Bo, fo' sho'

I stumbled across this video of Bo Burnham, a white rapper busting some rhymes in what appears to be a small room presumably in his parent's house (because he doesn't look a day over 17).

He may not be the fliest rapper alive, but his rhymes are actually really good. And he could probably wipe the metaphoric rap court clean with Shaq if they were to ever throw down in a battle.

Oh, and he totally gives all you babies of the '80s a new way to think about Patty Mayonnaise...

Desperately seeking bridesmaid...

Picking your bridesmaids might be almost as difficult a task as paying for your wedding, but a Virginia Beach bride-to-be has put the decision in the hands of America, killing two birds with one auction.

Kerry Gray, a 23-year-old hairdresser, recently posted the opportunity to be a bridesmaid in her August 2009 wedding up on eBay in an effort to keep wedding costs under $7,000. Little did she know that placing the spot up for bid would not only save her money, but earn her media attention and free beverages for her big day.

Dr. Pepper Snapple Group placed the winning bid, which was originally $5,700 but was later upped to $10,000. The company may have found the auction because of its mention in a local newspaper article about Gray's money saving efforts. One of Gray's co-workers suggested she try eBay because a Dr. Pepper can was selling on the online auction site for $400.The company will be responsible for selecting a bridesmaid and will reportedly launch a Web site to help her find someone or provide a surprise guest.

Gray and her fiance, Karl Grau, had decided that they would provide a dress and shoes for the selected individual, as well as an invitation, plus one, to the reception. If a man happened to be the winner, they'd supply the tuxedo.

The couple makes a combined $32,000 per year and planned to bake their own wedding cake and pass up a DJ to instead hook up their iPods to a stereo system (which [sidenote] got me thinking about my road trip to Virginia this weekend, in which my three friends and I created embarrassing music playlists incredibly worthy of being played at any wedding/bar mitzvah. I should totally see if they'd hire us for the gig with that extra $5K.)

Anyway. Raise your frosty glasses of Dr. Pepper in a toast to the future newlyweds. Cheers!

That's the catch

In operating this blog, I often have friends and family members throwing stories and videos my way to see if it's anything I'd be interested in posting. Today, my dad asked me if I'd seen the incredible catch made by a ballgirl at a minor league game this week.

An incredible catch? Yes. But there's a figurative catch to the video, too. Take a look...



At first glance, it looks like this little brunette goes Griffey on the long foul ball toward the left field wall, but take another look at the catcher's equipment--During the initial shot (the actual footage), the glove is on his left hand and the equipment insignia is on his right shoulder; in the (staged) reaction shot, it's the reverse.

It appears viral advertising has struck again. Check out that sports drink bottle clearly displayed at the feet of the mini outfielder. Tricky, tricky Gatorade.

Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself. It's awesome, but not real.

Teenage mutant ninja counselor

A New Jersey school was locked down this week when a ninja was spotted running around outside the building.

Of course, it wasn't a real ninja--A real ninja would have been too stealthy to be spotted, duh

The Barnegat elementary school was shut down from 9 a.m. til about 9:30, riiiight about when administrators realized the bad-ass ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate attire carrying a plastic sword. Easy mistake!

The counselor was reportedly running late for a costume theme day at work.

Now, I've grudgingly written about two separate bomb threats at a middle school in my coverage area (on my deadline day) before, but had one of the local schools was shut down because of a ninja, that would have been another story...and a much more exciting one.

On her way to the big gig in the sky?

This may be morbid, but it's mildly entertaining...

At whenwillamywinehousedie.com, visitors can enter a guess as to the date and time of when Amy Winehouse will take a bow. Get the closest, and you could win an iPod Touch.

Who knows if this is legit, but the media has been abuzz lately of Amy's destructive habits--some are even giving her three months to live. Terrible.

RELATED LINKS
Come claim your ugly prize
I say, 'so, so, so'?
Big bucks, no whammies--err--Grammy--STOP!

