"I, Heidi, take thee Spencer..."

I figured it'd been awhile since my last "Hills" full episode recap, so when better to get back to it than the season finale? So sit back, relax and embrace my sarcastic commentary like Heidi and Lauren at a not-really-black-tie event.

So let's start with the less important --but just as staged-- storyline of the night: Audrina and Justin Bobby heading out to Palm Springs on a weekend getaway. Can we just talk about JB in the overalls without a shirt on his motorcycle? Aaaaand cue the banjo here. But what really made me laugh was Justin's acute observation that every time they go away together, it's never just the two of them -- it's always Audrina's friends "nibbling" in her ear. He's right. And in Palm Springs it was just the two of them... and the producers... the director...the camera men...the boom mic guy...

Things got more interesting when Justin Bobby presented a ring -- from his mouth. That's charming. He did manage to call Audrina by her name rather than the ever-affectionate "dude." For a split second I thought they would totally get married. I mean, it's no Patron, but the two of them had been chugging from that champagne bottle.

Back in LA, Lauren and Lo got all do-ed up (though their hair looked exactly the same as it always does) for a black-tie event hosted by none other than Brent Bolthouse. And Lauren wore lime green. (Shoutout to the show's editing team for cutting in the Dandy Warhols "We Used the Be Friends" here.)

Shockingly enough, Heidi was "working" the event, and I love that she looks around and says, "I haven't seen people look this nice and dressy in a long time," yet the girl just got married three days ago.

Anyway, Heidi approaches Lauren for a heart-to-heart... which really turns into three minutes of the most awkward television ever. There's a lot of nodding and furrowed brows (as per usual on The Hills), and the word "madame" is used way too many times than it ever should between two peers. The most cringe-worthy moment comes after Lauren drops the, "It is what it is" bomb and Heidi pauses, looks pensively and says, "You been working out?" Um? There's more champagne chugging --this time on Lauren's end-- and I am again waiting for two more people to run away and get married.

Speaking of elopement, we find Heidi and Spencer this week attempting to make their Mexico matrimony legal in the US. We also witness Heidi awkwardly explaining the marriage to her friends, family and co-workers. You gotta feel bad for Heidi's mom here -- the poor woman just wants to be there to watch her daughter get married. "There are a lot of people hurt here, a lot of people who have helped mold you into the person you are today," she says. Wait, am I wrong in thinking she's referring to Heidi's plastic surgeons here?

Against her family's wishes, Heidi goes to the courthouse to meet Spencer and Stephanie for a really romantic ceremony before a fake judge. (Yeah, this was shot after hours and probably wouldn't have been legal even if they had gone through with it.) Steph implores Spencer to hold off on the marriage because it's not what his bride really wants. And even though he whines about having gotten all dressed up in his nice suit, he has a change of heart and tells Heidi he'll "deal with" giving her her dream wedding.

And hey, did anyone else think the judge said "through all the day of your lies" to Spencer during his vows? Freudian slip much? I wish she would have made him swear to shave off his Santa Claus beard, too.

So that ends season, what, four? Of course they didn't get married -- it would have essentially put the kibosh on all of the storylines that producers had cooked up. Those people can't keep coming up with new things all the time - they aren't miracle workers for God's sake.

And on the After Show, Lauren's big announcement was --surprise, surprise-- another season of The Hills is forthcoming. Perhaps there will be little Speidlets soon. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers offered them a raise in pay to reproduce.

Here's the final installment of my Hills drinking game. Until next time...

• Whenever you hear "dude"--twice if it's a term of endearment.
• If you have a craving for Sonic's chocolate cheesecake bites.
• Whenever you're a little sadder than you expected that Whitney is gone.
  
• Any time someone takes a swig of champagne.
• Every time Heidi and Spencer's wedding is blamed on alcohol or Mother Nature.

RELATED LINKS
Speidi and the Patron make it happen
Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding
It's a Speidi wedding!

A fond farewell - take two

As a follow up to my last post, I wanted to get some of my pictures up from Saturday's game. I also just want to say that the tribute to the Stadium that aired on ESPN Sunday night was extremely touching. Praise the Lord that Bernie Williams --my favorite player of all-time-- was in attendance (and he got a bigger ovation than Reg-gie!)

