Scorned porn

Don't ask me how I got to the topic of sex tapes, but Maximonline.com has published a fabulous list of sex tapes we never want to see, and it's hilarious.

Please visit for a laugh all in good, dirty fun. You'll see Napoleon Dynamite, Larry King, Elizabeth Taylor and Chris Berman starring in their own adult flicks sure to make you vom a little in your mouth. Personally, my favorite is "Ridin Seacrest" featuring the American Idol host. But I don't know what they're talking about...I might want to see that one.

Dreams are the things confetti is made of

I always wondered who had the tedious job of sweeping up all that Time Square confetti on New Year's Day, but apparently they're dream makers.

This year, the wishes of people across the world will be printed on the bajillion pieces of confetti dumped on the crazies who visit Time Square tomorrow as part of a NYE Wishing Wall.

To have your wish printed, visit this Web site and fill out the form. Wishes will also be posted here. The wish-filled pieces of confetti will be mixed with plain confetti (is that an oxymoron), equalling more than 1 ton of crap falling on people's heads and onto the dirty streets.

I seriously could not think of a more worthless idea. Is anyone going to read this?? Oh wait, let me bend down and pick some wishes off the street. Or hey, you, there's a wish stuck in your hair, oh it's little Jimmy from Poughkeepsie.

And if you try to fill out the form to submit a wish, you get like, 10 characters to write your it. "I wish this year tha--" that's all you get. I wish for more space to write my damn wish!

Perfect Schmerfect

Okay, go ahead and rip on me for Wednesday's smack talk.


Tom Brady's behind was not the only perfect thing on T.V. tonight. The New England Patriots beat the New York Giants tonight to become the first team in NFL history to go 16-0 in the regular season. (The 1972 Miami Dolphins also went unbeaten throughout the season, but played only 14 games.)

The Pats scored 38 points to the Giants' 35, overcoming a 12-point deficit as millions watched one the three channels simulcasting the game (also an NFL first).

Other than the winning record, tonight marked a number of other records for the team: Brady beat Peyton Manning's mark of 49 touchdown passes by throwing two to Moss, landing him at 50 for the season. Moss broke Jerry Rice's record of 22 TD receptions, and the Pats finished with 589 points for the season, a single-season record.

Good job, Pats. I'm sure your cheating ways had nothing to do with your perfect season.

No holds barred for Hannah

I bet my parents are glad that Hannah Montana did not exist during my childhood. Kids across the nation are begging, kicking and screaming to get their hands on HM tickets these days, and seriously, who wants to disappoint their kids?

But at the same time, spineless parents who will stop at nothing to get these tickets to please their kiddies (and probably brag around the water cooler) are ruining it for everyone.

Priscilla Ceballos, a woman from Garland, Texas, recently submitted an essay on behalf of her daughter, which began with the line, "My daddy died in Iraq this year," for a Hannah Montana Rock Your Holidays Essay Contest. Prizes included tickets to Hannah Montana's sold-out concert in Albany, New York in January, airfare and accommodations to the show and a Hannah Montana gift bag.

Her essay won the contest... only one problem: it was one big, fat lie.

The woman told contest officials that the girl's father, Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, died April 17 in a roadside bombing in Iraq, but the Department of Defense has no record of anyone with that name dying in Iraq.

Ceballos admitted to the deception, according to a spokeswoman for Club Libby Lu, the store holding the contest. The company is considering taking away the tickets.

"We did the essay and that's what we did to win. We did whatever we could do to win." --Priscilla Ceballos, in an interview with Dallas TV station KDFW.

Ruthless, but hey, if a good friend of mine hadn't gotten me tickets to the upcoming Spice Girls concert, maybe I'd consider doing the same.

Blowing for the record

As New Year's Eve approaches and images of champagne wishes and caviar dreams--alright, maybe Miller Light wishes and potato chip dreams in some cases--dance in your head, please don't forget to be safe. Drinking and driving is bad.

Just ask Meagan Harper, the 30-year-old Oregon woman who has set the female record for highest blood alcohol content after police found her passed out in the parking lot of a pizza place.

Harper blew a 0.55, which is seven times the legal limit in Oregon. This level of intoxication, according to the Rutgers University Center of Alcohol Studies, would require a 100-pound man or woman to consume roughly 10 drinks in an hour or a 200-pound man to drink about six drinks each hour for four hours.

That's impressive; I have two light beers in an hour and I'm down for the count. What's even more impressive is how functional she looks in her mugshot.

