Go fish

I love offbeat news stories as much as the best person, but I love 'em even more when they hit closer to home:

In what really shouldn't have been an entertaining story, employees at a Philadelphia pet store were shocked this weekend when they opened what they believed to be a shipment of exotic fish and instead found a cadaver.

Jon Kenoyer, of California, died unexpectedly last week and had requested his body be donated to Alzheimer's research in Allentown, Pa. His body, flown across country by US Airways, somehow got mixed up with a shipment bound for Pets Plus USA.

When the package arrived at the store, the owner knew immediately that something was amiss. The package was not opened.

If you take a second to think about it, this story is horrible, but the one shred of lightheartedness was the wife's statement that her late husband was a practical joker and she considers this his one last prank.

Important to note that this should not dissuade people from donating their bodies to research, she added.

Guess who's back, back, back...

Fanfare, please:

The Jerc Store is back online!

I am hooked up on a brand-new laptop -- one that does not shut down every fifteen minutes and is not infected with a virtumonde virus.  Thanks to those who weighed in on the purchase, to Tom for helping me pick this baby out and to Dave for making Windows Vista slightly less terrible.

Hopefully everyone out there in Internet land has not given up on this site. Please start visiting regularly again because the posts will be flowing. Thanks again for your patience :)

[NEW] You can now e-mail me directly at: jerc@thejercstore.com

Another update

Hey everyone -- A few people have asked me what the deal is ("The Jerc Store is really hurting"), so I wanted to let you know that yes, I'm still alive and I will soon return to posting at the rate I had been.

My laptop is [almost] officially shot. The power adapter port thing (I really know what I'm talking about) doesn't give the computer enough juice to even boot up, thus making it impossible for anyone to tackle the virus, which, if you recall, was the original reason posting ceased.

The good news is that the government is giving me a lot of "free money" in about two weeks: Because I didn't get a stimulus check last year (for whatever BS reason), I am apparently getting one this year on top of my tax return -- whoo hoo! -- and that means it's time to start shopping around for a new laptop!

Now, while I could afford a MacBook with this money, I'm not sure that it's the best route to go. That's where you (if anyone still reads this) come in: If anyone's got any suggestions for a good, middle-of-the-road laptop that would primarily be used for writing and surfing the Web, please throw them my way.

Once I make the purchase, I'm hoping to give this site a facelift and get back to bringing you the entertaining -- yet utterly pointless-- posts you once so enjoyed

Until then, please be patient! I promise to be back soon!

25 things you don't care about unless they're yours

I thought the "25 things" note on Facebook was getting a little out of control, and the fact that CNN and TIME wrote about it this week just reaffirmed that.

For those unfamiliar with the popular "chain" note on the social networking site, it's basically as follows: You are "tagged" by someone and you write 25 random things about yourself, "tag" 25 of your friends --including the person who tagged you-- and it continues on from there.

And while I (unfortunately) am guilty of partaking in this narcissistic fad, I've definitely read some things about people and said, "WHO CARES?" Do I care what your childhood pet's name was? Not really. Do I stay up late wondering whether or not you've ever been to Tahiti. Not so much.

So, why is this blowing up? Because people like to talk about themselves -- duh. Isn't that the whole reason we have Facebook? Keeping in touch with people is nice and all, but most people really just want to see how many "friends" they can accumulate and how many photos they can be tagged in.

But hey, like I said... I'm guilty. I did it, too. But my 25 random things are more awesome than most people, haaaa.

Anyway, enough of that. I thought this TIME article was hilarious. I'd do the same (i.e. point out stupid things people I know have written), but I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. Still, it's pretty ridiculous that thing has been recreated 5 million times...

From time.com:
A girl I knew in high school has memorized all of Janet Jackson's dance routines. A college acquaintance is afraid of train whistles. Five separate people harbor lifelong desires to visit New Zealand.

How do I know these things? Because they won't stop writing about them on Facebook! Facebook's "25 Things About Me" meme seems harmless enough; people write 25 facts about themselves and post them on their Facebook pages, just as they do with videos, status updates and photos of last weekend's party. An estimated 5 million of these notes — that's 125 million facts — have appeared on the website within the past week.

Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of worktime productivity down the drain. But it's just so stupid. Most people aren't funny, they aren't insightful, and they share way too much. Facebook is a loose social network; a "friend" on Facebook might translate to someone you'd barely recognize in real life. I don't care that my college roommate's sister is anemic or that my stepcousin's boyfriend gets nervous around old people (apparently he's afraid they're going to die).

Below are 25 facts I wish people hadn't told me about themselves. They come from friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends and coworkers. They are all real, though I wish some of them were not.

1. I eat tacos with a fork.
2. I was fat in middle school. The wake of that horror has yet to subside.
3. I keep forgetting that Barack Obama is our President.
4. I have been pooped on by a monkey.
5. I am addicted to the ass-slap dance move. Sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it.
6. When I finally told my now fiancé that I liked him (as in, liked him liked him), I drunkenly gave him the Anchorman line, "I want to be on you." He had only seen the movie once and had no idea what it was from.
7. Just because I realize that Asian women are smarter, more attractive, and have about themselves a generally superior level of class does not mean I have a fetish. Just that I'm racist.
8. I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last.
9. I can't grow hair on my arms.
10. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
11. I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog.
12. I was born with jaundice.
13. I was born pigeon-toed.
14. I was born with an extra kidney. I wish I could have sold it on the black market and made some money, but it was underdeveloped and did nothing but cause me to wet the bed until the third grade.
15. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
16. A horse once fell over while I was riding it.
17. I don't believe in democracy.
18. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.
19. I drink two glasses of wine every night before bed. Wait, did I just admit to alcoholism?
20. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.
21. I once sent a teacher into early retirement by pretending to be a cheetah and swiping at her from under a desk.
22. I once ran into New Kids On the Block's Joey McIntyre in the lobby of an off-Broadway show. I told him he was the first boy I ever loved. He laughed and kind of smiled. This was the most gratifying moment of my life.
23. My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.
24. I don't understand what people see in the Godfather trilogy.
25. Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.

'Ew' does not even begin to describe this...

The bad news is that my laptop is still all virused-up, but the good news is that I've opted to completely wipe out the hard drive and start over. So until that's done, my posting will still be scarce, but I have to share this story I heard today -- And I thought my computer was sick!

From Philadelphia Daily News:
Dad had gone out to get coffee and breakfast. Mom was helping their 4-year-old son on the toilet. Their 9-year-old daughter was playing Nintendo.

That was how the morning of Jan. 3 played out for the Wolfe family of Massachusetts inside Room 142 of the Homewood Suites in Mount Laurel, Burlington County. Soon, the Wolfes would pack up and finish their long drive home from Florida.

But, wait: The couple's 22-month-old son was supposed to be on the hotel's pull-out sofa, watching TV. Instead, according to a federal lawsuit filed this week in New Jersey, the toddler was choking on a used condom that had been left in their room before they checked in.

When Amy Wolfe heard her youngest child chewing and choking on the condom, she rushed over to help him and retrieved it from his mouth, but according to the lawsuit, the boy already had "ingested the contents."

[I won't be offended if you just threw up in your mouth a bit. And actually, if you don't think that's gross, pretend like you're that child and consider it one more time... That would be disgusting if it were your own --'stuff'-- but you just ate a lustful night between anonymous people. That thing was hanging out for God knows how long in the rollaway couch in what you considered to be a "nice" hotel.

Now, I was shocked to hear that this happened in Mt. Laurel, the town next to mine. So I thought, "Hmm, let me check this place out" and went to its Web site. Lo and behold, I'VE STAYED THERE.
The Wolfe family's lawsuit contends that Homewood Suites and its subsidiaries, Hilton and Blackstone, put the child at risk by subjecting him to an increased risk of contracting a "sexually transmitted disease, including HIV or AIDS, or some other, potentially life threatening, potentially fatal illness."

I guess Hilton hotels are just as skanky as the heiress herself?

Change is on

Hey all -- Still working out the bug in my computer, but I couldn't let today pass by without a quick mention:

Today is a huge milestone in American history as our 44th president -- and first Black president -- took office, promising hope and a change in the God awful state of our nation.

Right now, President Obama (wow, weird to say) and the First Lady are on the party scene, hitting up presidential ball after presidential ball. More power to them.

Raise your hand if you're proud to be an American today!

Update

Now, not only is my laptop sick, but I'M sick now, too. Many apologies for the scarce posting. Apparently the laptop's got a Virtumonde or something. From what I'm told it's a pretty badass virus. [And if anyone knows how to get rid of it for good, PLEASE share!]

So, we're working on repairing the computer (and my health), and hopefully I can soon rejoin the blogging race...and stop burning my mouth on scalding hot tea, which I just did - @*?$%#!!!!!

Major FAILs of the Week

Just an FYI - my laptop's computer virus is back, which means that whole "whoo-hoo! I'm going to post more now" promise is taking a little detour. This whole mess has pushed me even closer to emptying my bank account for an MacBook. My Mac desktop is wonderful, but it's so full of photos that it moves slower than my 1995 computer in the office. Anyway, enough babbling. Here's something to keep you entertained til I can post again...

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures

Real quick

Hey everyone - Many apologies for the lack of posting lately. As you've probably read, my computer came down with some sort of ridiculous virus that basically made it explode every time I hit the power button. Fortunately, my boyfriend dedicated about 17 hours to this problem and miraculously got it working again. (I've just been too afraid to turn it on for the last week.)

So again, sorry for slacking and hopefully within the next two days I can get back to some sort of regular posting. Thanks for the patience!

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

You guys remember my post about the Palin family baby name generator? (If you didn't try it out, please do - it's quite entertaining). Well, we weren't just being mean by making fun of the ridiculous names the children in the family have: Apparently they're all quite fine with producing offspring with equally as terrible names.

Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, gave birth to a son Sunday. The baby's name? Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. If you got that output from the Palin family baby name generator, you win!

Tripp weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

What makes me laugh is Bristol's fiance, Levi Johnston, apparently had the following on his MySpace page in September before news dropped about his sweetheart's pregnancy: Under status: "in a relationship," but after kids: "I don't want kids."

Either way, it looks like the couple will make out by selling photos of the new baby Palin. Reports Monday night put the number close to $300,000.

Yes, Sarah Palin is now a grandma. I guess now she's gone from MILF, to VPILF, to GILF. Either way, I've got a message for her: Have a nice Tripp, hopefully we don't see you Fall of 2012.

yup, lots of "coughing"

As predicted, my computer completely exploded with pop-ups -- something about Adware? Spyware? A virus in the computer's registry?? Who knows.

My boyfriend dedicated about six hours of his Sunday trying to debug the thing, but apparently whatever I picked up is a bitch of a bug. So I will try to post as much as possible from my much slower -- but less-virusy -- computer, but I can't guarantee anything. Sorry ya'll :(

*cough*

No, I'm not sick, but I am moderately convinced my laptop came down with some sort of virus Christmas Eve. Luckily, (I think) it's all better now -- I just didn't turn it on for three days (hence the brief hiatus) and hoped it sorted itself out, which pretty much guarantees something worse will happen in about 10 minutes.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Who's looking forward to 2009?? I am if it'll bring me a new job, more money, increased relaxation time and a slight drop in lbs. Oh yeah, and if that recession thing could go away, that'd be hot.

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

Just think: 25 years ago that phrase was nothing more than a line in some movie about a little blond kid and his BB gun, a movie that debuted around Thanksgiving and was pulled from theaters before Christmas even came around.

But now, "You'll shoot your eye out, " sexy leg lamps and the phonetical pronunciation of "fragile" (fraaah-jeeel-aaay,--must be Italian) are Christmas staples, especially thanks to TBS and TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" -- a tradition that began in 1997.

Love it or hate, the movie has become a holiday tradition: Last year, the movie marathon brought in 4.4 million viewers - about 1/6 of the American population. Pretty ridic.

What's also ridiculous is the fact that a San Diego man has recreated the Parker house after winning an eBay auction, and it's become a major tourist attraction in Cleveland. Read all about it here. Roadtrip anyone?

And if you have any interest in reading the original movie review for "A Christmas Story," click here.

So, enjoy your holiday and sing "fra-ra-ra-ra" as you enjoy 24 hours of Christmas classic -- I triple dog dare you.

"I, Heidi, take thee Spencer..."

