Colorful, butt designer?

Now, I always said that if someone bought me a designer handbag, I'd light it on fire because I consider it an enormous waste of money, but anyone who thinks this designer product is worth the purchase should wipe their ass with it.

...well, that's what intended for, duhhh.
Renova has introduced luxury toilet paper in green, red, orange and black. Umm, kind of weird, yes? A 3-pack is selling for 7.51 euro (about 10.98 USD).

The best is the way they market this on the website:

• The RED is the power of emotion. It is what gives us our Vitality and Passion.
• Renova Black tissue: a voluptuous texture, soft and glamorous; a paper full of pleasure.
• Tissue paper in bright orange to celebrate exotism in the bathroom. Enjoy!

Should we really be describing bathroom activities with adjectives like 'voluptuous' and 'passion'? Maybe not, but you can also buy tissues and paper towels to match!

"I've made more bad decisions at 3 a.m. than I can list"

WARNING: SPOILERS

Last night's episode of Project Runway was probably the most rousing yet.

Confirming preseason rumors, one of my favs, Jack, was booted last night after exhibiting an outbreak of MRSA (staph infection) above his lip. Sadly, Jack opted to leave the show to seek medical treatment, though rumors are still flying about whose decision it really was. [click here to visit Jack's MySpace page] How about one last Jack pic before we move on? God, he's pretty...
To keep the competition at a high, Jack's replacement arrives: It's last week's auf'd contestant, Chris March! It may not have been such a surprise to saavy PR-watchers, because there were a few slight mentionings of the big man early on in the episode, which rarely ever happens, but it was nice to see someone who did not deserve to go home get another chance.

For the challenge, the designers received a different set of models: women who had recently lost a significant amount of weight, ranging from 40-something pounds to 139! The women arrived on the runway dressed in their former-self's favorite outfit, and each was randomly paired with a designer. The contestants were given $10 at Mood and one day to create a new look that fit the client both physically and personally.

Poor Steve got stuck with an enormous, gaudy, beaded, lacy, polyester wedding dress. The rest of the outfits were pretty bad, but Kit put on the dress and said she felt like the Corpse Bride.

Chris was allowed to work through the night to make up for lost time (which produced the classic Tim Gunn quote above), Ricky wore high heels better than I do and Kevin showed how selfless he is by helping the desperate Steve when it came down to crunch time. And can I just say the best part of each episode is Christian's pre-runway commentary, where he picks out whose designs are "God awful" and will "make the judges die because of it." He's a little bitch, but I love him.

Overall, the runway produced some mixed results. Christian and Kevin clear favorites; both of their models looked fantastic and their fashions would definitely sell. Kevin took a canary yellow blazer and turned into a hot tube top for God's sake!

The judges also placed Jillian in the top three, which I think is absurd because she barely followed directions. Instead of taking the client's top, she purchased the same color fabric from mood and turned into a dress. Hello cheater. Rami or Kit probably should have landed above Jillian with the youthful but classy designs they turned out using the original fabric.

Chris, Elisa and Steve fell into the bottom three this week. To me, Elisa's outfit was the most hideous. Not only did it look "frumpier" than the original outfit, she had to have made her 50-year-old model make the "rock and roll" hand sign on the runway, which should be grounds for elimination itself.

With the wedding dress, Steve had the biggest challenge ahead of him. At the same time, he could have come up with something phenomenal, and he delivered what the judges called an outfit for a funeral, a French maid's outfit, or an outfit for French maid going to a funeral. It was terrible. Had Kit gotten something like that, her outfit would have rocked. No doubt.

In the end, Steve went home, and deservedly so. And even though the jacket he designed this week looked extremely similar to his first week's look with less stripes, Christian took home top honors and scored immunity from elimination next week.

Five down--10 to go. Make it work!

RELATED LINKS:
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4

Bringing the game out of the shadows?

Use of steroids in Major League Baseball has been prevalent for more than a decade and practiced by players on every club in the league, according to Senator George Mitchell's report, disseminated today.

Notable names in the Mitchell Report are Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Miguel Tejada, Paul LoDuca and Eric Gagne.

It also includes names linked to steroids in the past, such as Barry Bonds, Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa.

To read the lengthy report or view the highlights, click here.

Brian McNamee has been named in the report as a possible distributor of steroids, specifically to Clemens and Pettitte. He "injected Clemens approximately four time in the buttocks over a several week period with needles that Clemens provided," the report states.

