Let free-food ring!

My fellow Americans, tomorrow is Election Day and in the true spirit of our obese country, a bunch of businesses are bribing you to vote with free food!

Democratic, Republican, Independent, Libertarian - whatever. Vote for whomever you want, but make sure you vote! Here are a few freebie deals for you to check out tomorrow after you've hit up the polls:


For starters, Starbucks is offering a free 12-oz (tall) coffee to any voter. The promotion, announced in a 60-second commercial during this weekend's Saturday Night Live, is available all day. The company is going by the honor system, so just let the barista know that you voted and you're good to go! [click here to find a Starbs near you]

Krispy Kreme, on the other hand, is requiring an "I Voted Today" sticker for you to bag your free doughnut. Present the sticker to the cashier, and you'll receive a free star-shaped doughnut with patriotic sprinkles. Go America! [click here to find a Krispy Kreme near you]

You can also satisfy your Election Day sweet tooth by heading over to a Ben & Jerry's "scoop shop" between 5-8 p.m. tomorrow. The company is offering free scoops during that time with their "Democracy Never Tasted So Sweet" campaign. Scoops are limited one per customer.

I've also heard that some Chick-fil-A locations will be offering a free chicken sandwich to those wearing "I Voted Today" stickers tomorrow and those who bring in their political yard signs on Nov. 5. I'd check with your local Chick-fil-A for confirmation, but that's an awesome deal if you're more of a savory person like I am. [click here to find a Chick-fil-A near you]

If you've got any other freebie tips, feel free to post 'em! Happy voting!

RELATED LINKS
Decision 2008
Don't vote!
Baby mama ain't Obama
Grand Old convention
Dems fightin' words

Deja vu debating!

With just two days left til we pick a new prez', you've probably already decided for whom you're voting. This little video won't change your mind, but it should at least give you a good laugh.

Make sure you vote Tuesday! (Bet you've heard that before, too...)

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

"World F----ing Champions"

NOTE: I promised a "Yay Philadelphia" post, so here's another special guest post from Dave, my Philadelphia sports fan friend. If you missed Chase Utley's speech at the celebratory parade (from which this post gets its title), click here.

"The Philadelphia Phillies are World Champions."

I truly never thought I would ever get a chance to say those words. From the bottomless pit that was Philadelphia sports for the last 25 years, Philadelphia finally has a world championship to celebrate. And it feels damn good.

After a 46-hour rain delay, the Phillies were able to edge out the Rays 4-3 to win the World Series. We’ll always remember the names of Eric Bruntlett --who scored the winning run-- Pedro Feliz --who got the winning RBI-- and Eric Hinske --who was the last out of the game and was struck out by Brad Lidge.

Words cannot express what I felt when that last strike was recorded. There are no words. Those who are 4-for-4 fans (Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, Sixers) know what that feeling was. It was something special that cannot be replicated. I really wish I had more words, but there aren’t any. If you’re not a part of this fan base, you’re probably thinking I’m crazy, but those who are a part of it know exactly what I mean.

After the game there was joyous celebration throughout the city. Unfortunately, there were certain cases of idiocy. Cars were flipped over, stores encountered vandalism, and even some police officers were assaulted. Keep in mind, that despite the 117 arrests that night, there were literally MILLIONS of people who celebrated responsibly and correctly. Those who wanted to be jackasses were arrested. If the national media chooses to focus only on 117 bad guys, then shame on them. Philadelphia fans should not care how the national media portrays us right now. This is our time to celebrate. This time is about the people of this city who deserve it and pour their hearts out for their sports teams.

There are so many stories that can be heard on talk radio about loved ones who are no longer with us. The last definitive memory I have of my late grandfather was in July of 1993, just three months before he passed away. He picked me up from school and we watched a baseball game. It was Kevin Stocker’s first game as a Phillie. The game was nothing special: Phillies blow a lead in the 9^th, Dykstra wins it in the bottom of the inning, a pretty typical game for that team. The point is that baseball bonded us, as it has bonded many families, particularly in this area.

This was truly a magical group of players. There was just something different about this team that you could feel for a long time. From the moment Shane Victorino hit the grand slam off CC Sabathia, the most dominant pitcher in baseball; it truly felt like this team was writing its own script.