I figured it'd been awhile since my last "Hills" full episode recap, so when better to get back to it than the season finale? So sit back, relax and embrace my sarcastic commentary like Heidi and Lauren at a not-really-black-tie event.

So let's start with the less important --but just as staged-- storyline of the night: Audrina and Justin Bobby heading out to Palm Springs on a weekend getaway. Can we just talk about JB in the overalls without a shirt on his motorcycle? Aaaaand cue the banjo here. But what really made me laugh was Justin's acute observation that every time they go away together, it's never just the two of them -- it's always Audrina's friends "nibbling" in her ear. He's right. And in Palm Springs it was just the two of them... and the producers... the director...the camera men...the boom mic guy...

Things got more interesting when Justin Bobby presented a ring -- from his mouth. That's charming. He did manage to call Audrina by her name rather than the ever-affectionate "dude." For a split second I thought they would totally get married. I mean, it's no Patron, but the two of them had been chugging from that champagne bottle.

Back in LA, Lauren and Lo got all do-ed up (though their hair looked exactly the same as it always does) for a black-tie event hosted by none other than Brent Bolthouse. And Lauren wore lime green. (Shoutout to the show's editing team for cutting in the Dandy Warhols "We Used the Be Friends" here.)

Shockingly enough, Heidi was "working" the event, and I love that she looks around and says, "I haven't seen people look this nice and dressy in a long time," yet the girl just got married three days ago.

Anyway, Heidi approaches Lauren for a heart-to-heart... which really turns into three minutes of the most awkward television ever. There's a lot of nodding and furrowed brows (as per usual on The Hills), and the word "madame" is used way too many times than it ever should between two peers. The most cringe-worthy moment comes after Lauren drops the, "It is what it is" bomb and Heidi pauses, looks pensively and says, "You been working out?" Um? There's more champagne chugging --this time on Lauren's end-- and I am again waiting for two more people to run away and get married.

Speaking of elopement, we find Heidi and Spencer this week attempting to make their Mexico matrimony legal in the US. We also witness Heidi awkwardly explaining the marriage to her friends, family and co-workers. You gotta feel bad for Heidi's mom here -- the poor woman just wants to be there to watch her daughter get married. "There are a lot of people hurt here, a lot of people who have helped mold you into the person you are today," she says. Wait, am I wrong in thinking she's referring to Heidi's plastic surgeons here?

Against her family's wishes, Heidi goes to the courthouse to meet Spencer and Stephanie for a really romantic ceremony before a fake judge. (Yeah, this was shot after hours and probably wouldn't have been legal even if they had gone through with it.) Steph implores Spencer to hold off on the marriage because it's not what his bride really wants. And even though he whines about having gotten all dressed up in his nice suit, he has a change of heart and tells Heidi he'll "deal with" giving her her dream wedding.

And hey, did anyone else think the judge said "through all the day of your lies" to Spencer during his vows? Freudian slip much? I wish she would have made him swear to shave off his Santa Claus beard, too.

So that ends season, what, four? Of course they didn't get married -- it would have essentially put the kibosh on all of the storylines that producers had cooked up. Those people can't keep coming up with new things all the time - they aren't miracle workers for God's sake.

And on the After Show, Lauren's big announcement was --surprise, surprise-- another season of The Hills is forthcoming. Perhaps there will be little Speidlets soon. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers offered them a raise in pay to reproduce.

Here's the final installment of my Hills drinking game. Until next time...

• Whenever you hear "dude"--twice if it's a term of endearment.
• If you have a craving for Sonic's chocolate cheesecake bites.
• Whenever you're a little sadder than you expected that Whitney is gone.
  
• Any time someone takes a swig of champagne.
• Every time Heidi and Spencer's wedding is blamed on alcohol or Mother Nature.

RELATED LINKS
Speidi and the Patron make it happen
Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding
It's a Speidi wedding!

Person of the Year '08

Yup, shockingly enough, Barack Obama has been named Time's Person of the Year for 2008. (I'm sure Sarah Palin was hoping she'd at least win something this year...but praise the Lord she didn't.)

It's no surprise our soon-to-be first Black president is gracing the cover of the annual issue, but I'd still suggest you take a gander. The article is very well-written, and right off-the-bat puts to rest your, 'Gee, Obama as Person of Year - that's original' complaints.

