Major FAILs of the Week

Just an FYI - my laptop's computer virus is back, which means that whole "whoo-hoo! I'm going to post more now" promise is taking a little detour. This whole mess has pushed me even closer to emptying my bank account for an MacBook. My Mac desktop is wonderful, but it's so full of photos that it moves slower than my 1995 computer in the office. Anyway, enough babbling. Here's something to keep you entertained til I can post again...

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


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Real quick

Hey everyone - Many apologies for the lack of posting lately. As you've probably read, my computer came down with some sort of ridiculous virus that basically made it explode every time I hit the power button. Fortunately, my boyfriend dedicated about 17 hours to this problem and miraculously got it working again. (I've just been too afraid to turn it on for the last week.)

So again, sorry for slacking and hopefully within the next two days I can get back to some sort of regular posting. Thanks for the patience!

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

You guys remember my post about the Palin family baby name generator? (If you didn't try it out, please do - it's quite entertaining). Well, we weren't just being mean by making fun of the ridiculous names the children in the family have: Apparently they're all quite fine with producing offspring with equally as terrible names.

Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, gave birth to a son Sunday. The baby's name? Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. If you got that output from the Palin family baby name generator, you win!

Tripp weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

What makes me laugh is Bristol's fiance, Levi Johnston, apparently had the following on his MySpace page in September before news dropped about his sweetheart's pregnancy: Under status: "in a relationship," but after kids: "I don't want kids."

Either way, it looks like the couple will make out by selling photos of the new baby Palin. Reports Monday night put the number close to $300,000.

Yes, Sarah Palin is now a grandma. I guess now she's gone from MILF, to VPILF, to GILF. Either way, I've got a message for her: Have a nice Tripp, hopefully we don't see you Fall of 2012.

yup, lots of "coughing"

As predicted, my computer completely exploded with pop-ups -- something about Adware? Spyware? A virus in the computer's registry?? Who knows.

My boyfriend dedicated about six hours of his Sunday trying to debug the thing, but apparently whatever I picked up is a bitch of a bug. So I will try to post as much as possible from my much slower -- but less-virusy -- computer, but I can't guarantee anything. Sorry ya'll :(

*cough*

No, I'm not sick, but I am moderately convinced my laptop came down with some sort of virus Christmas Eve. Luckily, (I think) it's all better now -- I just didn't turn it on for three days (hence the brief hiatus) and hoped it sorted itself out, which pretty much guarantees something worse will happen in about 10 minutes.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Who's looking forward to 2009?? I am if it'll bring me a new job, more money, increased relaxation time and a slight drop in lbs. Oh yeah, and if that recession thing could go away, that'd be hot.

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

Just think: 25 years ago that phrase was nothing more than a line in some movie about a little blond kid and his BB gun, a movie that debuted around Thanksgiving and was pulled from theaters before Christmas even came around.

But now, "You'll shoot your eye out, " sexy leg lamps and the phonetical pronunciation of "fragile" (fraaah-jeeel-aaay,--must be Italian) are Christmas staples, especially thanks to TBS and TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" -- a tradition that began in 1997.

Love it or hate, the movie has become a holiday tradition: Last year, the movie marathon brought in 4.4 million viewers - about 1/6 of the American population. Pretty ridic.

What's also ridiculous is the fact that a San Diego man has recreated the Parker house after winning an eBay auction, and it's become a major tourist attraction in Cleveland. Read all about it here. Roadtrip anyone?

And if you have any interest in reading the original movie review for "A Christmas Story," click here.

So, enjoy your holiday and sing "fra-ra-ra-ra" as you enjoy 24 hours of Christmas classic -- I triple dog dare you.

"I, Heidi, take thee Spencer..."

I figured it'd been awhile since my last "Hills" full episode recap, so when better to get back to it than the season finale? So sit back, relax and embrace my sarcastic commentary like Heidi and Lauren at a not-really-black-tie event.

So let's start with the less important --but just as staged-- storyline of the night: Audrina and Justin Bobby heading out to Palm Springs on a weekend getaway. Can we just talk about JB in the overalls without a shirt on his motorcycle? Aaaaand cue the banjo here. But what really made me laugh was Justin's acute observation that every time they go away together, it's never just the two of them -- it's always Audrina's friends "nibbling" in her ear. He's right. And in Palm Springs it was just the two of them... and the producers... the director...the camera men...the boom mic guy...

