Inane things you can do, I (apparently) can't do better

Some of these may be questionable, but I thought maybe I'd stir up some controversy by posting AskMen.com's list of the Top 10 Things Only Men Can Do.

As a woman, I hesitate to say some of the things on the list made me laugh. It also made me think of Ron Burgundy's line, "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."

So without further ado... [click the links below for a more detailed account]

• 10. Go topless - well sometimes we'd prefer if you didn't...
  
• 9. Hold their liquor - Click this one. Totally true.
  
• 8. Manscape - Um, well, yeah. Duh.
  
• 7. Navigate spatially
  
• 6. Shave their heads
  
• 5. Play real sports - Don't even get me started on this one...
  
• 4. Fertilize eggs - Where, pray tell, are you finding these eggs?
  
• 3. Pee standing up - Yeah, true. Unfair.
  
• 2. F^%* things - Way to go, boys. Be proud.
  
• 1. Age well - I won't argue this one. George Clooney will still be hot when he's 85.
  

It's all in good fun, though, right? Any woman want to try her hand at creating a Top 10 Things Men Can't Do list? I'm sure we could come up with more than 10...

Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool

Forbes has released its list of the highest paid actors, and sitting atop the Hollywood throne is none other than the Fresh Prince.

Between June 1, 2007, and June 1, 2008, Will Smith earned an estimated $80 million, and with this summer's "Hancock," he is the first actor in Hollywood history to have eight straight movies draw $100 million at the box office. Pretty impressive.

Smith was followed by Johnny Depp, who earned $72 million last year between pirates and killer barbers.

Eddie Murphy, who I regard as one of the most annoying actors on the planet, and Mike Myers were tied for third on the list, bringing in $55 million during the year.

Leonardo DiCaprio rounded out the list, earning $45 million while not subjecting himself to box office bombs like most of the rest of this list--cough Love Guru cough.

Forbes reported that men in Hollywood still earn more than women: $487 million to$244.5 million. And apparently Cameron Diaz was the best paid actress during that time frame ($50 mill) because she played another dumb blond in another dumb movie. I'm really not bitter or anything...

Unsexy and unamused

Sarah Jessica Parker is upset with Maxim magazine's October claim that she is the most unsexy woman in show biz and spoke out against the men's mag in an interview with Grazia magazine.

Parker said the poll was "brutal," "filled with rage and anger" and questions husband Matthew Broderick's judgment, too.

"Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not." - Sarah Jessica Parker

Now, I don't agree with this list at all because I think she's gorgeous, and normally I'd be like, 'You go girl!' But Jessica, dear, this poll was released like, four months ago. Even Britney was conscious enough to speak out about it back in November.

Holler, yo

In honor of Black History Month, which ends today, here is a list of the Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love. Click here for the list with videos.

10. Positive K - "I Got a Man"
9. Digital Underground - "The Humpty Dance"
8. Biz Markie - "Just a Friend"
7. Young MC - "Bust a Move"
6. Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock - "It Takes Two"
5. Naughty By Nature - "Hip Hop Hooray"
4. Tag Team - "Whoomp (There It Is)"
3. Vanilla Ice - "Ice, Ice Baby"
2. House of Pain - "Jump Around"
1. Sir Mix-a-Lot - "Baby Got Back"


Apparently it's "damn near bullet proof"...but I would definitely move Ice to number two and move the big bad Biz Markie up as well.

Anyway, now that I think about it, honoring Black History Month with a list about white people's likes probably isn't satisfactory, so here is a whole slew of BHM links. Enjoy!

Heart attack ala mode

I actually came across this list about two months ago, but I've been on a health food kick lately and looking at this list and not craving one thing on it makes me feel a little bit better about myself. Check and see how many of the Top 20 Worst Foods in America via Men's Health you've had...

To see the calories, fat, carbs and sodium, click on the links below...IF YOU DARE.

