Gimme an O! Gimme an L! Gimme a D!

A mother in Wisconsin has been charged with stealing the identity of her 15-year-old daughter to attend high school and join the cheerleading squad.

Wendy Brown, 33, faces a felony identity theft charge after enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her daughter, who lives in Nevada with Brown's mother.

The woman attended practices with the cheerleading squad, got her own locker and even went to a pool party at the coach's house.

She must have a smoking hot body to pass for a 15-year-old at 33, eh? Don't frown, Wendy - that's something to cheer about!

A school liaison officer started investigating after Brown only attended the first day of classes last week and a $134.50 check Brown wrote to purchase the cheerleading uniform bounced, the complaint said.

An employee at the school said that Brown seemed timid and even cried when she talked about moving from a school in Nevada. She said that while Brown looked older than a student, she behaved like one.

According to a complaint filed against her, Brown wanted to get her high school degree and become a cheerleader because she didn't have a childhood and wanted to regain a part of her life that she'd missed.

The wannabe cheerleader appeared in court Friday. The judge set bond at $8,000. If convicted, Brown could be shaking her pom-poms in prison for up to six years and face a $10,000 fine. She also apparently has a history of identity theft, according to Brown's mother.

Baby for sale!

A German baby placed up for auction on eBay for the price of bubble gum this week has been taken into custody, police said.

The 7-month-old baby boy was advertised on the site for one euro--or $1.57--with the description: "Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches (70 cm) long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller."

The baby has been placed in custody of child services, though the 23-year-old mother claims that it was all a joke. Neither she nor her 24-year-old husband have been identified.

The ad was up for about 2.5 hours, but no bids were made. Several people who saw the posting called police.

Second update: MySpace Murder

Updating an update of a previous item:

The Missouri mother responsible for 13-year-old Megan Meier's suicide and the phony MySpace account that pushed the young girl to do so has been indicted.

Lori Drew, of suburban St. Louis, was indicted by a federal grand jury in Los Angeles on one count of conspiracy and three counts of unauthorized access of protected computers to obtain information to inflict emotional distress, AP said.

Thank God for justice.

To read more about the case, click here, but the long and short of it is that the mother of one of Megan's former friends created a MySpace account and posed as a teenage boy named "Josh" to see what Megan was saying about her daughter.

The mother, her daughter and another adult had access to the account and corresponded with Megan as Josh for more than a month, until they began harassing Megan, saying that Josh didn't want to be her friend anymore and that the world would be a better place without her.

Megan, who suffered from ADD and depression, hanged herself as a result of the messages.

RELATED LINKS
MySpace Murder
Update: MySpace Murder

He called the Columbine shooters "my gods"

I stumbled upon this article about a 19-year-old Idaho guy who had previously plotted to kill his high school classmates, his mother and his sister...but now he's hoping kids who experience the same thing he did will seek help.

For some reason, this article doesn't really sit well with me. They throw in the "learn from my experience" graph at the end of the story, but for the most part, this article goes through this guy's history of mental illness and the fact that his mother is still afraid of him. And something tells me that exposing his true identity and mental instability on CNN is not going to make his life any easier.

Give it a gander. See what you think.

I appreciate CNN and the mother's attempt to share this story and try to avoid another Northern Illinois or Virginia Tech incident (as that anniversary is quickly approaching), but what I get from this article is--if you get caught while you're in high school and your parents make you go to a psychiatrist, wait til you're 19 and then go to town. But share your story with a large news source so no one expects anything. I don't know. I'm still not convinced. Quite disturbing.


RELATED LINKS
Another school shooting leaves six dead
Update: NIU school shooting

Teenage STDs--WTF?

A CDC study this week found that 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD. And when we say 'teenage,' we mean 14-19.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here when I say that I find this extremely disturbing. You're like, in 8th grade and you have an STD? I don't even think knew what sex was at that age. And I'm pretty sure I didn't learn about STDs until senior year of high school.

About half of the girls studied acknowledged having sex. And one in four has an STD? That's like, a lot. And they were only testing for four STDs...

HPV, which is the leading cause in cervical cancer, was found to be most prevalent among the girls studied. And despite a recent outpouring of HPV prevention and awareness campaigns, parents need to wise up to the times and teach their kids what's up. Hopefully these numbers will serve as a wake-up call because kids are having sex way too young and being completely irresponsible.

...and let me tell you, I didn't even attempt to find a good picture to illustrate this point. I had enough problems studying my health textbook senior year.


Thanks, Dave.