Things got more interesting when Justin Bobby presented a ring -- from his mouth. That's charming. He did manage to call Audrina by her name rather than the ever-affectionate "dude." For a split second I thought they would totally get married. I mean, it's no Patron, but the two of them had been chugging from that champagne bottle.

Back in LA, Lauren and Lo got all do-ed up (though their hair looked exactly the same as it always does) for a black-tie event hosted by none other than Brent Bolthouse. And Lauren wore lime green. (Shoutout to the show's editing team for cutting in the Dandy Warhols "We Used the Be Friends" here.)

Shockingly enough, Heidi was "working" the event, and I love that she looks around and says, "I haven't seen people look this nice and dressy in a long time," yet the girl just got married three days ago.

Anyway, Heidi approaches Lauren for a heart-to-heart... which really turns into three minutes of the most awkward television ever. There's a lot of nodding and furrowed brows (as per usual on The Hills), and the word "madame" is used way too many times than it ever should between two peers. The most cringe-worthy moment comes after Lauren drops the, "It is what it is" bomb and Heidi pauses, looks pensively and says, "You been working out?" Um? There's more champagne chugging --this time on Lauren's end-- and I am again waiting for two more people to run away and get married.

Speaking of elopement, we find Heidi and Spencer this week attempting to make their Mexico matrimony legal in the US. We also witness Heidi awkwardly explaining the marriage to her friends, family and co-workers. You gotta feel bad for Heidi's mom here -- the poor woman just wants to be there to watch her daughter get married. "There are a lot of people hurt here, a lot of people who have helped mold you into the person you are today," she says. Wait, am I wrong in thinking she's referring to Heidi's plastic surgeons here?

Against her family's wishes, Heidi goes to the courthouse to meet Spencer and Stephanie for a really romantic ceremony before a fake judge. (Yeah, this was shot after hours and probably wouldn't have been legal even if they had gone through with it.) Steph implores Spencer to hold off on the marriage because it's not what his bride really wants. And even though he whines about having gotten all dressed up in his nice suit, he has a change of heart and tells Heidi he'll "deal with" giving her her dream wedding.

And hey, did anyone else think the judge said "through all the day of your lies" to Spencer during his vows? Freudian slip much? I wish she would have made him swear to shave off his Santa Claus beard, too.

So that ends season, what, four? Of course they didn't get married -- it would have essentially put the kibosh on all of the storylines that producers had cooked up. Those people can't keep coming up with new things all the time - they aren't miracle workers for God's sake.

And on the After Show, Lauren's big announcement was --surprise, surprise-- another season of The Hills is forthcoming. Perhaps there will be little Speidlets soon. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers offered them a raise in pay to reproduce.

Here's the final installment of my Hills drinking game. Until next time...

• Whenever you hear "dude"--twice if it's a term of endearment.
• If you have a craving for Sonic's chocolate cheesecake bites.
• Whenever you're a little sadder than you expected that Whitney is gone.
  
• Any time someone takes a swig of champagne.
• Every time Heidi and Spencer's wedding is blamed on alcohol or Mother Nature.

RELATED LINKS
Speidi and the Patron make it happen
Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding
It's a Speidi wedding!

Person of the Year '08

Yup, shockingly enough, Barack Obama has been named Time's Person of the Year for 2008. (I'm sure Sarah Palin was hoping she'd at least win something this year...but praise the Lord she didn't.)

It's no surprise our soon-to-be first Black president is gracing the cover of the annual issue, but I'd still suggest you take a gander. The article is very well-written, and right off-the-bat puts to rest your, 'Gee, Obama as Person of Year - that's original' complaints.

It's unlikely that you were surprised to see Obama's face on the cover. He has come to dominate the public sphere so completely that it beggars belief to recall that half the people in America had never heard of him two years ago — that even his campaign manager, at the outset, wasn't sure Obama had what it would take to win the election. He hit the American scene like a thunderclap, upended our politics, shattered decades of conventional wisdom and overcame centuries of the social pecking order. Understandably, you may be thinking Obama is on the cover for these big and flashy reasons: for ushering the country across a momentous symbolic line, for infusing our democracy with a new intensity of participation, for showing the world and ourselves that our most cherished myth — the one about boundless opportunity — has plenty of juice left in it.

