Go fish

I love offbeat news stories as much as the best person, but I love 'em even more when they hit closer to home:

In what really shouldn't have been an entertaining story, employees at a Philadelphia pet store were shocked this weekend when they opened what they believed to be a shipment of exotic fish and instead found a cadaver.

Jon Kenoyer, of California, died unexpectedly last week and had requested his body be donated to Alzheimer's research in Allentown, Pa. His body, flown across country by US Airways, somehow got mixed up with a shipment bound for Pets Plus USA.

When the package arrived at the store, the owner knew immediately that something was amiss. The package was not opened.

If you take a second to think about it, this story is horrible, but the one shred of lightheartedness was the wife's statement that her late husband was a practical joker and she considers this his one last prank.

Important to note that this should not dissuade people from donating their bodies to research, she added.

Chimpanzee riding on a Segway

So, I haven't been able to get this song out of my head ALL DAY. It's silly, yes, but it's damn catchy. (And moderately impressive, too. I've never tried riding one of those things, but I'd imagine it's tricky.)

Bet on Brett the Jet, says the pet (ha, POET!)

It's another glorious evening of Thursday night football, and the New York Jets will battle the New England Patriots for first place atop the AFC East.

And you should probably bet on the Jets, not due to the plague of injuries the Patriots have faced this season, but because Princess the camel says so.

Princess, from Lacey Township, NJ, has correctly identified winners in each of this year's NFL weeks, standing at an impressive 10-0 going into tonight's game. Geez, I should call Popcorn Park Zoo for my Survivor Pool pick this week, no?

The owner of the zoo, John Bergmann, chooses a game at random each week and writes each team's name on each of his hands. He puts a graham cracker in both hands and whichever hand Princess eats out of it is her "pick" for the week. This week? It's the J-E-T-S: Jets! Jets! Jets!

The 2,600-pound Bactrian camel had a winning percentage of .647 last year, correctly calling 11 out of 17 games. She also reportedly predicted the Giants would defeat the Patriots in last year's Super Bowl showdown. Smart camel.

I'm sure now that I'm writing about Princess and her accuracy, the Jets will get squashed, Brett Favre will break his leg and the stadium will somehow catch fire (because that's just how my luck has been going these days), but hey, who doesn't love a football-game-winner-picking camel?

RIP Gus

Sad news, everyone: Gus, the World's Ugliest Dog, is dead.

The 9-year-old pooch, who won the ugly crown in June, lost his battle with cancer today.

Gus, a hairless Chinese crested from Florida, had one eye and three legs. His adopted family reportedly rescued him after learning he was being kept in a crate inside someone's garage. He had one leg amputated because of a skin tumor and lost an eye in a cat fight.

Owner Jeanenne Teed said Gus passed away in her arms this morning. The skin cancer he had been battling had wrapped around his spine and the dog had lost half of his body weight. He was in a lot of pain and needed to be put down, she said.

As World's Ugliest dog, Gus had been featured on the Today show, Fox & Friends, Rachel Ray. He even had his own Animal Planet special.

Chinese crested dogs have a reputation for being pretty ugly, but poor Gus...he was hideous.

Foxy laaaady

A woman, bit by a rapid fox, ran a mile to her car with the animal still attached to her.

The Arizona jogger said she was running on a trail Monday when she noticed the fox in a clearing. It did not initially appear aggressive, but as she approached, the fox attacked and bit her foot. She grabbed it by the neck but it bit her arm and clamped down. It did not release, even when the jogger tried to choke it, she said.

Concerned that the fox could have rabies, she ran all the way to the car--a mile away--with the fox still biting her arm. She pried the animal's jaw open, wrapped it in a sweatshirt she was wearing and tossed it into her trunk before driving to a hospital.

When an animal-control person removed the fox from the vehicle, it bit the employee, too - oops!

Shockingly enough, it turned out the animal had rabies. Both the jogger and the animal-control person are receiving rabies vaccinations.

Thanks, Dad!

This is news?

Now, I once questioned the newsworthiness of a story I wrote around the holidays about a woman who had been searching for a fruitcake recipe for 30 years, but seriously CNN? This is news?



Please refer to artistisahorse.com. You can get the horse's painting (not a painting of a horse, a painting by a horse) for $900!

Mmm, vegetable ballsagna

Now, I'm a really picky eater, but trying something out of this new cookbook would be pretty ballsy...

"The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls," by Ljubomir Erovic, has become the world's first testicle cookbook. Innovative? Sure. Disgusting? Very.

This sounds like it would be useful for some of my friends whose girlfriends keep their balls in a jar on the nightstand. But does the cover photo really need to be that graphic?

Brovic, a testicle cook and gourmet from Serbia (where organs are considered a delicacy), shares his 31 'balling' recipes, including Testicle Pizza, Testicle Pie and Battered Testicles. That last one sounds pretty painful, right boys?

The book was published today as a multimedia e-Book on YUDU, which lets anyone publish, share, buy or sell their own digital documents. You can also view videos demonstrations of Brovic's recipes so you check out peeling and slicing of the testicles.