Senator Mitchell was put in charge of the investigation by MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. He is urging that no disciplinary actions be taken, unless it compromises the integrity of the game, but how does deception, lying and cheating not compromise baseball??

"The commissioner should give the players and everyone else the chance to make a fresh start. That's what baseball needs."--George Mitchell

It's important to remember that because a player's name is included in the report does not mean that they definitely used steroids, because Mitchell had no subpoena power and a large majority of the information did not come straight from the players's mouths. And just because a player's name is not listed in the report, does not mean he's 100% clean, either.

Mitchell, a former federal prosecutor, is a director of the Boston Red Sox and was questioned during today's news conference if bias is present in this report. He, of course, denied that by using a perfectly politicized spin--something about Ireland?

There will obviously be more to come on this report, but this is certainly the biggest bombshell dropped on the steroid scandal in quite some time.

Bud Selig will hold a press conference today at 4 p.m.

"We always do it nice and rough"

Rock pioneer Ike Turner, aka Mr. Tina Turner, died yesterday in his San Diego home.

Though Ike apparently influenced a number of current hit makers and won a Grammy in the traditional blues album category this year for "Risin' With the Blues," he will forever be known as that monster that beat the daylights out of Tina Turner. Whether that's the complete truth or not, we'll never know...

There is currently no word on cause of death, but his current wife reported that he had emphysema. Ike was 76 years old.

What is 'get better soon, Alex'?

Keep Alex Trebek in your prayers, people.

The 67-year-old Jeopardy! host suffered a heart attack at his home last night. He had no previous heart condition.

It was not clear when he would be released from an L.A. hospital, but he is expected to recover and return to taping the game show in January.

Alex Trebek is the man. End of story.

Humdrum Hills "finale"

WARNING: SPOILERS

Dry your mascara-laden eyes, Hills fans. Despite the "finale" episode last night, the season is not over!

Yes, if you missed last night's special aftershow you missed nothing but MTV compensating for the writer's strike and extending its most popular reality show's third season, beginning "in the first quarter" of 2008.

Lauren announced that viewers would "get to see our whole trip to Paris, and everything that follows afterwards." But based on last night's "last hurrah," I'm thinking these episodes are gonna be a snoozefest. Let's recap:

Heidi and Spencer went their separate ways, but we're not actually sure if they broke up...?

Whitney is asked to again join the skeleton-like Lisa Love in Paris and Lauren is sad. Whitney accidentally asks Lauren what Paris is like this time of year (duhhh) and Lauren is sad again. Then, to the shock of viewers across the nation (note sarcasm, please), Lauren is invited on the trip and she shares her Cheshire-cat like smile with us all.

But wait! What about Brody? Will Lauren again be forced to choose between some pretty boy who is likely banging every other blond girl in LA and the je ne sais qua of Pari?

Actually, it doesn't matter, because she's going for like, four days and she and Brody aren't even dating. YAWN.

There was a lot of self-recollection time while the cast drove in their fancy schmancy cars and half of them got on airplanes. My favorite part was of it all was Audrina, sitting alone in the apartment doing nothing while everyone else is going through some life-changing experience.

Overall, this finale was super lame and the only thing more pathetic than it was the slopfest that followed on the aftershow. I don't think MTV could have picked two more annoying and incompetent hosts. They got no information out of the show's "stars" and they were practically drooling all over the place.

I know this is a paltry recap effort, but please, let me direct you to a fantastic analysis of last night's episode. It's so wonderful, I must give it props.

David stuck in the John

A Scottish man who was trapped in a lawn bowling club bathroom for 100 hours was freed today. I think just one question remains:

What the hell is lawn bowling??

No, really. David Leggat, 55, survived nearly four days inside the bathroom in Aberdeen after the door jammed and the handle fell off. That's some high class country club there. He had no food and no cell phone. The paper said he survived by dipping his feet into hot water (and I don't really want to know what water or how it got hot).

Leggat was rescued when the cleaning woman arrived to collect her equipment, and what did the man's prolific emergence speech: "At least there was a toilet to use" (not joking).

Bravo for blooming relationships!

One of my fav Project Runway season four designers and a Top Chef finalist have gotten together to form a couple made in Bravo reality television heaven: Jack and Dale.

