Reese's millions of pieces

Reese Witherspoon is atop The Hollywood Reporter's list of highest paid actresses of 2007, making a cool $15-20 million per movie.

Right behind her was whom I thought would be number 1: Angelina Jolie (she comes in a close second, even though she got only $8 million for her latest "Beowulf").

The list in full, if you care:

1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Cameron Diaz
4. Nicole Kidman
5. Renée Zellweger
6. Sandra Bullock
7. Julia Roberts
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Jodie Foster
10. Halle Berry

This one really 'whacks' me up, haaa

Hey, did you hear the one about the mafia boss who was arrested while watching a television show about the arrest of a mafia boss??

No, that's not a bad joke--it actually happened today.

They Catalano, who was suspected of being a senior commander serving under the latest "boss of bosses" Salvatore Lo Piccolo, was arrested in Sicily. Catalano was watching the concluding chapter late Thursday of the TV mini-series "The Boss of Bosses," recounting the arrest in 1993 of real-life Cosa Nostra leader Salvatore "Toto" Riina, when police burst into his room and arrested him.

Catalano faces charges of drug trafficking and extortion.

"Pants are just two big sleeves sewn together"

WARNING: SPOILERS

Last night's Project Runway episode proved one thing: this is not the most talented batch of designers the show has ever seen, as originally boasted by Bravo.

Week three's challenge was to create a sophisticated look for retired Giants running back Tiki Barber to wear as a Today Show correspondent. The designers were given $150 and two days.

First off--why the challenging menswear task so early in the game? I'm told that this is a PR first, but for some reason, I feel like they've already done menswear. Regardless, the results are atrocious.

This week, the workroom was a woman's (and gay man's) dream. First, Jack decides to tear up his own pants to use as a pattern, and--not gonna lie--it was pretty nice to see him working in his underoos. Then, the group of hot male models enters and the designers tell them to strip down for their fittings. But poor Kevin, as a man and a straight man in the competition, he was probably the only one in the room who did not get slightly aroused.

Another special guest turned out to be Tiki's wife, Ginny, and "special" is stretching it. She was pretty much the dullest person ever to be seen on television. I loved Tiki when he was rushing for thousands of yards on the football field, but you couldn't get me to have dinner at their house for fear I'd fall asleep in the soup.

In preparing for the runway, I think Christian said it best: "There's gonna be so many things that are just jacked up," and the judges agreed. Sweet Pea's oversized tie and reckless shirt honestly made that guy look like the runway show interrupted a sexual romp backstage (left). Carmen's model looked like he was walking in hopes that the crotch of his pants wouldn't explode and give the gay designers reason to pounce. And I'm sorry, Steven's design made that hot model look like young George McFly.

Not everything was awful. The highest praise went to Kit, Jack and Kevin, who managed to fully cover their models in something that Tiki would potentially wear. Jack took home the win with his overly-striped pants/dress shirt combo, which I personally thought was loud and unattractive. Kit's design seemed the most Tiki-like, but Kevin's was my favorite.

In the end, Sweet P and Ricky were saved by Carmen's disaster of a design and lack of time (below). I mean, she sent the guy down the runway with fabric wrapped around his neck.
Three down--12 to go. Make it work!

RELATED LINKS:
Episode 1
Episode 2

Save a tree

An Indonesian fisherman named Dede is better known as the "tree man" in his village.

That's because the man, 35, has sprouted grotesque tree-like growths on his hands and feet due to what is being called a rare strain of Human Papilloma Virus [click here to read his story].

U.S. doctors took blood and tissue samples from Dede over seas, but Indonesian health minister Siti Fadilah Supari is claiming that whatever result comes out of the American studies will be far too expensive.

But U.S. doctors are countering with “We did it for humanitarian reasons, to help the patient.” They're really root-ing for him, right? (bad joke alert)

American Idle

Judging from the latest record sales, what little credibility American Idol gained as a "talent" competition six years ago is fading away almost as fast as Ruben Studdard's career.

...unfortunately, it's America's collective ADD that caused season six winner Jordin Sparks' self-titled debut album to turn out the lowest first week sales of any Idol winner.

The barely-18-year-old singer was arguably one of the best singers the competition has ever seen, and extremely likeable, but unless you're Sanjaya, this season's winner was destined to fall short of impressive on the record-sale front. Nobody takes that show seriously, and more and more, viewers are tuning in for a cheap laugh at shameless and oblivious tone deaf singers' expense, and moving on to a different reality show that probably whores itself out slightly less than Idol.

