*cough*

No, I'm not sick, but I am moderately convinced my laptop came down with some sort of virus Christmas Eve. Luckily, (I think) it's all better now -- I just didn't turn it on for three days (hence the brief hiatus) and hoped it sorted itself out, which pretty much guarantees something worse will happen in about 10 minutes.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Who's looking forward to 2009?? I am if it'll bring me a new job, more money, increased relaxation time and a slight drop in lbs. Oh yeah, and if that recession thing could go away, that'd be hot.

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

Just think: 25 years ago that phrase was nothing more than a line in some movie about a little blond kid and his BB gun, a movie that debuted around Thanksgiving and was pulled from theaters before Christmas even came around.

But now, "You'll shoot your eye out, " sexy leg lamps and the phonetical pronunciation of "fragile" (fraaah-jeeel-aaay,--must be Italian) are Christmas staples, especially thanks to TBS and TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" -- a tradition that began in 1997.

Love it or hate, the movie has become a holiday tradition: Last year, the movie marathon brought in 4.4 million viewers - about 1/6 of the American population. Pretty ridic.

What's also ridiculous is the fact that a San Diego man has recreated the Parker house after winning an eBay auction, and it's become a major tourist attraction in Cleveland. Read all about it here. Roadtrip anyone?

And if you have any interest in reading the original movie review for "A Christmas Story," click here.

So, enjoy your holiday and sing "fra-ra-ra-ra" as you enjoy 24 hours of Christmas classic -- I triple dog dare you.

Major FAILs of the week

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.



see more pwn and owned pictures


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see more pwn and owned pictures

Tryst under a parasite?

NOTE: A special guest feature for the holiday season, by Jerc Store correspondent, word to the ferg.

With the holiday season upon us, many local stores and markets are stocked up on the quintessential decorations. A recent trip to a local supermarket provided me with a wide selection of holiday items in various shapes, sizes and colors. In the hunt for some festive apartment décor, I found the holiday classic mistletoe.

That’s right, the $2.99 bunch of leaves and berries that every December gives hope to us guys who don’t exactly look like Tom Cruise…

I quickly purchased this sprig of splendor and when I returned to my apartment, I cunningly placed it just above one of the many doors in my apartment with the hopes of catching a fair maiden beneath it.

After standing under that compact bushel of delight for about 10 minutes in my empty apartment, two thoughts came to mind:

1. Can I really get any more pathetic than this?
   
2. And what is this mistletoe nonsense about anyway?
   

Not wanting to actually know the answer to the first question, I decided to investigate the second. What is it about this petite plant that allows average people to kiss beautiful people every December?

According to the book of Google, Mistletoe is actually a rootless aerial parasite that attaches itself and lives off of trees (mostly apple trees). The form most often used around the holidays is called Phoradendron Flavescens and is native on the Coast New Jersey to Florida. While interesting, I wouldn’t recommend using the parasite fact with anyone you are actually trying to “catch” (oddly enough, parasites don’t do it for everyone...).

But wait, it gets better! Some of the oldest references to mistletoe are paired with the ancient belief that the plant was actually propagated from bird droppings. You read correctly: In ancient times, it was a commonly accepted idea that plants and animals could spontaneously materialize from dung. This is actually how the parasite received its name. Originally called “misteltan,” in Anglo-Saxon language, “mistel” literally means dung and “tan” means twig.

So mistletoe literally means, “dung on a twig.” How romantic! There is nothing quite like locking lips under a product of poop. I would recommend that you keep this fact to yourself as well. (I can’t speak for everyone, but I believe that dung and kissing should never mix).

So, now that we understand the science of mistletoe, how did we get to the kissing part? Well, the roots of mistletoe use are commonly attributed to the Celtic Druids who believed that the parasite contained power to aid in fertility and served as an aphrodisiac. (Now we know why the Druids didn’t last…the berries can be poisonous!).

The Ancient Greeks also believed in the mystical powers and used it in marriage rites at their annual Saturnalia festival. As early as the middle Ages, mistletoe was being placed above doorways or barns in Europe to ward off evil spirits and witches.

In Northern Europe, mistletoe symbolized peace by which opposing sides could declare a truce or battling loved ones could kiss and make up. A combination of these legends is what eventually brought about the Victorian custom of kissing under the ball of mistletoe during the Christmas season.

Even though our beloved mistletoe has a bit of a twisted heritage, the hope of potential romance during the holiday season warms the hearts of many. Who would have ever thought that a parasite named after dung could fill so many with glee? Best of luck to all of you looking for a “catch” under the mistletoe. Happy Holidays!

Santa doing ho stuff, cuz there he ho again

A training course for department store Santas and the like has recently caused an uproar in Australia after recommending that Santa edit his age-old catchphrase: 'ho, ho ho!'

Westaff, a recruitment firm that supplies hundreds of Santas across the country, has told its trainees that the "ho ho ho" phrase might scare children and --gasp!-- could even be derogatory to women.

Instead, the Santas were encouraged to say 'ha, ha ha!'

"Part of our advice to our Santas is that they should be mindful of children having their first Santa experience. We ask our Santas to try techniques such as lowering their tone of voice and using 'ha, ha, ha' to encourage the children to come forward and meet Santa. We wish you and your family a very merry Christmas."--Sari Hegarty, Westaff's national Santa coordinator

So ridiculous. 'Ho' isn't even a slang in Australia! I'm sorry, but as a four-year-old kid, a huge fat man in a red suit maniacally laughing at me would have sent me running, maybe into the arms of a creepy man calling me a 'ho.'

Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, newborn, not even spoken a word yet...

It seems as though even Jesus is up on his technology this year: The savior in his manger is being fitted with GPS technology to avoid Baby Jesus-stealing thiefs during the holiday season.

A Cincinnati attorney, who read a story earlier this month about people stealing nativity scenes in Florida, donated the Global Positioning System navigation device.

"I don't anticipate this will ever happen again, but we may need to rely on technology to save our savior."--Dina Cellini, site manager.

"Save our savior" - ahh, I love it.

Mary and Joseph will also be given some GPS loving, and a plexiglass screen will be set up as well.

Deer-anged coach

A middle school coach in Georgia landed in jail after leading students on a vandalism stunt that left neighbors fuming and reindeer humping.

John Hayes, 46, reportedly loaded several of the teens into his pickup truck after dark (did that not cause alarm right off the bat?), and drove them around neighborhoods as they damaged Christmas displays. They even took those light-up reindeer and placed them in a sexual position--gasp!!

Hayes was confronted after a homeowner followed him. His explanation was that "it's just a bit of fun."

The coach would not give up the names of his underage accomplices, and is facing charges of trespassing, contributing to delinquency and reckless conduct. He was released on a $250,000 bond.

Come on, tell me you didn't know a teacher or coach when you were this age that would so totally do this with you. Yeah, it's wrong, but it's funny how much everyone is freaking out, so much so that it's national news. Me and my friend did this in high school, too. And that reindeer humping thing is sooo 2002.