Don't want these panties in a bunch...

I've written a few entries on crazy eBay auctions, but this one is by far the most wacko: The King of Pop's panties will be up for sale Thursday, according to Page Six.

And they're not just any panties--they're the same unwashed, tighty-whities used as evidence in Wacko Jacko's child molestation case. That's not disgusting at all...

The size-28 Calvin Klein white briefs will be sold at a reserve price of $1 million. The unwashed undies were confiscated in 2003 to obtain a DNA sample, and are part of Jackson artifacts offered by New Jersey businessman Henry Vacarro, who obtained them in a bankruptcy case. The panties come sealed in an evidence bag and wrapped with police tape.

Also being sold are Jackson's handwritten note explaining why he wanted an annulment from Lisa Marie Presley and a used half-ounce tube of skin-bleaching cream--why? I don't know. But you should probably spend your life savings on it.

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Love of Labor

Happy Labor Day
from The Jerc Store!

I imagine everyone's BBQ-ing it up this weekend, but if you've got a hankering for some un-barbecue (or pre-party) food today, check out Chick-fil-A's Labor Day Giveaway. Just wear your favorite professional, college or local sports team's attire and receive a free 3-piece chicken strips.

And you can enjoy your chicken while you read all about the history of Labor Day here.

Orrrr just gorge yourself with burgers and beer... and enjoy that day off from work, whoo-hoo!

Taking it to 'the tart'

A woman is taking revenge on her cheating husband and his mistress by selling items of the adulterous affair on eBay.

The Australian woman --identified only by her username annastella007-- is selling a photo of lacy black panties ("size humongous") and an empty condom wrapper ("size small") in an auction ending Aug. 17.

"THEY ARE SO HUGE, I THOUGHT THEY MAY MAKE SOMEONE A NICE SHAWL OR EVEN BETTER, SOMETHING FOR HALLOWEEN PERHAPS,,," - annastella, on the panties

On the auction site, the woman recounts the day she discovered her husband of 22 years had been cheating on her with "the tart" (later identified as Kylie). Apparently she received a suspicious text from him (intended for the mistress) while she was at work and came home to find him desperately trying to keep her from entering the bedroom.

She got in there and found the goods. When she asked what the condom was for (because they had not used them together in years), the husband said he had dropped his phone in the toilet and used one he found in an old coat as a rubber glove to get it out. Clever, but she obviously knew his cell phone was fine from the text she received earlier. When asked where the panties came from, the man confessed he was a closet transvestite. Not helping your case, man...

Needless to say, annastella tossed the now ex-hubby (and all of his belongings) out of the house. And as some sort of weird "therapy" attempt, she put the evidence up for sale on eBay, only the site's policies on already-worn underwear prohibited her from selling the actual panties.

As of 10 p.m. Aug 13, the highest bid for the wrapper and pantie photo was $127.50. Incredible.

I, like probably most of you, am always amazed at how some of these things happen to sell, but I'm also a leery of the validity of all this. I mean, it'd be just as easy for me to make up an elaborate story and sell some obscure item so it gets on the news and I make an easy hundred bucks. I don't know if I could come up with the condom as a rubber glove thing, though, so...more power to her.

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Update: Those Bostonians just don't stop, do they?

The David Ortiz jersey that was buried on-site at the Yankees new stadium this weekend is outta there.

The Red Sox jersey was put there by Gino Castignoli, a construction worker hoping to put a hex on the team.

"We were upset about it and we didn't like the idea. There's enough Yankee fans, enough people on this project that are proud of what they are doing and they knew about it and they knew where it was and they decided to get rid of it right away." - construction worker Frank Gramarossa.

The team is looking to take legal action...Yeah, the Yankees aren't messing around. Eat it Red Sox moron.

Those Bostonians just don't stop, do they?

So about a week after sicking a vicious hawk on an innocent child with the same nickname as the Yankees' star third basemen, construction workers are working to bring a new curse to Ruth's new home.

The New York Post reported today that two construction workers --who are remaining anonymous-- secretly buried a Red Sox t-shirt in the concrete under the future visitor's clubhouse.

Not sure if it's completely true, but the Yankees said it ain't so.

"We noticed that the NY Post wrote a fun and interesting story about a T-shirt today - but it never happened, Yankee fans know that burying something in concrete in the basement is never a good thing. Memo to the Post: You're 10 days late for April Fools' Day."--Yankees spokeswoman Alice McGillion.

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"A-Rod" attacked by evil BoSox hawk

"Hello--did you have a doubt? What up."