American *really* Idle

A woman left her 3-year-old daughter to nearly drown in a bathtub during last week's "American Idol" results show, police said.

Sheila R. Brooks, a 25-year-old mother of four from Indianapolis, allegedly left two of her children in the tub when she went to do laundry. She stated to another daughter that she forgot that both her 2-year-old and 3-year-old were unattended in the tub as she watched "American Idol." She sent her 7-year-old daughter to check on the babies in the bath, and the child alerted the incredible responsible Ms. Brooks that her daughter Sirius (right) was submerged in water and unconscious.

The child was still in critical condition today.

It must have been one riveting episode of Idol. I haven't wasted more than three minutes of my life watching the newest season, so I can't even come up with something clever for this. But regardless, American Idol rarely shows more than three minutes of programming without a 10 minute interlude of Coke commercial, Chevy commercial, Coke commercial, terrible Fox programming commercial... you'd think somewhere along the line she would have snapped to and remembered she left her toddlers unattended in the tub.

And oh, to make matters even better, police found about an ounce of marijuana, five burnt marijuana cigarettes and a scale in the house. Intelligent.

La la lala, la la lala, Elmo's gone

Meet the Elmo Knows Your Name Doll, or as I've dubbed him--the creepiest f'ing doll ever. Yes, more sinister than Chucky. More knowing than Talking Tina.

Upon purchase, the Elmo doll is programmed via computer to know your child's name and include it in his random expressions as they laugh and play all the live long day. Except for 2-year-old James Bowman, of Lithia, Fla., Elmo doesn't get excited when you tickle him, he makes death threats.

After James' mom replaced the batteries in Elmo, he started saying, "Kill James." I'm not kidding. Watch the news piece yourself.

James' mom, Melissa, was obviously upset, especially because her two-year-old started repeating the expression and freaking out because she took his favorite toy away.

Fisher-Price said it will issue the Bowmans a voucher for a replacement doll and examine James' model for the source of the problem and check whether other Elmos are experiencing the same malfunction.

Pack-ing tape

For my friend Dave, I'll say, "And they thought Philadelphia fans were bad..."

A story has emerged out of a Portage, Wisc. in which a boy who refused to wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during Saturday's playoff game had the shirt taped to his body by his father.
According to police, Mathew Kowald, 36, held his 7-year-old son down for an hour to make him wear that jersey.

Kowald was taken to county jail after being cited for disorderly conduct and released yesterday after paying a $186 fine.

When contacted by a local paper, the man said the incident started as a joke. He said his son challenged him, saying he wouldn't root for the Packers. Kowald claimed that when he restrained his son and started taping him, the boy was laughing and taking it as a joke...until the boy felt like he couldn't get out and got scared.

The man's wife was the one who called authorities during the incident and took pictures with her cell phone as evidence. She filed a restraining order against Kowald and he will no longer be allowed to have contact with his family. Sounds a little fishy to me...

Hannah tries to pull a little switcheroo

Big news on the Hannah Montana front: Miley Cyrus is not the only bubbly adolescent bouncing around the stage during her "Hannah Montana" tour--there's an impostor, GASP!!!!

Yeah, this isn't really a big deal to me, but I know it comes as an uber shock to the bajillions of Miley Cyrus fans to find out that Miley is using a body double during shows.

When you check out the video below, you'll notice around the 2:20 mark that Hannah Montana is ushered into a trap door by a back-up dancer who blatantly covers her with a black cloak, and then suddenly, a Hannah lookalike pops out wearing gaudy sunglasses and hair covering her face and starts dancing like a complete moron. So obv not HM, duuuuhhh.

Representatives for Miley said the time is used for a quick costume change and otherwise, the teen superstar sings live the entire show.

I have two problems with this. First of all, what is the difference between Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus during the show? Someone please clear this up for me. Actually, I don't really care. My second concern is this: For all the money that this little girl and this franchise make, they can't come up with a better and less conspicuous way for the girl to have a wardrobe change?

I'm serious. Watch the video and see how awful the change is. Actually, this entire segment looks like a complete yawnfest. Why are people paying thousands of dollars and killing off their parents for this again?

Give me baby, one more time

Every news source puts out the same story every year: 'So and so was the first baby born in the new year at such and such hospital.'

But you don't often see a story like the Armstrong's from Gettysburg, Pa.

Becky and Kyle Armstrong welcomed new baby Faith Lynn to the world--and 2008--at the Gettysburg Hospital Tuesday at 5:23 a.m. But...she wasn't their first, first baby.