THE WORST:
20. Fast-food chicken meal: McDonald's Chicken Select Premium Strips w/Ranch
19. Drink: Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie
18. Supermarket meal: Pepperidge Farm Roasted Chicken Pot Pie
17. "Healthy" burger: Ruby Tuesday Bella Turkey Burger
16. Mexican entree: Chipotle Mexican Grilled Chicken Burrito
15. Kids' meal: Macaroni Grill Double Macaroni n' Cheese
14. Sandwich: Quizno's Classic Italian
13. Salad: On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef
12. Burger: Carls Jr. Double Six Dollard Burger
11. Steak: Lonestar 20-oz T-bone steak
10. Breakfast: Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked & Stuffed Hotcakes
9. Dessert: Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream
8. Chinese Entree: Pf Chang's Pork Lo Mein
7. Chicken Entree: Chili's Honey Chipotle Crispers
6. Fish Entree: On the Border XX Fish Tacos
5. Pizza: Uno Chicago Grill Chicago Classic Deep Dish Pizza
4. Pasta: Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs With Meat Sauce
3. Nachos: On the Border Stacked Border Nachos
2. Starter: Chili's Awesome Blossom
1. Food in America: Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries w/Ranch Dressing

So... don't eat Chili's, On the Border or Macaroni Grill?

2008 will be a sexy year

AskMen.com has released its annual Top 99 Women of the Year.

To see the list in its entirety, click here. For the "Jercnotes" version, keep on readin'...

TOP TEN
10. Adriana Lima
9. Marisa Miller
8. Rihanna
7. Jessica Biel
6. Scarlett Johansson
5. Jessica Alba
4. Eva Mendes
3. Kate Beckinsale
2. Alessandra Ambrosio
1. Katherine Heigl

Understandably, the Jessica Alba-Biel powerhouse landed in the top 10, and Lord are we thankful Jessica Simpson has finally fallen off the map.

But they've got three Victoria's Secret models in the top 10, and kudos to them for being hot, but really? Top 10? Mehh, don't know about that.

I'd like to petition for Scarlett Johansson to be moved up on that list, because if ever I had a celebrity girl crush, she's the one (or maybe Blake Lively, who landed at number 99 this year). And Eva Mendes on this list was probably a good idea at the time, but AskMen might be regretting this once her new movie tanks.

I'm not the biggest Katherine Heigl fan, but this woman has had an incredible year. From Grey's Anatomy--which I'm not into but is apparently the television form of crack-- to Knocked Up (awesome movie) and finally to the latest uber-chick flick 27 Dresses, she's got her success in the bag. Good for her.

Thoughts?

This dog list bites

The American Kennel Club yesterday announced its annual rankings of the 157 recognized dog breeds, and arguably one of the uglier dogs has made a reappearance for the first time since the mid 1930s.

At the top of the list is the Labrador Retriever, which has been at the top for 16 straight years. Boring! The Yorkshire Terrier, German Shepherd, Golden Retriever and the Beagle followed behind.

The Boxer, Dachshund, Poodle and the Shih Tzu made up ranks 6 through 9.

And back in the top 10 for the first time in 75 years is the Bulldog. Ugh. My brother has one of these dogs and I think it is so incredibly un-cute.

But apparently owning a Bulldog has become as trendy as those little purse dogs that Paris Hilton put en vogue. Actors Adam Sandler and George Clooney both own Bulldogs, and the breed is the second-most popular dog in Los Angeles, according to the club.

My thoughts--Beagles are terrible, Poodles are hideous and Labs and Retrievers all look the same. Where's the Husky!?

Baby popularity contest

The Baby Center recently released a list of its top 100 names for both boys and girls based on statistics, and frankly, some of these names are freaking ridiculous.

What I find even more ridiculous, though, is the fact that people are naming their children after Britney Spears' kids and Grey's Anatomy! Addison?? Come on...


Here are the top 10 for both sexes:

Girls' names	Boys' names
1. Sophia	1. Aiden
2. Isabella	2. Ethan
3. Emma	3. Jacob
4. Madison	4. Jayden
5. Ava	5. Caden
6. Addison	6. Noah
7. Hailey	7. Jackson
8. Emily	8. Jack
9. Kaitlyn	9. Logan
10. Olivia	10. Matthew

I guess some of these names aren't so bad, but look through the list and feel free to scoff at some of these references. You've got Tristan, which to me, is a Gilmore Girls reference all the way, but maybe I'm wrong. Jayden--Jayden James Federline, and Preston is on there too, guhh. Brody--Brody Jenner?

The one that really makes me cringe though? Nevaeh - heaven backward. Give me a break. And I'm hoping these people didn't get that from "Crazy" (Heather) from Flavor of Love, because that's incredible sad (it's sad that I even get the reference to begin with, but anyway...)

