h-a-double l-o-w-double e-n spells Halloween

Happy Halloween from
The Jerc Store!

Kudos to those with a creative Halloween costume this year; if you've got something brilliant, share! But, I must especially applaud any woman who has sacrificed beauty for the sake of an artistic or comedic costume. It's a hard thing to do on a day when so many slutty girls are walking around in miniskirts and devil ears pretending to be something demiurgic. I salute you and your integrity.

Maybe I'm ready to be a paranormal investigator?

It took investigators more than four months to realize that the "ghost" in this video was actually a bug. Are you serious?? You can see the legs!

But apparently after "various tests" all it took was $9 to buy some ladybugs and get one to crawl across the screen - "mystery" solved. I hope they make an episode of Law & Order about this.

Goodbye, Goulet

R.I.P. to Robert Goulet, the famous Broadway actor and recording artist, immortalized by Will Ferrell in Saturday Night Live. Goulet died this morning awaiting a lung transplant after he was diagnosed with a rare form of pulmonary fibrosis last month. He was 73.

We'll always imagine you crawling on the ceiling and messing with our stuff when we've hit that midday slump at work.

Trumpet Talent

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Music. Dancing. Action. Star Wars. Tone deaf.
Please, for the love of God, watch this video. I promise it will be one of the funniest thing you've seen today. It's a shame talent competitions aren't this diverse anymore.
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Feel the need, the need for speed

The Social Democrat Party of Germany has proposed enforcing a speed limit on the world's most famous thrill ride of a road, the Autobahn. Apparently they're trying to save the environment by cutting down on CO2 emission, but really it's just going to piss everyone off, even if the speed limit (80 mph) would still be 15 mph faster than most high-speed roads in America.

lAme-Rod

Let's call today metamorphosis Monday in Yankeeland.

First, our little Yankee fan--who turned off the horrendous World Series innings before the champagne was popped--awoke only to find that it was not a bad dream and the Red Sux actually did win another anticlimactic World Series.

Then, little Yankee fan picks up the paper (except that's a metaphoric paper because who reads the paper anymore anyway? [I can say that, I write for the paper]) to read such headlines as "A-Rod opts out," "Mr. Everything Departs," and my personal favorite, "GET LOST."

And then a text message comes in around 1:30 from a good friend, reading: "Joe Girardi = new manager."


...I think I want out of this place.

A-Rod, you're a schmuck. Hank Steinbrenner, though I'm not a fan, said it best:

"It's clear he didn't want to be a Yankee. He doesn't understand the privilege of being a Yankee on a team where the owners are willing to pay $200 million to put a winning product on the field. I don't want anybody on my team that doesn't want to be a Yankee."

You want to leave? Fine. Go to the Red Sox? Good--screw you. If they take you, at least they'll never win another postseason game.

And though I've still not accepted Joe Torre leaving the Yanks, what happened to Donnie Baseball getting called up to big league, so to speak? I think Joe Girardi will be a good coach, but it hurts my little early-'90s-Yankee-loving soul to see Mattingly go (because he said he won't accept another Yankees coaching position).

But the moral of the story is...Manny Ramirez is still fat, Boston is still super lame and at least now when A-Rod chokes in the postseason, it will bring a smile to little Yankee fan's face.

Boston wins World Snoozefest

I guess it's exciting if you're a fan, especially a bandwagon Red Sox fan; it makes all that Boston apparel you bought three years ago in vogue again. But aside from the later innings of last night's game, the rest of the World Series was a big snooze. I don't think may were expecting the Rockies to win, but they just rolled over and died. I usually get chills watching the champagne celebrations (even if it's not the Yankees), but all this elicited was a big yawn. I guess you really can't script October, or else this one wouldn't have literally put me to sleep.

Fast food frenzy

It's pretty rare that I eat fast food, but inspired by two pages of coupons on my kitchen counter, I took a trip to a new (and very friendly) Arby's in my hometown. After my incessant ranving about how amazing their mozzarella sticks are, I went looking for the results of a ZAGAT survey from a few months ago, which rated America's best fast food places and favorite specific items.

FAST FOOD MEGA-CHAINS:

1. Most Popular: Wendy's
2. Best Food: Wendy's
3. Top Facilities: Wendy's
4. Top Service: Subway

FAST FOOD OVERALL CHAINS:

1. Most Popular: Panera Bread Co.
2. Best Food: Panera Bread Co.
3. Top Facilities: Panera Bread Co.
4. Top Service: Chick-fil-A

HONORS:

• Best Chicken: Chick-fil-A
• Best French Fries: McDonald's
• Best Hamburger/Cheeseburger: Wendy's
• Best Shakes: Dairy Queen
• Most Child-Friendly: McDonald's
• Favorite Mascot/Spokesperson: McDonald's-Ronald McDonald

I'm certainly not pushing for The BK King to be the best mascot; that thing is incredibly creepy, but my beef with this list--Where's Arby's? Saladworks? And most importantly...Taco Bell?!

For more informaton, check out the release.

Trinity x 5

Personally, my division III college football team never did anything like this. Even if you don't like football, you'll probably appreciate how incredible this 15-lateral Trinity University play to win them the game is. Seven different players touched the ball in the 46-second play, and no one seems to be pulling for them more than the guy calling the plays. It's insane!

Spears sock stunt stinks

TMZ.com is reporting that the sock worn by a member of the paparazzi when Britney Spears ran over his foot has sold on eBay for $585. TMZ posted the item and will be donanting the money to Children's Defense Fund.

But $585?? Please, I've spent more on eBay buying concert tickets and I make less than women who work part time at Wal-Mart. (I'm kidding...sort of.) I guess TMZ was hoping for people to care more about a dirty sock run over by a dirty skank? Oh well, at least it's for the kids!

What makes me laugh is that TMZ said:

"This is the most infamous sock in the history of hosiery. Few, in fact, no other cotton sock has achieved so much notoriety in such a short time."

Umm, I hate Boston with a passion, but when I think of spotlighted socks--as I so often do--I usually think of Schilling's bloody sock in ALCS game 6 in 2004.

But Schilling? Spears? Socks? Sox? It's all malodorous to me.

Don't stop saving that daylight just yet

Because I'm sure you come to The Jerc Store for vital information, I just wanted to clear up some confusion some may be having regarding daylight savings time. Do not turn your clocks back tomorrow (Sunday, Oct. 28)!!

*The U.S. Energy Policy Act of 2005, passed by the U.S. Congress July 2005, extended daylight saving time in the U.S. by approximately four weeks. As a result, beginning in 2007, DST for the U.S. will start three weeks earlier on March 11, 2007, and end one week later on November 4, 2007, resulting in a new DST period that is four weeks longer than previously observed. These four weeks are referred to in this article as the "extended DST period." - from Microsoft.com

So again, turn your clocks back NEXT Sunday, not tomorrow. You're welcome.

Holy pumpkin house!

For the past 20 years, Ric Griffith has been carving more than 3,000 jack o'lanterns to line the outside of his 115-year-old Victorian home in West Virginia. No, not 3,000 pumpkins over 20 years, more than 3,000 pumpkins PER YEAR. It's the Kenova Pumpkin House, and apparently the glow of it can be seen from Ohio.


And if you think the picture is nuts, check out the video of the pumpkins' lights synchronized to the 1812 Overture. I don't know how he did, but it's incredible.

Bauer back in business

Fox premiered the new season of 24 trailer Thursday and the show is trying out a slightly different formula this time around. I mean, yeah, the nation is still under attack and Jack Bauer is still the man, but CTU has been dismantled and former good-guy Tony Almeida is now the enemy. I think I saw a glimpse of Chloe in that preview, but I'm not positive. Hopefully we'll see her and all her awkward grimacing come Monday, January 13.

The Hills are a lie with the sound of ruses

MTV ain't fooling anybody calling The Hills a reality show; then again, I've never been to California--maybe everyone out there really is blond, beautiful and disgustingly wealthy.

But several nuggets of insider information came out this week exposing The Hills as like, a super totally awesomely fake reality show, homeboy.

After Monday's episode, perezhilton.com posted screen shots of continuity errors with Lauren's nailpolish during her date with blond model boy Gavin and the lack thereof as she's texting Brody seemingly after her date. GASP!

Well that just broke the dam for insiders to start spitting truth about The Hills. Heidi and Audrina's jobs at Bolthouse and Sony BMG, respectively, are BS. They come in about once a month to film a work scene. Oh my goodness, you mean those girls don't actually work for the lavish lifestyles they lead? And apparently Heidi wanted to get married on the show, but LC threatened to not return for another season if producers approved.

The thing that I love best about this is the information Best Week Ever leaked. One of their writers actually knew Gavin from high school and was bothered by how boring and nerdy MTV made him seem, so they set up an interview and blondy spilled the beans on the fabricated fantasy world that is The Hills. In it he talks about how production tells him to ask LC out, makes it look like he force fed her food she hated and dropped her off at 9 p.m. after a super lame date (though she's the lame one afterall, according to him).

I know this comes with little shock value to most of you, but it's funny. And if I've broken your naive little Hills-lovin' heart, I'm sorry. Santa Claus is fake too.

Please touch!

Apple's new iPod Touch commercial that will premiere Sunday isn't actually theirs.

The new commercial was made by an 18-year-old student named Nick Haley. He took video from apple.com that showed the iPod Touch's features and the song “Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex” by a Brazilian band, CSS. He said he was inspired to make the commercial by a lyric in the song, “My music is where I’d like you to touch.” Pretty creative, huh?

Haley had put the video on youtube last month, where Apple reps saw it and contacted the student to come out and work on the new commercial.

First thought watching the youtube clip, "this is totally an Apple commercial." Haley worked with the commercial's creators to create a hi-def version of it, keeping the original vision intact. It's a great idea bringing regular customers into the advertising process; another brilliant move by the powerhouse that is AAPL.

The end result? Check it out Sunday during football games, Desperate Housewives or World Series game 4.

Interesting way to pick up chicks?

Travelodge hotels in Britain have retrained their staff to prepare them for naked men sleepwalking through the halls at night. Sleepwalking instances have massively increased and 95 percent of them just happen to be men. Improvements include having a towel handy to cover up the sleepwalker's manhood and being prepared to answer normal nakedmansleepwalker questions such as, "Where is the bathroom?" and "Do you have a newspaper?"

To me, this is just asking for drunk or bored men staying at these hotels to convince their buddies how funny it will be to walk up to the receptionist at night with no clothes on and pretend to be asleep. I'm sure the attractive female employees will start hearing all sorts of clever "sleepwalker" lines. "I can't find my room. I have the key but I don't know where to put it."

Speedy Gonzalez

Thank you, Jacoby Ellsbury. Yes, due to his speedy base stealing in tonight's World Series game 2, everyone who visits Taco Bell on Tuesday, Oct. 30 from 2 to 5 p.m. will receive a free taco. It's part of their "Steal a base, steal a taco" gimmick. On behalf of TB lovers everywhere, gracias Jacoby!

Fun with song parodies!

I realize I'm not in college anymore, but that does not take away from the fact that this is a phenomenal parody.

Old School Thursday

I've decided to add a little weekly special to The Jerc Store called "Old School Thursday," where we pay homage to forgotten gems of the past. Suggestions are welcome.

They're tiny, they're toony, they're all a little looney...presenting 1990's Tiny Toon Adventures.

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE OPENING THEME


Your main players were Buster and Babs Bunny [no relation]. Most of the characters were meant to be mini-versions of originial Looney Tunes characters [hence the "we're all a little looney" - get it?]. There was also Plucky Duck, and personally, some of my favorite scenes were of him as a Baby Plucky because he was just so precious ["want to go on the elalator" and water go down the hoooole"]. There were also skits featuring They Might Be Giants, and I must admit, I have "Istanbul" and "Particle Man" on my iPod.

I may have had a crush on Buster when I was little, but Babs was totally my fav, all her crazy impressions and songs. And could an episode go by where you didn't wish Montana Max would get hit by a piano instead of poor little Furball?

Buster: Say goodnight, Babs.
Babs: Goodnight Babs!

Now tell me that doesn't give you a sense of nostalgia.

We didn't start the fire...but someone did

The Santiago fire, which has engulfed Orange County and been emblazoned into news headlines, was set by an arsonist, according to authorities. A $70,000 reward is being offered for information.

Listen to how sinister this person has to be. When asked about the motive, the fire battallion chief said:

"That's the part that I really can't figure out, to tell you the truth. That individual knew on Sunday when this fire started that we had, really, the perfect storm, if you will. We had the heavy Santa Ana winds, we had the low relative humidities, we had the high temperatures. And then for someone to even think about doing something as reprehensible as starting a fire where they knew the fire would grow as rapidly as it would -- traveling about three, 3 ½ miles in about an hour -- is just really absolutely unconscionable."

Have I died and gone to 1996???

Within a month of the Spice Girls taking it to the tour front and the Backstreet Boys releasing a new single, word has it that two other '90's bands are rising from the dead.

This week, both Ace of Base and Aqua announced reunions--I feel like I'm 13 again! It's a beautiful life, Barbie.

Who cares about the World Series?

The game is going on right now (5th inning). I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner, but my prediction is Boston in five. The Rockies will have definitely cooled off and Boston will plow through them. Buck Foston.