WARNING: SPOILERS
Again, I have shamefully slacked on my PR updates, but thankfully I caught tonight's season finale and all I can say is--FIERCE.

After going head-to-head with Chris March last week in a sudden death match up, Rami advanced to Fashion Week with Jillian and Christian. The designers had their shining moment to debut their line in Bryant Park in front of guest judge Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. Daaaamn!

I also enjoyed the smattering of Bravo celebs sporadically placed throughout, like Padma, and love-of-my-life Jack with his new love interest Top Chef Dale, last season PR winner Jeffrey Sebelia and the rest of the eliminated designers from this season.

Jillian's line was--as always--wearable, but her complete lack of excitement really turned me off. Her clothes were derived from the painting she chose for the last challenge and appeared to be some sort of horse jockey meets knits with a few random shiny things thrown in. Hats, too. Lots of hats. Overall, it was a pretty line, but like the judges said, also disjointed.

Rami's line was--not surprisingly--impressive; I actually liked it a lot more than I thought I would. And there were lots of headbands. What's with the headwear obsession? Rami's designs were much more cohesive than Jillian's, and the evening gowns were really well made. My fav was the basket woven dress--so pretty.

And then there was Christian who delivered ferocity and drama, drama, drama. Lots of frill and puffs. I was a little put off by the first five looks or so being all black (the judges were too), but I appreciated the transition into colors, and though I'd never wear most of the designs, they were really exciting and fun to look at. And how spectacular was it to finally see Christian show off his runway walking skills as he struck a 'ferosha' pose at the end.

The judges shared some of my sentiments, but no one was Christian's biggest fan tonight like Posh Spice herself. She was practically drooling, and in the end, Christian's clothes almost brought the cold one to tears! Gasp.

Jillian--you're out.
And you could just tell as soon as Heidi Klum said, "Christiaaan?" he was in. And I could not have been freaking happier. If Rami had won, it would have been a wash because he's already established, plus he and Jillian are both a snooze personality wise.

So a big congratulations to Christian for being the youngest--and fiercest--winner of Project Runway to date.

Sadly, this concludes this season's coverage of Project Runway, but let us all rejoice in the fact that Top 'mother freaking' Chef starts next week. CANNOT WAIT.

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Episode 1
Episode 2
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Episode 11

"Joan Rivers carved her initials in it"

WARNING: SPOILERS

My apologies for the tardiness of this entry. I honestly had not had a chance to see either the last challenge episode and this week's reunion until this afternoon.

Where we last left off, crybaby Ricky was kicked out--thank God--and only Chris, Christian, Sweet P, Rami and Jillian remained in hopes of becoming (no, not America's Next Top Model, sorry I got carried away) Project Runway Season Four's top designer. Two designers would be eliminated at judging.

This challenge was one of the best in terms of logistics, but not necessarily results. The designers visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC and were required to create a design inspired by one piece of art within three different themed rooms in the museum.

Well, naturally, Rami went with the Greek/Roman inspired drape piece--hello, yawn. He put together, again, a nice looking dress completely devoid of a 'wow' factor. Thank goodness the judges gave him an earful.

Chris was also criticized for his familiar design, not because it was safe (below, left), but because it was very reminiscent of the couture challenge's garment (below, right). Ehh? Yeah. What was he thinking?!

Sweet P's look--based on a peacock painting--made me the most uncomfortable. The judges said it looked wearable, but to me, it really just looked like colorful rags. And the feathers in the model's hair? My God, she looked ridiculous (below, left).

The judges liked Jillian's look and sung her praises once again, but I just don't like her. Maybe if she had a personality. I think Heidi was right: She's quiet (aka a robot) but her clothes are loud. Of course, this isn't a personality contest and Jillian got her ticket to Fashion Week (below, center).

And then there was Christian, whose design from the get-go was a shoe-in to win this week, even though it started off looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in a vest. His dramatic, but wearable pieces really thrilled the judges and he was this week's winner (below, right). During judges' deliberation, it became clear that Christian is regarded as the most talented and creative of the lot, so we'll be on the lookout for him during next week's finale.

The judging then went as follows:

"Sweet P, you're"
"...Chris, you're in." [GASP!!!]
"Rami...you're also in." [DAMNIT!!]

Yes. The judges were deadlocked between Chris and Rami that the two will go into extra innings to show at Fashion Week. From the end of the show, the designers were sent home to create their look to show, but when they return to NYC, Chris and Rami will show three looks from their line and the judges will select who goes on. Hopefully the "do something else" bashing that Rami got at the last judging won't sink in and Chris will move on. Rami bores the hell out of me. Go back to designing for Jessica Alba.

