How to save a bi

WARNING: SPOILERS

The series finale of "Shot at Love" premiered last night, and I'm certainly singing a different tune than the night of the series premiere.

After hours of bisexual physical challeneges, animal genital eating, cat/dog? fights, stripper poles and Tila Tequila's toothy smile, it came down to the unworldly Bobby and the tomboy firefighter Dani.

The finale was a rehashing of the aforementioned scenes, coupled with every makeout scene between Tila and the finalists ever--and please, tell me someone else noticed that every time Dani and Tila kiss, and Indigo Girls song plays. Hello cliche!

Dani and Bobby's families return, this time visiting Tila's domain, complete with dildo chandelier and trip to the "SIN" room. God help Bobby's mother once she watches herself in this episode with a sober mind. Eek. The moms battle over whose child is more adorable, blah blah, and Tila accidentally (maybe) shows her tequila titties to Bobby's teenage brother.

My favorite part of the episode is when Tila tries to show her lovers how hard she works and takes them into her recording studio and on a fashion shoot. She lets both Bobby and Dani spit their game on the mic, and kudos to Dani--a lesbian looking for love with a bisexual--for calling Bobby's rap gay. She tears it up on the track, leaving Bobby to look like quite silly. However, Bobby uses his cute smile and spikey hair to trump Dani in the photo shoot, though Dani actually looked really pretty during the scene.

Unfortunately, during the last alone times with each finalist, it was starting to become apparent that Tila was leaning toward Bobby. Whether it was because their setting was a bit more intimate or because Dani's gift to Tila was kind of lame, we'll never know, but...

The final scene is set on a glass stage in the middle of Tila's pool, and Bobby and Dani emerge wearing similar outfits. Tila tells Bobby that she wants to take a shot at love with him, and his silence and surprised look like he cannot believe what's happening is priceless. A heartbroken Dani exits scene without words, and with The Fray's How to Save a Life playing in the background, a tearful Tila says, "Oh my gosh, Dani!" and runs across the glass pool after her.

There's still 15 minutes left in the episode--gasp! Will she change her mind??

Following the commercial break, what little hope Dani faithfuls had is crushed as Tila tells Dani to take care; she loves Dani, but she's in love with Bobby (seems to be a lot of that in reality television lately).

Yes, Dani, the most genuine character in reality television dating history, has her heart broken, probably because Tila's not really bisexual and wanted a man all along. Good one, MTV. And even better to bring her on the Hangover aftershow and break her heart all over again.

Please don't laugh, but is it wrong that this finale brought me to tears? It was so emotional!

If I were gay, Dani and I would totally get married in Massachusetts. The whole world loves you, and you will probably now have your pick of lesbians across the land.

Get ready for the reunion show this Sunday, Dec. 23 at 10.