And so the city finally has a championship to celebrate. The Phillies have ended the 25 years of broken hearts. Somewhere, Ronde Barber is still running toward the end zone with that football, and it doesn’t matter. Donovan McNabb may (or may not, depending on who you ask) be throwing up on that last drive in the Super Bowl, and it doesn’t matter. Most importantly, Mitch Williams, you’re forgiven.

The city that was once starved for a world championship can now taste the fruits of victory. From the heart of this sports fan, I can only say thank you, and please Sports Gods, don’t make me wait another 25 years.

In 1975, when the Flyers were one game away from their first Stanley Cup, their coach Fred Shero gave an excellent quote. “Win tonight, walk together forever.”

The 2008 Philadelphia Phillies surely will.

RELATED LINKS
Another curse broken
Or don't blame it on the rain...
Blame it on the rain
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco
Dem's fightin' Phils

Fall back, yo

Just a reminder, my friends: Don't forget to set your clocks back!

On the first Sunday in November (tomorrow), clocks are set back one hour at 2 a.m. local daylight time, which becomes 1 a.m. local standard time.

And you know what that means - one more hour to party-it-up tonight! Whoo! (It also means that the clock in my car will finally be right again...)

Your computers might not set themselves like they used to, so beware of that. The Energy Policy Act of 2005 changed both the starting and ending dates of DST. Since 2007, daylight time has started on the second Sunday in March and ended on the first Sunday in November (rather than the first Sunday in April and the last Sunday in October).

BOO!

Happy Halloween from The Jerc Store!

So, what are we gonna see more of this year: Political figures (most notably Sarah Palin) or Heath Ledger's The Joker? Maybe it'll be the rebirth of Britney Spears. What am I being? That's a secret ;)

I haven't been this excited about Halloween in awhile, so bring on the trick-or-treaters and crappy candy corn - it's Halloween weekend!

[and Happy Birthday, Rachie!]

Another curse broken

Congratulations to the Philadelphia Phillies: Under manager Charlie Manuel, the "Phightins" beat out a young Tampa Bay Rays team to win the World Series, 4 games to 1.

Most of the country didn't really care about this series (as evidenced by a 25% drop in ratings from 2007), but it was still pretty exciting.

...and hopefully I don't have to bail out my friends from jail tonight.

After a 3-2 Philadelphia win in Game One, Tampa Bay struck back Thursday to even the series. The Phils then stormed back after a 90-minute rain delay Saturday, winning in one of the oddest endings to a game I've ever seen [click here to read the recap]. Then came Sunday, when the Rays just basically rolled over and died--even Phil's pitcher Joe Blanton jacked one out of the park.

Then we had the controversial Game Five. On a cold and rainy Monday night, the Phillies struck early, going up 2-0 on a Shane Victorino single in the first. Tampa Bay's slumping stars finally got a little something going in the top of the fourth, making it 2-1. The elements started to take over in the fifth inning, but Commissioner Bud Selig allowed the game to continue long enough for the Rays to manufacture another run off Phillies ace Cole Hamels. The tarps came out and the Phillies fans cried foul.

After rain and snow --yes, snow-- Tuesday, the teams took the field tonight, 46 hours after Game Five's suspension. The 3-inning game, which required an exorbitant amount of strategy, began with a lead-off double by Geoff Jenkins, followed by a sacrifice bunt by Jimmy Rollins and an RBI single from Jayson Werth. Tampa Bay's Rocco Baldelli jacked one over the fence in the top of the 7th, tying the game at 3, but not for long: Pedro Feliz put the Phils back on top in the bottom of the 7th and Brad "Lights Out" Lidge came in in the top of the 9th to shut down the Rays and bring Philadelphia its first championship since 1987.

[NOTE] Before I get into my schpeel and get scathing comments in respone to this post, I have a guest writer on-deck to write a "Yay Philadelphia" post in the coming day, so chill out on the hate messages. Now, on to my rant...

I grudgingly congratulate the Phillies because--being from south Jersey--I've just had it with the bandwagon fans who have come out of the woodwork the last month, and especially the last week. I know it's to be expected, but it's just obnoxious. Philadelphia was a city that was all about "bleeding green" for its Eagles for the last several years, and now that the Eagles are in last place, these people are jumping ship and "painting the town red," as they say. Suddenly everyone remembers that Philadelphia has a baseball team and their clothing, cars, away messages and Facebook statuses are overwrought with Phillies exclamations. You talk about bleeding green--I think I'm vomiting red. (That doesn't sound very healthy, eh?)

But hey, congraulations to all the real fans. Your curse is over. Now you can stop complaining. Hey, now you're just like everyone else. Now you've just gotta win 24 more World Series titles to catch up with the Yankees, haaaa. Oh, and the Eagles still suck.

RELATED LINKS
Or don't blame it on the rain...
Blame it on the rain
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco
Dem's fightin' Phils

Major FAILs of the week

I'm starting a new weekly feature at The Jerc Store: "Major FAILs of the week" will be a selection of hilarious 'fail' photos from failblog.org. The site encourages you to share "fails, pwns and owns with the world" by sending in your photos/videos to failpictures@gmail.com.

So without further ado, here are your major FAILs of the week...


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures

Grandma-ma

So it's pretty offbeat when a 56-year-old woman gives birth, and even more so when a 56-year-old woman gives birth to triplets. But how about when the kids she's birthing are actually her grandkids.

Jaci Dalenberg, of Cleveland, was acting as a surrogate mother for her daughter, Kim Conseno. She gave birth to identical twin girls and their fraternal sister Oct. 11 by way of C-section.

The babies were born more than two months premature and each weighed less than 3 pounds, but are said to be doing well.

According to a spokeswoman, the 56-year-old offered her surrogate service to the daughter when she and her husband, Joe, were waiting to adopt. The couple used vitro fertilization and the embryos were implanted into Dalenberg's uterus.

Joe and Kim also have an 18- and 13-year-old. You can check out their "Our Life With Triplets and and Teens 'Oh My'" blog.

So...what do the kids call Dalenberg? Mama? Grandma? Grandmamama?

Pot-luck taco

I hope you all remembered to visit your local Taco Bell today for a free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco. And sorry if you're just seeing this now: The special, offered because Jason Bartlett stole a base in Game One of the World series, was only from 2-6 p.m. today.

But if you did get your taco, I'd be willing to bet it didn't come with the toppings that one Colorado couple got during a recent trip to a Del Taco restaurant...

The couple called local authorities Oct. 16 when they discovered a small baggie of marijuana in their taco order they pick up at Del Taco.

Police said Dennis Klermund, the employee who waited on the husband, initially denied that the pot was his; he later admitted the bag was for his friend when a drug-sniffing dog found marijuana in a locker.

The 26-year-old, who is no longer employed by Del Taco, faces possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

"If there was no television, this guy would be living in a tree"

I swear, I will get a 'Hills' update soon: I passively watched last night, and while the episode was pretty bland, I did find some things to poke fun at. I'll have to On Demand-it-up over the next few days and try to put together a comprehensive Hills fest of the last three episodes.

In the meantime, check out Lauren's appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman last night.

The first few minutes are somewhat awkward, with Letterman straight up telling Lauren that she's the reason why people on The Hills hate each other...and she has no idea how to react.

Lauren then discusses the show, the cast, her upcoming books and plans for the future--or tries to, as Letterman interrupts her every 2.5 seconds. Still, LC manages to slip in a great jab at Spencer (around 2:15 in).

Overall, Lauren seems pretty daft, but she's probably just too creeped out by Letterman drooling all over her. Check it out, particularly around 5:45 when Letterman starts giving his thoughts on Brody.



RELATED LINKS
Lauren Conrad: Over 'The Hills'
Head from 'The Hills'
Back in 'The Hills'
"Drama follows them"
Boys make girls cry and something's gotta change
"You always miss a best friend"

Or don't blame it on the rain...

[UPDATE] The remainder of Game Five will be played tomorrow, Wednesday, beginning at 8:37 p.m.

NOTE: This is a special-guest feature from my friend, Dave, who is the biggest Philadelphia sports fan I know. As an anti-Philadelphia sports fan myself, I obviously did not plan to write a sympathetic post in opposition of the events of last night's World Series Game Five, but I know that the suspension is drawing huge criticism and who better to air the grievances than a tortured Philadelphia sports soul?

The stage was set last night. It was supposed to be the night that the so-called curse was lifted, and Philadelphia had a sports championship to celebrate.

God had other plans.

We all know what happened: Delayed after 5 ½ innings; play will resume when "weather conditions permit." [see the logistics surrounding the suspension, below]

No one can be blamed for what happened with the weather. If it’s going to rain, it’s going to rain. Nothing can be done; however, the way it was handled was perhaps the biggest disgrace that Commissioner Bud Selig has ever been apart of. And if you’re a baseball fan, you know there were many--including but not limited to the tie at the all star game in 2002, and the continuous blind eye to blatant use of performance-enhancing drugs.

What the casual fan may not have seen last night was Selig’s post-game press conference, which was an absolute joke. It was an obvious attempt to deflect blame off of himself. You can go back and read the transcript yourself, but he essentially blames the groundskeeper, and then the weatherman at the stadium for letting it get out of hand.

The real problem, however, may not even be Bud Selig; it is rooted in the fact that these games don’t start until about 8:45 pm. There is no reason that these games can’t start at 7:30 or 8:00 on the dot. Major League Baseball wonders why kids aren’t as interested in baseball as they used to be. Perhaps it’s because they’ve never been allowed, or physically able to stay up until 1 am to see a team experience the joy of winning a World Series.

Nevertheless, the city of Philadelphia deserves better. The wait is now on and the worst part is, the fans of this city don’t even have a clue as to when the final 3 ½ innings of this game are going to be played. The anticipation is intense.

Look at it this way Philadelphia: The wait has been 23 years, 6 months, 28 days since the 76ers completed the sweep of the L.A. Lakers in the 1983 NBA finals. What’s one (or two) more days?

And hey, it could be worse: Game Four of the 1911 World Series between the Giants and the Athletics in Philadelphia was postponed for six days due to rain.

RELATED LINKS
Blame it on the rain
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

Blame it on the rain

Updated Oct. 28, 2 p.m.

Yeah, you like that Milli Vanilli reference?

Anyway. For the first time in World Series history, a game has been suspended due to the weather. Due to a rain/snow storm hitting the tri-state area (yes, snow in October), the remainder of the game will be played tomorrow (Wednesday), beginning at 8:37 p.m.

Game Five--the potential championship-clinching game for the Philadelphia Phillies--was suspended in the bottom of the sixth inning, after the Tampa Bay Rays scored a run to tie the game at 2.

Thankfully, baseball officials said it was not an option to make the game official after five innings, determining the Fall Classic winner by way of a called game.

When the game does resume, it will be picked up from where it was left off; fans and commentators have criticized the determination, stating that the call should have come at the beginning of the sixth inning (before Cole Hamels gave up the run in poor weather conditions), or that frame should be erased and the game should resume from the top of the inning.

Check back later for a special commentary and updates on the game.

RELATED LINKS
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

Decision 2008

Today, we are exactly one week away from what is being touted as one of the most important elections in the history of America.

Still haven't decided for whom you're voting Nov. 4? Take a look at the Match-O-Matic. You'll answer a series of questions on hot issues (health care, taxes, the environment), and the Match-O-Matic will do all the work of picking a candidate for you!

You may not completely agree with it, but if nothing else, you'll gain a better understanding of each candidate's platform.

You can also refer to this Web site.

...And if you've already got your man picked out, take a look at this interesting dance-off between the Republicans and the Dems. ;)

Baby Mama's got a little one

You might have noticed that "Saturday Night Live" star Amy Poehler was sporting a little more than a baby bump in recent weeks, but bump-be-gone! Poehler is officially a mommy!

The "Baby Mama" star gave birth to her baby, Archie Arnett, on Saturday. The baby, born to Poehler and husband Will Arnett, was 8 lbs, 1 oz.

SNL has been infamously bad the last few yeares, but the election has revitalized a few of the skits. In honor of Poehler, I'm posting a video of the "Palin Rap," which made me laugh incredibly hard. It's gonna be a shame when Poehler leaves this year.


RELATED LINKS
Poehler peacing out
Fierce to the trannieth degree

J-Hud's mother, brother killed

[BREAKING NEWS] The body of a young boy found today in a car has been confirmed as that of Julian King, Jennifer Hudson's 7-year-old nephew.

Several news agencies are reporting that the mother and brother of singer/actress Jennifer Hudson were found dead today in Chicago.

A male family member discovered the body of Hudson's mother, Darnell Donerson, 57, and police later found the body of Hudson's brother, Jason.

The shootings are believed to be domestic.

[UPDATE] Police confirm they have taken a person into custody but are not saying who it is. News reports, however, say that person is Hudson's brother-in-law, William Balfour. Balfour's mother has also acknowledged her son has been questioned about the shootings.