WTF, plate?

Nearly 10,000 people in North Carolina could have a free license plate coming to them if they so choose.

The Department of Motor Vehicles there has notified drivers with plates beginning with the letters "WTF" that they can trade in their "offensive" plates free of charge.

"Officials learned last year the common acronym stands for a vulgar phrase in e-mail and cell phone text messages." - WXII12.com

DMV officials discovered the meaning of the acronym last July when a 60-year-old technology teacher complained after her teenage grandchildren clued her in. The agency also recently realized that the sample plate on its Web site bore the WTF prefix as well, haaaa.

Personally, I would love if there were my license plate...as I'm sure anyone with a sense of humor would.

And just for fun and shoutout to my college days, "WTF, mate?"

Oh snap, Shaq can't rap

In the words of Best Week Ever: "In case you missed it..."

Here is the now-notorious Shaq freestyle rap dissing former teammate Kobe Bryant, presumably titled, "Tell me how my ass tastes." In the performance, Shaq mocks Kobe for his playoff disappointment and blames his rival for his ongoing divorce.

Is it me, or didn't Shaq retire from rapping after his song "Biological Didn't Bother" got more sympathy for being God awful than it did for being about his deadbeat dad? (And my entry's title clearly shows that even I am a better rapper than the Sun's center)

And now, I don't know if anyone told him this, but does he realize that he's asking another man how his ass tastes...like, over and over again...?

In any case, have yourself a laugh (or two minutes of cringing) by checking it out. Notorious B.I.G. would be so proud to have been mentioned in a Shaquille O'Neal rap.

RIPs

Because it's been so long since my last post, I decided to combine the moderately recent passing of a talented journalist with the very recent passing of a memorable comedian.

While I was on vacation (June 13), longtime "Meet the Press" moderator, Washington bureau chief and one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people--Tim Russert--died of a heart attack. [For more on Russert's death, click here]

As an American, it's hard to ignore a untimely death of a public figure...but as a fellow journalist (albeit on a much more amateur level), it's sad to see one of the good ones go. Journalists aren't always known as the cuddliest of professionals, but Russert will forever be lauded as an extremely talented and respectable man whose influence on this country and this profession will not soon be forgotten.

More recently, comedian/actor/"disturber of peace" George Carlin died Sunday of heart failure. And for your sake, I hope you've seen at least one of his HBO comedy specials, listened to one of his many comedy albums or at least watched "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."

The Associated Press distributed a comprehensive obituary this week, so rather than me try to reiterate Carlin's career...

LOS ANGELES (AP) — George Carlin, the dean of counterculture comedians whose biting insights on life and language were immortalized in his "Seven Words You Can Never Say On TV" routine, died Sunday. He was 71.

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica complaining of chest pain and died of heart failure later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas.

Carlin constantly breached the accepted boundaries of comedy and language, particularly with his routine on the "Seven Words" — all of which are taboo on broadcast TV to this day.

When he uttered all seven at a show in Milwaukee in 1972, he was arrested on charges of disturbing the peace, freed on $150 bail and exonerated when a Wisconsin judge dismissed the case, saying it was indecent but citing free speech and the lack of any disturbance.

The words were later played on a New York radio station, resulting in a 1978 Supreme Court ruling upholding the government's authority to sanction stations for broadcasting offensive language during hours when children might be listening.

Despite his reputation as unapologetically irreverent, Carlin was a television staple through the decades, serving as host of the "Saturday Night Live" debut in 1975 — noting on his Web site that he was "loaded on cocaine all week long" — and appearing some 130 times on "The Tonight Show."

He produced 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, three books, a few TV shows and appeared in several movies, from his own comedy specials to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" in 1989 — a testament to his range from cerebral satire and cultural commentary to downright silliness (sometimes hitting all points in one stroke).