11 down--four to go. Make it work!

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The 'perfect' gift

The Giants may have stunned the world by beating the Patriots in this year's Super Bowl, but the children of Nicaragua don't care, because we all win when one team loses.

Hundreds of shirts and caps proclaiming the victory of the New England Patriots were shipped off to poor Nicaraguan children in the southern city of Diriamba.

"The children are the winners," said Miriam Diaz, of World Vision, a Christian humanitarian organization.

So essentially, what would have made a perfect season is making the perfect gift, ehh?

Thanks, Kat Fox!

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"Mine's gonna be Ferosha Coutura"

WARNING: SPOILERS

Well, we had a week off since the shocking victory of Ricky and the downfall of Victorya, but this week, Project Runway was back with a vengeance.

Tim took the crew on another field trip to reveal the challenge, and at first, it seemed like it was going to be an S&M design challenge with all the moaning and slamming going on behind closed doors. Instead, the doors opened to reveal six feisty W.W.E. Divas, in mid-scripted fight.

They've got one day and $100 to spend on a flashy, spandexy spectacular look that applies to their Diva's persona in the ring, i.e. Sweet P's Diva, Candice, is the "Robe and Reveal," so she must create a robe for Candice to take off and reveal her body - rocket science, I know.

The best part of this episode was the "If I were a W.W.E. Diva, I would be..." conversation that sparked up in the workroom, which would be from where this entry's title originates. While Sweet P's persona would be Spread Eagle (and she'd crush people with her thighs," Chris comes up with the completely unoriginal Wonder Woman - uhh, that's been done before. Christian takes it to the next level--as always--saying he would be Ferosha Coutura and she would spray enemies in the eye with hairspray. Even if Christian doesn't win this season, they should give him his own reality show to document his ferosh-ness in every day situations. I'd watch.

And generally, it's acceptable for a woman to lose an arm wrestling match (sorry ladies, it is), but shame on Sweet P for losing to Christian. Yes he is (arguably) a man, but come on, girl...

The abridged version of the work room - big, scary, buff women being fitted. Sweet P's model wanted all the bells and whistles--we're talking Queen of Gaudy-ville here. And of course, Rami was super sour about the tackiness of the challenge, whaa whaa. Your name isn't Ricky, stop crying.

Chris and his model both discovered their love for leopard print and he sent her out in some sort of half-hoodie, animal-esque look (below, left) that the judges went ape for--this week's winner. Christian went with the 'Leather and Lace' look (below, center), Fleetwood Mac anyone? Chaa, just kidding. And Jillian's look also got some kudos (below, right), but I think it's mostly because her Diva was the hottest. Wait a sec...the entire show is made up of women and gay men, nevermiiind.

At the bottom of the barrel this week were Sweet P, Rami and Ricky. Sweet P was criticized for not giving her model a big enough robe (below, left), but I don't think I bigger robe would have helped that thing, like, really. Rami's design was so incredible hideous, and if I didn't dislike Ricky so much, I'd have wished for him to go home. Seriously. It's ghastly!

And then there was Ricky...

Maybe Ricky didn't get the memo that they were designing for W.W.E. Divas this week, because he sent some sort of tropical bathing suit down the runway, a design that we've so totally seen in like, last year's swimwear line. And with that, the judges FINALLY gave Ricky something to cry about.

10 down--five to go. Make it work!




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"Oh my God, I'm gonna die of barfness"

WARNING: SPOILERS
Some big lead changes on this week's Project Runway episode. Those at the top (ehem "Team Robot Monotone" according to David Dust ehem) landed in the bottom, and unfortunately, a certain someone won the challenge...

The remaining designers took a "field trip" to a docking site where they were introduced to this week's raw materials: over 500 pairs of Levi's jeans and white cotton. The challenge was to create an iconic denim look that embodied the spirit and creativity of the Levis brand.

Unfortunately for our "BIG man on campus," Chris March," the designers were given three minutes to sprint to the materials and gather as much as possible. Another running challenge?? It seems like they're just targeting the big guy.

Anyway. Back in the design room, the drama seemed to flare up here and there, between Chris and Christian bickering--"Give him a bottle and send him to bed"-- and Jillian crying about how she was pricking herself with the sewing machine and bleeding everywhere.

Ricky had his own little confessional moment being voiced over as the designers worked on their garments. In his blabbering, the conductor-hat-wearing designer lists all his accolades. Hey Ricky, we don't care what you did in whoever's lingerie show. We still liked Kit better than you...and Kevin...and Jack...

