Speidi and the Patron make it happen

As much as I feel the last episode of "The Hills" deserves a Jerc Store-style recap (and perhaps it will get one, if my job ever stops consuming my life), I just have to ask the question now: Was anyone else super confused by the Speidi wedding in the Mexico this week?

I consulted with fellow Hills-buff, Stef, on this and she confirmed that it wasn't just me being as vapid as most of the girls on the show - the continuity of the episode really didn't make sense.

In real life --that is, the life that you and I lead-- news of Heidi and Spencer eloping in Mexico broke Nov. 24, just three weeks before this episode aired. Meanwhile (in Hillsland), Lauren and the crew are saying goodbye to Whitney, who is about to leave for a new life in New York City. But, we've been seeing promos for Whitney's new show, "The City," for at least three weeks now and the show premieres in two. How is that they'd already shot, cut, edited and shipped all the footage for Whitney's new show essentially before she's left?

Did that explanation make sense to anyone? No? Okay, try this one out then...

Heidi and Spencer go to Mexico. One night they're drinking--heavily. Now, it's nighttime when Spencer seemingly forces shots of Patron down Heidi's throat and convinces her to marry him right then and there. (Of course, being the gentleman he is, Spencer pushes, pushes, pushes and then sticks his lip out and says, "You're sure?" Please.) The next time we see the couple --now newlyweds-- is during a morning in their hotel room as Heidi talks about being hungover last night from all the Patron. But yet, they whip out a camcorder to show footage of their wedding, shot in daylight.

If they were taking the shots at night and decided on a whim to get married at night, how was the wedding that they're seemingly discussing "the morning after" shot in daylight?

Could this mean that The Hills is --OMG-- fake? Did they do something like this to --GASP-- improve ratings?

[UPDATE] And hey, previews for next week's season finale show Heidi and Spencer making their elopement legal in a courtroom, but apparently that was filmed after hours and is likely not real either. Haaaaaa.

Thanks, Geoff and Stef!

Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding...

Okay, so I'm backtracking on the Heidi-Spencer wedding, as is the rest of the free media world--or at least those who had nothing better to write about than the faux-reality show stars' apparently faux wedding in Mexico last week. (Yeah, and that includes you, Associated Press. You're not so much better than the rest of us. Pfft.)

It appears as though Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's elopement was not actually a legally binding union, as previously reported.

"We had a beautiful ceremony here ... officiated by a minister and photographed by the hotel photographer. We've never been happier. And, like other elopements that happen outside the country, we'll take care of the legal details when we get home," the couple said in a statement.

Us Weekly, which features the two on its cover this week, reported that Speidi decided to get married while drinking margaritas on the beach. An hour later, they were exchanging vows, the magazine said. Gee, that sounds super well-thought out!

Apparently, it was thought out enough for MTV to get in on the action: "Fans will be able to see the exclusive footage from the ceremony in an upcoming episode, and we will continue to follow the newlyweds' relationship as it plays out in real life," said Executive Producer of "The Hills," Liz Gately.

It's not clear right now whether the footage of the ceremony will be a reenactment of the ceremony or footage obtained from another source. But I'm so totally sure it will be as totally real as the rest of the show.

Guess who's back?

Sound the trumpets: I am back in New Jersey.

I'm thrilled. Really.

My cruise was fabulous and full of fun times on the Carnival Valor. I'll spare you the details, but some highlights include our grand transfer bus from Fort Lauderdale Airport catching on fire, shopping in Grand Cayman, glorious beach weather in Honduras, kayaking in Belize and swimming with dolphins in Cozumel.

Oh yeah, and there's the migrant Cubans we found floating next to our cruise ship. Hilarious!

Check out this news story out of Miami: Cruise ship encounters migrants at sea, and feel free to click the slideshow to see even more pictures of the Cubans. (I was trying to squeeze my camera between the other 3,000 people trying to take pictures on the one side of the ship). We're famous--whoo!

MIAMI -- Passengers aboard a Carnival cruise ship spotted seven Cuban migrants floating on a raft near Miami on Saturday.Two women were on the 10th floor of the ship "Valor" when they spotted the raft about 5:45 p.m. The ship was returning from a seven-day Caribbean cruise.The women said they were able to communicate with the group of six men and one woman by shouting. The Cubans gave the women a phone number to relatives in Miami, and asked them to let family members know they were alive.

Ship workers contacted the Coast Guard and provided the dehydrated Cubans bottled water, Carnival said. The ship stood by until a Coast Guard cutter arrived, then continued to Miami.Passengers took photos of the Cubans, who said they had been in the water for about five days.It is unlikely the migrants will be allowed to stay. The U.S. has a wet foot/dry foot policy regarding Cuban migrants. Those who reach U.S. soil are generally allowed to stay. Those intercepted at sea are returned to Cuba.