Carlin won four Grammy Awards for best spoken comedy album and was nominated for five Emmys. Last week, it was announced that Carlin was being awarded the 11th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, which will be presented Nov. 10 in Washington and broadcast on PBS.

Sounds like excuses to me...

I feel like I make a post like this every two months or so, but I again will apologize for the severe lack of posting that has taken place since the month of June began. Obviously, I was on vacation for a week, which in turn allowed the week before to be "crunch time" and the week following to be "vacation withdrawal." Now that I'm settled back in at work and there appears to be no more Caribbean islands in my near future, I plan to be back in blogging form. That is all.

Guess who's back?

Sound the trumpets: I am back in New Jersey.

I'm thrilled. Really.

My cruise was fabulous and full of fun times on the Carnival Valor. I'll spare you the details, but some highlights include our grand transfer bus from Fort Lauderdale Airport catching on fire, shopping in Grand Cayman, glorious beach weather in Honduras, kayaking in Belize and swimming with dolphins in Cozumel.

Oh yeah, and there's the migrant Cubans we found floating next to our cruise ship. Hilarious!

Check out this news story out of Miami: Cruise ship encounters migrants at sea, and feel free to click the slideshow to see even more pictures of the Cubans. (I was trying to squeeze my camera between the other 3,000 people trying to take pictures on the one side of the ship). We're famous--whoo!

MIAMI -- Passengers aboard a Carnival cruise ship spotted seven Cuban migrants floating on a raft near Miami on Saturday.Two women were on the 10th floor of the ship "Valor" when they spotted the raft about 5:45 p.m. The ship was returning from a seven-day Caribbean cruise.The women said they were able to communicate with the group of six men and one woman by shouting. The Cubans gave the women a phone number to relatives in Miami, and asked them to let family members know they were alive.

Ship workers contacted the Coast Guard and provided the dehydrated Cubans bottled water, Carnival said. The ship stood by until a Coast Guard cutter arrived, then continued to Miami.Passengers took photos of the Cubans, who said they had been in the water for about five days.It is unlikely the migrants will be allowed to stay. The U.S. has a wet foot/dry foot policy regarding Cuban migrants. Those who reach U.S. soil are generally allowed to stay. Those intercepted at sea are returned to Cuba.

On an island (err--islands) in the sun

Not that I've posted that much lately anyway, but just an FYI to all of you visiting The Jerc Store: I will be out of the country from tomorrow (June 8) until next Sunday (June 15) with practically no Internet connection. 

I have not been on vacation in like, eight years so this will be phenomenal. Hope everyone enjoys their week :)

How do you spell 'hilarity'?

Ahh, the Scripps National Spelling Bee never ceases to provide comedy year after year. And of course, the 2008 round is no exception.

Check out this video. This kid-- Sameer Mishra--handles this moment with style and grace, especially when he realizes that the facilitator is not actually calling him a 'numb nut.'

Sameer, who obviously became a crowd favorite, would go on to win the whole shabang, racking up $40,000

Sex obviously sells

Congrats to Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte--

The ladies proved this weekend that sex sells, as the "Sex and the City" movie's opening weekend numbers trumped the opening weekend sales of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

I absolutely refuse to give away any bit of the SATC movie, but two of my girlfriends and I went opening night to see it, and I must say...If you are a woman who's seen even one episode of this show and you still haven't seen the film, what in the name of Manolo Blahnik are you waiting for??

The ladies have obviously aged, but I don't care what Maxim has to say: Sarah Jessica Parker looks stunning in this movie.

And two warnings: If you're a crier at movies, pack your tissues. My friend Jenn and I cried for a good hour of the movie. It's a tad more depressing in parts than you might like. And also, the movie is 2.5 hours long, so go easy on the pre-show martinis.

You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll be glad you didn't drag your grudging boyfriend to the film for him to complain about how unrealistic it is to spend $500 on shoes or how unattractive he finds Miranda to be.

Here's the trailer: