Please make it stop

Nowadays, I wouldn't bother posting about Tila Tequila. My adoration for her and her show skedaddled when she passed up Dani on the first season of "Shot at Love."

But I noticed that she's coming out with a new music album and the title had me doubled over in pain. The album, which Tila promises will be "the dopest album of the year," will be called "I HAVE TOURETTE'S!"

"PS-PLEASE REMEMBER THE TITLE OF THIS ALBUM SO YOU DON'T GET CONFUSED WITH OTHER STUFF THAT THE MEDIA TRIES TO PUT OUT OK???? MUAH! " she writes on her MySpace page, followed by a number of expletives, presumably in an attempt to show that she might actually have the disorder...? I don't know.

Does anyone else find that appalling? Or are you all just shaking your heads in disbelief that I can still be surprised by garbage like this?

And in other awful --but related-- news... MTV is currently casting for "A Shot at Love 3," only it looks like Tila will not be the subject of suitors' adoration this time around. Fill out an application here.

Tila's exclusion from the show might have something to do with her ass getting dumped at the end of season two, or the fact that she's got a new (and very rich) girlfriend. Courtney Semel, who is the heir of Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel, looks like a bore, though-- Team Dani for life!

RELATED LINKS
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila - BORE
Can you handle another shot of 'Tequila'?
How to save a bi
Here's to a shot at shameless self promotion
Ordering up another round of "Shot"
Tequila making you sick?
That's A-stupid

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila - BORE!

"A Shot at Love II with Tila Tequila" wrapped up last week and --not surprisingly-- there might be more Tila in MTV's future.

If you didn't care about the first season of "Shot at Love," then you certainly don't care about "Shot at Love II"-- even I didn't care enough to watch 3/4 of the season and I'm a terrible reality show hog.

But in case you missed the finale, Tila turned down stud muffin Bo for the Barbie-like Kristy...and Kristy turned around and rejected Tila's offer.

"I feel humiliated... hat's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?" Tila sobs at the end of the episode, which of course begs the response: Um, you're looking for love on an MTV reality show? Duh?

Kristy babbled something about not being ready for her first real relationship with a woman and that Tila's plastic key was more than just a plastic key.

Tonight, MTV aired the "One Shot Too Many"reunion show, but to my surprise, it was less of a 'let's bring all of our dumbass loser contestants on the show with lots of gimmicks' (ala Flavor of Love, etc.), and only featured the show's three biggest characters and their feelings about show's end result. It was a little more --dare I say--real.

Still, the reunion was pretty lackluster--just a lot of talking about feelings and dramatic pre-commercial music. Like an episode of Dr. Phil. A bi-sexual, semi-faux version of Dr. Phil mediated by an MTV personality no one has heard of.

The only pulse the reunion show could muster was when Tila was able to confront Kristy after two months without speaking. The basic gist is that Kristy says she wasn't ready, she felt they were just friends, she did the same thing to Tila that Tila did to 16 other people. She says that she didn't want to end up one of those fake reality couples that just break up, but like, what? What the hell were you on the show for?

And that was apparently Tila's reasoning, too, as she accuses Kristy of using her to get on television and disrespecting her very serious quest for love. At the end of the show, she angrily asks the host if she really needs to sit there and talk to Kristy anymore...awkwarrrrd.

"If this bitch don't shut the $^@# up, I'm gonna...Shut your $%^#ing trash hole, bitch," Tila yells. This launches Kristy into a fit of anger as she storms off the stage, yelling about how she doesn't deserve to be talked to like that on national television. And then the host awkwardly closes the show because he's the only one sitting on stage. Good times!

Tila posted this on her MySpace page regarding the reunion show:

Tune in to see what Kristy's fake ass has to say to me and her lame excuses! Watch me put a beat down on her ass! haha! yea right I wish....but tune in anyway cuz it'll be interesting. I finally get to tell that bitch off and now I'm happy to put all of this crap behind me! YAY!

Visit MTV Overdrive to watch the entire reunion show.

Can you handle another shot of 'Tequila'?

Yes, as I mentioned at the start of 2008, Tila Tequila and her bi-sexual reality show are back for another round.

Starting April 22, another lot of lesbians and straight toolbags will move into an MTV mansion to win a "Shot at Love with Tila Tequila." It looks like a lot of blood, sweat, tears...and vomit?

This season's trailer is seriously disgusting...


That's fine. I won't follow this as intensely as the first season--because I was pulling for my Indigo Girls-song-inducing-Dani to win Tila's heart--but I will probably end up watching this. I'm a sucker for some man-on-man headbutting, what can I say?

Otherwise, this show will probably be as terrible as its first season's spin off with Domenico. Is that show even on anymore??

RELATED LINKS:
How to save a bi
Here's to a shot at shameless self promotion
Ordering up another round of "Shot"
Tequila making you sick?
That's A-stupid

That's a-stupid

Alright, make fun of me all you want for liking "Shot at Love With Tequia Tequila," but I will never, ever, ever like the show's spin-off "That's Amore!" with Domenico. I have better reality television standards than that (if that's not an oxymoronic statement).

I caught about 10 minutes of this show. I saw girls shoving meatballs in their mouths and talking about their fake boobs. Something about one of them not shaving her nether regions and one girl revealing she had sex in a stadium restroom in her first conversation with Domenico. The offer to stay and be Domenico's "bambina" also kinda made me gag. What the hell is this? I thought he was an actor with a terrible accent on Shot at Love and now he's running around in that Italian flag Speedo and getting it on with some smutty blonds?

And why is there always an ambulance in a reality show montage of episodes to come!?

To top it all off, former Tila-obsessed cowboy, Ashley, is Domenico's sidekick on the show. The man is a teacher and he told a girl she "has a well head on her shoulders."

