Back of the hand-wich

You know, sometimes my boyfriend jokingly tells me he's gonna give me a knuckle sandwich, but I think this guy took it a bit too far...

From the AP - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday.

Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

...Perhaps it was a CLUB sandwich? Haaaaa. (I get this obnoxiously corny sense of humor from my father, by the way.)

I love stories like this. Every so often, a precious gem of a police blotter item comes across our desks in the newsroom. Last week, I wrote about a guy who crashed his truck into a gas station, knocking out two gas pumps, the attendant's booth and a Snapple machine...and then walked home, leaving the car there, like police weren't going to trace it back to him. (And yes, he was drunk.) But man, assault and battery by sandwich - that's delectable.

Update: Bus beheading suspect in court

The man reportedly responsible for stabbing, decapitating and eating a sleeping 22-year-old on a Greyhound bus in Canada last week is asking to be killed, according to the Associated Press.

Vince Weiguang Li appeared in court Tuesday, declining to speak for the most part except to softly whisper, "Please kill me," to the judge. He is being charged with second degree murder for last week's attack, and has yet to enter a plea. Li is expected back in court Sept. 8.

The man had a plastic bag containing his victim's ear, nose and part of a mouth in his pocket when officers arrested him, Prosecutor Joyce Dalmyn said. The only response officers received from him was: "'I have to stay on the bus forever,'" she said.

Witnesses reported Li displayed the severed head to them while he was being contained on the bus. Audio of a police tape leaked on the Internet this weekend revealed an account of the man eating pieces of the body during the standoff.

RELATED LINKS
Update: Greyhound bus murder

Getting 'saucy' at Subway

You usually learn in kindergarten what is and is not grounds to call 911, but one Florida man apparently didn't learn that lesson.

Police said that Reginald Peterson called 911 multiple times when he felt his sandwich order was not being properly prepared at his local Subway restaurant.

The first time he called was because employees did not put sauce on his spicy Italian sub. The second call to 911 was because police had not arrived in what the 42-year-old believed was appropriate response time.
Workers at the restaurant said Peterson became belligerent and yelled while they were fixing his order. They reportedly locked him out of the store when he left to call police the second time.

[UPDATE] See below for real audio from calls! I seriously cannot believe they entertained this for this long...



Officers responding to the scene said they tried to calm Peterson down and explain the proper use of 911. When he did not cooperate, he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.

Close out that tab, mate

An Australian man who had heart broken was drowning his sorrows in alcohol, only he probably could have literally drown his sorrows and himself in the amount of beer he was consuming per week.

Michael Leary, a father of four, was spending an average of $972 a week on beer after breaking up with his partner five years ago, according to the Northern Territory News. (And P.S. that's about enough to buy 2,500 bottles of beer per month)

Authorities figured the construction worker had a problem when he was charged a few months ago with drunk driving...for the seventh time--no? You think he's got a problem?? The man was not sentenced to jail time, but has been banned from drinking or even holding a beer for 12 months.

Leary earns approximately $2,000 a week gross - or about $1440 after tax, according to the court. About $150 goes to rent, $150 on buses and taxis and $50 on his phone. The rest? Beer.

What's funnier is that the while in court, the judge made fun of the guy's taste in beer, saying, "(That is) poor judgment on two counts there -- drinking that much and drinking Melbourne Bitter."

It's kind of like the Australian version of Natural Light. Like drinking $1,000 worth of Natural Light. Come to think of it: I think I have a friend who might get along with Mr. Leary pretty well...

RIPs

Because it's been so long since my last post, I decided to combine the moderately recent passing of a talented journalist with the very recent passing of a memorable comedian.

While I was on vacation (June 13), longtime "Meet the Press" moderator, Washington bureau chief and one of Time magazine's 100 most influential people--Tim Russert--died of a heart attack. [For more on Russert's death, click here]

As an American, it's hard to ignore a untimely death of a public figure...but as a fellow journalist (albeit on a much more amateur level), it's sad to see one of the good ones go. Journalists aren't always known as the cuddliest of professionals, but Russert will forever be lauded as an extremely talented and respectable man whose influence on this country and this profession will not soon be forgotten.

More recently, comedian/actor/"disturber of peace" George Carlin died Sunday of heart failure. And for your sake, I hope you've seen at least one of his HBO comedy specials, listened to one of his many comedy albums or at least watched "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."

The Associated Press distributed a comprehensive obituary this week, so rather than me try to reiterate Carlin's career...

LOS ANGELES (AP) — George Carlin, the dean of counterculture comedians whose biting insights on life and language were immortalized in his "Seven Words You Can Never Say On TV" routine, died Sunday. He was 71.

Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica complaining of chest pain and died of heart failure later that evening, said his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He had performed as recently as last weekend at the Orleans Casino and Hotel in Las Vegas.

Carlin constantly breached the accepted boundaries of comedy and language, particularly with his routine on the "Seven Words" — all of which are taboo on broadcast TV to this day.

When he uttered all seven at a show in Milwaukee in 1972, he was arrested on charges of disturbing the peace, freed on $150 bail and exonerated when a Wisconsin judge dismissed the case, saying it was indecent but citing free speech and the lack of any disturbance.

The words were later played on a New York radio station, resulting in a 1978 Supreme Court ruling upholding the government's authority to sanction stations for broadcasting offensive language during hours when children might be listening.

Despite his reputation as unapologetically irreverent, Carlin was a television staple through the decades, serving as host of the "Saturday Night Live" debut in 1975 — noting on his Web site that he was "loaded on cocaine all week long" — and appearing some 130 times on "The Tonight Show."

He produced 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, three books, a few TV shows and appeared in several movies, from his own comedy specials to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" in 1989 — a testament to his range from cerebral satire and cultural commentary to downright silliness (sometimes hitting all points in one stroke).

Carlin won four Grammy Awards for best spoken comedy album and was nominated for five Emmys. Last week, it was announced that Carlin was being awarded the 11th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, which will be presented Nov. 10 in Washington and broadcast on PBS.

Baby for sale!

A German baby placed up for auction on eBay for the price of bubble gum this week has been taken into custody, police said.

The 7-month-old baby boy was advertised on the site for one euro--or $1.57--with the description: "Offering my nearly new baby for sale, as it has gotten too loud. It is a male baby, nearly 28 inches (70 cm) long and can be used either in a baby carrier or a stroller."

The baby has been placed in custody of child services, though the 23-year-old mother claims that it was all a joke. Neither she nor her 24-year-old husband have been identified.

The ad was up for about 2.5 hours, but no bids were made. Several people who saw the posting called police.

So...don't die?

*This was brought to my attention by a co-worker, and as journalists, we are extremely familiar with crazy lawmakers, so thanks to Matt for pointing out this insanity.

The cemetery in Sarpourenx, a village in France, is full...so the mayor has done what any respectable lawmaker would do: threaten his 260 constituents via municipal ordinance saying that if they die, they will be severely punished.

Um...what?

"...All persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish. Offenders will be severely punished."

The mayor said he was forced to take drastic action after an administrative court in the nearby town of Pau ruled in January that the acquisition of adjoining private land to extend the cemetery would not be justified.

He makes it sound like dying is comparable to speeding or littering. 'People of Sarpourenx, I know you were planning on dying and all, but don't. It may be punishable by death.' Duhhh.

Hit me with your best shot--liar awayyy

I guess when "I'm sick" is no longer a viable excuse for getting out of work, you've gotta come up with some more creative excuses.

And that's exactly what Daniel Kuch did--he creatively (and stupidly) asked his friend to shoot him in the arm to get out of work and avoid taking a drug test.

Kuch told police that he was involved in a drive-by shooting while jogging, but later 'fessed up. I know the question here should be 'why would you ever purposely get shot to get out work?' but I really just wanna know why he would admit to it after the fact. He coulda gotten away with it...

The friend has been arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. Kuch is expected to be charged with false reporting.

There he was just a-walkin' down the street...

A Japanese man was arrested recently after donning long blond wig and a school uniform and entering the grounds of a local high school, police said.

Tetsunori Nanpei, 39, told police he bought the uniform over the Internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo.

A group of students saw Nanpei walking by and starting spazzing--as one might imagine they naturally would--causing the man to dash inside the school's gates.

More students. More screaming. The man fled the premises, losing his lovely locks in the process. He was soon chased down by a school official and taken into custody by police, but for some reason images of ET running away in that crazy blond wig comes to mind.

Clemens caught at the party?

The New York Daily News has reported that investigators may have evidence that places Roger Clemens at the now-famous Jose Canseco party in 1998, which could prove extremely detrimental to his credibility.

"We have reason to believe it's reliable evidence. We believe there's photographic evidence that shows Clemens was at a party he says he wasn't at."--Attorney Richard Emery, Daily News

Reports say that a child at the party had taken pictures of baseball players, including Clemens.

The party was a hot topic at the most recent congressional hearings. Former trainer Brian McNamee testified that he saw Clemens at the party, but the Cy Young pitcher vehemently denies it.

More to come when information becomes available.

RELATED LINKS:
Bringing the game out of the shadows?
"Shortcuts were never an option."