Comparatively, season-one winner Kelly Clarkson's 2003 debut, Thankful, opened at #1 with 297,400 scans, while Spark's debut coughed up merely 64,000 scans.

I'm thinking the mockery Sanjaya and his devoted fans made of the show this season, coupled with poor record sales? Maybe we're looking at the last season of AI starting in January--who's excited?

Loss in football

*Apologies: I realize this should have been posted yesterday, but my Internet was not working.

Sean Taylor, the Washington Redskins safety who was shot Monday in his home, died in the hospital Tuesday morning.

An intruder entered his home and fired shots into the 24-year-old's leg. ESPN is reporting that Taylor's girlfriend heard a noise in the middle of the night and grabbed their 18-month-old daughter. She said they were hiding under the covers when the intrude broke through the locked bedroom door and fired shows. The bullet hit an artery in Taylor's leg and the loss of blood was too much. He died at 3:30 a.m.

The case is under investigation, and being treated as a homicide after a knife was left on Taylor's pillow during another break-in more than a week ago.

Zig-a-zig-aww man.

Being an international symbol of girl power was not enough to trump the millions of people who like watching cars drive around in circles, as Brazilian race car driver Helio Castroneves beat out Spice Girl Melanie Brown for the Dancing With the Stars title.

This is without a doubt an upset, as Mel B and Maksim were the highest scored pair all season, but--still not as big of an upset as Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan being voted off entirely too early in the competition. She was by far the best dancer and her departure was the surprise of the season. (Don't feel too sorry for her though, she landed her hot dancing partner as a boyfriend, rarrr.)

I've watched only bits and pieces of the season, mostly because I can't stand the 45 minutes of commercials and 15 minutes of dancing they present each week, but the finale was actually bearable in that respect. What was not bearable was special guest Celine Dion's lack of enthusiasm and stifled smile as she belted out probably the biggest movie hit of all time midway through the show. Could they seriously not find someone who's had a hit in the last three years?

Anyway...Congratulations to Helio, but next to Scary Spice, he's a wannabe.

Reinventing Lace, Zap, Blaze, Laser...

Though the revival was announced back in August, a commercial during Sunday football brought a tear to my eye thinking about the countless hours I spent hoping to someday be on the greatest physical competition game show of the '90s: American Gladiators.
"We're not going to completely reinvent the wheel here, but we're making it better, faster and stronger," said an NBC exec. Is he going to credit Kanye West for those adjectives there?

NBC will be bringing back the hit show, which ran from 1989 to 1996. The new 'Gladiators' will follow eight gladiators (four male and four female) as they take on more regular-ish people. The spin, as NBC suggests, is that "players will be given the opportunity to train for their match -- and viewers will be given a glimpse of their personalities prior to the actual competish."

....Is that really an incentive to watch? What I really care about is if they're bringing back that hamster ball challenege, or if they're still going to use tennis balls in The Eliminator.

The show was set to tape this month, but because of the writer's strike, it's looking more like January of next year.

Critics are saying that NBC is sinking to new lows by bringing back the show, but honestly, I'm going to check it out. But I really hope they bring back Nitro and Diamond, and they're like, 45 years old and still whooping ass.

Get the bust outta here

*Sincerest apologies for the lack of posting this week. I'll step my game up from here on out...

In true Disney family movie fashion, another not-so-family "subliminal" message has emerged, this time out of "Enchanted," the half-animated, half-live action fairytale story starring Dr. McDreamy that raked in $50 mill this weekend and was number one at the box office.

Fortunately for the Disney empire, this one has been quickly debunked by taking a second listen to the scene. Without knowing otherwise, it appears that an off-camera extra shouts, "Get the F*%$ outta here!" Buuut...it's really a shout of "Get that BUS outta here!" And no, that's not some damage control concotion; there really is a large bus in the way.

It makes me wonder if some of those popular dirty Disney messages are just our own mind's imagination, but because they were before the days of blog, the public was lacking "heroes" with no lives to do some detective work and find that the genie in Aladdin isn't actually telling kids to take off their clothes. Who knows?

But what I do know is not all of those pause-worthy Disney moments are false. The topless woman in the background of The Rescuers movie is definitely topless. But otherwise, most of the salacious scenes have been overblown. [click to watch an amateur, but comprehensive, video of the movies...didn't know about that Jessica Rabbit one!].

Looty pageant

Miss Ingrid Marie Rivera was crowned Miss Puerto Rico Friday, despite other pageant girls' attempts to sabotage her.

Officials are investigating several pranks against Rivera, including someone mixing a spicy substance into her makeup, causing her face to swell and break out in hives, and the theft of her clothes, makeup, credit cards and other belongings.

That's creative and all, but I probably would have just slipped a laxative in her breakfast.

Not even counting their ugly pranks, the other 29 girls must have been unsightly to not beat out a girl who's puffed up and covered in red blotches and missing her makeup.

Rivera, 22, will participate in the Miss Universe 2008 competition, but no date or location has been announced as of yet.

UPDATE: (from CNN.com)

Rivera was composed while appearing before cameras and judges throughout the competition. But once backstage, she had to strip off her clothes and apply ice bags to her face and body, which swelled and broke out in hives twice.

"We thought at first it was an allergic reaction, or maybe nerves," Rosario said. "But the second time, we knew it couldn't have been a coincidence."

SECOND UPDATE: (from Reuters)
http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSN0135521320071201

"Imagine you were 5'3 in that outfit; you'd look like Cousin It"

WARNING: SPOILERS

*My apologies for the tardy PR update; like a good majority of Americans, I grudgingly went to an overcrowded bar on Thanksgiving Eve and was not able to catch the second episode's re-airing until last night.

Episode 2 boasted a super special guest, and prior to his or her arrival, the contestants offered up some guesses--Snow White? Come on...was that serious? The doors open and in walks Miss "Fashion Icon" herself, Sarah Jessica Parker, and though Maxim magazine may disagree, she looked gorgeous.

Kevin, one of the few straight men on the show, accidentally dismissed SJP's friendly handshake, making him look like a jerk. And I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty hilarious to see a 300-pound gay man blubbering over Carrie Bradshaw and the inspiration she has given him.
The challenge was to create a new look for SJP's clothing line, BITTEN, on a $15 budget. The designers pitched their sketches and Sarah Jessica picked the top seven, who then chose a partner from the remaining seven designers.

The most obviously awkward pairing was poor Sweet P and wacko Elisa, who used her own spit to mark her "polymorphic" fabric. Yuk. The judging panel actually asked her what planet she's from...and she thought they were joking.

The judges were less than impressed with Christian and Carmen's dress--which looked like it came out of a 1982 time capsule--and Steven and Marion's outfit (right), which looked like it came out of my great grandmother's basement.

Despite their difficulty working together, the Sweet P and Elisa managed to produce a look that all the judges liked, but I gotta say...that shawl was hideous. The judges also approved of Victorya and Kevin's dress/plaid vest thing and Sarah Jessica must have said the word "simplicity" 70 times throughout the episode.

Honestly, I wasn't a fan of most of the designs in episode two. They were mostly dull and/or horrendous, and if that's what BITTEN is all about, it doesn't matter that it's "affordable" wear for the average woman--I'm not buying it.

In the end, the slightly odd and forgettable Marion was sent home for sending Pocahontas in a potatosack down the runway. Victorya's dress (left) took home top prize and a version of the dress is now available as part the BITTEN line, sold at Steve & Barry's stores.

Two down--13 to go. Make it work!

Freak show

Marilyn Manson is being legally confronted for being a heteroclite freak--shocking, I know.
Manson's keyboardist Stephen "Pogo" Bier filed a breach of contract lawsuit in August accusing "Dope Show" singer of taking cash belonging to the rest of the band...a buying "sick and disturbing" things.

Such as? According to the Bier's newest complaint, Manson bought Nazi memorabilia (including swastika wall tiles), African masks made of human skin, the full skeleton of a four-year-old Chinese girl and the full skeleton of a 17th-century male in a wheelchair. He also allegedly used funds to pay roadies to move suitcases filled with "Alice in Wonderland" books because he is obsessed with Lewis Carroll.

The best part of this story, though, is Manson's response:

"And I would never spend my money on a Chinese girl skeleton. That would be crossing the line. It's a Chinese boy, for the record," Marilyn Manson, to MTV News.

And a little fun fact about Manson: he is currently dating 19-year-old Evan Rachel Wood, the doe-eyed star of "Across the Universe." Odd couple much?


*Note (posted Feb. 5) - To my surprise, this post has been one of The Jerc Store's most viewed, and while I'm pretty much indifferent to Marilyn Manson and his music, I would just like to let everyone know that the word 'freak' is being used loosely here. In an admittedly sad attempt to be clever with my headlines, all I could muster was a reference to 'Dope Show.'

And I wasn't kidding when I said I loved his response to MTV News; it's hilarious! But personally, I think Marilyn Manson relishes in the fact that people call him a freak, that's why he says things like that, so I doubt he'd be offended by reading my post, though I'm sure he'd be happy to know that he has so many fans willing to defend him against the evil bloggers of the world.

Thank you for reading, and please visit my main page: www.thejercstore.com

Dessert in a can

So Dr. Pepper is unleashing a new dessert-like soda on the world, following its dominant Cherry Vanilla Diet and the sub-par Berries and Cream: Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper.

The new beverage combines the taste of Diet Dr Pepper with "a sweet cherry dipped in luscious chocolate." And for those of you concerned with the caloric content, Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr Pepper has zero calories and zero carbs (even though diet soda is linked to metabolic syndrome--drink water!!).

From what I understand, it's available now. But it's limited edition, so be on the look-out!

18 Lives??

This cat from Arizona, named Lil' Bit, was born with four eyes, two mouths, two noses, but only two ears.

The cat's outlook seemed grim, but he has been purring away now for seven months.

Lil' Bit's two middle eyes have almost morphed into one, and vets believe the cat may actually have two brains. His owner said she has seen one face fall asleep while the other stays awake.

I think I'd prefer the black cat crossing my path over Lil' Bit. In fact, they should probably name him Two'Bit, ehh? [post-bad joke drum fill]

Love your leftovers

Black Friday generally means hordes of loopy people standing in line outside of Best Buy at 4 a.m., but, for the more epicurean-inclined, it means one thing: LEFTOVERS.

Check out this incredibly awesome website that generates a meal from whatever you tell it to.

For today, enter turkey, turkey gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce to get two pages worth of new ways to enjoy your Thanksgiving leftovers. Mmm, Monte Cristo sandwiches...

But LeftOverChef.com doesn't end there, oh no. This thing can help all throughout the year, whether you want an easy way to impress guests with your creativity, or you're low on cash and want to make something out of pasta and hot sauce.

Black Friday, Schmack Friday

Totally against shopping on Black Friday? Consider today Buy Nothing Day.

Spaghetti and hairballs

An 18-year-old girl had a 10-pound hair ball removed from her stomach after years of eating her hair caused all sorts of health problems (and probably caused you to gag a little, too).

The girl complained of a five-month history of pain and swelling in her abdomen, vomiting after eating and a 40-pound weight loss. I guess that's one way to keep the pounds off?

After seeing a team of gastrointestinal specialists, she underwent surgery to remove the mass of black, curly hair, which measured 15 inches by 7 inches by 7 inches, the doctors said.

The girl had a habit of eating her hair, a condition called trichophagia. Yummy in her tummy.

Here's another example of this trichophagia, but don't click this link if you are easily grossed out--seriously.

Gobble gobble goo

Happy Thanksgiving

from The Jerc Store!

Ahh, yes. Football, feasting and falling asleep full. The family thing isn't so bad either, especially if they're the ones making the food while you blissfully flip through the channels. But the best part of today is stuffing, hands down. Happy Turkey Day!

Fowl fabrication

Tomorrow, when you're done eating your Thanksgiving feast, don't blame the turkey for your lethargic ways--that's an urban legend.

The fact that tryptophan found in turkey is the reason you conk out after your dinner-o'-thanks is actually not true. In reality, tryptophan's effects can only be felt when ingested on an empty stomach. There is tryptophan in the bird, but the real reason for the lethargy is probably a combination of drinking alcohol and overeating a carbohydrate-filled meal.

And it's not just the turkey that tryp-ing; chicken, beef and milk also contain the amino acid.

So despite the fact that George and Jerry got to play with Jerry's girlfriend's awesome toy collection by feeding her turkey, that episode is only promoting a common misconception that is most often brought up this time of year.

Still, you don't have to share this realization with anyone tomorrow if need an excuse to fall asleep on the couch rather than participate in menial family conversation.

Sweet Kennedy

Neil Diamond apparently does not possess the same obstinance as Carly Simon in revealing his top secret muse behind his biggest song.

The 40-year-old song "Sweet Caroline" [bum bum bummm] was written about Caroline Kennedy. It was a picture of JFK's daughter dressed in riding gear and standing with a pony that Diamond saw in a magazine and inspired him to write the song.