Coming down the runway, nearly everyone pulled off something decent looking. The judges seemed to like Rami, Christian, Sweet P and Ricky's looks, while former frontrunners Jillian and Victorya fell to the bottom with Chris.

Yes, that's right. The judges liked Ricky's look this week, which honestly, infuriates me. Just when you think, "Okay, maybe he'll go home this week. There's no way he can be so lucky and get all the way to Bryant Park," the SOB pulls off something that's actually good looking. The judges deem him the winner.

The best part - What does Ricky do when they call his work impeccable (which no one has used to describe his work since he's been on the show)? He cries. Yes, surprising as it may be, Ricky let loose a river of tears all over his winning denim dress. GO HOME!


And on the other end of things, Jillian (rightmost) and Victorya (my other least favorite people) were left standing on the runway after both designers dressed their models in boring and mismatched jean jackets. Victorya was sent home, mostly because Michael Koors thought her design looked like a "party skirt got glued onto a jean jacket."

Nine down--six to go. Make it work!



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Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8

"If I was a diva, my name would be Ferosh"

WARNING: SPOILERS
Ohhhh tonight's Project Runway made me furious. But before we get to the good stuff, let's cover the logistics.

This week, the designers selected their models based on their avant garde hairstyles and asked to create an equally as avant garde look to match. Each designer was randomly paired off, and halfway through, Tim Gunn announced that the pairs would need to create a ready-to-wear look that embodied the essence of the first couture garment.

Jillian and Victorya ended up together, and yawn-o-rama. Two of my least favorite people this season and they end up with the awesome girl sporting a crazy Sanjaya-inspired mohawk.

Team Fierce, aka Chris and Christian, was totally my pick this week. Not only did Christian inspire the title of this entry, but he was flamboyantly strutting around the design room showing female models how to fiercely walk the catwalk.

My girl, Kit Pistol, and stupid Ricky were matched up. He is a fashion designer--shouldn't he know that that conductor's hat is horrendous?!

Of all the teams, though, Rami and Sweet P butted heads the most and Rami's stubborn and demanding side came out tonight.

Post-runway show, Team Fierce and Team Yawn were the judges' favorite. Chris and Christian created this giant - completely avant garde - brown, marshmallow, frilly, monster of a dress, followed by a really cute ready-to-wear look. Jillian and Victorya took the punk/equestrian look, which I personally thought looked better before the model took the trench coat off. Thank goodness the girls didn't take this one because I'm seriously sick of them winning challenges. And as a prize, Chris/tian's looks were featured in an Elle fashion show.

On the other end were Rami/Sweet P and Kit/Ricky. The judges were disappointed that Rami has done nothing but create draped garments and he threw Sweet P under the bus this week. Kit was criticized for her arguably sloppy Scarlett O'Hara look(below, left) and the hideous baby doll dress that Ricky made (below, right). Sucks that the very first time Kit is singled out, it's for a negative.

For some reason, Ricky was safe first, even though he made probably the ugliest thing I've seen all season (yes, even worse than Simone's look from the first episode). Then Sweet P was safe, and at that point, Kit had to be thinking, 'Well, $#%!,' because Rami is a shoe-in for Olympus Fashion Week. And sadly, another one of my favs was undeservedly sent home this week.

WHY IS RICKY STILL THERE?! (Yes, I'm going to bitch about this until they send him home. He's so terrible!)

Eight down--seven to go. Make it work!

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Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7

IKEA Sweet IKEA

Comedian Mark Malkoff, who works as a ticket handler for "The Colbert Report," won't be staying at friends' houses or in a hotel while his New York apartment is fumigated this week.

Instead, the 31-year-old will be staying at an IKEA store in Paramus, N.J., and documenting the experience on his Web site: Mark Malkoff Lives in IKEA. The videos are a little scripted in parts, but it's still awesome. The guy is living in an IKEA storefront and jumping on beds and wearing bathrobes that don't belong to him.

And by the looks of the videos, he's making a lot of friends in the store--employees, staff, customers...

The sinks and toilets don't work in his room, though, so the comedian will be using the employee locker room and using the cafeteria to cook meals he buys himself.

Malkoff contacted the store three weeks ago and they agreed to the arrangement, saying that it'd be fun, but he has to be out by the time the store closes Saturday night (IKEA is completely closed on Sundays).

Oddly enough, Malkoff's wife opted to stay with relatives while the apartment is unavailable. Bad decision, lady. This setup looks awesome.

If you want to visit Mark, you've gotta get out to the store by tomorrow night:
IKEA
100 IKEA Dr.100 IKEA Dr.
Paramus, NJ 07652
201-843-1881