Memorial Day Weekend, whoo!

Holy crap -- I can't believe it's been more than two weeks since I last posted. I won't make too many excuses, but my life is moderately hectic right now. I'd say that in about two weeks, thing will calm down a little and I'll get back to some sort of regular posting routine. In the meantime...

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

from The Jerc Store!

It's nice to have three-day weekends, eh? Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day

from The Jerc Store!

Don't forget to wish your momma a happy Mother's Day today! And if you're having trouble finding the right words to say, DON'T take the Shia-LaBeouf-approach...

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." -- Actor Shia LaBeouf

That's, uh, flattering...and really f'ing creepy. Read more here.

What's also moderately creepy (but obviously much more hilarious) is SNL's new "Dick-in-a-Box" guys skit, "Motherlover."

Anyway... Happy Mother's Day!

Pig pandemic

As if the incessant coverage of the Swine Flu weren't scaring me enough...  :(

It's only a matter of time until we start seeing these commercials on TV, right?

Pageants and healthcare are about integrity, okay?

 With all the drama drama surrounding the Miss USA pageant last week, I feel the need to bring the attention off the question of gay marriage that [in my opinion] Miss California so totally flubbed and focus it on Miss Arizona's awesomely terrible "stance" on health care in America.

"SNL"/"All That"/"Keenan and Kel"/"Mighty Ducks" star Keenan Thompson (dressed to the nines in a hoodie) asks the pageant contestant, Alicia-Monique Blanco, if the United States should have universal health care as a right of citizenship. 

Taking a page right out of Miss South Carolina 2008's book ("Everywhere, like such as, the Iraq..."), Blanco declares the issue a matter of integrity... several times... and leaves us all scratching our heads.

Really? Did these girls not come prepared to answer questions like these? We just had a presidential election with bountiful coverage of every important issue plaguing our country --you had the "study guide" five months before the test, you witless loser.

RIP Bea Arthur

We are losing American icons left and right this month...   :(

Actress Beatrice "Bea" Arthur, best known as Dorothy on Golden Girls, lost her battle with cancer today. She was 86. 

[read the full story]

Thank you for being a friend, Bea.

So, it's not free?

Way to go, Dunkin Donuts: The doughnut chain quietly recanted its "Free Iced Coffee Day" last month -- usually on the same day as Rita's Free Water Ice Day -- and declared today plain-old "Iced Coffee Day," offering its cold java drink for 50 cents all day today.

In attempt to spin the ire of freebie lovers, DD is donating 5 cents of every purchase to benefit Home for Our Troops, a national nonprofit dedicated to building specially adapted homes for severely injured veterans.

I know I'm a little late on this, but hey, you've still got four hours or more to hit up your local DD and pay for what should have been your free iced coffee. Damn these tough economic times.

Dream a dream of this lovely lass...

It's the new Internet sensation, but if you live under a rock and haven't seen it yet, please watch this clip from Britain's Got Talent. I find it hard not to weep, and I promise you it's not over the way this woman looks...

[watch Susan Boyle sing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables]

I couldn't embed the video for copyright reasons, but Susan Boyle, 47, certainly made her mark this week with her appearance on the original "American Idol"/"America's Got Talent" show. 

She's no looker -- and she probably turned a few stomachs with her sexy hip swivel in Simon Cowell's direction -- but Boyle sure can sing. Pretty amazing.

Harry Kalas passes away at 73

[NOTE] As promised, here is a tribute to the late Harry Kalas in the form of a special guest post from Dave.

"We lost our voice today" - Phillies President, David Montgomery

The Philadelphia Phillies family and the entire baseball world lost a beloved figure today in Harry Kalas, when he was found collapsed in the broadcast booth just after noon. He was rushed to the hospital where he was pronounced dead. Kalas was 73, and in his 38th season of broadcasting Phillies baseball.

While the entire city of Philadelphia is in a state of shock, we must remember that Harry died doing what he loved, which is something that cannot be said for most who have passed on. A man who called over 6,000 games in his career, his voice will always be synonymous with Phillies baseball.

For 38 years Philadelphians welcomed Harry Kalas into their homes whether on TV or radio; many can remember listening on tiny transistor radios when games were not televised. 610 WIP's Anthony Gargano recalled stories of his childhood, when his parents would order him to sleep on a school night, and the Phillies would be playing a 10 p.m. game on the West Coast. He would hide a silver transistor radio and fall asleep to the sweet sounds of Harry The K with the radio under his pillow.

Others in the Philadelphia media echoed these thoughts, affirming that there will never be a classier individual in the business.

"He was just such a genuinely nice guy, and there will never be anyone else like him", said my uncle, KYW 1060's Ed Benkin. "I remember meeting him when I was an intern at 6 ABC in college, and asking him to come on my talk radio show at Rowan. Without hesitation he gave me his home number and agreed. I still have the cassette tape of that show, and will keep it forever."

Baseball is very different from the other three major sports: Because of the downtime between pitchers, you hear stories and anecdotes from the announcers and really get to know them. Harry Kalas was a part of all of our families.

