RIPs

UPDATE: Pitchman Billy Mays was found dead today in his home. He was 50. Unbelievable.

I haven't updated in a long time -- no time at all -- but I felt the need to chronicle today/this week as it will become legendary in pop culture history.

Michael Jackson, the "King of Pop," died suddenly today after an apparent heart attack. The artist behind best-selling album of all time died at the age of 50.

Also today, actress Farrah Fawcett lossed her very public battle with cancer. The "Charlie's Angels" actress famous for her pin-up status, Fawcett recently released a documentary depicting her struggles called "Farrah's story." She was 62.

Hollywood lost another legend earlier this week when former Johnny Carson sidekick Ed McMahon submitted to a number of health problems. He was 86.

Dream a dream of this lovely lass...

It's the new Internet sensation, but if you live under a rock and haven't seen it yet, please watch this clip from Britain's Got Talent. I find it hard not to weep, and I promise you it's not over the way this woman looks...

[watch Susan Boyle sing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables]

I couldn't embed the video for copyright reasons, but Susan Boyle, 47, certainly made her mark this week with her appearance on the original "American Idol"/"America's Got Talent" show. 

She's no looker -- and she probably turned a few stomachs with her sexy hip swivel in Simon Cowell's direction -- but Boyle sure can sing. Pretty amazing.

"PLEASE, let me be your Rock of Love..."

[NOTE] Leading up to this concert, I couldn't find many reviews -- mostly because this was only the third or fourth stop of this tour -- so I hope this helps people going to future concerts get an idea of what's in store.

As I mentioned last week, my girlfriends are fantastic for supporting my love of Bret Michaels and this weekend only elevated my irrational obsession of the "seasoned" rocker.

My four friends and I journeyed down to the House of Blues in Showboat Casino Friday night (March 20) for Bret's Atlantic City stop on the "Rock of Love Bus Tour."

We made it down in good time, but our 20-minute check-in and dimly lit hotel room made getting ready for the show a frantic mess of high heels, eyeliner and lingerie (What? Did you think we would show up to a Bret Michaels concert and not dress the part?).

Doors opened at 8 and the show was set to begin at 9, but we unfortunately got in there a little later than I had hoped and fans were jammed tight up to the stage. My friends and I scooted through the crowd and landed about 20-25 rows of people away from the stage. I wanted to get closer, but we were essentially stonewalled by people much larger than we. (Rachel would later say we were blocked by the "fat fortress.")

In my opinion, Bret brought the house down. His voice is a little gruffer than it used to be and he didn't play long (little more than an hour?), but his and the BMB's energy had the crowd -- hardcore Poison fans, Bret Michaels solo enthusiasts and reality television lovers alike -- dancing, jumping and unskinnybopping all over the place.

Bret was smiling the entire time, doing some dancing in his skintight jeans and repeatedly reaching out to the extended hands of fans pouring over the railings. He told mildly insightful stories about his songs (like writing "Every Rose" in a laundromat), reminded us that "ROL" has been the highest rated show on VH1 for three seasons and directed cameramen around the stage as they filmed segments for the channel.

The music was a mix of old Poison, new Bret Michaels Band and cover songs. He opened with the again-popular "Talk Dirty to Me" (for all the Guitar Hero fans in the room), ripped through the "oldest of the oldschool Poison" with "Look What the Cat Dragged In," ended with "Fallen Angel" and encored with "Nothing But a Good Time" (which I called from a mile away -- video below).

Bret also went oldschool with covers of "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Of his newer material, he played the theme to his hit reality show, "Go That Far," the corny-but-catchy "Bittersweet" and --my favorite-- "Driven."

Looking back, I'm a little disappointed we didn't work to get backstage, and while I didn't get to meet Bret, my friends and I did manage to meet and get a hug from Chuck Fanslau, the drummer from the Bret Michaels Band (and who infamously kissed Beverly in ROLB ep. 4 -- pictured below)!

So, overall, Bret Michaels' solo concert was nothing but a good time and my friends and I are already planning to see Poison (with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick) in June when they kick off their tour in NJ in June -- whoo! And you can bet your extension-wearing, silicone-loving butt I'm going to be front row next time Bret comes to town ;)

Bret: 'Bus,' birthday and a book?