The two gay reality stars actually met over MySpace and ran into each other at the OUT100 party. Dale said they two are taking baby steps and that they like keeping it "incestuous," as in "in the Bravo family." Jack also took time out on his blog to alleviate any concerns that Dale might contract HIV from Jack, who is HIV positive but on medication that lessens his viral load.

I'm happy for them, especially the blending of two of my fav reality shows, so please please please - keep the gay bashing comments to a minimum.

Dog eat dog

Let's just get this out of the way because I was sick of hearing about this like, two months ago:

Michael Vick has been sentenced to 23 months in prison for his financing and involvement in a dog fighting ring--Bad Newz Kennels--and for killing dogs that did not deserve to die.

The maximum Vick faced was five years, so he received a sentencing that was middle of the road, which was surprising considering that this judge was evinced as a hard ass.

Vick already has lost his endorsement deals, which some estimates put as high as $50 million, and also lost the $71 million left on his contract with the Falcons, but he still got off easy. He'll probably serve eight months and get out just in time for football season.

Serial swine

A 58-year-old Canadian pig farmer, accused of killing women and feeding their remains to his pigs, has been found guilty on the first six of 26 murder charges.

Robert "Willie" Pickton automatically received a life sentence when the jury found him guilty of murdering prostitutes and drug addicts on his farm. If he is accountable for those deaths, he would become Canada's worst serial killer.

An undercover cop, who had been placed in Pickton's jail cell and gained his trust, said that Pickton had planned to kill one more woman--"make it an even 50"--then kill another 25 after he he took a short break. Come on, you know that killing prostitutes is hard work.

One witness said she walked in on a blood-covered Pickton as a woman's body dangled from a chain in the farm's slaughterhouse. Another witness testified that Pickton told him how he strangled his alleged victims and fed their remains to his pigs. Did he run out of grain and slop??

Shouldn't they issue a recall on any bacon that's come out of Pickton's pig farm, because it would totally gross me out to eat digested prostitute bacon. That can't be kosher.

I am McBluffin

Hawaii and Wal-Mart are trying to blow up every single McLovin-wannabe's spot.

Mayor Mufi Hannemann, the mayor of Honolulu, demanded that Wal-Mart remove "Superbad" DVDs from shelves because of the gimmicky, completely fake driver's license of "McLovin" included in the packaging.

"It was foolish of the movie studio to include this prop in the DVD, particularly because it could be used by unscrupulous people to deceive others who are unfamiliar with our driver’s license." --Mayor Mufi Hannemann

Can you seriously not tell that this is fake?? There's a barcode on there that looks like it's from the back of the damn DVD.

The mayor announced this Wednesday and then commended Wal-Mart for its speedy actions Thursday. Good job, Wal-Mart. You treat your employees like crap and practice sexual discrimination, but you can certainly got a talent for pulling DVDs off shelves for really asinine reasons.

FYI

Just so you all don't think I've thrown in the towel so soon, posts will be limited this weekend as I will very rarely have a computer available to me. But, I do promise to come back full force Sunday evening. See you then!

Throwing your financial future away for a t-shirt

I stumbled across this Consumerist article listing some statistics on young adults and credit card debt, and it brought me back to those days in college where I'd sign up for a credit card just to get a free t-shirt (just like the one below) or chat with the cute frat guys.

...But thank God I never gave them my real information. I'm not sure where exactly these numbers came from, but they sure are pretty grim!

• 56% of all undergraduates report obtaining their first credit card when they were 18
• 83% of all undergraduates in 2001 had at least one credit card.
• The average student has four credit cards.
• College students' balances have gone up 134% in the last decade.
• Three out of five students with credit cards maxed them out during their freshman year.
• 71% of young adult cardholders do not pay their balance off in full each month.
• The average undergraduate credit card balance is $2,169.
• College seniors graduate with an average of $4,000 in credit card debt.

Three out of five students max their cards out during freshman year? Some of these kids don't even know how to make scrambled eggs, but they're given "free money" to piss away on booze and burritos.

I didn't get my first real credit card (not check card) until right after college, and I'm probably a credit card company's worst nightmare: a young adult who doesn't buy anything she couldn't buy with cash, and pays each balance in full, on time, every month. Boy am I glad my parents installed the fear of debt in me at a young age.

Boobs from a boob

If you're still stuck on what to get people for Christmas, considering shelling out like, $300 to bid on porn star Mary Carey's breast implants on eBay!