Harper was arrested and taken to the hospital. Her bail was set at $50,000. Harper has three previous DUI charges, one while she was at the helm of a boat. Idiot.

The woman, who is 5'11 and 130 pounds, fell just short of breaking the all-time BAC record, held by Willard Ashley III. The Indiana man blew 0.69 in October 2003.

Would you like cream and sugar with your nasal spray?

Again, my apologies for the lack of posting lately. Now that I've gotten the major headache holiday out of the way, hopefully things will be getting back to normal.

But lately, I've been exhausted...and perhaps some higher power was trying to tell me something by leading me to this article from wired.com about a nasal spray that helps eliminate the effects of sleepiness. (And ironically enough, it's currently almost 2 a.m.)

A study published in this week's The Journal of Neuroscience showed that a nasal spray containing a naturally occurring brain hormone called orexin A reversed the effects of sleep deprivation in a group of monkeys and allowed them to perform like well-rested monkeys on cognitive tests.

The hormone could potentially help the 70 percent of Americans who do not get the recommended eight hours of sleep a night, myself included.

The authors of the study claim that orexin A reduces the effects of sleep deprivation but does not cause edginess and is apparently non-addictive.

Still, the spray would initially be used to treat people suffering from narcolepsy--a condition that the study states is caused by lack of orexin A in the brain. For the spray to become available to the average joe could take almost a decade, depending on the Food and Drug Administration's approval process.

But then it'll totally be so long coffee, hello nasal spray!!

Benazir Bhutto killed in Pakistan

I know I tend to steer clear of weighty and worldly political stories, not because they're unimportant, but because there are enough blogs out there hashing and rehashing conservative or liberal ideologies. I'm pulling the blatant truth card here: The chances of someone caring what I have to say about politics are right on par with a snowball's in hell.

That being said, I can't go without mentioning what happened in Pakistan today, because it is undoubtedly one of the biggest news stories of the year.

Former Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto, died today of gunshot wounds following a rally. An attacker ran toward her vehicle, fired shots into her neck and shoulder and detonated an explosive device that also killed 22 other people.

Officials have reported that the attack may be attributed to al Qaeda.

A member of the Pakistan Peoples Party, Bhutto became the first woman to lead a modern Muslim country in 1988. She was an advocate of democracy in Pakistan and earned her fair share of militant enemies [click here for a comprehensive timeline of Bhutto's life].

After gaining power and being removed twice for clashing with military, Bhutto was charged for corruption and banned from politics. She went into self-exile, and after President Pervez Musharraf signed an amnesty quashing any corruption charges against her, the former prime minister returned to Pakistan in October.

Unfortunately, she was immediately met with an attempt on her life at a rally in Karachi in which 50 of her security guards who had formed a human chain around her truck were killed in what was later determined to be a suicide bomb attack.

Bhutto was well aware of the danger to her life but was committed to fighting Islamic militants.

"We can take care of this, I can take care of this, you can take care of this." --Benazir Bhutto.

From CNN/Time.com: Pakistan is the only Islamic state with a nuclear arsenal. And Washington has private concerns about the security of those weapons. Those worries will intensify in the wake of Benazir Bhutto's assassination. Peter Galbraith, of the Center for Arms Control and Non-Proliferation says one thing is certain: It is "not a good idea to have 70 nuclear weapons in the hands of a country that is falling apart."

For your perfect viewing pleasure

Seeing a potentially perfect season for the New England Patriots from weeks away, football fans without the NFL Network were getting antsy this week thinking they would miss history in the making.

But lucky for us, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell conceeded and this Saturday's game will be simulcast on NFL Network, CBS and NBC--a little excessive, but hey, who's complaining?

"We have taken this extraordinary step because it is in the best interest of our fans. What we have seen for the past year is a very strong consumer demand for NFL Network. We appreciate CBS and NBC delivering the NFL Network telecast on Saturday night to the broad audience that deserves to see this potentially historic game. Our commitment to the NFL Network is stronger than ever." - Roger Goodell

The league had previously been criticized by football fans without the network--about 60 percent of viewers--especially after an exciting Green Bay/Dallas game last month.

Last week, Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt. and Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa. wrote a letter to Goodell threatening to reconsider the league's antitrust exemption, and commended the commissioner on his actions.

This will be the first three-network simulcast in NFL history and the first simulcast of any kind of an NFL game since the first Super Bowl in 1967, when CBS and NBC both televised the event.

