Go fish

I love offbeat news stories as much as the best person, but I love 'em even more when they hit closer to home:

In what really shouldn't have been an entertaining story, employees at a Philadelphia pet store were shocked this weekend when they opened what they believed to be a shipment of exotic fish and instead found a cadaver.

Jon Kenoyer, of California, died unexpectedly last week and had requested his body be donated to Alzheimer's research in Allentown, Pa. His body, flown across country by US Airways, somehow got mixed up with a shipment bound for Pets Plus USA.

When the package arrived at the store, the owner knew immediately that something was amiss. The package was not opened.

If you take a second to think about it, this story is horrible, but the one shred of lightheartedness was the wife's statement that her late husband was a practical joker and she considers this his one last prank.

Important to note that this should not dissuade people from donating their bodies to research, she added.

Black --and deadly-- Friday

I've never been into the whole Black Friday thing, though I admittedly thought about getting up at 4 a.m. today and hitting the stores from some deals. Unfortunately for my shopping ambition (but fortunately for my dwindling back account), I am working today...not quite sure why, because everyone I need to contact --including the police department-- is off today, grrr.

Anyway. For those of you who got out to the stores or plan to get in on the tail end of the door buster deals, good for you... but be careful! I just caught wind of an incident in Long Island where a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a Black Friday crowd. (*Note, this picture was not taken from the same Wal-Mart.)

The news story seems to have a lot of unconfirmed information, but apparently a pregnant woman also taken down in the stampede and despite previous reports of a miscarriage, doctors say the baby is fine.

The unidentified worker, employed as an overnight stock clerk, tried to hold back the unruly crowds just after the Valley Stream store opened at 5 a.m.

Witnesses said the surging throngs of shoppers knocked the man down. He fell and was stepped on. As he gasped for air, shoppers ran over and around him.

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," said Jimmy Overby, 43, a co-worker. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too...I literally had to fight people off my back."

Crazy stuff. Click to read more.

Thanks, TJS.

[UPDATE] 11 p.m. Nov. 28: In an unrelated incident, two men were shot dead in a Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, California, after they argued in the store, police said. The toy company and authorities said the California shootings had nothing to do with shopping on Black Friday

IKEA Sweet IKEA

Comedian Mark Malkoff, who works as a ticket handler for "The Colbert Report," won't be staying at friends' houses or in a hotel while his New York apartment is fumigated this week.

Instead, the 31-year-old will be staying at an IKEA store in Paramus, N.J., and documenting the experience on his Web site: Mark Malkoff Lives in IKEA. The videos are a little scripted in parts, but it's still awesome. The guy is living in an IKEA storefront and jumping on beds and wearing bathrobes that don't belong to him.

And by the looks of the videos, he's making a lot of friends in the store--employees, staff, customers...

The sinks and toilets don't work in his room, though, so the comedian will be using the employee locker room and using the cafeteria to cook meals he buys himself.

Malkoff contacted the store three weeks ago and they agreed to the arrangement, saying that it'd be fun, but he has to be out by the time the store closes Saturday night (IKEA is completely closed on Sundays).

Oddly enough, Malkoff's wife opted to stay with relatives while the apartment is unavailable. Bad decision, lady. This setup looks awesome.

If you want to visit Mark, you've gotta get out to the store by tomorrow night:
IKEA
100 IKEA Dr.100 IKEA Dr.
Paramus, NJ 07652
201-843-1881

I am McBluffin

Hawaii and Wal-Mart are trying to blow up every single McLovin-wannabe's spot.

Mayor Mufi Hannemann, the mayor of Honolulu, demanded that Wal-Mart remove "Superbad" DVDs from shelves because of the gimmicky, completely fake driver's license of "McLovin" included in the packaging.

"It was foolish of the movie studio to include this prop in the DVD, particularly because it could be used by unscrupulous people to deceive others who are unfamiliar with our driver’s license." --Mayor Mufi Hannemann

Can you seriously not tell that this is fake?? There's a barcode on there that looks like it's from the back of the damn DVD.

The mayor announced this Wednesday and then commended Wal-Mart for its speedy actions Thursday. Good job, Wal-Mart. You treat your employees like crap and practice sexual discrimination, but you can certainly got a talent for pulling DVDs off shelves for really asinine reasons.

Wal-Mart nose English good, duh duh duh

Oh Wal-Mart. You never cease to brighten my day, and it's not just those little smiley stickers you give out.

I saw a story about someone who ordered a cake for a co-worker who was leaving the company from Wal-Mart. When asked about the message on the cake, he said to the Wal-Mart employee:

"Write: 'Best wishes Suzanne' and underneath that write 'we will miss you.' "

Here is what the cake looked like:


Priceless.