The couple delivered their firstborn child, Kaden Skye Armstrong, on New Year's Day last year and Kaden was the same hospital's first baby of 2007.

Hospital employees said they've never seen anything like it. No kidding, I don't think anyone could do that if they tried, which I'm sure they will now.

And a little fun fact: the babies' great-grandmother also shares the same birthday.

No holds barred for Hannah

I bet my parents are glad that Hannah Montana did not exist during my childhood. Kids across the nation are begging, kicking and screaming to get their hands on HM tickets these days, and seriously, who wants to disappoint their kids?

But at the same time, spineless parents who will stop at nothing to get these tickets to please their kiddies (and probably brag around the water cooler) are ruining it for everyone.

Priscilla Ceballos, a woman from Garland, Texas, recently submitted an essay on behalf of her daughter, which began with the line, "My daddy died in Iraq this year," for a Hannah Montana Rock Your Holidays Essay Contest. Prizes included tickets to Hannah Montana's sold-out concert in Albany, New York in January, airfare and accommodations to the show and a Hannah Montana gift bag.

Her essay won the contest... only one problem: it was one big, fat lie.

The woman told contest officials that the girl's father, Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq, but the Department of Defense has no record of anyone with that name dying in Iraq.

Ceballos admitted to the deception, according to a spokeswoman for Club Libby Lu, the store holding the contest. The company is considering taking away the tickets.

"We did the essay and that's what we did to win. We did whatever we could do to win." --Priscilla Ceballos, in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW.

Ruthless, but hey, if a good friend of mine hadn't gotten me tickets to the upcoming Spice Girls concert, maybe I'd consider doing the same.

Baby mama drama

Updating a previous item:

The father of Jamie Lynn Spear's baby, boyfriend Casey Aldridge, 19, could face up to 10 years in prison for statutory rape after getting the 16-year-old Nickelodeon star pregnant.

If the baby was conceived in Spears' home state of Louisiana, the act could technically be considered "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile. There, a person can only legally consent to sex at age 17. If aged 15 or 16, the other person involved must be no more than two years older for the act to be considered legal.

If the baby was conceived in California, where Spears shoots Zoey 101, he could face up to three years in prison: Any person who engages in sexual intercourse with a minor under 18 who is not more than three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanour and faces up to one year in a county jail. If Casey boy is more than three years older than Spears, he could face felony charges, which carry up to three years in prison.” ...Poor guy.

Fatal Combat

Two Colorado teenagers are being charged as adults after beating one of the suspects' 7-year-old halfsister to death, influenced by the video game "Mortal Kombat."

The teens, 16 and 17, were babysitting Zoe Garcia at her home earlier this month. According to the arrest affadavit, they were wrestling "as they always do," karate kicking, punching and kicking, but a witness said the boy was kicking and body slamming little Zoe.

The two were reportedly using moves they learned from the violent "Mortal Kombat" video game.

When the 7-year-old lost consciousness, the suspects placed her in the bathtub and even cracked an egg into her mouth to make sure she wasn't "messing with them." Usually tickling someone can do that, but I guess feeding her raw food works too...

Zoe sustained a broken wrist, 20 bruises and bleeding under the spine and in the brain. She died from her injuries North Colorado Medical Center.

Both teens were charged with one count of child abuse resulting in death, a class two felony. They could each face up to 48 years in prison if convicted.

It's pretty crazy; my father and I were talking about this game the other night and how incredibly violent it was; the screen shot to the right is the character Sub-Zero ripping out the heart of his opponent. At the same time, my brothers and I loved this game and none of us felt the need to literally beat each other to death. I don't remember children of my generation mimicking violence in video games (or television) as much as they do today. It's disgusting.

Pregnancy 101

So unless Britney Spears dies, or I run into her at the supermarket, the chances of her even being mentioned on The Jerc Store are slim.

However, I've just gotta share this new Spears' family news, hot off the presses--Britney's little sister, 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears, is totally prego.

Yes, the teenage star of "Zoey 101" is 12 weeks pregnant with her boyfriend Casey Aldridge's child. SIXTEEN, people, sixteen.

Mama Lynne Spears apparently was shocked--couldn't imagine why.

"I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."--Lynne Spears

The baby news is detailed in OK magazine, on stands Friday.

Ahh, yes, following in the successful Spears' family tradition. Jamie Lynn is planning on raising the baby in Louisiana, "so it can have a normal family life." Normal! Please, tell me that was joke.