I'm serious. I'm not watching this show.

Tequila making you sick?

I'm sorry if you're sick of hearing "Shot at Love" news, but because I've "reported" on everything I've heard about the show up until this point, I figured one more little brief couldn't hurt.

In an interview with realityblurred.com, Bobby revealed that he just didn't see himself in any of Tila Tequila's plans for the future and that she "was just too busy."

But when asked about the bulletin Bobby had posted on MySpace after New Year's in which he claimed Tila never called him and no one at MTV would give him Tila's number, he told the Web site that he took the post down for "contract reasons." Hmm, sounds a little shifty to me. Sounds like MTV caught wind of his post and made him take it down so people might believe that the two just broke up and not that MTV greedily caused another season of the show.

To read more of the Bobby interview, click here.

UPDATED: Tila posted a bulletin on MySpace directing fans to her Web site, which featured this incredibly awkward interview between Tila and an Extra correspondent. He reveals at the end that it's his first interview--gosh, we couldn't tell.

Ordering up another round of 'Shot'

Surprise, surprise. Tila Tequila and her selected suitor, Bobby, couldn't make their relationship work and MTV has the bi-sexual dating show signed up for another season.

Tila, who hosted a New Year's Eve show for the network, announced Monday that Bobby had broken up with her because he couldn't handle her schedule or dating a "celebrity."

"The night was amazing except for the fact that Bobby had broken up with me a few days before all of this went down. I wasn't expecting it at all because I thought I had finally found someone that I was compatible with, but I guess I was wrong. My hectic schedule was really hard on him and we both were getting frustrated, but at the same time.....I just wanted to find someone who would understand what a crazy lifestyle I have so it's too bad that things didn't work out between us. With that said I just want to make it known that I still think Bobby is a great guy and I wish him the best."- from Tila's MySpace page.

On the other hand, a MySpace bulletin posted by the boy wonder claims that Tila just stopped calling him after the reunion show, which aired Dec. 23.

"She never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number so pretty much I feel like and ass but we are not 2gather u cant have a realationship bye urself ya know." - from Bobby's MySpace page.

...which should lead us all to believe that MTV demanded that the two end their relationship, especially because the finale of "Shot at Love" drew 6 million viewers--the highest of the network since November 2002.

And come on, Bobby was pretty silly, but he's not a moron (though, after reading his horrendous grammar and spelling on the post, I might reconsider). Who would land MySpace's hottest vixen (and eat animal testicles for her) and then dump her two weeks later? I had an unnatural love for this silly show, but I don't want it to turn into Flavor of Love, which is coming out with it's like, 17th episode this season. It was pretty unreal before, but it's going to be uber fake now! Come on, MTV...

The show is rumored to begin in the spring of this year and will follow the same format of straight and lesbian hopefuls vying for Tila's affection. And be on the look out for Domenico's spinoff: That's Amore! featuring the Italian stallion and the moronic cowboy, Ashley.

RELATED LINKS:
How to save a bi
Here's to a shot at shameless self promotion

How to save a bi

WARNING: SPOILERS

The series finale of "Shot at Love" premiered last night, and I'm certainly singing a different tune than the night of the series premiere.

After hours of bisexual physical challeneges, animal genital eating, cat/dog? fights, stripper poles and Tila Tequila's toothy smile, it came down to the unworldly Bobby and the tomboy firefighter Dani.

The finale was a rehashing of the aforementioned scenes, coupled with every makeout scene between Tila and the finalists ever--and please, tell me someone else noticed that every time Dani and Tila kiss, and Indigo Girls song plays. Hello cliche!

Dani and Bobby's families return, this time visiting Tila's domain, complete with dildo chandelier and trip to the "SIN" room. God help Bobby's mother once she watches herself in this episode with a sober mind. Eek. The moms battle over whose child is more adorable, blah blah, and Tila accidentally (maybe) shows her tequila titties to Bobby's teenage brother.

My favorite part of the episode is when Tila tries to show her lovers how hard she works and takes them into her recording studio and on a fashion shoot. She lets both Bobby and Dani spit their game on the mic, and kudos to Dani--a lesbian looking for love with a bisexual--for calling Bobby's rap gay. She tears it up on the track, leaving Bobby to look like quite silly. However, Bobby uses his cute smile and spikey hair to trump Dani in the photo shoot, though Dani actually looked really pretty during the scene.

Unfortunately, during the last alone times with each finalist, it was starting to become apparent that Tila was leaning toward Bobby. Whether it was because their setting was a bit more intimate or because Dani's gift to Tila was kind of lame, we'll never know, but...

The final scene is set on a glass stage in the middle of Tila's pool, and Bobby and Dani emerge wearing similar outfits. Tila tells Bobby that she wants to take a shot at love with him, and his silence and surprised look like he cannot believe what's happening is priceless. A heartbroken Dani exits scene without words, and with The Fray's How to Save a Life playing in the background, a tearful Tila says, "Oh my gosh, Dani!" and runs across the glass pool after her.

There's still 15 minutes left in the episode--gasp! Will she change her mind??

Following the commercial break, what little hope Dani faithfuls had is crushed as Tila tells Dani to take care; she loves Dani, but she's in love with Bobby (seems to be a lot of that in reality television lately).

Yes, Dani, the most genuine character in reality television dating history, has her heart broken, probably because Tila's not really bisexual and wanted a man all along. Good one, MTV. And even better to bring her on the Hangover aftershow and break her heart all over again.

Please don't laugh, but is it wrong that this finale brought me to tears? It was so emotional!

If I were gay, Dani and I would totally get married in Massachusetts. The whole world loves you, and you will probably now have your pick of lesbians across the land.

Get ready for the reunion show this Sunday, Dec. 23 at 10.