"Shortcuts were never an option"

Both Roger Clemens and trainer Brian McNamee testified this morning at a congressional hearing on the Mitchell Report to clear up the glaring contradictions between to two men's testimonies.

The Mitchell Report, released in mid-December, is a comprehensive report linking a number of MLB players, both past and present, to steroid and human growth hormone (HGH) usage.

Clemens, who was a focal point of the report, said in his opening statement, "I have never used steroids, HGH or any other types of illegal performancing enhancing drug."

The seven-time Cy Young winner said that he would never be able to clear his name, no matter what the results of this situation. Clemens said people have told him to admit to using the steroids to end this circus, but that he could not admit to something he did not do. Plain and simple.

Brian Mcnamee, though not as fluid a speaker as Clemens, gave an opening statement that clearly covered many question marks involved. He made clear the fact that of the three players he claimed to have injected, two have come clean--Andy Pettitte and Chuck Knoblauch--and that it is unfortunate that Clemens has decided to not tell the truth.

Not only did Andy Pettitte admit to the HGH injection in question, he offered up another time in which he injected himself with the drug. He gave a deposition stating that he and Clemens had spoken about HGH use on separate occasions and that he knew Clemens used HGH, but did not know from where he obtained them.

Representative Elijah Cummings noted that many players and coaches have called Pettitte the most honest guy in baseball and that he had no reason to lie about his friend Clemens. But Clemens said he believes Pettitte misheard him or does not completely recall the details surrounding their conversations.

McNamee said he had evidence to implicate Clemens., and was grilled about withholding evidence and lying to investigators. He said he saved syringes used on Clemens because the injections took place when the steroid issue was becoming real. He said he never considered using it until Clemens had a personal conversation recorded and McNamee realized Clemens was "looking out for number one."

He was berated particularly by Representative Dan Burton, who--for all intents and purposes--called McNamee a liar and Roger Clemens "a titan" of baseball.


*I unfortunately am not able to follow the remainder of the hearings. Should anything change or come about, an update will be posted later tonight.

'Give to me your paraphernalia, take from me my Lace'

You might not be pumped for NBC's reinvention of American Gladiators, perhaps because it's a WWE-ified version of its former self? Whatever happened to Zap, Diamond, Nitro...?

Well, I don't know about the rest of them, but Los Angeles PD busted former Gladiator babe Lace for possession of drug paraphernalia last week.

Lace? Drugs? Gosh, the joke is almost too easy. Maybe Blaze will get busted for marijuana next week.

Lace, also known as Marisa Pare, was held on $250 bail.

RELATED LINKS:
"Gladiators, are you ready?"

And a partridge in a pear tree?

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said more than 200 animals were seized from a Texas home last night, including: 68 dogs, 26 hissing cockroaches, 16 rabbits, 15 guinea pigs, 13 gerbils, seven doves, two dwarf hamsters, two bearded dragons, two hedgehogs, an opossum and a pink toe tarantula.

What the...?

The Harris County Sheriff's Department issued a warrant on the house for medical neglect. The SPCA said some animals were found in outdoor pens while others were in sheds scattered around the property. Others were in a doublewide trailer living in filth.

No word yet on who was responsible for the property or if arrests will be made.

Police: 'Olly olly oxen free!'

It was like a game of hide-and-seek when a group of burglars broke into a 21-year-old woman's Utah home Thursday morning.

The college student had just returned home from class when she saw the men, who had been scoping out homes that looked unoccupied, knocking her door. After she didn't answer, they broke in through a downstairs window. She ran upstairs, grabbed a cordless phone and hid in her closet to call 911, while the men ravaged her home.

Then, one burglar entered the closet where she was hiding, looking for anything valuable, and literally knocked into the woman's boots but did not see her.

When police arrived, they called out in the most cliche way possible: "Come out with your hands up," and the men, who had now gathered in the same room as the woman, grew frantic. One of the men scurried back into the closet, hiding right up next to the woman.

An officer entered to home and approaching the room, the woman fled the closet, yelling, "He's in here! He's in here!" when really she should have been yelling, "Tag, you're it!"

"He just kind of looked at me with this really confused face, like, 'What the hell?"' she said.

Adam Cloward, 22; Jake Hampton, 26; and Tony Cone, 19, were booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of various charges including aggravated burglary, theft and criminal mischief. All of the men were also either on parole or probation. Police also recovered two knives and brass knuckles from the men.

Pack-ing tape

For my friend Dave, I'll say, "And they thought Philadelphia fans were bad..."

A story has emerged out of a Portage, Wisc. in which a boy who refused to wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during Saturday's playoff game had the shirt taped to his body by his father.
According to police, Mathew Kowald, 36, held his 7-year-old son down for an hour to make him wear that jersey.

