Showing posts with label duh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label duh. Show all posts

Monday, April 27, 2009

Pageants and healthcare are about integrity, okay?

 With all the drama drama surrounding the Miss USA pageant last week, I feel the need to bring the attention off the question of gay marriage that [in my opinion] Miss California so totally flubbed and focus it on Miss Arizona's awesomely terrible "stance" on health care in America.

"SNL"/"All That"/"Keenan and Kel"/"Mighty Ducks" star Keenan Thompson (dressed to the nines in a hoodie) asks the pageant contestant, Alicia-Monique Blanco, if the United States should have universal health care as a right of citizenship. 

Taking a page right out of Miss South Carolina 2008's book ("Everywhere, like such as, the Iraq..."), Blanco declares the issue a matter of integrity... several times... and leaves us all scratching our heads.



Really? Did these girls not come prepared to answer questions like these? We just had a presidential election with bountiful coverage of every important issue plaguing our country --you had the "study guide" five months before the test, you witless loser.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Major FAILs of the Week

[NOTE] I should put my own picture up here based on my complete failure as of late to update more than three times a week. Sorry :(

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.

fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Major FAILs of the Week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Back of the hand-wich

You know, sometimes my boyfriend jokingly tells me he's gonna give me a knuckle sandwich, but I think this guy took it a bit too far...

From the AP - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday.

Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.


The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

...Perhaps it was a CLUB sandwich? Haaaaa. (I get this obnoxiously corny sense of humor from my father, by the way.)

I love stories like this. Every so often, a precious gem of a police blotter item comes across our desks in the newsroom. Last week, I wrote about a guy who crashed his truck into a gas station, knocking out two gas pumps, the attendant's booth and a Snapple machine...and then walked home, leaving the car there, like police weren't going to trace it back to him. (And yes, he was drunk.) But man, assault and battery by sandwich - that's delectable.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Major FAILs of the Week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.

fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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Thursday, November 6, 2008

His brain cells are torched

A Georgia man set his home on fire yesterday after reportedly trying to clean it with a blowtorch.

Instead of using a broom, Galen Winchell used a blowtorch to clean out the cobwebs from the exterior eaves of his home.

He should take a blowtorch to the cobwebs in his brain, no? There's gotta be a lot of 'em.

Winchell noticed smoke coming from his attic around 11 a.m. Firefighters responded with three trucks and the power company arrived to disconnect the power, which runs through the attic. The fire was contained to one end of the house, however there was water damage and smoke damage throughout. No one was injured in the blaze.

A good piece of advice: The fire investigator warned residents not to use a blowtorch to rid their homes of cobwebs. That's good to know - I was thinking about doing some cleaning this weekend.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

fail owned pwned pictures
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fail owned pwned pictures
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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

EMPLOYEE: DUMB B----

A Missouri man was shocked to find a racial slur on his Journeys receipt after returning a pair of shoes this weekend.

Keith Slater, 22, bought an $80 pair of shoes at the store, but later returned them after finding a better bargain at another store. Slater got his money back, but was later shocked to see that the receipt identified him as "Dumb N-----"

Like, really? Did anyone there think that someone somewhere might possibly notice the N-word printed on their receipt? My God, that's stupidity!

By the time the college student returned to Journeys that night, the store was closed. When he came back on Saturday, employees said that a generic code had been entered with the return and that's what appeared.

But, Slater's father said, there were six or seven choices that came up when that code was entered and the one the employee had chosen was at the bottom of the list. Probably not a coincidence then, eh?

The employee who rang up Slater was fired, according to a statement issued by Genesco Inc, the company that owns Journeys.
"While we are continuing to investigate this incident, it appears an employee in one of our stores entered highly inappropriate statements in a form used to process a merchandise return...Needless to say, such an act was not authorized by Journeys, and will not be tolerated." --Genesco, Inc.
The Slaters received an apology call today from Genesco's corporate office, and have also been contacted by the Justice Department. The department will reportedly refer the case to the FBI to investigate whether a civil rights violation has occurred.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Guess he's not 'shooting blanks'...?

A Florida man reportedly shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend shot down having sex with him.

Police said Jonathon Guabello, 29, and his live-in girlfriend of five months, Ryan Mackinnon, came home from a bar around midnight Wednesday, and when Guabello started to get frisky, Mackinnon said she just wanted to go to sleep.

The 24-year-old girlfriend went into the spare bedroom, but several minutes later heard two gunshots. Guabello --who was under the influence of alcohol and Xanax-- came into the room with the gun and told her if she called for help or tried to put him in rehab, he'd kill her. He then stumbled into the kitchen, walked into the oven and knocked himself unconscious.

After being treated for the gunshot wounds at a local hospital, Guabello was charged with threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling. He was being held on $100,000 bail.

So, men, what lesson did we learn today? When you're drunk, randy and wielding a gun, your girlfriend probably won't want to have sex with you.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Any dirty old man's fantasy

Q: What's full of pom poms, spirit and beer residue?
A: The elevator at the University of Texas' Jester Hall.

Police and firefighters were called to the campus after 26 cheerleaders (aged 14-17) got themselves stuck in the elevator.

Apparently, the girls --who were attending Texas Cheer Camp-- were trying to see how many of them they could fit in there as a puerile little game. Only, the elevator descended one floor and the doors wouldn't open. After panicking for a bit, a few of the cheerleaders wiggled their cell phones out and called for help.

Signs posted in the elevator warns "No more than 15 people or 3,000 pounds."

Two girls were treated at the scene. One girl fainted and was taken the hospital. She dropped the metaphoric spirit stick on that one...and was probably cut from the squad.

Monday, August 4, 2008

I went to collage!

I may be a stickler for grammar and spelling, but it's my job. It might also be someone's job at this television station to make sure that they don't look like morons during their telecasts. High gas prices may be making kids dumber--according to this report--but what's their excuse?


Friday, July 18, 2008

Close out that tab, mate

An Australian man who had heart broken was drowning his sorrows in alcohol, only he probably could have literally drown his sorrows and himself in the amount of beer he was consuming per week.

Michael Leary, a father of four, was spending an average of $972 a week on beer after breaking up with his partner five years ago, according to the Northern Territory News. (And P.S. that's about enough to buy 2,500 bottles of beer per month)

Authorities figured the construction worker had a problem when he was charged a few months ago with drunk driving...for the seventh time--no? You think he's got a problem?? The man was not sentenced to jail time, but has been banned from drinking or even holding a beer for 12 months.

Leary earns approximately $2,000 a week gross - or about $1440 after tax, according to the court. About $150 goes to rent, $150 on buses and taxis and $50 on his phone. The rest? Beer.

What's funnier is that the while in court, the judge made fun of the guy's taste in beer, saying, "(That is) poor judgment on two counts there -- drinking that much and drinking Melbourne Bitter."

It's kind of like the Australian version of Natural Light. Like drinking $1,000 worth of Natural Light. Come to think of it: I think I have a friend who might get along with Mr. Leary pretty well...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Oh snap, Shaq can't rap

In the words of Best Week Ever: "In case you missed it..."

Here is the now-notorious Shaq freestyle rap dissing former teammate Kobe Bryant, presumably titled, "Tell me how my ass tastes." In the performance, Shaq mocks Kobe for his playoff disappointment and blames his rival for his ongoing divorce.

Is it me, or didn't Shaq retire from rapping after his song "Biological Didn't Bother" got more sympathy for being God awful than it did for being about his deadbeat dad? (And my entry's title clearly shows that even I am a better rapper than the Sun's center)

And now, I don't know if anyone told him this, but does he realize that he's asking another man how his ass tastes...like, over and over again...?

In any case, have yourself a laugh (or two minutes of cringing) by checking it out. Notorious B.I.G. would be so proud to have been mentioned in a Shaquille O'Neal rap.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

"And boom goes the dynamite"

So the Women's NCAA Basketball Tournament just ended (CandACE beat out CandICE), and the Men's Tourney wrapped up last night in dramatic fashion, but bitter ole' me could care less because a.) I hate basketball, b.) I didn't go to one of these sports obsessed schools, and c.) I had UNC and UCLA in the Men's Finals and lost out on $300.

Anyway. In honor of this recent college sports craze, I present to you the most stunted and embarrassing college sports newscast in the history of the universe. Not only does this guy stumble over absolutely everything, but not one person in the studio comes to poor Brian Collins' rescue during his four minutes of awkward broadcasting. I bet he's super excited this hit YouTube.

I'd blame the guy on the teleprompter, but I don't even know if that would have made a difference. But, hey, Reggie Miller is lookin' good...or whoever that player actually was.

If you have a soul, you might not find this funny. Otherwise, enjoy!

Thanks, TJS!


Monday, March 24, 2008

Paying for your free iced coffee

So I'm sorry about getting your iced coffee-loving hopes up on Friday with promises of Free Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee Day because the company was not actually giving away free iced coffee.

When I posted that link on Wednesday, the official site was advertising the freebie and telling you to invite your friends by entertain their e-mail addresses. Not really sure what happened between Wednesday night and Friday morning, but the doughnut maker had this to say on its press room page.

My apologies again, folks. Perhaps we'll get another shot at it sometime this summer?


Thanks to 'my fav redhead' for bringing that to my attention, and extra apologies to Dave for placating me and taking me to D&D, even though I'm an idiot.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

So...don't die?

*This was brought to my attention by a co-worker, and as journalists, we are extremely familiar with crazy lawmakers, so thanks to Matt for pointing out this insanity.

The cemetery in Sarpourenx, a village in France, is full...so the mayor has done what any respectable lawmaker would do: threaten his 260 constituents via municipal ordinance saying that if they die, they will be severely punished.

Um...what?

"...All persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish. Offenders will be severely punished."

The mayor said he was forced to take drastic action after an administrative court in the nearby town of Pau ruled in January that the acquisition of adjoining private land to extend the cemetery would not be justified.

He makes it sound like dying is comparable to speeding or littering. 'People of Sarpourenx, I know you were planning on dying and all, but don't. It may be punishable by death.' Duhhh.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Making a good impression for the rest of us

Watch this reporter completely ruin one of the biggest moments in this couple's relationship. God, I love this profession.


Monday, March 3, 2008

Hit me with your best shot--liar awayyy

I guess when "I'm sick" is no longer a viable excuse for getting out of work, you've gotta come up with some more creative excuses.

And that's exactly what Daniel Kuch did--he creatively (and stupidly) asked his friend to shoot him in the arm to get out of work and avoid taking a drug test.

Kuch told police that he was involved in a drive-by shooting while jogging, but later 'fessed up. I know the question here should be 'why would you ever purposely get shot to get out work?' but I really just wanna know why he would admit to it after the fact. He coulda gotten away with it...

The friend has been arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. Kuch is expected to be charged with false reporting.