During my blogging sabbatical, lots of exciting and offbeat stories made it to the forefront of every imaginable news outlet (excluding, of course, The Jerc Store). Among these were the "Octo Mom," a violent chimp attack, a crashing plane miraculously landing in the Hudson and Chris Brown allegedly beating girlfriend Rhianna.

I'm over all of these stories, and --frankly-- too lazy to write about them, so let's move on to more important things, like Bret Michaels.

Today is his 46th birthday -- rarrr.

A big thanks to my girlfriends for dignifying my irrational love of the Poison front man: A group of us is going to see Bret in concert next weekend at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. (And we're buying appropriate "Rock of Love" attire, to boot.)

But what really prompted this Bret lovefest post is the announcement this week that he will be penning a "tell-all" autobiography called "Roses and Thorns: The Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy to My Realty." Got a nice ring to it, eh?

The book, which hits shelves in June, will explore "every aspect" of Bret's life, including the sex, the drugs, the rock 'n' roll...and the diabetes? He'll also go into detail about his very public conflicts with Poison guitarist CeCe DeVille.

And speaking of the band, Poison will be touring with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick this summer. Hey, whaddya know? They kick off the tour June 23 in Camden. Hmm... Maybe I will get more miles out of my new hookerwear than I thought!

Better shake it like a Polaroid while you can

I'm a photo freak. I'm constantly documenting every important and mundane moment in my life by way of my awesome digital camera. That thing comes with me everywhere. But for the most part, those pictures just end up on Facebook, because it's en vogue. Having tangible photos is so last decade, right?

Well, apparently the people at Polaroid picked up on that: This month is the last month the iconic Polaroid film will be in production. Pretty sad, huh?

What will Outkast tell us to shake it like now? On what will Tyra base her "America's Next Top Model" castings? What will Eskimos get when they sit on ice for too long?????

Read more about Polaroids production shutdown and Americas response. (And for your information, shaking a Polaroid might actually hurt your picture.)

I feel a little guilty now. Like my love of the convenience that is digital photography is the sole cause of this. Actually, maybe we can just blame Ashton Kutcher because his stupid digital camera commercials never stop being on television.

RIP Polaroid. You will be missed.

Thanks, TJS!

Just what the Dr. ordered

It's not exactly free health care, but as of right now, you can now get a free 'appointment' with Dr. Pepper.

The soft-drink maker said earlier this year that it would give a free soda to everyone in America if Guns N' Roses released its "Chinese Democracy" album before the end of 2008. The album, which has been famously delayed since recording began in 1994, goes on sale today (Sunday).

And what the heck is the connection here?

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love. So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as 'Dr Pepper for the ears' because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic." - Dr Pepper director of marketing Jaxie Alt.

Coupons for a free 20-ounce Dr. Peppers will be available for 24 hours on Dr Pepper's Web site. They'll be honored until Feb. 28.

RELATED LINKS
Dessert in a can = no no
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Happy Birthday, Leen!

J-Hud's mother, brother killed

[BREAKING NEWS] The body of a young boy found today in a car has been confirmed as that of Julian King, Jennifer Hudson's 7-year-old nephew.

Several news agencies are reporting that the mother and brother of singer/actress Jennifer Hudson were found dead today in Chicago.

A male family member discovered the body of Hudson's mother, Darnell Donerson, 57, and police later found the body of Hudson's brother, Jason.

The shootings are believed to be domestic.

[UPDATE] Police confirm they have taken a person into custody but are not saying who it is. News reports, however, say that person is Hudson's brother-in-law, William Balfour. Balfour's mother has also acknowledged her son has been questioned about the shootings.

Authorities issued an Amber Alert for Hudson's 7-year-old nephew, Julian King, and were seeking a 1994 white Chevrolet Suburban.

The alert said the child was possibly abducted, and accompanied by a man — considered armed and dangerous — who was a suspect in the double homicide investigation. Records with the Illinois Department of Corrections show the man, who has not been charged with a crime, is on parole and spent nearly seven years in prison for attempted murder, vehicular hijacking and possessing a stolen vehicle.

Whole lotta De La Hoya... but not that one

VH1 is at it again - Another "Love" loser will be getting her own show...

Enter former "Rock of Love II" bimbo Daisy De La Hoya (yes, she's related) in the network's upcoming show, "Daisy of Love." Do they not realize that the title of that makes absolutely no sense? Do they not have anyone at VH1 who come up with something--anything--better than that?

The show will air in Spring 2009, but I'm only watching it if Bret Michaels makes an appearance...Oh, who am I kidding? I will probably be mildly addicted to this, even though on-camera Daisy is close to braindead and sounds perptually stoned. She just be bi-sexual and go on "Shot at Love."

Casting for the show is apparently based on an Internet vote (ala "I Love New York" and "Real World Hollywood"), so if you're really interested in dating the Daisy Duck look-a-like, click here and upload your profile. Round 1 ends in 33 days. Let me know if you're doing it; I'll start a Jerc Store campaign and rally the readers behind you. It'll like, be totally, like awesome, ya knoowww?
RELATED LINKS
Giving me 'something to believe in'
Belting and blogging it out with Bret
"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"
Bret leaves the ladies 'Charmed'
Open up and say, 'You're an idiot for getting my name tatooed on your neck'

Don't Vote!

Voter registration deadlines are a-coming! [Find your state's registration deadline here.] Are you registered? Do you know by when you need to do it? Do you care???

Maybe watching this PSA below will make you give a hoot - and if nothing else, Jonah Hill and Sarah Silverman will give you a laugh. Check out a slue of celebs telling you, "DON'T VOTE!"

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Oops! Sis did "it" again?

[BREAKING NEWS?] I was about to tell my boyfriend that he's been living under a rock when he sent me a link to a news story called, "Jamie Lynn Spears pregnant"--She gave birth to that kid three months ago, duhhh!

But when I actually read the story, I was shocked to find that Britney's little sis might have another bun in the oven.
The National Enquirer is reporting that Spears is pregnant with her second baby, after giving birth to baby Maddie Briann (wtf kind of name is that?) on June 19.

[UPDATE] A rep for Jamie Lynn told E! that the 17-year-old is not pregnant. A source who lives in Jamie Lynn's native Kentwood, La., tells E! News: "I talk to [her mom] Lynne all the time. Believe me, she would have mentioned if that little girl is expecting again. That's just a bunch of made-up crap."

Here are some of the tidbits the Enquirer got from an "insider":

“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical. Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding." - an inside source on Jamie Lynn's rumored pregnancy.

A home pregnancy test came back positive, the source said, and apparently the former "Zoey 101" star's friends are urging her to terminate.

And hey, who the baby daddy???

Who knows if any of this is true, but it seems like one Spears has just gotten her life back on track while the other one is following the deadbeat beaten path.

Thanks, TJS!

RELATED LINKS
Baby mama drama
Pregnancy 101

Perry's a little more hot than cold right now

Fill in the blank - "I kissed a girl and I ______________."

• A) became Barbie
• B) got suspended
• C) went to hell
• D) liked it
• E) ALL OF THE ABOVE
  

For being known for such a silly song, Katy Perry has made one hot commodity of herself lately. Not only did she kiss a girl and like it, she's somehow managed to get young women in trouble while simultaneously becoming a tangible 'role model' for little girls.

Three girls on the twirler team at a North Texas high school were disciplined for performing to Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" at a recent football pep rally. School administrators apparently found the song to be inappropriate. The girls are suspended for the next two games, but the school's drum line has vowed not to perform without the girls, wearing "No twirlers, no band" stickers in show of support. I'm sure that drum line is just hoping for some twirler-on-twirler action.

In other news, Katy Perry's likeness is being made into a 12-inch doll by Integrity Toys. The dolls is being sold for $49.99, but apparently she's already sold out, so you've gotta get on the waiting list to get your hands on a miniature Perry. The first batch is expected to be shipped in late fall. I can only imagine what sort of compromising positions my new Katy Perry doll will end up in when she, Barbie and Midge have their sleepover party!

And in case you forgot, those who do as Katy Perry does will go to hell. So for those of you keeping score at home, the answer is D.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds marry

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds married today in Canada, sources say.

Us Weekly reported on its Web site Sunday that the small wedding took place at a resort outside Vancouver, British Columbia. Guests included Scarlett's mother, Melanie Sloan, and her brother, Adrian Johansson, the magazine said.

Johansson, on whom I have a huge girl-crush, and Reynolds began dating last year and announced their engagement in May. This is the first marriage for both celebs.