Now of course, being able to watch history happen Saturday night won't matter because the Giants are so totally going to beat up on New England (no hate messages, it's just wishful thinking...), but it's nice to see some higher ups looking out for us common folk who love us some foozball.

Guns don't kill people; Chuck Norris kills people...and books about him

Last week, everyone's favorite roundhouse-kicking, fear-inspiring, Black Belt Grand Master is suing Penguin Group, Inc. publishing house over the accuracy of new book titled "The Truth About Chuck Norris."

Norris sued the company and the book's creator, Ian Spector, claiming that his good image is being spoiled by a book that depicts him as callous and unlawful and which he says includes false "facts" that are sometimes racist and lewd, according to the Associated Press.

He cannot be serious.

Does he not like being known as the man the Boogeyman checks under the bed for or the reason that Waldo is hiding? Is he denying the fact that when he does a push-up he is in fact lifting himself up and not pushing the Earth down?? I'm sure we could go on for days [click here for an intense list of Chuck Norris "facts"].

In the prologue of the book, the author thanks Chuck Norris for "playing along," but Walker Texas Ranger claims he never authorized anyone to use his name, image or likeness in connection with commercial sales of the book, which was published on Nov. 29.

The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages, a halt to publication and a recall of books already sold. If Chuck Norris really wants those books back, he can seek them down himself. Yeah, that's right. I said it.

Tryst under a parasite?

NOTE: A special guest feature for the holiday season, by Jerc Store correspondent, word to the ferg.

With the holiday season upon us, many local stores and markets are stocked up on the quintessential decorations. A recent trip to a local supermarket provided me with a wide selection of holiday items in various shapes, sizes and colors. In the hunt for some festive apartment décor, I found the holiday classic mistletoe.

That’s right, the $2.99 bunch of leaves and berries that every December gives hope to us guys who don’t exactly look like Tom Cruise…

I quickly purchased this sprig of splendor and when I returned to my apartment, I cunningly placed it just above one of the many doors in my apartment with the hopes of catching a fair maiden beneath it.

After standing under that compact bushel of delight for about 10 minutes in my empty apartment, two thoughts came to mind:

1. Can I really get any more pathetic than this?
   
2. And what is this mistletoe nonsense about anyway?
   

Not wanting to actually know the answer to the first question, I decided to investigate the second. What is it about this petite plant that allows average people to kiss beautiful people every December?

According to the book of Google, Mistletoe is actually a rootless aerial parasite that attaches itself and lives off of trees (mostly apple trees). The form most often used around the holidays is called Phoradendron Flavescens and is native on the Coast New Jersey to Florida. While interesting, I wouldn’t recommend using the parasite fact with anyone you are actually trying to “catch” (oddly enough, parasites don’t do it for everyone...).

But wait, it gets better! Some of the oldest references to mistletoe are paired with the ancient belief that the plant was actually propagated from bird droppings. You read correctly: In ancient times, it was a commonly accepted idea that plants and animals could spontaneously materialize from dung. This is actually how the parasite received its name. Originally called “misteltan,” in Anglo-Saxon language, “mistel” literally means dung and “tan” means twig.

So mistletoe literally means, “dung on a twig.” How romantic! There is nothing quite like locking lips under a product of poop. I would recommend that you keep this fact to yourself as well. (I can’t speak for everyone, but I believe that dung and kissing should never mix).

So, now that we understand the science of mistletoe, how did we get to the kissing part? Well, the roots of mistletoe use are commonly attributed to the Celtic Druids who believed that the parasite contained power to aid in fertility and served as an aphrodisiac. (Now we know why the Druids didn’t last…the berries can be poisonous!).

The Ancient Greeks also believed in the mystical powers and used it in marriage rites at their annual Saturnalia festival. As early as the middle Ages, mistletoe was being placed above doorways or barns in Europe to ward off evil spirits and witches.

In Northern Europe, mistletoe symbolized peace by which opposing sides could declare a truce or battling loved ones could kiss and make up. A combination of these legends is what eventually brought about the Victorian custom of kissing under the ball of mistletoe during the Christmas season.

Even though our beloved mistletoe has a bit of a twisted heritage, the hope of potential romance during the holiday season warms the hearts of many. Who would have ever thought that a parasite named after dung could fill so many with glee? Best of luck to all of you looking for a “catch” under the mistletoe. Happy Holidays!

