Not sure if I'll give this one a 'chance'

VH1 recently announced its fall line-up, and no one loves a reality television-packed week more than I, but I think the network should probably give up on the "I Love xyz" brand.

Ex-"I Love New York" stars Real and Chance --aka the Stallionaire brothers-- will have their own reality dating show premiere Nov. 3 on VH1.

According to the Celebreality blog, "Real Chance of Love" will feature the "broken-hearted" brothers searching for love on the Stallionaire ranch. The 15 girls will vy for the guy's affections, and because the show is slated for 11 episodes, I imagine Chance and Real will be faced with two women each in the finale.

At first I was like, "Oh, this is awkward. How will they decide which goes for which girls?" And then I remembered that it wasn't less than two years ago that they were both fighting over the same, sassy lady in awkward fashion. I hope this does better than "Flavor of Love 3," because I'm pretty sure that tanked.

In other news, "Rock of Love: Charm School" will premiere Oct. 12. I'm stoked. I can't wait to see the return of Heather, Lacey, Kristi Joe and Brandi M drama.

...I think my brain is rotting.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila - BORE!

"A Shot at Love II with Tila Tequila" wrapped up last week and --not surprisingly-- there might be more Tila in MTV's future.

If you didn't care about the first season of "Shot at Love," then you certainly don't care about "Shot at Love II"-- even I didn't care enough to watch 3/4 of the season and I'm a terrible reality show hog.

But in case you missed the finale, Tila turned down stud muffin Bo for the Barbie-like Kristy...and Kristy turned around and rejected Tila's offer.

"I feel humiliated... hat's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong?" Tila sobs at the end of the episode, which of course begs the response: Um, you're looking for love on an MTV reality show? Duh?

Kristy babbled something about not being ready for her first real relationship with a woman and that Tila's plastic key was more than just a plastic key.

Tonight, MTV aired the "One Shot Too Many"reunion show, but to my surprise, it was less of a 'let's bring all of our dumbass loser contestants on the show with lots of gimmicks' (ala Flavor of Love, etc.), and only featured the show's three biggest characters and their feelings about show's end result. It was a little more --dare I say--real.

Still, the reunion was pretty lackluster--just a lot of talking about feelings and dramatic pre-commercial music. Like an episode of Dr. Phil. A bi-sexual, semi-faux version of Dr. Phil mediated by an MTV personality no one has heard of.

The only pulse the reunion show could muster was when Tila was able to confront Kristy after two months without speaking. The basic gist is that Kristy says she wasn't ready, she felt they were just friends, she did the same thing to Tila that Tila did to 16 other people. She says that she didn't want to end up one of those fake reality couples that just break up, but like, what? What the hell were you on the show for?

And that was apparently Tila's reasoning, too, as she accuses Kristy of using her to get on television and disrespecting her very serious quest for love. At the end of the show, she angrily asks the host if she really needs to sit there and talk to Kristy anymore...awkwarrrrd.

"If this bitch don't shut the $^@# up, I'm gonna...Shut your $%^#ing trash hole, bitch," Tila yells. This launches Kristy into a fit of anger as she storms off the stage, yelling about how she doesn't deserve to be talked to like that on national television. And then the host awkwardly closes the show because he's the only one sitting on stage. Good times!

Tila posted this on her MySpace page regarding the reunion show:

Tune in to see what Kristy's fake ass has to say to me and her lame excuses! Watch me put a beat down on her ass! haha! yea right I wish....but tune in anyway cuz it'll be interesting. I finally get to tell that bitch off and now I'm happy to put all of this crap behind me! YAY!

Visit MTV Overdrive to watch the entire reunion show.

Update: Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing...

As previously reported, VH1 is taking their reality television programming to another level with "I Love Money," which pits former "Flavor of Love," "I Love New York" and "Rock of Love" contestants against each other in the quest for money--what they were actually on those shows for in the first place.

Now, the entire cast list has been announced, including:

Flavor of Love: Hoopz, Nibblz, Pumkin, Toasteee,
Rock of Love: Brandi C, Destiney, Heather, Megan, Rodeo,
I Love New York: 12-Pack, Chance, The Entertainer, Heat, Midget Mac, Mr. Boston, Real, Whiteboy


And a long "supertease" trailer has been released. These challenges are off the wall (a spitting contest inspired by Pumkin and some sort of chicken catapult??), the hook-ups look extremely underhanded and entertaining (Heather and 12-Pack, Real and Hoopz) and the 40-year-old Rodeo looks awkwardly out of place amongst the scantily clad youngsters.


video.vh1.com

More mindless television for me to get sucked into. God, I love it. "I Love Money" is set to premiere July 13 (with a casting special slated for July 6).


RELATED LINKS
Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing

Yeahhhh Boyeeee!

So I've been really sick for the last two days and have spent the greater portion of the last 48 hours confined to bed. Fortunately for me--and I say that with complete sarcasm--the only thing on television this weekend and today was a marathon of all three seasons of "Flavor of Love."

Yes. Sadly enough, I watched 12 hours of Flavor Flav and his "Flavorettes" today and almost didn't hate it. All leading up to the season 3--and series--finale tonight, in which Flav was to decide between Thing 2 (below, left) and Black (below, right).

Because my brain is fried--both from the mind-numbing hours of "FOL" and the massive amount of medication I'm on--I won't even try to make this creative, but to report on reality television news that more than likely no one really cares about, here we go:

In a fashion similar to both "Rock of Love" and "Biggest Loser Couples" finales this year, a previously eliminated contestant went home with the prize, and in this case, it was FLAAAAVOR FLAAAAV.

The man, myth and legend selected one half of the set of twins cast this season (the thinner and better looking of the two, by the by). Thing 2, who had been eliminated two episodes before the finale, was brought back in a twist and it was pretty clear she was there to stay.

Good for them. Perhaps this one will work out, unlike Flav's first two "winners," but even if it doesn't, Flav has sworn off a "Flavor of Love:4."

Reality TV brilliance, if there is such a thing

I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling a bit down tonight without my weekly dose of Bret Michaels and his love seeking vixens. It's Sunday, and Celebracadabra premieres on VH1 tonight, a show whose name makes me cringe and I expect will almost definitely be as humdrum as Celebrity Boot Camp.

...And this got me thinking: What happens to all my old reality television friends now that their respective shows have ended? Will they slip into the abyss of celebrity dating show losers now that their 15 minutes have ended? Will I never see Buckwild or TMNT-Tango ever again? How will I remember what Daisy and her bloated lips look like once they stop playing the Rock of Love II reunion on VH1??
But it's almost like VH1 read my thoughts (or my blog), because the brilliant minds behind all of your favorite celebrity dating shows (Flavor of Love 1,2,3; I Love New York 1,2; and Rock of Love 1,2) have created the ultimate reality show has-been series, aptly titled "I Love Money."

The show, which is tentatively scheduled to air July 13 (casting special July 6), will quit cloaking the real reason that most of these people sign up for these ridiculous shows (because it's certainly not love) and pit them against each other in physical and mental tasks for a chance to win some cold hard cash--$250,000 to be exact.

There aren't too many details available right now surrounding the show, just that shooting quietly wrapped in March and MTV VJ Lala will host. No official announcement of cast members yet, but Rock of Love 1's Heather and Rock of Love 2's Meghan are both rumored to be onboard.

UPDATE: VH1 is also planning a "Rock of Love Charm School," similar to the Flavor of Love version from last summer, and Heather will also be enrolled.

CAN'T WAIT--ahh, my reality television addiction is so not healthy...

"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"

WARNING: SPOILERS

So last year, Bret Michaels thought he had found his Rock of Love with Jes, but it turned out that she left and got a new boyfriend during the time between when the show was airing on VH1 and the reunion show in the fall. Fortunately, Rock of Love brought in some insane number of viewers and VH1 decided to give the Poison front man another go around of strippers and slutty rocker chicks.

He whittled 20 women down to two, eliminating "Frenchie" the Stripper, theUkrainian Love Tank Ina, crazy-ass Kristi Joe, Former 'Beauty and the Geek' Contestant Megan and Ultimate Groupie Destiney.

In the end, Bret was forced to choose between Daisy, the real-life plastic surgery version of Daisy Duck, or Ambre, the peppy Spartan Cheerleader-like actress who seemed like a fish out of water in Bret's house-o-rock.

The finale focused mainly on the fact that Bret has always had a sexual connection with Daisy (well duhhh, her silicone sambas were hanging out of every single thing she put on), but he's still concerned about her cloudy past. With Ambre, Bret has always felt comfortable and confident, but he wasn't sure if the physical connection was there and if she could handle his "rock and roll lifestyle," which, really? Come on.

As in all of VH1's formated celeb searching for life final episodes, Bret takes each girl on a day-long date, which begins with some sort of innocent--but scantily clad--activity, topped off with dinner and a nightcap.

Date 1: Daisy tells Ambre she's not sexy. Ambre focuses in on slutting it up on her next date with Bret. They go on some jungle tour and have some massages. She jumps on his back and rubs him down. They go to dinner (and PS. why does Bret NEVER get dressed up for any of these occasions? I guess he's too "rock and roll" for that). Ambre reveals she's not wearing any underwear and proceeds to cross and uncross her legs. Bret barks, "Check please!" and they whisk away to his candlelit bedroom, where he describes every piece of furniture in the room as something "to make love on," including some sort of peanut cart? Oh Bret, how I love thee. They ultimately land on the bed outside on the moonlit balcony. Romance, la la la.

Date 2: Bret takes Daisy out on a boat to go fishing, because she obviously looks like a girl who loves to fish. They somewhat reenact a scene from "Titanic" out on the front of the boat, except Daisy gets woozie and hurls over the side of the boat. But it turns Bret on--just like everything else on the planet does--and he feels a closer connection with Daisy. Fast forward to dinner: Daisy tells Bret she loves him. "Check please!" again, and away they go to the same bedroom...and the same bed on the balcony. Sanitary indeed.

The verbal battles between Daisy and Ambre in the bedroom made me want to punch a puppy, though it did yield the title to this entry. God I love Ambre. And why the hell couldn't the producers give these girls a keycard to the damn bedroom? The awkward knocking and entering scenes were terrible. [click here to watch bonus footage of Daisy and Ambre's arguments]

Elimination time. Bret gives his speech on how he loves both of them and they have both made an extreme impact on his life, yadda yadda. He calls Daisy forward--and in an extremely less dramatic and less clever style than last season's King Midas twist--Bret tells Daisy her tour has ended and selects Ambre to be his Rock of Love. [watch below!]


video.vh1.com

What's funny is Daisy's reaction to all of this: "I just want to curl up in a ball and eat a lot of ice cream." How profound.

And just as Bret said, it's funny how fate works out because Ambre was sent packing day one until Jackye had a panic attack and went home and Bret filled her place with Ambre.

So again, my favorite girl from the start has won Bret's heart. I hope this one lasts. Well, I'd love it if it did, but...I would be slightly okay with another season of this show. I need to go to Bret Michaels Anonymous, like, seriously.

And be on the look out for next week's season two reunion show. It looks like Daisy gets her ass beat by Heather, yessss!

Baby popularity contest

The Baby Center recently released a list of its top 100 names for both boys and girls based on statistics, and frankly, some of these names are freaking ridiculous.

What I find even more ridiculous, though, is the fact that people are naming their children after Britney Spears' kids and Grey's Anatomy! Addison?? Come on...