And my name isn't on there? My name had been in the top 10 since 1980, and just suddenly dropped off the list this year. Wtf.

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but don't be surprised next year when this baby list comes out and Audrina, Cohutta and Dannielynn end up at the top.

Scorned porn

Don't ask me how I got to the topic of sex tapes, but Maximonline.com has published a fabulous list of sex tapes we never want to see, and it's hilarious.

Please visit for a laugh all in good, dirty fun. You'll see Napoleon Dynamite, Larry King, Elizabeth Taylor and Chris Berman starring in their own adult flicks sure to make you vom a little in your mouth. Personally, my favorite is "Ridin Seacrest" featuring the American Idol host. But I don't know what they're talking about...I might want to see that one.

Can't phase the tase

The please of college student Andrew Meyer during a Sen. John Kerry speech in September--"Don't tase me, bro!"--has landed atop a list of 2007's most memorable quotations.

Yet another end of the year list was released today, this one compiled by editor of the Yale Book of Quotations Fred R. Shapiro.

The University of Florida student's quote was ranked number one due to its Internet popularity and pop culture success.

Following close behind was my personal fav, Miss South Carolina Teen USA Caitlin Upton's response during the Miss Teen USA pageant to the question, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?" [click here to watch the video]

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."--Caitlin Upton

The girl even got her own Wikipedia page for the mindless response!

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's October comment at Columbia University in New York came in third: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." And everyone's favorite radio jock Don Imus' comments about the Rutgers University women's basketball team landed him the fourth spot: "That's some nappy-headed hos there."

Time-honored tradition

Sorry, folks: This year we (or "you") did not even place in the running for Time's Person of the Year. Landing the top spot this year is Russian President Vladimir Putin.


Not completely sure about this, but the article about him is fantastic, a very deep look into his every move and his motivations. Personally, my favorite part is when he reveals to Adi Ignatius that his favorite Beatles song is Yesterday. Or that he's never sent an e-mail in his life.

The runner-up was Al Gore--no surprise there.

And also not surprisingly, author J.K. Rowling placed second runner-up--I mean, she was 2007's Most Fascinating Person, according to Barbara Walters.

Don't forget to check out the list of "People Who Mattered" in 2007, which includes a lot of question marks and some shockers, like Miley Cyrus and Radiohead?? And my favorite is that silly snowmwan who asked the global warming question during the presidential debate--even he made the list!

Reese's millions of pieces

Reese Witherspoon is atop The Hollywood Reporter's list of highest paid actresses of 2007, making a cool $15-20 million per movie.

Right behind her was whom I thought would be number 1: Angelina Jolie (she comes in a close second, even though she got only $8 million for her latest "Beowulf").

The list in full, if you care:

1. Reese Witherspoon
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Cameron Diaz
4. Nicole Kidman
5. Renée Zellweger
6. Sandra Bullock
7. Julia Roberts
8. Drew Barrymore
9. Jodie Foster
10. Halle Berry

Sexy time

Move over SMG, your title of Maxim's Woman of the Year has got nothing on Matt Damon being named sexiest man alive by People magazine.

Matt Damon, 37, said the honor "gave an aging suburban dad the ego boost of a lifetime" in letter published in the magazine, which will be on stands Friday.

I gotta disagree with this decision. Matt Damon is mmm mmm good, but you don't even have to look much further than his Departed co-star, Leo DiCaprio (though Jack Nicholson is a close second).

But I gotta go with David Beckham on this one. Maybe it's because I couldn't find one recent picture of Matt Damon without a shirt on. Or maybe I just can't get over his dimwitted likeness in Team America.

Top television honors

The Associated Press has compiled a list of TV's greatest icons, with Johnny Carson landing the number one spot - um, duhhh.

The list in its entirety will be featured Friday on TV-Land in a 2-hour special beginning at 8 p.m. ET, and also in Entertainment Weekly, on stands Friday.

Other names released from the 50-person list include Regis (27), Henry "The Fonz" Winkler (32), Letterman, Jon Stewart, Milton Berle, Homer Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Lassie and Kermit.

I'm going with Lucille Ball definitely in top five. Maybe Zach Morris? Ooh, or Carson Daly?!