The book contains recipes for bull, pig, ram, stallion, sheep, ostrich and more. No human balls, though. Shuck.

Wake up and smell the rabies

Part of the reason I'm posting at 1 a.m. on a Wednesday is because I had a latte about four hours ago and the caffeine is pulsating through my veins. Can't sleep, can't sleep, gotta write... But thank the Lord I didn't find what one Iowa woman recently found in her cup o' joe:

The woman went about her regular nightly routine, turning her automatic coffee maker on before bed and drinking her usual cup of coffee the next morning. Only when she went to clean the coffee filter out that night, she noticed there was a dead bat inside.

The bat had been flying around her house earlier, but she didn't think too much of it. Health officials said the bat was sent to a lab but that its brain was too cooked by the hot water to determine whether it had rabies. Can we say, 'Ew!'?

I don't know about you, but just looking at that bat picture right there freaks me out. I couldn't imagine how I'd feel after drinking bat brain juice.

The Iowa Department of Public Health said the woman has undergone rabies treatment anyway. Hey, if all else fails, maybe she'll have a part in a future Batman film, ehh? ehh?

New meaning to 'tramp stamp'

I love when typos lead to embarrassing stories in national news:

People calling a federal phone number to order $15 duck stamps --required to hunt migratory waterfowl-- are instead reaching "Intimate Connections" and are being enticed to "talk only to the girls that turn you on" for $1.99.

The mix-up came after a printing error on the carrier card for the stamps; instead of reading 1-800-782-6724, it lists 1-800-872-6724. The first number spells out 1-800-STAMP24, while the second number spells out 1-800-TRAMP24.

You know, I'm glad they didn't try to spell out "duck" with that phone number - it might have ended up even raunchier...

Proceeds from the cards go toward purchasing waterfowl habitat for the National Wildlife Refuge System. Officials said reprinting the cards would cost $300,000 and it likely would not be remedied. Those dialing by letter would reach the correct number and the typo was only printed on self-adhesive versions of the stamp.

Your cell phone is a bit fuzzy

I know they come up with some crazy things in Japan, but this is almost unbearable (haaa).

The Kuma Phone -- or "Bear Phone" -- by Wilcom is a stuffed bear that holds a SIM card and is an actual working phone. Users can even program four numbers into speed dial, which can each be dialed by pressing one of the bear's four paws. It also vibrates and makes custom noises for incoming calls, which can be answered and ended by pressing the animal's tail.

Call me crazy, but I thought we were tending toward sleek and shiny phones...

The item was recently shown at the Good Design Expo in Tokyo. Maybe it can help you get your bearings - haaa, get it? bear - rings. I love being corny.

So, How much for this fuzzy phone, you ask? Oh, only $500. What a rip - they could have at least picked a cuter bear instead of some raggedy-ass looking furball.

Q: Why did the dying bird cross the road?

A: To get away from this girl.

Warning: This video contains a moderately graphic image of an animal dying. Please don't come after me, PETA. It's kind of sad, but completely not worthy of this spaztastic (and hilarious) performance.

...Enjoy?

Happy Olympics!

Today is 8/8/08, which means it's time for the opening ceremonies of the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing.


Sorry, everyone. I'm not super into these games, minus the soccer. In fact, I don't think I've really cared about the Olympics since the 1996 U.S. gymnastics team (you remember Kerri Strug, right?).

But don't let me get you down. Enjoy your shirtless Michael Phelps, USA's "Redeem Team" of basketball, smog-covered Beijing and 3,600 hours of Olympic coverage.

[click here to view a complete schedule of events] Yay America!

Actually, I'm much more interested in the bestial alternative to the Olympics: Animal Planet's 2008 Puppy Games. It's the most incredible show I've ever seen. Click here for a quick preview!

How to keep this headline PC, hmmm...

If you haven't heard about the enormous stray cat found in NJ this weekend, watch some morning television; the 44-pound cat will be on "Regis and Kelly" tomorrow and "Good Morning America" on Friday.

The cat, found Saturday without a collar in Voorhees, N.J., was nicknamed "Prince Chunk" by employees at the Camden County Animal Shelter where he is staying.

[UPDATE] The cat was formerly known as "Captain Chunk," but then referred to as "Princess Chunk" when workers thought he was a she. When it was later discovered that the cat was in fact a boy, his name was changed to Prince Chunk." So now not only will the cat have a complex about being fat, he's going through an identity crisis and his manhood was being called into question.

[UPDATE] Prince Chunk's 65-year-old owner said she is unable to afford the cat now that her home has been foreclosed. She is hoping the kitty--whose real name is Powder--will be placed in a loving home.

I can't believe this has become national news. Voorhees borders my hometown; I'm really glad this thing didn't waddle out onto Evesham Road because my car couldn't take the damage it might have caused on impact. Haaaa.

That picture is NOT doctored, by the way. That thing really does look like that. (And I thought Garfield was fat!)

Prince Chunk's owner has until Saturday to pick him up. If he is not claimed, the cat will be up for adoption.

The heaviest cat on record is a 46-pound tabby cat from Australia, but the Guinness Book of World Records has apparently dropped the record from its listing for fear that cat owners might harm the animals to set a record. Funny, because when we found out the shelter is putting the cat on a diet, my dad and I both said, "Screw that, go for the record." I guess that's why you wouldn't call us cat people.

You really have to be trying to lose a cat this big. How has Prince Chunk's owner not heard about the cat all over the news? Unless...Prince Chunk got a little too hungry one day, ate a small child and was banished from the household. I don't know. Just a guess.

Check out the "normal" sized cat next to Prince Chunk.

"A-Rod" attacked by evil BoSox hawk

Last week, a hawk at Fenway Park attacked an innocent eighth-grade girl named Alexa Rodriguez.

Yes, that's right. The bird that nests in the home of the Red Sox attacked A-Rod. Couldn't make it up if I tried.


The girl, from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Conn., was on a field trip with classmates when the hawk swooped down and attacked in an apparent attempt to protect its eggs.

"A-Rod" was not seriously injured. She was taken to a nearby hospital and released.

But this just proves that everything about Fenway Park--its players AND its wildlife--is absolutely classless. And that especially goes for you, Manny Ramirez.

Thanks, Dave!

The faces of Lali

A baby born with a rare disease in India is now being worshiped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess.

Newborn Lali has craniofacial duplication, a condition where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated, including her nose, lips and eyes.

Rural India is deeply superstitious and the little girl is being hailed as a return of the Hindu goddess of valor, Durga, a fiery deity traditionally depicted with three eyes and many arms. Up to 100 people have reportedly visited the baby at her home every day to touch her feet out of respect, offer money and receive blessings, according to her parents.

Somewhat similar to Lil' Bit, the kitten from Arizona who was born in November, minus that whole goddess thing.

Test your awareness

Try this awareness test. It's a lot more difficult than you might think...

Even if you hate Heidi...

"The Hills" star Heidi Montag lost her stepbrother--an Iraqi and Afghanistan war veteran-- Thursday in a freak accident.

Eric O'Hara, 24, slipped off a roof attempting to remove snow at the Steamboat Grand Resort Hotel in Steamboat, Col. He survived 15 months of service, but died just one a month after he returned home.

"I just loved him more than anything. He was very much a brother to me.” - Heidi Montag, to PeopleMagazine.com

Even if you're a member of Team Lauren, this is really sad.


And at the risk of sounding insincere... On a lighter note, I caught a quick teaser for the next eight episodes of The Hills--which premieres March 24--and that led me to the video below: the ultra incredible-looking "Season Three Continues" trailer. If you have not yet seen it, please indulge. It's dripping with faux reality drama, but it looks sensational.



One final note, Lauren posted a bulletin on MySpace with pictures of her new puppy, Chloe. How cute!

Snake: 'Chihuahua muy tasty'

This is gut-wrenching: A 110-pound python ate a family dog as the family's two children watched Monday in Australia.

The scrub python, a breed that stalks and kills small wild animals, set its sights on the family's terrier-Chihuahua crossbreed and devoured it as a 5-year-old and 7-year-old watched.

The snake showed up in the dog's bed a few days earlier, but no one contacted the zoo to come get it out of there. On Monday, all that could be seen of the dog was its hind legs and tail sticking out of the python's mouth.

How freaky is that picture?!

The snake was brought to a zoo, and was reportedly still digesting the dog Wednesday.

In attempt to stop the snake, a woman threw plastic chairs at it. Yeah, smart.

Let's pray for rabbit season

Today I was searching for something to watch on Saturday morning and realized that children's programming these days is horrendous; however, it's certainly nowhere near as abomidable as "Tomorrow's Players."

The Hamas-authorized children's kids show, which airs on Gaza TV and is shown around the Arab world, features Assud the 6-foot rabbit threatening to kill the Jews to a little girl named Saraa.

Assud, who resembles Bugs Bunny, promises to "finish off the Jews and eat them, Allah willing." It's seriously disturbing.



"This program is telling us that they see children as tools in their propaganda and their war. They have no problem stealing their children's youth."--Itamar Marcus, director of Palestinian Media Watch.

Marcus' point is evinced by the fact that Assud is not the first of his kind: Hamas used a Mickey Mouse-like character named Farfur who--according to producers--was beaten to death by Israeli soldiers, and a bee character named Nahul who was also killed off recently - his death blamed on Israelis preventing him from reaching a hospital to get urgent medical treatment.

Thanks, Dave.

Reagle Beagle

Congratulations to Uno, the 3-year-old Beagle who won the Westminter Kennel Club Best in Show, the breed's first ever title in the show's 131 previous editions.


Personally, I was rooting for the Australian Shepherd. That dog was gorgeous. Her, or the Weimaraner.



Uno won the hound group (the first time the breed has done that since 1939), and then moved on to win Best in Show. Good for the Uno, though. He was clearly the under dog, no pun intended.