already had "ingested the contents."

[I won't be offended if you just threw up in your mouth a bit. And actually, if you don't think that's gross, pretend like you're that child and consider it one more time... That would be disgusting if it were your own --'stuff'-- but you just ate a lustful night between anonymous people. That thing was hanging out for God knows how long in the rollaway couch in what you considered to be a "nice" hotel.

Now, I was shocked to hear that this happened in Mt. Laurel, the town next to mine. So I thought, "Hmm, let me check this place out" and went to its Web site. Lo and behold, I'VE STAYED THERE.
The Wolfe family's lawsuit contends that Homewood Suites and its subsidiaries, Hilton and Blackstone, put the child at risk by subjecting him to an increased risk of contracting a "sexually transmitted disease, including HIV or AIDS, or some other, potentially life threatening, potentially fatal illness."

I guess Hilton hotels are just as skanky as the heiress herself?

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

You guys remember my post about the Palin family baby name generator? (If you didn't try it out, please do - it's quite entertaining). Well, we weren't just being mean by making fun of the ridiculous names the children in the family have: Apparently they're all quite fine with producing offspring with equally as terrible names.

Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, gave birth to a son Sunday. The baby's name? Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. If you got that output from the Palin family baby name generator, you win!

Tripp weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

What makes me laugh is Bristol's fiance, Levi Johnston, apparently had the following on his MySpace page in September before news dropped about his sweetheart's pregnancy: Under status: "in a relationship," but after kids: "I don't want kids."

Either way, it looks like the couple will make out by selling photos of the new baby Palin. Reports Monday night put the number close to $300,000.

Yes, Sarah Palin is now a grandma. I guess now she's gone from MILF, to VPILF, to GILF. Either way, I've got a message for her: Have a nice Tripp, hopefully we don't see you Fall of 2012.

Black --and deadly-- Friday

I've never been into the whole Black Friday thing, though I admittedly thought about getting up at 4 a.m. today and hitting the stores from some deals. Unfortunately for my shopping ambition (but fortunately for my dwindling back account), I am working today...not quite sure why, because everyone I need to contact --including the police department-- is off today, grrr.

Anyway. For those of you who got out to the stores or plan to get in on the tail end of the door buster deals, good for you... but be careful! I just caught wind of an incident in Long Island where a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a Black Friday crowd. (*Note, this picture was not taken from the same Wal-Mart.)

The news story seems to have a lot of unconfirmed information, but apparently a pregnant woman also taken down in the stampede and despite previous reports of a miscarriage, doctors say the baby is fine.

The unidentified worker, employed as an overnight stock clerk, tried to hold back the unruly crowds just after the Valley Stream store opened at 5 a.m.

Witnesses said the surging throngs of shoppers knocked the man down. He fell and was stepped on. As he gasped for air, shoppers ran over and around him.

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," said Jimmy Overby, 43, a co-worker. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too...I literally had to fight people off my back."

Crazy stuff. Click to read more.

Thanks, TJS.

[UPDATE] 11 p.m. Nov. 28: In an unrelated incident, two men were shot dead in a Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, California, after they argued in the store, police said. The toy company and authorities said the California shootings had nothing to do with shopping on Black Friday

Grandma-ma

So it's pretty offbeat when a 56-year-old woman gives birth, and even more so when a 56-year-old woman gives birth to triplets. But how about when the kids she's birthing are actually her grandkids.

Jaci Dalenberg, of Cleveland, was acting as a surrogate mother for her daughter, Kim Conseno. She gave birth to identical twin girls and their fraternal sister Oct. 11 by way of C-section.

The babies were born more than two months premature and each weighed less than 3 pounds, but are said to be doing well.

According to a spokeswoman, the 56-year-old offered her surrogate service to the daughter when she and her husband, Joe, were waiting to adopt. The couple used vitro fertilization and the embryos were implanted into Dalenberg's uterus.

Joe and Kim also have an 18- and 13-year-old. You can check out their "Our Life With Triplets and and Teens 'Oh My'" blog.

So...what do the kids call Dalenberg? Mama? Grandma? Grandmamama?