Deer-anged coach

A middle school coach in Georgia landed in jail after leading students on a vandalism stunt that left neighbors fuming and reindeer humping.

John Hayes, 46, reportedly loaded several of the teens into his pickup truck after dark (did that not cause alarm right off the bat?), and drove them around neighborhoods as they damaged Christmas displays. They even took those light-up reindeer and placed them in a sexual position--gasp!!

Hayes was confronted after a homeowner followed him. His explanation was that "it's just a bit of fun."

The coach would not give up the names of his underage accomplices, and is facing charges of trespassing, contributing to delinquency and reckless conduct. He was released on a $250,000 bond.

Come on, tell me you didn't know a teacher or coach when you were this age that would so totally do this with you. Yeah, it's wrong, but it's funny how much everyone is freaking out, so much so that it's national news. Me and my friend did this in high school, too. And that reindeer humping thing is sooo 2002.

Update: MySpace Murder

Updating a previous item:

A Missouri prosecutor said today that no charges would be filed in the case of Megan Meier, the 13-year-old girl who hung herself last year after a MySpace user told her the world would be a better place without her.

It was an 18-year-old girl working for Megan's neighbor who started the "Josh" account.

"There is no way that anybody could know that talking to someone or saying that you're mean to your friends on the Internet would create a substantial risk. It certainly created a potential risk and, unfortunately for the Meiers, that potential became reality. But under the law we just couldn't show that." -- St. Charles County, Missouri, Prosecuting Attorney Jack Banas

Missouri's harassment statute says nothing about the Internet, and the stalking statute requires repeated conversations, so neither would apply in this case, Banas said.

Regardless, he said there is no doubt that parents should have stopped what was going on, and this does not mean that the responsible parties would not avoid punishment.

Honey, I'm cured!

A new study today showed that honey can help ease a cough.

When compared to the cough syrup ingredient dextromethorphan or no treatment, honey came out on top.

The study tested 105 children seeking treatment of nighttime cough and separated them into three groups: those who took buckwheat honey, those who took a honey-flavored dextromethorphan preparation, and those with no treatment.

Parents were surveyed on the day of the doctor's visit and on the next day, after those in the treatment groups had given their kids honey or dextromethorphan at bedtime. Among the three groups, children given honey had the greatest reduction in cough frequency and severity, and the most improved sleep, as did their parents.

So apparently that old folk remedy actually is effective.

SpinMaster needs a spin doctor

Parents who thought they were going to win Parent of the Year for buying their children the much sought-after Aquadots may be in for an even bigger shock than the initial recall: no refunds!

SpinMaster, distributor of the hazardous toys, recalled about 4.2 million units earlier this month after children consuming the product slipped into comas.

Instead of offering a refund for the $17-30 toy, the website is instead offering "free replacement beads or a toy of equal value." Probably not the best PR/crisis management tactic to deal with millions of people, eh?

An Arkansas couple is suing over the lack of monetary retribution, saying, "Consumers do not want, nor should they be forced to accept, another toy from the same company that has been irresponsibly marketing and selling poison to their children.”

So be sure to trade in your date rape drug-coated, candy-like dots for some replacement dots in time for the holidays!

Maybe it's time to get another TV in the house?

Updating a previous item: more terrible parenting and evil children on the loose.

A 12-year-old boy in Arizona stabbed his older brother over what to watch on television.

Officers said the younger brother went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife with a five-inch blade, returned to the living room and stabbed his 13-year-old brother in the stomach.

Their father was home at the time of the stabbing, but in another room.

...Are you serious? First of all, in my childhood experience, the "I was born first" defense usually trumped all and won control of the remote. And if for some reason, the younger sibling was feeling ambitious and put up a fight, the older one would offer up a punch in the arm--not a stab in the stomach--and the argument would cease.

If I wanted to watch "My Little Pony" badly enough, I would just cry and my mom would make my brother change the channel. But I guess stabbing him would have done the trick just as well.

Youth of the nation

Another evil child alert--two actually.

A 10-year-old student in Tennessee walked up to his teacher's desk and poured a cleaning liquid into her coffee cup; the liquid was dry erase board cleaning spray. Parents are saying the student is old enough to know that the substance would make his teacher sick. Luckily, another student tattled the sinister one out, and the teacher did not drink from the cup.

Three Georgia boys, ages 8 and 9, are being charged with rape, kidnapping, false imprisonment and sexual assault after allegedly forcing an 11-year-old girl into the woods near a suburban apartment complex. Disgusting.


Honestly, who is raising these children?!!?!