Diamond, 66, said he purposely did not reveal the secret because he wanted to tell Caroline himself. He was given the opportunity when performing the song via satellite at her 50th birthday party.

So good, so good, so good! Buuut, does anyone else think that's a tad creepy? Touching me, touching youuuu...

FYI: Only three people know whom Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" is about--Simon, the ex-lover and NBC Sports president Dick Ebersol, who paid $50,000 for the answer at a charity auction.

SpinMaster needs a spin doctor

Parents who thought they were going to win Parent of the Year for buying their children the much sought-after Aquadots may be in for an even bigger shock than the initial recall: no refunds!

SpinMaster, distributor of the hazardous toys, recalled about 4.2 million units earlier this month after children consuming the product slipped into comas.

Instead of offering a refund for the $17-30 toy, the website is instead offering "free replacement beads or a toy of equal value." Probably not the best PR/crisis management tactic to deal with millions of people, eh?

An Arkansas couple is suing over the lack of monetary retribution, saying, "Consumers do not want, nor should they be forced to accept, another toy from the same company that has been irresponsibly marketing and selling poison to their children.”

So be sure to trade in your date rape drug-coated, candy-like dots for some replacement dots in time for the holidays!

Predictions realized

Though no one offered up any thoughts on their 2007 MLB season predictions, I'm going to update for update's sake now that all of the awards have been announced.

...and just for bragging's sake, I went 5-for-6. Boo yah.

Rookie of the Year
*WINNER: Ryan Braun
(MY PREDICTION: Ryan Braun)
WINNER: Dustin Pedroia
(MY PREDICTION: Daisuke Matsuzaka)

Cy Young
*WINNER: Jake Peavy
(MY PREDICTION: Jake Peavy)
*WINNER: C.C. Sabathia
(MY PREDICTION: C.C.Sabathia)

MVP
*WINNER: Jimmy Rollins
(MY PREDICTION: Jimmy Rollins)
*WINNER: Alex Rodriguez
(MY PREDICTION: Alex Rodriguez)

Maybe it's time to get another TV in the house?

Updating a previous item: more terrible parenting and evil children on the loose.

A 12-year-old boy in Arizona stabbed his older brother over what to watch on television.

Officers said the younger brother went into the kitchen and grabbed a knife with a five-inch blade, returned to the living room and stabbed his 13-year-old brother in the stomach.

Their father was home at the time of the stabbing, but in another room.

...Are you serious? First of all, in my childhood experience, the "I was born first" defense usually trumped all and won control of the remote. And if for some reason, the younger sibling was feeling ambitious and put up a fight, the older one would offer up a punch in the arm--not a stab in the stomach--and the argument would cease.

If I wanted to watch "My Little Pony" badly enough, I would just cry and my mom would make my brother change the channel. But I guess stabbing him would have done the trick just as well.

Back in the board room

The cast of NBC's season seven of The Apprentice, which will be a celebrity edition, was announced Monday, even though the media had knowledge of the cast last month and was sworn to secrecy.

So NBC controls the media now? If the contestants are out in New York and someone sees them, too bad--secret blown--big deal.

Participating in the new season are: country singer Trace Adkins, model/actress Carol Alt, actor Stephen Baldwin, Olympic gymnast Nadia Comaneci, Playmate Tiffany Fallon, Olympic softball player Jennie Finch, producer Nely Galan, actor Marilu Henner, boxer Lennox Lewis, Apprentice contestant Omarosa, America’s Got Talent judge Piers Morgan, UFC fighter Tito Ortiz, actor Vincent Pastore and Kiss singer Gene Simmons.

...WHO?!

The Donald said 125 celebrities were vying for a spot on the show and he had a difficult time whittling it down to 14. It makes you wonder who the other 111 scrubs were that didn't make the cut.

Youth of the nation

Another evil child alert--two actually.

A 10-year-old student in Tennessee walked up to his teacher's desk and poured a cleaning liquid into her coffee cup; the liquid was dry erase board cleaning spray. Parents are saying the student is old enough to know that the substance would make his teacher sick. Luckily, another student tattled the sinister one out, and the teacher did not drink from the cup.

Three Georgia boys, ages 8 and 9, are being charged with rape, kidnapping, false imprisonment and sexual assault after allegedly forcing an 11-year-old girl into the woods near a suburban apartment complex. Disgusting.


Honestly, who is raising these children?!!?!