Thoughts anyone?

Wal-Mart nose English good, duh duh duh

Oh Wal-Mart. You never cease to brighten my day, and it's not just those little smiley stickers you give out.

I saw a story about someone who ordered a cake for a co-worker who was leaving the company from Wal-Mart. When asked about the message on the cake, he said to the Wal-Mart employee:

"Write: 'Best wishes Suzanne' and underneath that write 'we will miss you.' "

Here is what the cake looked like:


Priceless.

The words you scribbled on the ground

The release date of Coheed & Cambria's new album caused quite a stir at the University of Kansas yesterday.
The band's symbol and "10.23.07" written on the ground of the campus was mistaken for a campus shooting warning. The commotion came after a window was shot out a few weeks ago. After the graffiti appeared, rumors started flying. Police and school officials assured everyone that the campus was safe and are expecting things to go back to normal.

I think this sounds pretty ridiculous, but at the same time, you can never be so sure nowadays. Does anyone remember a time when the possibility of a school shooting was absurd? I don't, not since eighth grade...

Not your average Joe

This got me a little choked up...

Derek Jeter released a statement through the New York Yankees on Tuesday concerning former manager Joe Torre.

"Out of my great respect for Mr. Torre, I have refrained from comment until he had a chance to address the public.

In my eyes, Joe Torre is more than a Hall of Fame manager. He is a friend for life, and the relationship we have shared has helped shape me in ways that transcend the game of baseball. His class, dignity, and the way he respected those around him -- from ballplayers to batboys -- are all qualities that are easy to admire, but difficult to duplicate.

I have known Mr. Torre for a good majority of my adult life, and there has been no bigger influence on my professional development. It was a privilege to play for him on the field, and an honor to learn from him off the field."

Stop believin'

Say goodbye to the Sopranos conspiracy theory. Even though nobody has talked about the show in three months, creator David Chase has decided to bring it up again and crush any sort of creative interpretation Sopranos fans dreamed up.

Tony Soprano was not whacked, according to Chase. In fact, he's exasperated at the fact that Sopranos fans were not satisfied by the infamous "cut to black" ending and berates them for wanting to see Tony dead.

First of all, this guy has gotta realize that you can't please everyone ever. Then, he needs to realize the importance of mystery, intrigue, imagination...Why would you create an ending so incredibly open to analysis, and then months later decide the ending for everyone?

Personally, I'm not a Sopranos fanatic, but I found the finale intriguing and wanted to know more. I really liked the Tony gets whacked scenario, flashing back to the conversation on the boat, that "you never see it coming." When I heard that, I thought 'genuius!' But now hearing this? It's so anticlimatic and completely contradictory to the spirit of the cliffhanger. Bad move, Mr. Chase.

It may not be art, but at least it's understandable

On my train ride to NYC this weekend, I saw a lot of graffiti...and most of it didn't make sense. Here's some less-scribbly graffiti examples that made me laugh. To see more, click here.

Yo quiero free taco

Yeah, yeah, Boston made it into the World Series by coming back from an overwhelming deficit. Been there, done that. Don't care. And if the nearly two week break was just what the Rockies needed to cool down, well then the World Series is going to be a major yawn fest.

Fortunately, Taco Bell has managed to put some fake Mexican food spice back into the bland fall classic. The fast food restaurant will be giving away one free beef taco if a base is stolen during the World Series through its Steal a Base, Steal a Taco promotion. Once the base is stolen, Taco Bell will announce a Tuesday when the free taco can be redeemed and anyone who visits TB that day will be eligible. If a base is stolen in games one or two, the free tacos will be available on Tuesday, Oct. 30. If a base is stolen in games three through seven, the tacos will be available on Tuesday, Nov. 6.

I don't really see the correlation here, but hey, free food is free food, even if it is grade D.

Diggie said the boogie, said up jump the Waffle House

Kid Rock and his posse were arrested early Sunday after an altercation at a Waffle House in Atlanta.

They were dining at the Waffle House after Kid's performance at The Tabernacle. Most celebs party it up, 'pop the cris'....no, not Kid Rock. He knows how to do it right.

Apparently a male customer had some words for a female who was hanging out with the group and Kid Rock went Tommy Lee on his ass. After leaving the restaurant, police stopped Kid Rock and took him in for simple battery.

The guy he was fighting with, however, punched a window at the Waffle House and was charged with criminal damage to property, which is a felony. That d-bag should know better than to mess with such a wonderous, waffle-making, hashbrown smothering establishment.


Thanks, Dave!