I found close to nothing wrong with the entire thing; my one gripe: WHERE THE HELL WAS JOE TORRE? I understand maybe snubbing Roger Clemens because of his steroid scandal, but to me, Joe Torre is as much of a Yankee legend as Derek Jeter. I know they didn't part on the best terms, but come on...

Anyway, back to happier thoughts...Here are just a few of my pics. (I took like, 110). These were by far the greatest seats I've ever had to any game; we were so close I felt like I was watching a township little league game.

Mo signing autographs

The Captain

Arod

Yankees win, thhhhhhhe YANKEES WIN!

A fond farewell

Sorry I've been MIA this weekend - After an "interesting" Friday night (for lack of better description and to save you all the drama), I spent my entire Saturday in New York, the bulk of which was spent at the Yankee's second to last home game --and last day game-- in Yankee Stadium EVER.

And thanks to my boyfriend (who got me the tickets in July for my birthday), our seats were freaking incredible.

The Bronx Bombers did not disappoint: Robinson Cano with the game-winning single in the bottom of the ninth gave Mariano Rivera the win and had Frank Sinatra crooning, "Start spreading the news..." for the next 45 minutes. On repeat. And I loved every second of it.

Tonight at 8 p.m., you can tune in to ESPN to watch the Yankees play their final game in the House That Ruth Built. The pre-game (going on right now), features Yankee greats like Yogi Berra, Whitey Ford, Joe Girardi, Don Larsen and more.

Pictures from my awesome seats will be up soon!

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila - BORE!

"A Shot at Love II with Tila Tequila" wrapped up last week and --not surprisingly-- there might be more Tila in MTV's future.

If you didn't care about the first season of "Shot at Love," then you certainly don't care about "Shot at Love II"-- even I didn't care enough to watch 3/4 of the season and I'm a terrible reality show hog.

But in case you missed the finale, Tila turned down stud muffin Bo for the Barbie-like Kristy...and Kristy turned around and rejected Tila's offer.

"I feel humiliated... hat's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?" Tila sobs at the end of the episode, which of course begs the response: Um, you're looking for love on an MTV reality show? Duh?

Kristy babbled something about not being ready for her first real relationship with a woman and that Tila's plastic key was more than just a plastic key.

Tonight, MTV aired the "One Shot Too Many"reunion show, but to my surprise, it was less of a 'let's bring all of our dumbass loser contestants on the show with lots of gimmicks' (ala Flavor of Love, etc.), and only featured the show's three biggest characters and their feelings about show's end result. It was a little more --dare I say--real.

Still, the reunion was pretty lackluster--just a lot of talking about feelings and dramatic pre-commercial music. Like an episode of Dr. Phil. A bi-sexual, semi-faux version of Dr. Phil mediated by an MTV personality no one has heard of.

The only pulse the reunion show could muster was when Tila was able to confront Kristy after two months without speaking. The basic gist is that Kristy says she wasn't ready, she felt they were just friends, she did the same thing to Tila that Tila did to 16 other people. She says that she didn't want to end up one of those fake reality couples that just break up, but like, what? What the hell were you on the show for?

And that was apparently Tila's reasoning, too, as she accuses Kristy of using her to get on television and disrespecting her very serious quest for love. At the end of the show, she angrily asks the host if she really needs to sit there and talk to Kristy anymore...awkwarrrrd.

"If this bitch don't shut the $^@# up, I'm gonna...Shut your $%^#ing trash hole, bitch," Tila yells. This launches Kristy into a fit of anger as she storms off the stage, yelling about how she doesn't deserve to be talked to like that on national television. And then the host awkwardly closes the show because he's the only one sitting on stage. Good times!

Tila posted this on her MySpace page regarding the reunion show:

Tune in to see what Kristy's fake ass has to say to me and her lame excuses! Watch me put a beat down on her ass! haha! yea right I wish....but tune in anyway cuz it'll be interesting. I finally get to tell that bitch off and now I'm happy to put all of this crap behind me! YAY!

Visit MTV Overdrive to watch the entire reunion show.

Yeahhhh Boyeeee!

So I've been really sick for the last two days and have spent the greater portion of the last 48 hours confined to bed. Fortunately for me--and I say that with complete sarcasm--the only thing on television this weekend and today was a marathon of all three seasons of "Flavor of Love."