Santa doing ho stuff, cuz there he ho again

A training course for department store Santas and the like has recently caused an uproar in Australia after recommending that Santa edit his age-old catchphrase: 'ho, ho ho!'

Westaff, a recruitment firm that supplies hundreds of Santas across the country, has told its trainees that the "ho ho ho" phrase might scare children and --gasp!-- could even be derogatory to women.

Instead, the Santas were encouraged to say 'ha, ha ha!'

"Part of our advice to our Santas is that they should be mindful of children having their first Santa experience. We ask our Santas to try techniques such as lowering their tone of voice and using 'ha, ha, ha' to encourage the children to come forward and meet Santa. We wish you and your family a very merry Christmas."--Sari Hegarty, Westaff's national Santa coordinator

So ridiculous. 'Ho' isn't even a slang in Australia! I'm sorry, but as a four-year-old kid, a huge fat man in a red suit maniacally laughing at me would have sent me running, maybe into the arms of a creepy man calling me a 'ho.'

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, newborn, not even spoken a word yet...

It seems as though even Jesus is up on his technology this year: The savior in his manger is being fitted with GPS technology to avoid Baby Jesus-stealing thiefs during the holiday season.

A Cincinnati attorney, who read a story earlier this month about people stealing nativity scenes in Florida, donated the Global Positioning System navigation device.

"I don't anticipate this will ever happen again, but we may need to rely on technology to save our savior."--Dina Cellini, site manager.

"Save our savior" - ahh, I love it.

Mary and Joseph will also be given some GPS loving, and a plexiglass screen will be set up as well.

This is one class I need to take

An article from Time.com caught my eye, and my peaked interest might be getting some inventive Parsons student an A.

The 15 students from Parsons The New School for Design in New York City are enrolled in a class called Internet Famous [click here to visit the blog], an experimental course in which the students utilize online strategies for distributing and promoting their art in our Google/MySpace/Digg/Facebook/blog-erific modern age.

Jamie Wilkinson teaches how to use headlines, keywords and tags to attract the attention of search engines, and how to use social networks to seek out the audience that will be most receptive to their content.

The students are then graded by a matrix, based on the amount of fame they receive. Wilkinson has three computers that scour the Internet, caught in a constant loop of what he terms "scraping" — constantly going through search engines, blogs, networking sites, video hubs and other sources for what's hot, what's new, and where his students stand, according to the article.

And this Time.com article certainly must have skyrocketed their hits--I tried to get on the Internet Famous Class Web site and I had the little Mac color swirly/hourglass cursor for like, five minutes. There must be thousands of people on this site at any given time!

I love this idea. It's pure genius. And my blog would probably get taken to school by these kids.

Girl meets law

Danielle Fishel, better known as Topanga, is facing drunk driving charges after officers stopped a car she was in this week.

Fishel, who played the big-haired hippie-like braniac turned hottie for seven years on "Boy Meets World," was arrested just before 5 a.m. Thursday, said Newport Beach Sgt. James Rocker. She was released from jail shortly after.

The actress really hasn't done much to change her Topanga-identity. She is slotted as the voice Donna Goldstein in 2008's movie "The Chosen One," and has appeared on "The Tyra Banks Show" a number of times, once where she recently discussed her relationship with now-out-of-the-closet Lance Bass.

And now this terrible picture has been posted on CNN. But strangely, she is still cute as a button.

You know what? Whatever. "Boy Meets World" is still the greatest TGIF show ever created. End of story.

Thanks, Dave!

Baby mama drama

Updating a previous item:

The father of Jamie Lynn Spear's baby, boyfriend Casey Aldridge, 19, could face up to 10 years in prison for statutory rape after getting the 16-year-old Nickelodeon star pregnant.

If the baby was conceived in Spears' home state of Louisiana, the act could technically be considered "felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile. There, a person can only legally consent to sex at age 17. If aged 15 or 16, the other person involved must be no more than two years older for the act to be considered legal.

If the baby was conceived in California, where Spears shoots Zoey 101, he could face up to three years in prison: Any person who engages in sexual intercourse with a minor under 18 who is not more than three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanour and faces up to one year in a county jail. If Casey boy is more than three years older than Spears, he could face felony charges, which carry up to three years in prison.” ...Poor guy.

It's not easy being gr--blue?

So I think the tree limb man should befriend 57-year-old Paul Karason of Madera, Calif. Together, the two could represent land and sea.

That's because Karason's skin is an obvious shade of blue.