Read on: 2008 Person of the Year. (Don't you love that they no longer call it 'Man of the Year'?)

Blogs of note

You may or may not have noticed a new link in my "more reading material" section, but I'd like to give a plug to my friend (and former roommate), Katfox, who has just started a new blog about her photography. Please check out her stuff and feel free to visit her blog and/or Web site. You can also get in touch with her to have her take some kick-ass photos for you because she's awesome. End of story.

And while I'm in a promoting mood, check out some other friends of The Jerc Store, namely Geoff, Miss, David Dust and Billions of Currency. Lots of fun --and diverse-- reading material on there for ya, so check 'em out.

Major FAILs of the Week

[NOTE] I should put my own picture up here based on my complete failure as of late to update more than three times a week. Sorry :(

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.



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Speidi and the Patron make it happen

As much as I feel the last episode of "The Hills" deserves a Jerc Store-style recap (and perhaps it will get one, if my job ever stops consuming my life), I just have to ask the question now: Was anyone else super confused by the Speidi wedding in the Mexico this week?

I consulted with fellow Hills-buff, Stef, on this and she confirmed that it wasn't just me being as vapid as most of the girls on the show - the continuity of the episode really didn't make sense.

In real life --that is, the life that you and I lead-- news of Heidi and Spencer eloping in Mexico broke Nov. 24, just three weeks before this episode aired. Meanwhile (in Hillsland), Lauren and the crew are saying goodbye to Whitney, who is about to leave for a new life in New York City. But, we've been seeing promos for Whitney's new show, "The City," for at least three weeks now and the show premieres in two. How is that they'd already shot, cut, edited and shipped all the footage for Whitney's new show essentially before she's left?

Did that explanation make sense to anyone? No? Okay, try this one out then...

Heidi and Spencer go to Mexico. One night they're drinking--heavily. Now, it's nighttime when Spencer seemingly forces shots of Patron down Heidi's throat and convinces her to marry him right then and there. (Of course, being the gentleman he is, Spencer pushes, pushes, pushes and then sticks his lip out and says, "You're sure?" Please.) The next time we see the couple --now newlyweds-- is during a morning in their hotel room as Heidi talks about being hungover last night from all the Patron. But yet, they whip out a camcorder to show footage of their wedding, shot in daylight.

If they were taking the shots at night and decided on a whim to get married at night, how was the wedding that they're seemingly discussing "the morning after" shot in daylight?

Could this mean that The Hills is --OMG-- fake? Did they do something like this to --GASP-- improve ratings?

[UPDATE] And hey, previews for next week's season finale show Heidi and Spencer making their elopement legal in a courtroom, but apparently that was filmed after hours and is likely not real either. Haaaaaa.

Thanks, Geoff and Stef!

'Oh, you guys can't breathe in outerspace?'

"Dark Knight" ads are popping up all over the place now that the movie is out on DVD and word just came out that Heath Ledger has been posthumously nominated for a Golden Globe. (Ledger, who played the Joker, will vie for the title of best supporting actor Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr., Ralph Fiennes and Philip Seymour Hoffman.)

All this Batman talk got me thinking about how awesome Dark Knight is and reminded me of a funny College Humor short I saw a few months back. I'm a Batman fan all the way (much more realistic, relative to other super heroes), but this made me laugh.




RELATED LINKS
Riddled with rumors
Dark curse?
Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint...and a Chupa Chup
Coasting by
"WHY SO SERIOUS?"
Update: Heath Ledger death an accident
Update: Heath Ledger's death
BREAKING NEWS: Actor Heath Ledger found dead

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


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Chimpanzee riding on a Segway

So, I haven't been able to get this song out of my head ALL DAY. It's silly, yes, but it's damn catchy. (And moderately impressive, too. I've never tried riding one of those things, but I'd imagine it's tricky.)

Better shake it like a Polaroid while you can

I'm a photo freak. I'm constantly documenting every important and mundane moment in my life by way of my awesome digital camera. That thing comes with me everywhere. But for the most part, those pictures just end up on Facebook, because it's en vogue. Having tangible photos is so last decade, right?

