"Surgery could make me hotter. Surgery couldn't make her smarter"

WARNING: SPOILERS

So last year, Bret Michaels thought he had found his Rock of Love with Jes, but it turned out that she left and got a new boyfriend during the time between when the show was airing on VH1 and the reunion show in the fall. Fortunately, Rock of Love brought in some insane number of viewers and VH1 decided to give the Poison front man another go around of strippers and slutty rocker chicks.

He whittled 20 women down to two, eliminating "Frenchie" the Stripper, theUkrainian Love Tank Ina, crazy-ass Kristi Joe, Former 'Beauty and the Geek' Contestant Megan and Ultimate Groupie Destiney.

In the end, Bret was forced to choose between Daisy, the real-life plastic surgery version of Daisy Duck, or Ambre, the peppy Spartan Cheerleader-like actress who seemed like a fish out of water in Bret's house-o-rock.

The finale focused mainly on the fact that Bret has always had a sexual connection with Daisy (well duhhh, her silicone sambas were hanging out of every single thing she put on), but he's still concerned about her cloudy past. With Ambre, Bret has always felt comfortable and confident, but he wasn't sure if the physical connection was there and if she could handle his "rock and roll lifestyle," which, really? Come on.

As in all of VH1's formated celeb searching for life final episodes, Bret takes each girl on a day-long date, which begins with some sort of innocent--but scantily clad--activity, topped off with dinner and a nightcap.

Date 1: Daisy tells Ambre she's not sexy. Ambre focuses in on slutting it up on her next date with Bret. They go on some jungle tour and have some massages. She jumps on his back and rubs him down. They go to dinner (and PS. why does Bret NEVER get dressed up for any of these occasions? I guess he's too "rock and roll" for that). Ambre reveals she's not wearing any underwear and proceeds to cross and uncross her legs. Bret barks, "Check please!" and they whisk away to his candlelit bedroom, where he describes every piece of furniture in the room as something "to make love on," including some sort of peanut cart? Oh Bret, how I love thee. They ultimately land on the bed outside on the moonlit balcony. Romance, la la la.

Date 2: Bret takes Daisy out on a boat to go fishing, because she obviously looks like a girl who loves to fish. They somewhat reenact a scene from "Titanic" out on the front of the boat, except Daisy gets woozie and hurls over the side of the boat. But it turns Bret on--just like everything else on the planet does--and he feels a closer connection with Daisy. Fast forward to dinner: Daisy tells Bret she loves him. "Check please!" again, and away they go to the same bedroom...and the same bed on the balcony. Sanitary indeed.

The verbal battles between Daisy and Ambre in the bedroom made me want to punch a puppy, though it did yield the title to this entry. God I love Ambre. And why the hell couldn't the producers give these girls a keycard to the damn bedroom? The awkward knocking and entering scenes were terrible. [click here to watch bonus footage of Daisy and Ambre's arguments]

Elimination time. Bret gives his speech on how he loves both of them and they have both made an extreme impact on his life, yadda yadda. He calls Daisy forward--and in an extremely less dramatic and less clever style than last season's King Midas twist--Bret tells Daisy her tour has ended and selects Ambre to be his Rock of Love. [watch below!]


video.vh1.com

What's funny is Daisy's reaction to all of this: "I just want to curl up in a ball and eat a lot of ice cream." How profound.

And just as Bret said, it's funny how fate works out because Ambre was sent packing day one until Jackye had a panic attack and went home and Bret filled her place with Ambre.

So again, my favorite girl from the start has won Bret's heart. I hope this one lasts. Well, I'd love it if it did, but...I would be slightly okay with another season of this show. I need to go to Bret Michaels Anonymous, like, seriously.

And be on the look out for next week's season two reunion show. It looks like Daisy gets her ass beat by Heather, yessss!