Yes. Sadly enough, I watched 12 hours of Flavor Flav and his "Flavorettes" today and almost didn't hate it. All leading up to the season 3--and series--finale tonight, in which Flav was to decide between Thing 2 (below, left) and Black (below, right).

Because my brain is fried--both from the mind-numbing hours of "FOL" and the massive amount of medication I'm on--I won't even try to make this creative, but to report on reality television news that more than likely no one really cares about, here we go:

In a fashion similar to both "Rock of Love" and "Biggest Loser Couples" finales this year, a previously eliminated contestant went home with the prize, and in this case, it was FLAAAAVOR FLAAAAV.

The man, myth and legend selected one half of the set of twins cast this season (the thinner and better looking of the two, by the by). Thing 2, who had been eliminated two episodes before the finale, was brought back in a twist and it was pretty clear she was there to stay.

Good for them. Perhaps this one will work out, unlike Flav's first two "winners," but even if it doesn't, Flav has sworn off a "Flavor of Love:4."

9021Oh noo.....

Thanks to a quick commercial in the middle of tonight's season finale of "Gossip Girl" (and a heads up from my friend, Jackie), I have learned of the CW's intention to make a 90210 spinoff.

When I first heard about the reinvention of one of my favorite teenage dramas, I was like totally stoked, but after learning of the show's intended plotline, it is not looking so good in the upscale neighborhood.

This spinoff, which is set to premiere in the fall, is based around the Mills family (reminiscent of The Walshes), who have moved from St. Louis to Beverly Hills and are adjusting to the scenery.

According to E! News, there's Harry Mills (aka the Jim Walsh of the series)and his wife Celia (aka Cindy Walsh) and the couple's biological daughter, Annie--who much like Brenda Walsh--is into acting and alternative music and longs to fit into the cool crowd at school.

But in order to differentiate from the original series, the Mills don't have twins--they instead have Dixon, an adopted son who's the same age as Annie and was taken in by her family six years earlier. And apparently the show is looking to cast a minority actor in the role in order to more accurately depict California than its predecessor's completely whitebread cast.

And while there are Andrea Zuckerman and David and Donna-like characters, none of the original cast will be featured in the show. E! reports, however, that both Tori Spelling and Ian Ziering have said that they would participate if asked.

This...yeah. Not so good. I doubt CW will strike gold as they have with "Gossip Girl" (which is seriously one of the best shows on television these days), but I will probably end up checking this out...if nothing else, but to see what The Peach Pit looks like and if Nat is still alive.

For a taste of retro 90210, watch the show's intro below. Gotta love those good times on the beach.

Being a loser ain't just for the boys anymore

WARNING: SPOILERS

Congratulations to Biggest Loser Couples winner Ali Vincent, who became the reality show's first female winner last night.
In a live, two-hour broadcast, host Alison Sweeney first revealed the results of America's vote, a twist that would determine if it would be heavily favored front-runner Roger or the once-competitive-now-weepy Mark in the show's final three...And America chose Roger.

With Roger and the two female finalists--Ali and Kelly--backstage, the first hour of the show was chock-full of montages (for some reason I couldn't get Team America out of my head), showing the contestants' struggles on the ranch and their training at home. Those 17 contestants who were voted off in the previous weeks each weighed in for a chance to win $100,000. And remember...Biggest Loser goes by percentage of weight lost, not total pounds!

Curtis, who was eliminated in week two, went from 381 lbs to 231 lbs - that's a loss of 150 lbs for you non-mathematicians. Unbelievable. He was in the lead for the prize money until my absolute fav DAN came out (looking all handsome) and stole it away. Dan started at 310 and lost 136 lbs--or 43.86% of his body weight. Love him!

Unfortunately for Dan (left), his lead was short lived and big bad Bernie immediately took it away after the scale showed he lost 130 lbs (45.3%) of his original body weight. And then there was Mark ("Mahhk"), who made Bernie break a sweat one more time when he came 1 POUND short of beating him. I left the room for a second, but I'd be comfortable in betting he shed a tear or two. In fact, at some point during the show, Alison Sweeney cracked on Mahhk for being a crybaby. Ha!

Then on to the real competition. More montages of Ali eating frozen yogurt at 2 a.m., Roger plateauing and Kelly expressing displeasure with her herniated disk.

