Boys make girls cry and something's gotta change

So I've been a bit tardy on my 'Hills' updates. I didn't have a chance to write about last week's episode, but all I really missed was stupid Lauren broke up with Doug for like, no reason. And then MTV threw me for a loop this week by putting a new episode on Sunday before the VMAs, in an obvious and pathetic attempt to get people to watch the lackluster awards show. So here's a double shot for you...

In "Boys Make Girls Cry," the crew jetsets to Vegas for the night to celebrate Frankie's birthday. Stephanie's former drug problem (click for a terrible mugshot) comes to light and Brody calls her a 'complete psycho,' sending her to the girls' hotel room in tears. Lauren imparts her wisdom -- "Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you" -- and then compassionately tells Stephanie to stop crying because it will ruin her blue eyeliner and she really doesn't have time to retouch it.

Things continue to be awkward between Lauren and Audrina. Apparently they're growing in different directions. Like, Lauren is an aspiring fashion designer who doesn't actually design any clothing and Audrina is an aspiring actress whose acting gig is a part in a reality television show. Yeah. Completely different directions.

In other news, Holly makes good on her sister's offer to move out to Hollywood and into her and Spencer's apartment. While shooting for a high score on his personal arcade game, Spencer complains to Heidi about having to live with another girl and having to see extra tampons in the house (I'm not making that up).

The best part of this episode: "What would you do if you were me and you wake up in the morning, do your average thing, walk out to go work out and your sister’s half-naked on the rowing machine erasing my TiVo rowing her little ass off?" The next time my grandma comes to stay, if she erases "Gossip Girl" on TiVo, she's out on her ass. Straight up.

The episode ends with a garbage cliffhanger: Doug and Brody are in jail. GASP! Except cut to Monday's episode, "Something Has to Change," and we find they were actually just filling out paperwork in a casino holding cell after some lune accosted them on the floor. And who knows if that's even true.

This entire episode is a long and uneventful buildup to Lauren and Audrina's 30-second 'what is happening to our friendship' conversation.

In the meantime, we've got Spencer telling Holly to move out and Holly disappearing for --ohmygod-- a few hours. Then there's JustinBobby giving Audrina advice on the roommate situation. You know, JustinBobby's eloquence as of late has been quite surprising. Perhaps he was on drugs the last two season and has finally cleaned up his act. Maybe he attended the same rehab center as Stephanie. Maybe it's just the haircut.

In the end, Audrina and Lauren have their long-awaited conversation and ultimately make amends, but not without LC throwing in a teary jab about having to awkwardly bob her head at Audrina's "weird" concerts. Poor Audrina; she must not have known when she was approached by producers to befriend these girls that listening to alternative music and having friends who are not blond would make her an outcast.

They hug and make up. Now that Audrina and Lauren have seemingly put their differences behind them, it looks like MTV has the stage set for a Lauren/Heidi reconciliation. I guess we'll find out next week.

The next round of my 'Hills' drinking game:

• Every time Frankie looks like he's gonna drunkenly make out with someone in Vegas.
  
• Whenever you should feel bad for Stephanie, but don't.
  
• Everytime you hear some version of, "We used to be such good friends..."
  
• During every a cry fest. Take a shot when you see black tears.
  

RELATED LINKS
Back in 'The Hills'
"Drama follows them"