The star of "Big Breasted Beauties" has recently removed her 36-DD implants for 36-DDD, and said that while under anesthesia, she realized that she could sell the used implants to benefit cancer research.

She's gotta be one smart porn star to come up with that while unconscious.

The current high bid on eBay is $2,700 (plus $12 shipping). Carey says she wants the winner to have a "Mary Christmas"--brilliant!

Carey said she will donate 90 percent of the autograph fake boob proceeds to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, and the rest of the money will go toward her mother's medical bills, because she jumped out of a four-story building last year. Um??

"I'm actually overall very anti-plastic surgery. I watched my mom go through 11 surgeries (for her injuries) and it's like, for me to voluntarily put myself through that, the only right thing to do is make money and donate it to charity." --Mary Carey

Other than her adult films, you may remember Carey from her campaign for governor against Arnold, but you can catch her beating drug and alcohol addiction in VH1's new reality show "Celebrity Rehab," starring Dr. Drew, coming soon.

I stayed up for Top Chef, yadda yadda yadda, and I'm really tired today

WARNING: SPOILERS

Unfortunately for me, I left the second airing of Project Runway on in the background last night and just as I was about to turn the TV off and drift away into peaceful slumber..."UTENSILS DOWN, HANDS UP!"

Padma??

Yes. Even though Bravo promised the "Top Chef Holiday Special" debut tonight at 9 p.m., it came on at 12 a.m. this morning. Odd how a special whose details were kept so hush hush ended up airing 21 hours before it was intended for the masses...But if you don't want to know who wins (or you could care less about this show) stop reading now!


The competition pitted eight chefs from the last three seasons against each other in one quick-fire round and a three course holiday meal for a smattering of impressive culinary judges. After each course, two chefs will be eliminated until two are left standing at the end of the meal to win $20,000.

Stephen, Tiffani, Josie, Betty, Marcel, Sandee, CJ and Tre ventured out to Chicago and pretended like it was the holiday season (though this was likely shot three months ago) and opened up stockings full of gag gifts to get them in the mood--CJ was given a bundle of broccoli to remind him of the fateful overdone "Bob Marley" broccolini that sent him home last season.
The quickfire challenge was done in "dirty Santa" style, where the first person unwraps an ingredient from under the tree and the next person can either steal that or go for another gift. Betty, Marcel and CJ land in the top three, and CJ ultimately wins immunity for one course of the meal, which is talked about a lot until the actual meal and never really seems to benefit him anyway.

The gang runs out to shop at Whole Foods, and hello marketing campaign. Everyone is raving about the selection of produce, meat, seafood...but I don't think Tre got the memo, because he demeans the greens that another chef scoops up: "I wouldn't use those. They're not...done," he said.

The first round sends Sandee and Stephen back into the kitchen after sub-par plates of watery soup and odd decisions. Betty and Josie are the next to go--overdone and overdone. Marcel and CJ go next, basically because Tiffani and Tre dominated, leaving them one step closer to $20,000.

And then the curve ball. Tre and Tiffani are asked to prepare a on-the-fly dish from whatevers left in the kitchen of their ingredients and the eliminated chefs' stations. Tre conquers his fear of desserts and presents a beautiful raspberry crepe, and Tiffani goes with a leftovers-style puff pastry.

In the end, Tre gets robbed and Tiffani wins the money. I wouldn't say it was my favorite episode of the show ever, but it was nice to get a little taste of it in the fashion reality show season. The special was filmed in Chicago, which they pumped the hell out of--Chicago signs everywhere, filler shots of the city--because the new season is being filmed there: coming in 2008, whoo!

"If I do fringe, it's gonna look like armpit hair"

WARNING: SPOILERS

Though tonight's Project Runway featured no celebrity guest star, I think it posed the most interesting challenge this season (even though that's not saying much [yawn]).

The designers were asked to select from passé fashions--such as baggy sweaters, overalls and shoulder pads--and create a cohesive set of three designs in groups of three with $225 and two days.

Jack, Christian and Kit = best group ever. They selected zoot suit, fringe and pleather (or "Britney Spears on crack," according to the mighty fine Jack). They totally rocked their designs, but then again, would we expect anything but the best from--as Christian said--Team Star, Like Celebrity.

