Easter Sunday

Happy Easter

from The Jerc Store!

Fun fact for you on your Easter Sunday:

In medieval times a festival of egg throwing was held in church, during which the priest would throw a hard-boiled egg to one of the choirboys. It was then tossed from one choirboy to the next and whoever held the egg when the clock struck 12 was the winner and retained the egg. Good times...

Perry's a little more hot than cold right now

Fill in the blank - "I kissed a girl and I ______________."

• A) became Barbie
• B) got suspended
• C) went to hell
• D) liked it
• E) ALL OF THE ABOVE
  

For being known for such a silly song, Katy Perry has made one hot commodity of herself lately. Not only did she kiss a girl and like it, she's somehow managed to get young women in trouble while simultaneously becoming a tangible 'role model' for little girls.

Three girls on the twirler team at a North Texas high school were disciplined for performing to Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" at a recent football pep rally. School administrators apparently found the song to be inappropriate. The girls are suspended for the next two games, but the school's drum line has vowed not to perform without the girls, wearing "No twirlers, no band" stickers in show of support. I'm sure that drum line is just hoping for some twirler-on-twirler action.

In other news, Katy Perry's likeness is being made into a 12-inch doll by Integrity Toys. The dolls is being sold for $49.99, but apparently she's already sold out, so you've gotta get on the waiting list to get your hands on a miniature Perry. The first batch is expected to be shipped in late fall. I can only imagine what sort of compromising positions my new Katy Perry doll will end up in when she, Barbie and Midge have their sleepover party!

And in case you forgot, those who do as Katy Perry does will go to hell. So for those of you keeping score at home, the answer is D.

Thou shalt not obey Katy Perry

I guess the Havens Corners Church isn't a fan of cherry chapstick.

The Ohio Church posted a sign outside reading, "I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT THEN I WENT TO HELL" -- an obvious play on Katy Perry's radio hit.

The pastor at the church proclaimed the sign a "loving warning to teens" to advise them not to do what the Perry advocates in her song, and that people familiar with the Scriptures should not be shocked at the message because they're not ambiguous.

Lynne Bowman, director of Equality Ohio, a gay and transgender advocacy group, said that the 100-person church has made it clear that it is not welcoming of all people.

"That sign just tells them where they cannot go to find the love and faith in Christ." - Lynne Bowman.

I am always a little skeptical of church sign stories, because it's pretty simple to create your own -- as evidenced below. But, I checked out the church's Web site, and its "Finding and feeding His sheep" tagline and the "What Must I Do to Be Saved?" page don't make it too hard to believe this is legit.

Thanks, Mc!

I'd start going to church every Sunday if it sounded like this

Please watch this...and no matter how terrible you think it is, don't give up on it. It gets so much better right around the 2:10 mark. This guy would totally dominate the religious hymn version of Rock Band...PSYCH.



Worst Singer Ever Omazing Grace - Watch more free videos

Conan's creepy priest to do penance

Updating a previous item:

Father David Ajemian, the priest who has reportedly been stalking Conan O'Brien since they went to Harvard together, apologized in court Tuesday and pleaded guilty to lesser charges of disorderly conduct after prosecutors withdrew charges of aggravated harassment and stalking, misdemeanors that are punishable by up to 90 days in jail.

Father Ajemian has also been ordered to stay away from O'Brien for two years....What?? Shouldn't it be like, forever?

The priest did not say in court why he was stalking Conan, but had previously said he wanted a "public confession" or "a spot on Conan's couch."

RELATED LINKS:
Hell hath no fury like a creepy priest

The faces of Lali

A baby born with a rare disease in India is now being worshiped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess.

Newborn Lali has craniofacial duplication, a condition where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali's facial features are duplicated, including her nose, lips and eyes.

Rural India is deeply superstitious and the little girl is being hailed as a return of the Hindu goddess of valor, Durga, a fiery deity traditionally depicted with three eyes and many arms. Up to 100 people have reportedly visited the baby at her home every day to touch her feet out of respect, offer money and receive blessings, according to her parents.

Somewhat similar to Lil' Bit, the kitten from Arizona who was born in November, minus that whole goddess thing.

And God said, 'Let there be solar panels!'

The Vatican is getting hip to the times, yo.

The city is going green namely by adding photovoltaic cells on buildings to produce electricity. Apparently, it's been a huge issue for Pope Benedict, who has said that issues such as climate change have become gravely important for the entire human race.