Here are the top 10 for both sexes:

Girls' names	Boys' names
1. Sophia	1. Aiden
2. Isabella	2. Ethan
3. Emma	3. Jacob
4. Madison	4. Jayden
5. Ava	5. Caden
6. Addison	6. Noah
7. Hailey	7. Jackson
8. Emily	8. Jack
9. Kaitlyn	9. Logan
10. Olivia	10. Matthew

I guess some of these names aren't so bad, but look through the list and feel free to scoff at some of these references. You've got Tristan, which to me, is a Gilmore Girls reference all the way, but maybe I'm wrong. Jayden--Jayden James Federline, and Preston is on there too, guhh. Brody--Brody Jenner?

The one that really makes me cringe though? Nevaeh - heaven backward. Give me a break. And I'm hoping these people didn't get that from "Crazy" (Heather) from Flavor of Love, because that's incredible sad (it's sad that I even get the reference to begin with, but anyway...)

And my name isn't on there? My name had been in the top 10 since 1980, and just suddenly dropped off the list this year. Wtf.

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but don't be surprised next year when this baby list comes out and Audrina, Cohutta and Dannielynn end up at the top.

Tequila making you sick?

I'm sorry if you're sick of hearing "Shot at Love" news, but because I've "reported" on everything I've heard about the show up until this point, I figured one more little brief couldn't hurt.

In an interview with realityblurred.com, Bobby revealed that he just didn't see himself in any of Tila Tequila's plans for the future and that she "was just too busy."

But when asked about the bulletin Bobby had posted on MySpace after New Year's in which he claimed Tila never called him and no one at MTV would give him Tila's number, he told the Web site that he took the post down for "contract reasons." Hmm, sounds a little shifty to me. Sounds like MTV caught wind of his post and made him take it down so people might believe that the two just broke up and not that MTV greedily caused another season of the show.

To read more of the Bobby interview, click here.

UPDATED: Tila posted a bulletin on MySpace directing fans to her Web site, which featured this incredibly awkward interview between Tila and an Extra correspondent. He reveals at the end that it's his first interview--gosh, we couldn't tell.

Tons of television

Good news for those of you going through late-night television withdrawal lately: Leno, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Letterman and Craig Ferguson will all return to air tomorrow night.

But there is still a lot up in the air regarding primetime programming, and some people are worried that the reality TV monster is going to gobble up television as we know it. Sorry folks, but there's not a lot we can do about it, so let's celebrate some of the incredible--that's slightly sarcastic--television slotted to premiere in the next few weeks.

Biggest Loser Couples - NBC - Jan. 1: I've not been a follower of this show in the past, but I watched the premiere tonight and it was moderately entertaining [click here to read more about this season]. Interesting twist on the original. Something that might be left on in the background.

The Celebrity Apprentice - NBC - Jan. 3: I just got into The Apprentice last season, and I'm excited for more Trump time, but this list of celebrities is filled with scrubs. But I'm excited for the shameless product placement to come.

American Gladiators - NBC - Jan. 6: This is going to be incredible. That's all I have to say.

Rock of Love II - VH1 - Jan. 13: I'm a sucker for Bret Michaels and the first season of this show was entirely too addictive. It don't mean nothing but a good time, so please, tune in.

The Gauntlet III - MTV - Jan. 23: It's been way too long since MTV has put out a Real World/Road Rules challenge, so I'm stoked for the new Gauntlet. The cast will again be split into Rookies v. Vets and the characters look like they will not disappoint. Coral is back, baby!!

Let's also look forward to Flavor of Love III (Feb. 11), the continuation of The Hills' season three, Top Chef Chicago, and I guess we can look forward to American Idol's whatever number season it is, beginning Jan. 16. And in a non-reality television sense, we've got Entourage coming in sometime this year and grr, a postponed due to the writer's strike season of 24.

That's a lot of TV.
P.S. I do have a life, seriously.