In the end, Ali--who had been eliminated in week four, but was accepted back onto the show in a mid-season twist--locked up the title of Biggest Loser. Much like Rock of Love's Ambre, the winner was given a second chance and never looked back. (Yes, anything to mention the greatest show ever made.)

Ali looks fantastic and you can't help but be amazed by a transformation like hers, or any of the contestants. Absolutely amazing.

New Biggest Loser Couples season coming in October!

RELATED LINKS:
'Weight' and see who's in the final three

'Weight' and see who's in the final three

I need another reality show addiction like a hole in the head, but add The Biggest Loser Couples to the 'completely obsessed' column.

I've been following this show only since this season began, but the interesting format (which had contestants arrive on the weight loss campus in pairs and lose the weight together) and the fact that Tuesday is one of the only nights I'm able to watch primetime television got me hooked.

For the first time in Biggest Loser history, a woman (Ali, formerly of the pink team) lost the most percentage body weight on campus. Fellow female finalist, Kelly, joined Ali above "the yellow line" last night, leaving 'heavy hitter' Roger and Boston-boy Mark (aka "Mahhhk") up for elimination.

Amidst a season so full of twists and turns the writers probably lost weight, producers threw in one last snafu seconds after the final weigh-in: The contestants would not be voting off the last person--America would.

ROGER



MARK

If you care at all, you can click here to vote for which man will join Ali and Kelly to compete for $250,000 during Tuesday's live finale.

If you'd like to see a woman win for the first time in the show's history, it would probably be in your best interest to vote for Mark, even if you hate him, because Roger is the clear cut frontrunner should America choose him to stay in the competition. And if you're sick of seeing Mark cry...well, too bad, because he'll probably cry if he gets the book. Or moves on. Or his brother comes on stage. Or they go to commercial.

Apparently, the trainers were a little pissed about this change in format. [click here to read what Jillian had to say]

I must say, of all the terrible reality television shows that I watch and cannot legitimately defend, this one is actually worthwhile. Look at how incredible those transformations are...

"Hello--did you have a doubt? What up."

WARNING: SPOILERS
Again, I have shamefully slacked on my PR updates, but thankfully I caught tonight's season finale and all I can say is--FIERCE.

After going head-to-head with Chris March last week in a sudden death match up, Rami advanced to Fashion Week with Jillian and Christian. The designers had their shining moment to debut their line in Bryant Park in front of guest judge Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. Daaaamn!

I also enjoyed the smattering of Bravo celebs sporadically placed throughout, like Padma, and love-of-my-life Jack with his new love interest Top Chef Dale, last season PR winner Jeffrey Sebelia and the rest of the eliminated designers from this season.

Jillian's line was--as always--wearable, but her complete lack of excitement really turned me off. Her clothes were derived from the painting she chose for the last challenge and appeared to be some sort of horse jockey meets knits with a few random shiny things thrown in. Hats, too. Lots of hats. Overall, it was a pretty line, but like the judges said, also disjointed.

Rami's line was--not surprisingly--impressive; I actually liked it a lot more than I thought I would. And there were lots of headbands. What's with the headwear obsession? Rami's designs were much more cohesive than Jillian's, and the evening gowns were really well made. My fav was the basket woven dress--so pretty.

And then there was Christian who delivered ferocity and drama, drama, drama. Lots of frill and puffs. I was a little put off by the first five looks or so being all black (the judges were too), but I appreciated the transition into colors, and though I'd never wear most of the designs, they were really exciting and fun to look at. And how spectacular was it to finally see Christian show off his runway walking skills as he struck a 'ferosha' pose at the end.

The judges shared some of my sentiments, but no one was Christian's biggest fan tonight like Posh Spice herself. She was practically drooling, and in the end, Christian's clothes almost brought the cold one to tears! Gasp.

Jillian--you're out.
And you could just tell as soon as Heidi Klum said, "Christiaaan?" he was in. And I could not have been freaking happier. If Rami had won, it would have been a wash because he's already established, plus he and Jillian are both a snooze personality wise.

So a big congratulations to Christian for being the youngest--and fiercest--winner of Project Runway to date.

Sadly, this concludes this season's coverage of Project Runway, but let us all rejoice in the fact that Top 'mother freaking' Chef starts next week. CANNOT WAIT.

RELATED LINKS
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
Episode 9
Episode 10
Episode 11