Baby Mama's got a little one

You might have noticed that "Saturday Night Live" star Amy Poehler was sporting a little more than a baby bump in recent weeks, but bump-be-gone! Poehler is officially a mommy!

The "Baby Mama" star gave birth to her baby, Archie Arnett, on Saturday. The baby, born to Poehler and husband Will Arnett, was 8 lbs, 1 oz.

SNL has been infamously bad the last few yeares, but the election has revitalized a few of the skits. In honor of Poehler, I'm posting a video of the "Palin Rap," which made me laugh incredibly hard. It's gonna be a shame when Poehler leaves this year.


RELATED LINKS
Poehler peacing out
Fierce to the trannieth degree

Oops! Sis did "it" again?

[BREAKING NEWS?] I was about to tell my boyfriend that he's been living under a rock when he sent me a link to a news story called, "Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant"--She gave birth to that kid three months ago, duhhh!

But when I actually read the story, I was shocked to find that Britney's little sis might have another bun in the oven.
The National Enquirer is reporting that Spears is pregnant with her second baby, after giving birth to baby Maddie Briann (wtf kind of name is that?) on June 19.

[UPDATE] A rep for Jamie Lynn told E! that the 17-year-old is not pregnant. A source who lives in Jamie Lynn's native Kentwood, La., tells E! News: "I talk to [her mom] Lynne all the time. Believe me, she would have mentioned if that little girl is expecting again. That's just a bunch of made-up crap."

Here are some of the tidbits the Enquirer got from an "insider":

“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical. Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding." - an inside source on Jamie Lynn's rumored pregnancy.

A home pregnancy test came back positive, the source said, and apparently the former "Zoey 101" star's friends are urging her to terminate.

And hey, who the baby daddy???

Who knows if any of this is true, but it seems like one Spears has just gotten her life back on track while the other one is following the deadbeat beaten path.

Thanks, TJS!

RELATED LINKS
Baby mama drama
Pregnancy 101

Baby mama ain't Obama!

I promised to steer clear of the politics during election season, but this isn't too partisan and it's too good not to share...

Do you wish your mom were running for president of the United States? Better yet, do you long for siblings named Trig or Bristol??

Well, now you can find out what your name would be if you were the offspring of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin by clicking here, the Sarah Palin Baby Namer!

My name would be Rifle Panzer Palin - I think that's got a nice ring to it. Try it out - let me know what you get!

Clay is gay - sounds like a nice nursery rhyme?

[Breaking news] Clay Aiken is gay.

...Wait, really?? I'm not trying to make light of this--I just legitimately thought he had come out like, three years ago.

Aiken apparently comes out on on the latest cover of People magazine, holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken. The headline reads, "Yes, I'm Gay," with the quote: "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

The baby's mother is Aiken's friend and record producer Jaymes Foster.

This is nowhere near as shocking --or as devastating-- as finding out in 2006 that Lance Bass was gay. Or is gay. Whatever. You know what I mean.

UPDATE Lindsay Lohan is jumping on the orient(ation) express - she admitted this week that she has in fact been dating friend Samantha Ronson for "a very long time." Another not-so-shocking announcement: The media has been covering this for months, but whatev. Good for them. (Thanks, Dave.)

Oh (8), babies!

It probably sounds fabricated, but two babies in neighboring states --both weighing 8 pounds, 8 ounces-- were born at 8:08 a.m. on 8/8/08. No lie!

Hailey Jo Hauer, was born to Lindsay and Joe Hauer at Lake Region Hospital in Minnesota Friday (below, left). Over in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Xander Jace Rinike (below, right) was being born at the same exact time... and Xander is the eighth grandchild born to his mother's parents.

Both families and hospital staffs joked to local media about the extreme coincidence of the babies' birthdays, birth times and birth weights and said they considered playing the lottery and/or making eight their new lucky numbers.

Want a small fry with that?

In the (belated) spirit of Memorial Day and the millions of BBQs that were held this weekend, I have to post this picture. Mmm...baby....


Seriously. Who the heck does this to their child?
(photo ala divinecaroline.com)

Baby for sale!

A German baby placed up for auction on eBay for the price of bubble gum this week has been taken into custody, police said.