(Left to right: Christian, Jack and Kit's designs)

Ricky, Elisa and Victorya = team disaster. I'll hand it to Ricky for trying to communicate with spacy Elisa, who somehow stayed in the background this episode. And somehow Ricky ended up as team leader, even though Victorya bossed him around the entire episode, but more than likely didn't step up as leader because she didn't want to take the blame for the atrocious set that came out of their neon, cut-outs and underwear as outerwear designs. Bleck!

(left to right: Ricky, Elisa and Victorya's designs)

Then there was team Chris, Sweet P and Steve, or the forgotten team, because no one's designs were more yawn-worthy. Sweet P's was decent as the modern baggy sweater look, and Steven's was just okay, but Lord almighty...Chris, what happened??? (see below)

The winning team turned out to be another problematic team, but unlike Ricky's, these guys pulled it together. Jillian, Kevin and Rami won the challenge for their cohesive set of designs and modern take on overalls and such.
During judging it became quite clear who the bottom two would be: Chris and Ricky. And in the end, the judges made a horrible mistake in sending Chris home. Yes, his outfit was really bad (below), but Chris has 15 times as much personality and talent as Ricky, AND Ricky has been in the bottom two almost every week since the show began! And his stupid conductor's hat has got to go!

The previews for next week look pretty good, and I'm thinking maybe we're going with overweight models? Who knows! What I do know is some extra special spoiler information involving one of my favs, Jack, and his big announcement for next week, but don't click this link if you want to be surprised next week!
Four down--11 to go! Make it work!

RELATED LINKS:
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3

Chocolate's 'Reign' over marketing

Hey, remember when I was pumping Dr. Pepper's latest beverage creation? Well apparently a mention on The Jerc Store wasn't a big enough advertising move, so they've turned to the latest trend in advertising and featured Tay Zonday.

...wait, who?

Tay Zonday, better known as the genius behind the viral video "Chocolate Rain," is making an even bigger name (and bank account) for himself by joining up with True Entertainment in the "Cherry Chocolate Rain" video.

The video--which at this point has 1,196,291 views--features Tay and rapper Mista Johnson in an over-the-top spoof on rap music and the original video that made Tay a star. Several scantily clad women and buckets of chocolate pour all over the vertically-challenged, but oddly precious, singer as he croons about "a love that took him by force": the Dr. Pepper soda embodied as an attractive woman.
I think this is pure genius. This won't be the driving force that gets people to like the sode, but this thing is going to be a huge part of getting the word out about this product. And the best part of the whole video is the completely misplaced squirrel toward the end of the video that gets doused in chocolate.

RELATED LINKS:
Dessert in a can

Shooting spree in Omaha mall

A gunman in a Nebraska shopping mall has killed nine people and left three in serious condition, authorities said.

The shootings began just before 2 p.m. at the Von Maur store inside the shopping complex. The gunman used a rifle to fire at least 50 shots, as shoppers fled to dressing rooms and bathrooms and hid in clothes racks. He then fired the gun on himself.

Update 2: (CNN.com) The shooter has been identified as Robert A. Hawkins, about 19 or 20 years old. A suicide note left behind said he did not want to burden people, that he was a piece of shit and now he'd be famous, according to his land lady. She saidhe showed her the rifle he used the night before the shooting, and described Hawkins as a lost puppy nobody wanted. --And this caused no sort of alarm??

I know I don't need to say this, but seriously...what the hell is wrong with people. Seriously. Malls are about shopping sprees, not killing sprees, and adding insult to injury, I'm sure these people were holiday shopping for families that will never see them again. Makes me sick.

Hot for teacher, err, waitress?

The former middle school teacher from Florida who was convicted of having sex with a 14-year-old boy is back in the limelight after having "inappropriate conversation" with a teenage co-worker.

Debra Lafave was on three years house arrest and was only permitted to leave to go to work. She was arrested after corrections officers interviewed a 17-year-old girl who worked at a restaurant where Lafave had been employed since January 2006.

The girl claimed to have had one-on-one and group conversations with Lafave about "non-work related issues such as family problems, friends, high school, personal life, boyfriend issues and sexual issues."

I've gotta agree with her lawyer here--this just seemed like "girl talk"; however, her probation had forbidden any contact with people under the age of 18.

Still, it seems more likely that this girl viewed Lafave as an older sister or peer, I mean, she did have sex with a 14-year-old. And that kid is probably still bragging--she was a pretty hot teacher!