I must also thank (and apologize to) my boyfriend, who graciously let me off the phone when I made mention that Bret Michaels was on TV. With only a slight groan, he managed a sarcastic--yet, understanding--"I know, he's hot," and we said our goodbyes.
And in an effort to squeeze the life out of my love for Bret (and the aggregate 25 minutes of "DFTL" once you subtract commercial time), here is my live blogging of the heavenly occasion.
I missed the first 10 minutes of the episode, but tuned in just in time to see Bret, sporting his favorite rainbow bandana over those luscious locks, belting out some Tom Jones. But wait, why is Wayne Brady singing along with him? Ohhh, that's right. He can't remember that this show is supposed to be about other people...9:14 - Bret launches into some warm, fuzzy moment about how even after all these years, he is still passionate about what he does. He wants to get some money for kids at St. Jude's. This is a great opportunity. And he aptly selects the "Inspirational Song" category.
9:15 - The screen reveals a battle of titans: Bette v. Barry, and Bret goes with Mr. Manilow. I'd much rather see Bret sing "Copacabana," but hey, can't have it all. He instead croons "Looks like We Made It," and the pathetic women in the audience go nuts when he sings, "I touched you." I shouldn't make fun of them; I'd be doing the same thing.
9:17 - Bret reveals that he has spent months in a tour bus listening to Barry Manilow and Metallica. I think he's kidding...but Barry must be honored.
9:23 - In the "Southern Rock"category, Bret sings some ZZ Top, and those dance moves...a bit awkward, Bret. I hope he moves better than that in the bedroom...for Ambre's sake, of course.
9:25 - Oh hey, another overly dramatic buildup to revealing the correct lyrics--and another commercial, shocking. This is almost as bad as American Idol.
9:29 - In order to reveal the correct lyrics to the ZZ Top
song, Wayne directs Bret to sing the last few lines acappella style, baby. But Wayne decides to showboat a little more by unnecessarily harmonizing. Bret succeeds and adds, "Good vibes." Yes, Bret, good vibes indeed.9:31 - So when the producers think "Rock," they think Meatloaf "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"?? Bret chooses Pat Benetar, but all I can think of is how terrible I am at Guitar Hero.
9:32 - Bret takes one of his lifelines and brings his solo bandmate, Steve, onstage. But not before introducing his other lifeline, long-legged Leah. "We are...old friends," he says, adding in a completely obvious throat clear. Aaaand now he's describing their friendship as a spiritual, romantic relationship that began one night behind his tour bus. Oh. This is awkward.
9:35 - I wonder if everyone (or maybe I should say, 'anyone') in America is loving this is as much as I am.
9:37 - Bret is wondering if he should go with his gut feeling: "I dont want to blow it all right now because I feel good" - oh Bret, talk dirt to me, haaaa. Get it? Get it??
9:42 - Extremely long pause to reveal the fate of the Pat Benetar song...aaand they're right. $100,000. Way to go Steve. Now get off the stage.
9:43 - The Who - Baba O'Reily. Yeah, love this song. Ooh, a little air guitar. Hot.
9:44 - Air guitar quickly followed by 8 blank spaces and some awkward dead air. "Don't cry. Don't raise your eye," it's only $200,000 for sick children, Bret.
9:48 - Surprise, another commercial. It's getting too close to the end of the show. There's no way he's gonna get this.
9:52 - "I'm here for all the right reasons," Bret says. Is that a veiled shot at some of the girls from "Rock of Love"?
9:53 - WOW, he got it. Moving on to the "Hair Band" category... Nine missing words for Quiet Riot's "Come On Feel the Noise." Does anyone else remember when this song was in Ore-Ida french fry commercial?
9:54 - So, Wayne Brady--seriously, can you stop singing along? He's harmonizing and it's clearly not working. And completely throwing Bret off his game. 9:55 - Can we say anticlimactic? Bret doesn't even venture a guess at the blank spots and cashes out at $200,000--split between Juvenile Diabetes Fund and St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Whatta guy. 9:56 - Wayne calls Bret's friends back on stage, and Bret clearly pushes Steve out of the way to put his arm around Leah. Shafted. Watch out, Ambre.
9:57 - Oh, by the way, let's reveals the lyrics that no one in the venue knew. At least Kevin DuBrow isn't alive for this...? No? Too soon? Okay, sorry.
9:58 - On a happier note, Bret's going to debut a song from his solo album? I am so totally running to iTunes when this is over to download it. Yeah, I'm a huge sucker.
9:58:30 - Oh God, I ALREADY OWN IT. ahahahaha <---that was my completely genuine reaction, btw.
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