The 7-month-old baby boy was advertised on the site for one euro--or $1.57--with the description: "Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches (70 cm) long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller."

The baby has been placed in custody of child services, though the 23-year-old mother claims that it was all a joke. Neither she nor her 24-year-old husband have been identified.

The ad was up for about 2.5 hours, but no bids were made. Several people who saw the posting called police.

The faces of Lali

A baby born with a rare disease in India is now being worshiped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess.

Newborn Lali has craniofacial duplication, a condition where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated, including her nose, lips and eyes.

Rural India is deeply superstitious and the little girl is being hailed as a return of the Hindu goddess of valor, Durga, a fiery deity traditionally depicted with three eyes and many arms. Up to 100 people have reportedly visited the baby at her home every day to touch her feet out of respect, offer money and receive blessings, according to her parents.

Somewhat similar to Lil' Bit, the kitten from Arizona who was born in November, minus that whole goddess thing.

Back in 'The Hills'

Clear your Monday nights for the next eight weeks: 'The Hills' are back, baby!

In case you haven't checked out the extended trailer for the continuation of Season Three, check it.



The latest gossip on The Hills wire?
Lauren is prego. Completely untrue: It's her publicist.
Nude pictures of Audrina on the Internet, This is completely true: She posed for them, as they were "meant to be art," but they were so obviously meant to be sexalicious. Click the link for the pics, but warning--not safe for work!

"Regarding the photos that someone released to the public today without my consent, I wanted you to know they were taken when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative. The photos were for personal and portfolio use only and not meant to be seen by the public. I was naive, overly trusting of people and inexperienced. I thought that to be a model you had to be comfortable in front of the camera. I’m not ashamed of these photos, but I dont want my young fans to think they have to do what I did. I hope people can learn from my inexperience. It’s been almost five years since I posed for that shoot, and during that time I have learned many lessons about this business."--Audrina Patridge

And now that the season will be in full-swing tonight, plenty more juicy Hills stories to come. Enjoy the premiere!

American *really* Idle

A woman left her 3-year-old daughter to nearly drown in a bathtub during last week's "American Idol" results show, police said.

Sheila R. Brooks, a 25-year-old mother of four from Indianapolis, allegedly left two of her children in the tub when she went to do laundry. She stated to another daughter that she forgot that both her 2-year-old and 3-year-old were unattended in the tub as she watched "American Idol." She sent her 7-year-old daughter to check on the babies in the bath, and the child alerted the incredible responsible Ms. Brooks that her daughter Sirius (right) was submerged in water and unconscious.

The child was still in critical condition today.

It must have been one riveting episode of Idol. I haven't wasted more than three minutes of my life watching the newest season, so I can't even come up with something clever for this. But regardless, American Idol rarely shows more than three minutes of programming without a 10 minute interlude of Coke commercial, Chevy commercial, Coke commercial, terrible Fox programming commercial... you'd think somewhere along the line she would have snapped to and remembered she left her toddlers unattended in the tub.

And oh, to make matters even better, police found about an ounce of marijuana, five burnt marijuana cigarettes and a scale in the house. Intelligent.

Baby popularity contest

The Baby Center recently released a list of its top 100 names for both boys and girls based on statistics, and frankly, some of these names are freaking ridiculous.

What I find even more ridiculous, though, is the fact that people are naming their children after Britney Spears' kids and Grey's Anatomy! Addison?? Come on...


Here are the top 10 for both sexes:

Girls' names	Boys' names
1. Sophia	1. Aiden
2. Isabella	2. Ethan
3. Emma	3. Jacob
4. Madison	4. Jayden
5. Ava	5. Caden
6. Addison	6. Noah
7. Hailey	7. Jackson
8. Emily	8. Jack
9. Kaitlyn	9. Logan
10. Olivia	10. Matthew

I guess some of these names aren't so bad, but look through the list and feel free to scoff at some of these references. You've got Tristan, which to me, is a Gilmore Girls reference all the way, but maybe I'm wrong. Jayden--Jayden James Federline, and Preston is on there too, guhh. Brody--Brody Jenner?