Fourteen years ago, the man developed a bad case of dermititis and instead of seeking medical help, he decided to self-medicate using a treatment called colloidal silver, which is made by extracting silver from metal.

Karason drank the liquid treatment and also rubbed it on his face, and for a long time did not eve realize that his skin had turned a hue of blue. [click here to watch an interview with 'the blue man']

"It wasn't until a friend I hadn't seen in several months came by my parent's place to see me and he asked me 'what did you do?.'"--Paul Karason

Side effects of taking colloidal silver include Argyria, which is an irreversible blue-gray discoloration of your skin, nails and gums--oh my God, you mean it turns your body blue??-- seizures and other neurological problems, kidney damage, indigestion, fatigue etc.

Karason (pictured above, middle) says he tries to avoid public places as much as possible. Maybe he can join the Blue Man Group? Ha--I'm sure he's never heard that one before.

Karason hasn't sought medical attention and is still drinking the treatment, but on a lesser doseage. Maybe he wishes to be a nice shade of cerulean; I mean, that was my favorite Crayola crayon, so I'd understand.

Fatal Combat

Two Colorado teenagers are being charged as adults after beating one of the suspects' 7-year-old halfsister to death, influenced by the video game "Mortal Kombat."

The teens, 16 and 17, were babysitting Zoe Garcia at her home earlier this month. According to the arrest affadavit, they were wrestling "as they always do," karate kicking, punching and kicking, but a witness said the boy was kicking and body slamming little Zoe.

The two were reportedly using moves they learned from the violent "Mortal Kombat" video game.

When the 7-year-old lost consciousness, the suspects placed her in the bathtub and even cracked an egg into her mouth to make sure she wasn't "messing with them." Usually tickling someone can do that, but I guess feeding her raw food works too...

Zoe sustained a broken wrist, 20 bruises and bleeding under the spine and in the brain. She died from her injuries North Colorado Medical Center.

Both teens were charged with one count of child abuse resulting in death, a class two felony. They could each face up to 48 years in prison if convicted.

It's pretty crazy; my father and I were talking about this game the other night and how incredibly violent it was; the screen shot to the right is the character Sub-Zero ripping out the heart of his opponent. At the same time, my brothers and I loved this game and none of us felt the need to literally beat each other to death. I don't remember children of my generation mimicking violence in video games (or television) as much as they do today. It's disgusting.

'Hills' stars spill some gossip

A few little tidbits of The Hills news, because Lord knows fans are in agony during this mid-season break and are dying to get their fix of Hills heroin.

• Heidi told Us Weekly (on stands today) that she and Spencer are no longer engaged, but still in a relationship. And for keen eyes who noticed Heidi was not wearing her ring during The Hills finale show last week: "I turned it into a pendant," she says. "It wasn't my dream ring. I don't like what it represents. I might sell it." Ouch.

• Following up on a previous issue, Lauren still insists that the events of The Hills are real, but she recently admitted that MTV sets up the scenes: "Basically what they're doing is taking our lives and telling a story. I mean, it's not lying to anyone, it's telling what really happened, but it's just the way they film reality shows." Lauren said that the nail-polish incident was a result of something that happened when cameras stopped rolling, and MTV need to set the scene and film it to properly tell the story. Gee, no wonder it seems so disingenuous. [click here to read the entire interview]
  

• Rumor has it that the original antagonist to LC's perfect world, Kristin Cavallari may be returning to reality television...on The Hills!--gasp. E! reports that sources close to the show's producers are considering reuniting the two Laguna ladies, and are we surprised that Lauren is less than thrilled?

Can't phase the tase

The please of college student Andrew Meyer during a Sen. John Kerry speech in September--"Don't tase me, bro!"--has landed atop a list of 2007's most memorable quotations.

Yet another end of the year list was released today, this one compiled by editor of the Yale Book of Quotations Fred R. Shapiro.

The University of Florida student's quote was ranked number one due to its Internet popularity and pop culture success.

Following close behind was my personal fav, Miss South Carolina Teen USA Caitlin Upton's response during the Miss Teen USA pageant to the question, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?" [click here to watch the video]

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."--Caitlin Upton

The girl even got her own Wikipedia page for the mindless response!

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's October comment at Columbia University in New York came in third: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." And everyone's favorite radio jock Don Imus' comments about the Rutgers University women's basketball team landed him the fourth spot: "That's some nappy-headed hos there."