Kowald was taken to county jail after being cited for disorderly conduct and released yesterday after paying a $186 fine.

When contacted by a local paper, the man said the incident started as a joke. He said his son challenged him, saying he wouldn't root for the Packers. Kowald claimed that when he restrained his son and started taping him, the boy was laughing and taking it as a joke...until the boy felt like he couldn't get out and got scared.

The man's wife was the one who called authorities during the incident and took pictures with her cell phone as evidence. She filed a restraining order against Kowald and he will no longer be allowed to have contact with his family. Sounds a little fishy to me...

RIP Renfro

Actor Brad Renfro was found dead in his Los Angeles home tonight.

The cause of death is currently unknown, but the former childhood actor had been struggling with drugs and alcohol addiction for several years. In 2005, he attempted to buy heroin from an undercover cop and served time in jail during May 2006 for those charges and a DWI.

Renfro debuted in "The Client" at age 12, and also starred in "Sleepers," "Deuces Wild," "Apt Pupil" and "The Jacket. He just finished shooting a movie called The Informers with Winona Ryder, Mickey Rourke and Billy Bob Thorton, according to IMDB.

This entry will be updated as more information becomes available.

I'm pretty sure there's a Lorena Bobbit joke in this somewhere...

You'd think a 25-year-old guy could handle a few dicks drawn on his face after passing out on his friend's couch. Isn't that just the way it goes when you're the first one down for the count?

Well apparently Scott Masse, of Tennessee, didn't like what his friends drew on him and drew something of his own: a knife.

Masse woke up around 1 a.m. and realized that "someone had drawn a picture of a male genitalia on his face with black marker while he was asleep," according to the police report. He allegedly pulled a pocket knife and said he would start cutting people if he didn't find out who drew on him.

Dude, chill out?

The man scrubbed away the marker...just in time for his mugshot. and now he'll face felony charges when he appears in court March 6.

'Oh sh*t...'

A man who destroyed a neighbor's yard and fence while driving under the influence was pretty much shit outta luck Wednesday. That's because police found the proof they needed to tie him to the accident on the bottom of his shoes.

That's right. He was in deep doo-doo in more ways than one.

The yard that the Virginia man crashed into belonged to a man who owned four dogs and the suspect stepped in some dog doo before fleeing the scene, and proceeded to track it down the street. While police were following the poopsteps, they saw a white van swerving toward them and asked the driver to get out.

Josue Herrios-Coronilla, 18, reeked of alcohol and was charged with driving while impaired and drinking underage and released on $1,500 bail. That stinks, haaaaa.

Update: Hot for teacher, err, waitress?

Updating a previous item:

Debra Lafave, the 27-year-old teacher accused of having sex with a 14-year-old boy in Nov. 2005, was found in violation of her probation in a Florida courtroom Thursday after having contact with minors, but the judge did not send her to jail.

Lafave was arrested after a 17-year-old female coworker claimed to have had one-on-one and group conversations with Lafave about "non-work related issues such as family problems, friends, high school, personal life, boyfriend issues and sexual issues."

She also had physical contact with the girl, but claimed that it was "innocent" hugging because the work staff was almost like family. Lafave also said that she did not speak about her personal life in the aforementioned conversations, but that the teenager was very forthright "in a group setting" about her sexual life.

Lafave was forced to quit her job at the restaurant and is now working at her mother's beauty salon, where hopefully no one under the age of 18 comes in, because the judge actually told the woman, "Please don't come back."

Blowing for the record

As New Year's Eve approaches and images of champagne wishes and caviar dreams--alright, maybe Miller Light wishes and potato chip dreams in some cases--dance in your head, please don't forget to be safe. Drinking and driving is bad.

Just ask Meagan Harper, the 30-year-old Oregon woman who has set the female record for highest blood alcohol content after police found her passed out in the parking lot of a pizza place.

Harper blew a 0.55, which is seven times the legal limit in Oregon. This level of intoxication, according to the Rutgers University Center of Alcohol Studies, would require a 100-pound man or woman to consume roughly 10 drinks in an hour or a 200-pound man to drink about six drinks each hour for four hours.

That's impressive; I have two light beers in an hour and I'm down for the count. What's even more impressive is how functional she looks in her mugshot.

Harper was arrested and taken to the hospital. Her bail was set at $50,000. Harper has three previous DUI charges, one while she was at the helm of a boat. Idiot.

The woman, who is 5'11 and 130 pounds, fell just short of breaking the all-time BAC record, held by Willard Ashley III. The Indiana man blew 0.69 in October 2003.