Reynolds had been in a four-year relationship with singer Alanis Morrissette, who has reportedly wished her ex well. Johansson has previously been linked to Derek Jeter, Benicio del Toro, Jared Leto, Justin Timberlake and "Black Dhalia" co-star Josh Hartnett. Daaaamn, what a list. But Ryan Reynolds is hot, too, so kudos to them. Can't wait for the beautiful babies!

I'm singing M-to the-C-to the M-to the A...

After years of sidekicking the "Tonight Show," making children's dreams come true on "Star Search" and delivering those big ass Publisher's Clearing House checks to small towners, Ed McMahon now plans to spread the love as a rapper for FreecCreditReport.com.

Think of it as his own personl bailout plan...

McMahon, who recently revealed he was fighting foreclosure after falling $644,000 behind on mortgage payments on his Beverly Hills home, will be featured wearing a tracksuit, being chauffeured around LA in a Cadillac Escalade golf cart and spitting lyrics about his very public financial troubles.

"When I retired, I was famous/I had money and glory/ I bought a house for 6 mill/I thought nothing could touch me/ Until my credit went south, and debt started to crunch me/ Next thing I know, instead of playing gin rummy, I was scrambling just to make ends meet/It wasn't funny," so the rap goes.

The spots will appear in two viral videos, set to be released online in October.

Charles Harris, FreeCreditReport.com's vice president of strategic marketing, said the company sought out McMahon to star in the humorous spots after seeing him openly discuss his finances on "Larry King Live." Harris said McMahon represents "a man who is taking charge."

I think it's brilliant. Does anyone remember when FreeCreditReport.com's old commercials just had a lady singing "Freeee credit report dot com!" and that was it? Probably not because they were lame. Women are crooning over the indie boys in the new commercials and people everywhere can't get the songs out of their heads. I'm sure these new ones will be no exception. The Web site even has the "As seen on TV" logo on its mainpage. Talk about hamming it up.

This one is my fav.

NKOTB alert

As reported back in January, the New Kids on the Block are back and--well, I wouldn't say better than ever, but they're...older?

NKOTB apparently released a single and video a few months ago for "Summertime," which apparently fell under my radar, but I was 'fortunate' enough to catch their new video yesterday morning on VH1. The single is called, "Single" (creative), and features Ne-Yo. See below.



The Kids--now like, borderline middle-aged men--are also taking a big risk by going live this Sunday for "New Kids on the Block: A Behind the Music Special Event."

The special will start at 8pm and stick to the normal BTM format with old photos and interviews recapping the band's history. The cameras will follow Joey, Jordan, Donnie, Jon and Danny step by step as they get ready to perform at the TD Banknorth Garden in their home town of Boston, and we'll get a chance to see the first three songs of NKOTB's tour.

RELATED LINKS
Bringing the 'Right Stuff' back to the block

Clay is gay - sounds like a nice nursery rhyme?

[Breaking news] Clay Aiken is gay.

...Wait, really?? I'm not trying to make light of this--I just legitimately thought he had come out like, three years ago.

Aiken apparently comes out on on the latest cover of People magazine, holding his infant son, Parker Foster Aiken. The headline reads, "Yes, I'm Gay," with the quote: "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things."

The baby's mother is Aiken's friend and record producer Jaymes Foster.

This is nowhere near as shocking --or as devastating-- as finding out in 2006 that Lance Bass was gay. Or is gay. Whatever. You know what I mean.

UPDATE Lindsay Lohan is jumping on the orient(ation) express - she admitted this week that she has in fact been dating friend Samantha Ronson for "a very long time." Another not-so-shocking announcement: The media has been covering this for months, but whatev. Good for them. (Thanks, Dave.)

Have we been Punk'd?

Oscar award winner Jennifer Hudson is engaged...to Tiffany "New York" Pollard's leftovers!

Hudson's boyfriend of less than a year, David "Punk" Otunga, popped the question with Neil Lane diamond ring Friday in Los Angeles.

The proposal came on the Dreamgirl's 27th birthday.

Punk was a contestant on the second season of VH1's "I Love New York." He lasted 10 episodes, getting booted by New York before only "Buddha" and the season's winner, "Tailor Made."

In Hudson's defense, David --a Harvard grad and lawyer-- was definitely the most eligible bachelor of the bunch. Sadly, it seems as though Punk has fallen into the ex-reality star routine, as evidenced by his lame song, "Rock Out With Punk," on his MySpace page. I thought he was better than that, but hey, at least now he can ride the coattails of a woman with talent.

"You always miss a best friend"

Good thing tonight's half-hour of "The Hills" coincided with halftime of the Cowboys/Eagles game, or else I would have been mad I missed an exciting football game for a pretty pathetic episode.

As the promos promised, Holly spends some time with her sister's sworn enemy after Heidi and (of course) Spencer express some dissatisfaction with the whole situation. Lauren's skeptical about spending more time with Holly because she doesn't want to cause more problems like she did while hanging out with Spencer's sister.

Back in the Hills' house, things are suddenly rainbows and sunshine with Lauren, Lo and Audrina - I'm sure all that prior drama wasn't scripted at all. The girls head out to Audrina's work function, which -- um, Audrina works? I guess they needed to switch up the scenery a bit; splicing subtitles over dark nightclub scenes probably got a bit old for the production crew.

Justin Bobby bails. Audrina complains about how he doesn't show her he cares. This all is soooo last season. Moving on...

Heidi has lunch with her co-worker and we get a glipse of creative editing at its finest: While Heidi is reminiscing about her friendship with Lauren, LC is simultaneously admitting to Stephanie that she misses being with Heidi because, well, predictably, "You always miss a best friend."

Tonight's ep was a yawn-fest in my opinion, but it seems like stuff's gonna hit the fan next week when Lauren travels to Italy, leaving Stephanie the opportunity to move in on Doug. I guess when the Cheshire Cat's away, the former drug addicts will play.

The next round of my 'Hills' drinking game:

• Every time you hear, "three musketeers" or "best friend."
  
• After every mention of an artist you've never heard of and their new music you don't care about.
• During any mention of nipple piercings.
  
• Whenever Holly is bland (pace yourself).
  
• Whenever you almost wish Spencer was in the episode more because these broads are putting you to sleep.
  

RELATED LINKS
Back in 'The Hills'
"Drama follows them"
Boys make girls cry and something's gotta change

Don't want these panties in a bunch...

I've written a few entries on crazy eBay auctions, but this one is by far the most wacko: The King of Pop's panties will be up for sale Thursday, according to Page Six.

And they're not just any panties--they're the same unwashed, tighty-whities used as evidence in Wacko Jacko's child molestation case. That's not disgusting at all...

The size-28 Calvin Klein white briefs will be sold at a reserve price of $1 million. The unwashed undies were confiscated in 2003 to obtain a DNA sample, and are part of Jackson artifacts offered by New Jersey businessman Henry Vacarro, who obtained them in a bankruptcy case. The panties come sealed in an evidence bag and wrapped with police tape.

Also being sold are Jackson's handwritten note explaining why he wanted an annulment from Lisa Marie Presley and a used half-ounce tube of skin-bleaching cream--why? I don't know. But you should probably spend your life savings on it.

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Like something out of 'Thriller'
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Thou shalt not obey Katy Perry

I guess the Havens Corners Church isn't a fan of cherry chapstick.

The Ohio Church posted a sign outside reading, "I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT THEN I WENT TO HELL" -- an obvious play on Katy Perry's radio hit.

The pastor at the church proclaimed the sign a "loving warning to teens" to advise them not to do what the Perry advocates in her song, and that people familiar with the Scriptures should not be shocked at the message because they're not ambiguous.

Lynne Bowman, director of Equality Ohio, a gay and transgender advocacy group, said that the 100-person church has made it clear that it is not welcoming of all people.

"That sign just tells them where they cannot go to find the love and faith in Christ." - Lynne Bowman.

I am always a little skeptical of church sign stories, because it's pretty simple to create your own -- as evidenced below. But, I checked out the church's Web site, and its "Finding and feeding His sheep" tagline and the "What Must I Do to Be Saved?" page don't make it too hard to believe this is legit.

Thanks, Mc!

Like something out of 'Thriller'

I know I'm a few days late on the Michael Jackson birthday jokes, so I won't even try. But I stumbled across this photo slideshow of the King of Pop's 50 years of faces and I couldn't not share it.

Click here to see the show. The transition is not only mind-boggling, but it's so terrifying I should have waited til Halloween to post it.

And as a backward belated birthday wish to Michael, check out the video below. Just, uhh, replace every 'Lisa' with 'Michael'...?