Authorities issued an Amber Alert for Hudson's 7-year-old nephew, Julian King, and were seeking a 1994 white Chevrolet Suburban.

The alert said the child was possibly abducted, and accompanied by a man — considered armed and dangerous — who was a suspect in the double homicide investigation. Records with the Illinois Department of Corrections show the man, who has not been charged with a crime, is on parole and spent nearly seven years in prison for attempted murder, vehicular hijacking and possessing a stolen vehicle.

Newsfeed eating up lies

I heard a funny story this morning about a guy in Australia who took a "sick day," but got busted because his boss read his Facebook status: "Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f..k it i'm still trashed. SICKIE WOO!"


I laughed out loud when I heard it, thinking, "See? This is exactly what they told us in college about the professional backlash possible in putting dumb crap on social networking sites."(Thanks, Prof. Brown!)

An e-mail, presumably between Doyle and his boss, surfaced on the Internet shortly thereafter: The boss asks the 21-year-old AAPT worker for a medical certificate to prove he deserved the day off, and he writes back saying he did not need a medical certificate for one day's leave. The boss then discloses his proof behind the doubt, and Doyle says, "HAHAHA LMAO epic fail. No worries man."

This story is all over the damn Internet... but now it appears that the now-famous Kyle Doyle might have been framed! [DUN DUN DUN]

"Following an investigation into AAPT's email records, we can confirm the email exchange between two of our employees ... never occurred." -- statement from AAPT.

It appears that either someone set Doyle up--even his mother is vouching for him. Yeah, set up or he set this up to get his 15 minutes of fame, mmm? Either way, pretty comical.

As of this morning, Doyle's status reportedly read: "trying to hide :-/" and he had received at least 175 personal messages regarding the incident.

Taco, taco, taco!

Hey, if you run into Tampa Bay Ray Jason Bartlett anytime soon, make sure to say 'gracias' -- Thanks to the speedy shortstop, we've all got a free taco coming to us!

On Oct. 28 (Tuesday) between 2 and 6 p.m., you can head out to your local Taco Bell and request one free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco ala the fast food chain's "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion.

Jason Bartlett stole second off the Philadelphia Phillies' Carlos Ruiz in the fifth inning of tonight's Game One World Series game. Yum!

Taco Bell ran the same promotion during last year's World Series. Boston Red Sox outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury stole a base in Game Two.

RELATED LINKS
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

EMPLOYEE: DUMB B----

A Missouri man was shocked to find a racial slur on his Journeys receipt after returning a pair of shoes this weekend.

Keith Slater, 22, bought an $80 pair of shoes at the store, but later returned them after finding a better bargain at another store. Slater got his money back, but was later shocked to see that the receipt identified him as "Dumb N-----"

Like, really? Did anyone there think that someone somewhere might possibly notice the N-word printed on their receipt? My God, that's stupidity!

By the time the college student returned to Journeys that night, the store was closed. When he came back on Saturday, employees said that a generic code had been entered with the return and that's what appeared.

But, Slater's father said, there were six or seven choices that came up when that code was entered and the one the employee had chosen was at the bottom of the list. Probably not a coincidence then, eh?

The employee who rang up Slater was fired, according to a statement issued by Genesco Inc, the company that owns Journeys.

"While we are continuing to investigate this incident, it appears an employee in one of our stores entered highly inappropriate statements in a form used to process a merchandise return...Needless to say, such an act was not authorized by Journeys, and will not be tolerated." --Genesco, Inc.

The Slaters received an apology call today from Genesco's corporate office, and have also been contacted by the Justice Department. The department will reportedly refer the case to the FBI to investigate whether a civil rights violation has occurred.

Goldie on healthcare?

For whom would your dead goldfish vote?

The short on Port

My apologies for the lack of 'Hills' recaps lately. Admittedly, I've missed the last two episodes and have had no time to catch up...and until that happens, here's a little teaser for the new Hills spinoff, "The City," starring Whitney.

From what I can gather, there will be a bit less airhead conversation and bit more focus on the career path than The Hills offered; that's a good thing if we're trying to influence young women to get excited about being successful in a professional sense, but it's probaaably not going to be that good for ratings.

Then again, if Lauren makes good on her promise to quit filming the reality show, then I guess "The City" is all we got.

Hey, at least there's a guy with a hot Australian accent!



RELATED LINKS
Lauren Conrad: Over "The Hills"
Head from "The Hills"