And the Vatican's energy resources aren't the only thing getting a face life: Archbishop Gianfranco Girotti spoke this week about his thoughts on a number of new-age sins, which include causing environmental blight, drug trafficking and messing around with genetics.

"(Within bioethics) there are areas where we absolutely must denounce some violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments and genetic manipulation whose outcome is difficult to predict and control."--Gianfranco Girotti

I guess Cake was wrong--Sheep won't go to heaven. Guess it's looking better for the goats.

How does it go? Jesus is the light of the world?

Okay, some Internet scanning yielded this entirely phallic and very creepy-looking light switch cover. Thoughts? Look at the children's faces. Father, forgive me, but this is terrifying.

God's right-hand man?

An Idaho man who believed the biblical "mark of the beast" had appeared on his hand, chopped off the body part and cooked it Saturday, according to the Associated Press.

The mark, or number, of the beast is more commonly known as "666."

The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."

So the man, who is in his mid-20s, chopped off his hand with a circular saw and put it in the microwave. When authorities arrived, the man was reportedly calm, but they took him to the mental health unit of a local medical center. Couldn't imagine why...

"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived. He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."--Capt. Ben Wolfinger said.

God is great and all, but oh man...this is the second body part cooking story this week!

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, newborn, not even spoken a word yet...

It seems as though even Jesus is up on his technology this year: The savior in his manger is being fitted with GPS technology to avoid Baby Jesus-stealing thiefs during the holiday season.

A Cincinnati attorney, who read a story earlier this month about people stealing nativity scenes in Florida, donated the Global Positioning System navigation device.

"I don't anticipate this will ever happen again, but we may need to rely on technology to save our savior."--Dina Cellini, site manager.

"Save our savior" - ahh, I love it.

Mary and Joseph will also be given some GPS loving, and a plexiglass screen will be set up as well.

Eight craaaaazy nights

Happy Hanukkah

from The Jerc Store!

Hanukkah--or the Festival of Lights--began last night at sundown, bringing eight crazy nights for Jews across the world. Bring on the latkes and ad nauseum playing of Adam Sandler's "The Hanukkah Song"!

God says: Stay within the lines

The New York Roman Catholic Church has introduced a coloring book to help children of the church grasp the concept of creepy clergy men yearning to touch them.

Yes, that's right: coloring and crayons will help to counter the more than 3,000 priests lurking in the pews as they pray.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but the coloring book does feature the image of a guardian angel hovering over an altar boy as a priest creeps in the background--I'm not kidding!

"For safety's sake, a child and an adult shouldn't be alone in a closed room together," the angel counsels from above.

I guess it's a step in the right direction? Or perhaps it's just a distraction so the little boy coloring after Sunday School won't see it coming...

50 Repent

A Christian media watchdog group, which once called Rapper 50 Cent a satanist, is demanding that 50 Cent make good on his bet with Kanye West and stop making his music, after the rapper's album sales could not compare to K-West's.

The Resistance is hoping that 50 will retire. "The world will be a better place when this satanic piece of filth retires and stops making music," said the group's spokesman. Youch.

Really though, if smack talk from the media and everyone else in the world isn't going to make him stay true to his word, only God himself committing a drive-by smighting is going to stop Fiddy, not some Christian-activist running his mouth.

I smell Christmas presents for everyone on my list!

If you've got $20 and a hankering to hear Jesus recite Bible verses, you're in luck. Wal-Mart is selling talking Jesus toys! The toy, part of one2believe's line to promote religion among children, preaches three memorable verses, including John 3:16, and the story of Jesus turning water into wine!

Listen to one satisfied customer's story:

"My child can use Barbie and Ken and pretend they are going to the beach or walking the dog, or they can have biblical characters and pretend they are feeding 5,000 and walking over water"

Okay, this is sad. If you want your child to learn about God, then take them to Sunday school and give them a coloring book; they'll pick up on it eventually. Don't buy them this talking Jesus figurine that's more likely to scare the Lord into them than inspire them to read the Bible.

"God" help us

Okay, so remember my entry about that silly woman suing for millions of dollars because Apple discounted the price on the iPhone? That lawsuit's got nothing on this one.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha sued God last week, seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Now, I can appreciate this guy's point because I've complained about this before: People sue over ridiculous things. But the thing that gets me about this case is that "God" actually answered. (And he says the senator is wrong, surprise surprise.)

"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response from "God", read by court clerk.

Um, what? Is no one else seeing how ridiculous this is?