The one that really makes me cringe though? Nevaeh - heaven backward. Give me a break. And I'm hoping these people didn't get that from "Crazy" (Heather) from Flavor of Love, because that's incredible sad (it's sad that I even get the reference to begin with, but anyway...)

And my name isn't on there? My name had been in the top 10 since 1980, and just suddenly dropped off the list this year. Wtf.

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but don't be surprised next year when this baby list comes out and Audrina, Cohutta and Dannielynn end up at the top.

There's no crying in football!!

This weekend brought some upsets in the world of playoff football.

Unfortunately, the Patriots remained perfect, beating the Jacksonville Jaguars and advancing to next weekend's conference championship game.

But in better news... How 'bout them Giants?? Eli Manning, whom I thought was totally due for a catastrophic week after two impressive showings, somehow pulled it together and led the G-men to victory versus the favored Dallas Cowboys, 21-17.

The most buzzworthy news, however, came after the game when everyone's favorite a-hole wide receiver Terrell Owens cried like a baby over the inevitable media slaughtering of Tony Romo, saying with black glasses hiding his tear-filled eyes: "He's my teammate. He's my quarterback." Whaa, whaa. This is the same guy who blasted Eagles' quarterback Donovan Mcnabb every Sunday when he was in Philadelphia, fighting with Hugh Douglas in the locker room and doing sit-ups on his lawn? Suddenly, he's found God and decides to back his headcase of a QB?

Oh well, not like we'll be seeing him again this season, haaaahaaaaa. And for another good laugh, check out the clip.



So it's Giants v. Packers, Patriots v. San Diego (who upset the Colts 28-24 yesterday).\

Super Bowl predictions anyone?

I am a sacred vessel--all you got in your stomach is Taco Bell.

I don't get out to the movies as often as I'd like, but last night, I was fortunate enough to catch Jason Reitman's new indie-like, "Juno." [click to watch trailer]

In a nutshell: Juno, a 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant by her nerdy best friend, searches for a suitable couple to adopt the child while dealing with her high school peers and semi-dysfunctional family.

Might not sound like a standout film, but it totally is.

The acting performances are all on-point, and I'm sure Ellen Page ("Juno") is going to blow up as a huge star in no time; she's like a young Janine Garofalo. Michael Cera, whom you may remember from "Superbad," isn't in the movie as much as you'd might think, but I laughed incredibly hard anytime Bleeker said anything (but that's because I'm in love with all things awkward). Jennifer Garner, who plays Vanessa, really makes you feel her pain as a mother who can't conceive and is struggling for the chance to be a mother with her husband, Mark, played by Jason Bateman.

This is a non-spoilers review, so I'll withhold all ending details, but the movie keeps your interest the entire time without fail. It's a dark comedy feel, mixed with some Napoleon Dynamite/Superbad-ness, but has also got a slightly heavy and emotional side when dealing with adoption and love of all kinds (yeah, I cried for the last 20 minutes of the movie after laughing for the first 75).

While the dialogue is a little off-putting at first (lots of abbreviations and trend-speak), you adapt after about five minutes and it becomes entertaining, brassy, cheeky, laughable, etc. etc. etc. "Can't we just like kick this old school. You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?" [click to read quotes from "Juno"]

The soundtrack is also noteworthy--little odd, really catchy and the song that Bleeker and Juno sing at the end of the movie will undoubtedly become a huge iTunes download if enough people wise up and see this awesome movie.

Give me baby, one more time

Every news source puts out the same story every year: 'So and so was the first baby born in the new year at such and such hospital.'

But you don't often see a story like the Armstrong's from Gettysburg, Pa.

Becky and Kyle Armstrong welcomed new baby Faith Lynn to the world--and 2008--at the Gettysburg Hospital Tuesday at 5:23 a.m. But...she wasn't their first, first baby.

The couple delivered their firstborn child, Kaden Skye Armstrong, on New Year's Day last year and Kaden was the same hospital's first baby of 2007.

Hospital employees said they've never seen anything like it. No kidding, I don't think anyone could do that if they tried, which I'm sure they will now.

And a little fun fact: the babies' great-grandmother also shares the same birthday.