Well, apparently the people at Polaroid picked up on that: This month is the last month the iconic Polaroid film will be in production. Pretty sad, huh?

What will Outkast tell us to shake it like now? On what will Tyra base her "America's Next Top Model" castings? What will Eskimos get when they sit on ice for too long?????

Read more about Polaroids production shutdown and Americas response. (And for your information, shaking a Polaroid might actually hurt your picture.)

I feel a little guilty now. Like my love of the convenience that is digital photography is the sole cause of this. Actually, maybe we can just blame Ashton Kutcher because his stupid digital camera commercials never stop being on television.

RIP Polaroid. You will be missed.

Thanks, TJS!

I nose this ain't a good way to die...

Yeah, it's been almost a week since my last update - work is killing me, but hopefully things will calm down soon. Regardless, I'm pretty sure I 'picked' a nugget of story to come back with...

Apparently no one taught Ian Bothwell that picking your nose isn't a good habit to get into. The 63-year-old Manchester man reportedly died 'digging for gold' in his shnoz.

According to a coroner's report, Bothel -who suffered from dementia and alcoholism- died from a nosebleed caused by constant picking. Authorities initially believed the man had fallen and hit his head, but later found his nasal cavity was filled with blood as a result of epistaxis (aka nosebleed).

"There is no explanation for this death other than he died from a nose-bleed, consistent with picking his nose. I do not think for a moment he knew what he was doing was going to cause his death."- Manchester coroner Nigel Meadows

I'm writing this one down to threaten my kids with some day. "Hey, little Jimmy - quit picking you're nose or you'll end up dead in a pool of your own nose blood like Ian Bothwell."

Major FAILs of the Week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


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Plaxico durress

By now, you've probably heard about New York Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, stupidly shooting himself in a New York nightclub this weekend. Not surprisingly, the Giants announced today that they're placing Plax on the reserve non-football injury list, which means he won't be back for the postseason, either.

This move comes a day after the wide receiver was charged with illegal weapons possession, for which he could receive between 3 and 1/2 to 15 years in prison if convicted. Burress is due back in court March 31, unless he reaches a plea agreement.

Burress shot himself in the right thigh in the VIP section of the nightclub about 1 a.m. Saturday, police said. He did not have a permit to carry a handgun in New York.

A witness reported hearing a popping sound before Burress' legs began to shake, according to a criminal complaint. It said the person saw a bloody pistol fall out of his pant leg and land on the floor before Burress said, "Take me to a hospital."

Apparently, Giants receiver Steve Smith also had a run-in with guns this weekend, but he was on the other end of it.

Police in Clifton, N.J., said Smith was robbed at gunpoint in the early hours of Nov. 25. The second-year receiver had returned to his townhouse in a chauffer-driven car when he was approached from behind by man who held a gun to his head, Clifton police Capt. Robert Rowan said. Smith turned over his jewelry and money and cell phone, the captai said, and the man is still being sought, he said.

Well...if Burress is out, I guess it's a good thing nothing happened to Steve Smith. Maybe if Smith had a gun, no one woulda messed with him, haaaa. Actually, I shouldn't joke about that. I don't want anything to screw up the tear the Giants are on right now.

Recession is in session

It's official, folks: We've got a recession on our hands.

The National Bureau of Economic Research said Monday that the U.S. has been in a recession since December 2007.

Employers have trimmed payrolls by 1.2 million jobs in the first 10 months of this year. On Friday, economists are predicting the government will report a loss of another 325,000 jobs for November. Well that's uplifting...

Click here to read more from CNNMoney.com.

Sick, sick, sick

I think I have a decent immune system, but I'm pretty sure my body can sense it's Thanksgiving and just collapses every year around this time. Fortunately--well, kind of--my boyfriend is sick too, so we have been sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves the last few days.

During that time, he came across Google's Flu Trends, this nifty little site that shows you how your state compares with others at any given time throughout the year. And if you check it out, you'll notice that the entire country is at "low" risk right now, but we're riiiiight about to hit the national spike in flu sickness - whoo-hoo!

Thanks, TJS!