Back of the hand-wich

You know, sometimes my boyfriend jokingly tells me he's gonna give me a knuckle sandwich, but I think this guy took it a bit too far...

From the AP - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday.

Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

...Perhaps it was a CLUB sandwich? Haaaaa. (I get this obnoxiously corny sense of humor from my father, by the way.)

I love stories like this. Every so often, a precious gem of a police blotter item comes across our desks in the newsroom. Last week, I wrote about a guy who crashed his truck into a gas station, knocking out two gas pumps, the attendant's booth and a Snapple machine...and then walked home, leaving the car there, like police weren't going to trace it back to him. (And yes, he was drunk.) But man, assault and battery by sandwich - that's delectable.

Q: Why did the dying bird cross the road?

A: To get away from this girl.

Warning: This video contains a moderately graphic image of an animal dying. Please don't come after me, PETA. It's kind of sad, but completely not worthy of this spaztastic (and hilarious) performance.

...Enjoy?

'Dark' curse?

By now, you may have heard about Morgan Freeman's car accident that put him in the hospital last night.

CNN.com is reporting that Freeman, 71, was in serious condition but appears to be "in good spirits" after suffering a broken left upper arm, several other fractures and neck and shoulder injuries in the wreck.

Freeman, who could have surgery as early as Monday, was enjoying the recent success of the latest installment in the Batman series. This got me thinking...

*Does anyone else see a somewhat ominous trend falling over the stars of "The Dark Knight"?

Similar to Poltergeist, perhaps this big blockbuster is carrying some sort of curse.

We've seen the death of star Heath Ledger ala painkillers and sleeping pills shortly after the movie wrapped. (Sources say his role as the Joker was causing insomnia.) Then, Christian Bale has assault charges filed against him by his mother and sister days after the movie's premiere. Now, Morgan Freeman's car flips off the road and he lands in the hospital as the movie continues smashing all sorts of records?

RELATED LINKS
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WTF, plate?

Nearly 10,000 people in North Carolina could have a free license plate coming to them if they so choose.

The Department of Motor Vehicles there has notified drivers with plates beginning with the letters "WTF" that they can trade in their "offensive" plates free of charge.

"Officials learned last year the common acronym stands for a vulgar phrase in e-mail and cell phone text messages." - WXII12.com

DMV officials discovered the meaning of the acronym last July when a 60-year-old technology teacher complained after her teenage grandchildren clued her in. The agency also recently realized that the sample plate on its Web site bore the WTF prefix as well, haaaa.

Personally, I would love if there were my license plate...as I'm sure anyone with a sense of humor would.

And just for fun and shoutout to my college days, "WTF, mate?"

Pathetic at the pump

While some of you Hummer owners may have experienced this months ago, this week marks my very first pathetic "at the pump" experience: When I saw the cost to fill up my tank pass the $40 mark, I let out an audible whimper. And I may or may not have shed a tear.

I drive an extremely fuel efficient car, and I'm sure people reading this are like, "Yeah, $40. Go to hell." But, at the same time, I have an average commute of 85 miles round trip to work each day, which means I fill up every three days and it is absolutely murdering my bank account--thanks, meager journalist salary!

That being said, I came across this article that lays out some of the gas-saving myths that people may be throwing your way in these times full of fuel woes. Learn if premium gas actually gives you better gas mileage or if using your A/C is or is not eating all your gas. It won't tell you how to save money on fuel, but it will give you the knowledge to tell people they're full of something when they tell you to fill up your tank in the morning because the gas is colder.

Don't mess with New York...?

From Reuters:

A New York Yankees' fan was accused on Monday of murdering a Boston Red Sox supporter and injuring another by running both down with a car after a heated argument over one of America's oldest sporting rivalries.

Ivonne Hernandez, 43, pleaded not guilty on Monday to reckless second-degree murder, aggravated driving while intoxicated and two counts of reckless conduct after the incident in a Nashua, New Hampshire parking lot last Friday.

Prosecutors say Hernandez was drunk when she drove her car across a dirt parking lot outside the Nashua City Hall into Matthew Beaudoin, 29, and Maria Hughes, 21, after exchanging words with them about the Yankees and Red Sox baseball teams.

The spat began at a local bar where Hernandez said she was a Yankees fan, according to witnesses quoted by the Nashua Telegraph newspaper.

It then spilled outside where a group that included Beaudoin chanted "Yankees suck!" when they saw a Yankees sticker on the rear window of Hernandez's car, New Hampshire's Assistant Attorney General, Susan Morrell, told Reuters in a telephone interview.

She told Nashua District Court that Hernandez drove directly at the group and did not brake, hitting Beaudoin.

"The forensic evidence at the scene indicates tire tracks going about 200 feet that did not swerve or brake," Morrell said. "He went onto the windshield and then when the car hit the parking meter he was ejected," she added.

Beaudoin died of massive head trauma, she added. Hughes suffered minor injuries.

Hernandez told police she had only wanted to scare the group. She was ordered held without bail.

Hit me with your best shot--liar awayyy

I guess when "I'm sick" is no longer a viable excuse for getting out of work, you've gotta come up with some more creative excuses.

And that's exactly what Daniel Kuch did--he creatively (and stupidly) asked his friend to shoot him in the arm to get out of work and avoid taking a drug test.

Kuch told police that he was involved in a drive-by shooting while jogging, but later 'fessed up. I know the question here should be 'why would you ever purposely get shot to get out work?' but I really just wanna know why he would admit to it after the fact. He coulda gotten away with it...

The friend has been arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. Kuch is expected to be charged with false reporting.

'Oh sh*t...'

A man who destroyed a neighbor's yard and fence while driving under the influence was pretty much shit outta luck Wednesday. That's because police found the proof they needed to tie him to the accident on the bottom of his shoes.

That's right. He was in deep doo-doo in more ways than one.

The yard that the Virginia man crashed into belonged to a man who owned four dogs and the suspect stepped in some dog doo before fleeing the scene, and proceeded to track it down the street. While police were following the poopsteps, they saw a white van swerving toward them and asked the driver to get out.

Josue Herrios-Coronilla, 18, reeked of alcohol and was charged with driving while impaired and drinking underage and released on $1,500 bail. That stinks, haaaaa.

Feel the need, the need for speed

The Social Democrat Party of Germany has proposed enforcing a speed limit on the world's most famous thrill ride of a road, the Autobahn. Apparently they're trying to save the environment by cutting down on CO2 emission, but really it's just going to piss everyone off, even if the speed limit (80 mph) would still be 15 mph faster than most high-speed roads in America.