How to save a bi

WARNING: SPOILERS

The series finale of "Shot at Love" premiered last night, and I'm certainly singing a different tune than the night of the series premiere.

After hours of bisexual physical challeneges, animal genital eating, cat/dog? fights, stripper poles and Tila Tequila's toothy smile, it came down to the unworldly Bobby and the tomboy firefighter Dani.

The finale was a rehashing of the aforementioned scenes, coupled with every makeout scene between Tila and the finalists ever--and please, tell me someone else noticed that every time Dani and Tila kiss, and Indigo Girls song plays. Hello cliche!

Dani and Bobby's families return, this time visiting Tila's domain, complete with dildo chandelier and trip to the "SIN" room. God help Bobby's mother once she watches herself in this episode with a sober mind. Eek. The moms battle over whose child is more adorable, blah blah, and Tila accidentally (maybe) shows her tequila titties to Bobby's teenage brother.

My favorite part of the episode is when Tila tries to show her lovers how hard she works and takes them into her recording studio and on a fashion shoot. She lets both Bobby and Dani spit their game on the mic, and kudos to Dani--a lesbian looking for love with a bisexual--for calling Bobby's rap gay. She tears it up on the track, leaving Bobby to look like quite silly. However, Bobby uses his cute smile and spikey hair to trump Dani in the photo shoot, though Dani actually looked really pretty during the scene.

Unfortunately, during the last alone times with each finalist, it was starting to become apparent that Tila was leaning toward Bobby. Whether it was because their setting was a bit more intimate or because Dani's gift to Tila was kind of lame, we'll never know, but...

The final scene is set on a glass stage in the middle of Tila's pool, and Bobby and Dani emerge wearing similar outfits. Tila tells Bobby that she wants to take a shot at love with him, and his silence and surprised look like he cannot believe what's happening is priceless. A heartbroken Dani exits scene without words, and with The Fray's How to Save a Life playing in the background, a tearful Tila says, "Oh my gosh, Dani!" and runs across the glass pool after her.

There's still 15 minutes left in the episode--gasp! Will she change her mind??

Following the commercial break, what little hope Dani faithfuls had is crushed as Tila tells Dani to take care; she loves Dani, but she's in love with Bobby (seems to be a lot of that in reality television lately).

Yes, Dani, the most genuine character in reality television dating history, has her heart broken, probably because Tila's not really bisexual and wanted a man all along. Good one, MTV. And even better to bring her on the Hangover aftershow and break her heart all over again.

Please don't laugh, but is it wrong that this finale brought me to tears? It was so emotional!

If I were gay, Dani and I would totally get married in Massachusetts. The whole world loves you, and you will probably now have your pick of lesbians across the land.

Get ready for the reunion show this Sunday, Dec. 23 at 10.

Shake it like a snow globe

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have launched a set of animated holiday e-cards to promote mockery and malevolence of animal-abusing celebrities, featuring--who else? Michael Vick.

The cards depict each celeb in his or her own snow globe world, participating in some activity that PETA deems cruel, i.e. wearing fur, hunting, skinning chickens. The user can select which card they'd like to view and click and shake the snow globe.


Vick's features the football star clad in an orange jumpsuit and football helmet, pacing the grounds of prison while security guards and growling dogs patrol.

Other celebs include Dick Cheney, Colonel Sanders and Kate Moss.

My personal fav is Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, which Peta has lovingly named "Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollson." The twins scream when they're flying through the air and return to a dancing position once you've stopped shaking, but then randomly some old man stumbles by and throws up on them, and they say, "How rude!" Any old school Full House reference gets an A in my book, whether the card is lame or not.

Time-honored tradition

Sorry, folks: This year we (or "you") did not even place in the running for Time's Person of the Year. Landing the top spot this year is Russian President Vladimir Putin.


Not completely sure about this, but the article about him is fantastic, a very deep look into his every move and his motivations. Personally, my favorite part is when he reveals to Adi Ignatius that his favorite Beatles song is Yesterday. Or that he's never sent an e-mail in his life.

The runner-up was Al Gore--no surprise there.

And also not surprisingly, author J.K. Rowling placed second runner-up--I mean, she was 2007's Most Fascinating Person, according to Barbara Walters.

Don't forget to check out the list of "People Who Mattered" in 2007, which includes a lot of question marks and some shockers, like Miley Cyrus and Radiohead?? And my favorite is that silly snowmwan who asked the global warming question during the presidential debate--even he made the list!