It's unlikely that you were surprised to see Obama's face on the cover. He has come to dominate the public sphere so completely that it beggars belief to recall that half the people in America had never heard of him two years ago — that even his campaign manager, at the outset, wasn't sure Obama had what it would take to win the election. He hit the American scene like a thunderclap, upended our politics, shattered decades of conventional wisdom and overcame centuries of the social pecking order. Understandably, you may be thinking Obama is on the cover for these big and flashy reasons: for ushering the country across a momentous symbolic line, for infusing our democracy with a new intensity of participation, for showing the world and ourselves that our most cherished myth — the one about boundless opportunity — has plenty of juice left in it.

Read on: 2008 Person of the Year. (Don't you love that they no longer call it 'Man of the Year'?)

Blogs of note

You may or may not have noticed a new link in my "more reading material" section, but I'd like to give a plug to my friend (and former roommate), Katfox, who has just started a new blog about her photography. Please check out her stuff and feel free to visit her blog and/or Web site. You can also get in touch with her to have her take some kick-ass photos for you because she's awesome. End of story.

And while I'm in a promoting mood, check out some other friends of The Jerc Store, namely Geoff, Miss, David Dust and Billions of Currency. Lots of fun --and diverse-- reading material on there for ya, so check 'em out.

Major FAILs of the Week

[NOTE] I should put my own picture up here based on my complete failure as of late to update more than three times a week. Sorry :(

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.



see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures

Speidi and the Patron make it happen

As much as I feel the last episode of "The Hills" deserves a Jerc Store-style recap (and perhaps it will get one, if my job ever stops consuming my life), I just have to ask the question now: Was anyone else super confused by the Speidi wedding in the Mexico this week?

I consulted with fellow Hills-buff, Stef, on this and she confirmed that it wasn't just me being as vapid as most of the girls on the show - the continuity of the episode really didn't make sense.

In real life --that is, the life that you and I lead-- news of Heidi and Spencer eloping in Mexico broke Nov. 24, just three weeks before this episode aired. Meanwhile (in Hillsland), Lauren and the crew are saying goodbye to Whitney, who is about to leave for a new life in New York City. But, we've been seeing promos for Whitney's new show, "The City," for at least three weeks now and the show premieres in two. How is that they'd already shot, cut, edited and shipped all the footage for Whitney's new show essentially before she's left?

Did that explanation make sense to anyone? No? Okay, try this one out then...

Heidi and Spencer go to Mexico. One night they're drinking--heavily. Now, it's nighttime when Spencer seemingly forces shots of Patron down Heidi's throat and convinces her to marry him right then and there. (Of course, being the gentleman he is, Spencer pushes, pushes, pushes and then sticks his lip out and says, "You're sure?" Please.) The next time we see the couple --now newlyweds-- is during a morning in their hotel room as Heidi talks about being hungover last night from all the Patron. But yet, they whip out a camcorder to show footage of their wedding, shot in daylight.

If they were taking the shots at night and decided on a whim to get married at night, how was the wedding that they're seemingly discussing "the morning after" shot in daylight?

Could this mean that The Hills is --OMG-- fake? Did they do something like this to --GASP-- improve ratings?

[UPDATE] And hey, previews for next week's season finale show Heidi and Spencer making their elopement legal in a courtroom, but apparently that was filmed after hours and is likely not real either. Haaaaaa.

Thanks, Geoff and Stef!

'Oh, you guys can't breathe in outerspace?'

"Dark Knight" ads are popping up all over the place now that the movie is out on DVD and word just came out that Heath Ledger has been posthumously nominated for a Golden Globe. (Ledger, who played the Joker, will vie for the title of best supporting actor Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr., Ralph Fiennes and Philip Seymour Hoffman.)

All this Batman talk got me thinking about how awesome Dark Knight is and reminded me of a funny College Humor short I saw a few months back. I'm a Batman fan all the way (much more realistic, relative to other super heroes), but this made me laugh.




RELATED LINKS
Riddled with rumors
Dark curse?
Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint...and a Chupa Chup
Coasting by
"WHY SO SERIOUS?"
Update: Heath Ledger death an accident
Update: Heath Ledger's death
BREAKING NEWS: Actor Heath Ledger found dead

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures