Tryst under a parasite?

NOTE: A special guest feature for the holiday season, by Jerc Store correspondent, word to the ferg.

With the holiday season upon us, many local stores and markets are stocked up on the quintessential decorations. A recent trip to a local supermarket provided me with a wide selection of holiday items in various shapes, sizes and colors. In the hunt for some festive apartment décor, I found the holiday classic mistletoe.

That’s right, the $2.99 bunch of leaves and berries that every December gives hope to us guys who don’t exactly look like Tom Cruise…

I quickly purchased this sprig of splendor and when I returned to my apartment, I cunningly placed it just above one of the many doors in my apartment with the hopes of catching a fair maiden beneath it.

After standing under that compact bushel of delight for about 10 minutes in my empty apartment, two thoughts came to mind:

1. Can I really get any more pathetic than this?
   
2. And what is this mistletoe nonsense about anyway?
   

Not wanting to actually know the answer to the first question, I decided to investigate the second. What is it about this petite plant that allows average people to kiss beautiful people every December?

According to the book of Google, Mistletoe is actually a rootless aerial parasite that attaches itself and lives off of trees (mostly apple trees). The form most often used around the holidays is called Phoradendron Flavescens and is native on the Coast New Jersey to Florida. While interesting, I wouldn’t recommend using the parasite fact with anyone you are actually trying to “catch” (oddly enough, parasites don’t do it for everyone...).

But wait, it gets better! Some of the oldest references to mistletoe are paired with the ancient belief that the plant was actually propagated from bird droppings. You read correctly: In ancient times, it was a commonly accepted idea that plants and animals could spontaneously materialize from dung. This is actually how the parasite received its name. Originally called “misteltan,” in Anglo-Saxon language, “mistel” literally means dung and “tan” means twig.

So mistletoe literally means, “dung on a twig.” How romantic! There is nothing quite like locking lips under a product of poop. I would recommend that you keep this fact to yourself as well. (I can’t speak for everyone, but I believe that dung and kissing should never mix).

So, now that we understand the science of mistletoe, how did we get to the kissing part? Well, the roots of mistletoe use are commonly attributed to the Celtic Druids who believed that the parasite contained power to aid in fertility and served as an aphrodisiac. (Now we know why the Druids didn’t last…the berries can be poisonous!).

The Ancient Greeks also believed in the mystical powers and used it in marriage rites at their annual Saturnalia festival. As early as the middle Ages, mistletoe was being placed above doorways or barns in Europe to ward off evil spirits and witches.

In Northern Europe, mistletoe symbolized peace by which opposing sides could declare a truce or battling loved ones could kiss and make up. A combination of these legends is what eventually brought about the Victorian custom of kissing under the ball of mistletoe during the Christmas season.

Even though our beloved mistletoe has a bit of a twisted heritage, the hope of potential romance during the holiday season warms the hearts of many. Who would have ever thought that a parasite named after dung could fill so many with glee? Best of luck to all of you looking for a “catch” under the mistletoe. Happy Holidays!