Personally, I know there were times at school or work when I would have a rough day, but come home and put on a Phillies game; things seemed just a little better when Harry was at the mic. He could get you through a tough day, or an entire two-hour drive.

Every kid in this area who played baseball with their friends, or little league, has envisioned in their heads Harry Kalas announcing their at bat. I know I certainly did.

Everyone has done an Harry Kalas impersonation. Some are better than others. But there will never be a voice like Harry's.

We'll always remember the "Long Drives" and the "Outta Heres." The "Can you believe it's" and the "Chase Utley, you are the man's." None of us will forget the nicknames of Mitchie-poo and the Krukker, or Mike Schmidt becoming Mich-ael Jack Schmidt.

I am sure when Harry got to the pearly gates of Heaven, his best friend in the world Richie Ashburn, "Whitey," was waiting there with a cigar, a gin and tonic and a few kind words. While we'll never hear him call another inning of Phillies baseball, somewhere up there, he is calling every pitch with "His Whiteness."

As for this Phillies fan, I know I'll never be able to watch another Phillies home run without the echoes of "Swing and a long drive..." in the back of my head. He'll never be replaced or duplicated. Growing up -- aside from my father's-- his is the most familiar voice of my childhood.

Harry Kalas is a part of every memory I have of Phillies baseball. From Mitch Williams striking out Bill Pecota to win the 1993 Pennant, to the heart break of Joe Carter's home run. From the Brett Myers curve ball to send the Phillies to the post season for the first time in 15 years, to Eric Hinske chasing a Brad Lidge slider low and away. Harry is a part of everything, and watching a Phillies ballgame will never be the same.

Harry, we'll forever love and remember everything about you. You will be deeply missed by all of us.

RIPs in baseball

The baseball world has taken a few hits this week with the passing of longtime Philadelphia broadcaster Harry Kalas, the untimely death of young Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and the accidental death of former All-Star pitcher Mark Fidrych. 

As a non-Philadelphia fan living in this area, I've talked a lot of smack on Philadelphia sports teams, but --fan or not-- there's no denying how influential Harry Kalas has been in baseball. I'm sure fans are glad he was able to see and call the Phillies winning the World Series before he passed.

Please check back soon for a heartfelt guest post.

Easter Sunday

Happy Easter

from The Jerc Store!

Fun fact for you on your Easter Sunday:

In medieval times a festival of egg throwing was held in church, during which the priest would throw a hard-boiled egg to one of the choirboys. It was then tossed from one choirboy to the next and whoever held the egg when the clock struck 12 was the winner and retained the egg. Good times...

Baseball!

Tonight marks the start of the greatest time of the year: Baseball season.

The Philadelphia Phillies and Atlanta Braves will open the regular season tonight at Citizen's Bank Park, then the rest of the league will kick off their seasons tomorrow on Opening Day.

Opening night preview

And might I also add that with the beginning of baseball comes the end of my social life -- fantasy baseball is a sad, sad addiction.

(Off topic, but let's also rejoice that the Nova-Nation chants are no more. Haaaa)

...And GO YANKEES!

Prostitute 'slap-chopped' by the ShamWow guy

I'm an infomercial junkie and the ShamWow! ranks right up there with the Magic Bullet and Snuggie as one of my favs. So, naturally, I was pretty upset to hear that the magic towel salesman, Vince Shlomi, was recently arrested for assaulting a hooker.

According to reports, Shlomi -- also known as "Vince Offer" -- paid 26-year-old prostitute Sasha Harris $1,000 in February for "straight sex." But, as he told police, the woman bit his tongue while kissing him and refused to let go. He then punched her several times and ran into the hotel lobby to call police.

I guess it's pretty unlucky that his other highly tauted infomercial is for the "Slap Chop." (And ironically enough, he quips "You're gonna love my nuts" during the demonstration. See below for the remixed version.)



Both were charged with battery. Check out the pics courtesy of The Smoking Gun. They're pretty gruesome:



Funny -- I can't look at those pictures without saying, 'wow' every time. Thanks, Vince!

Thanks, TJS!

I bet I can find Waldo...

[NOTE] This is a special announcement from my friend, Matt, who has organized a fantastic event at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. If you are in that area or know anyone there, spread the word -- You have the chance to do some good while being a part of history and setting a Guinness World Record!

Last year, Matt and more than 700 others set the Guinness World Record for most people dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This year, it's all about Waldo, and it won't be too hard to find him with potentially 1,800 people dressed as the stripey fellow. And hey, it's his 21st birthday this year!

Here are the details (ala Matt):

New Brunswick, NJ – On April 2, the Rutgers University Programming Association (RUPA) and Rutgers Student Life will attempt to break another Guinness World Record™. Over 1,500 Rutgers students, faculty, staff and community members are expected to overtake the historic State Theatre located in downtown New Brunswick, New Jersey, dressed as publishing phenomenon and pop culture icon, Where’s Waldo?

For an “entry fee,” each participant will be asked to bring at least one children’s book to donate to literacy efforts in the local New Brunswick School District. In addition to breaking the Guinness World Record™, the goal is to collect over 4,000 books. Candlewick Press, publisher of the best-selling “Where’s Waldo?” series, has also pledged to donate one book for every participant in attendance that evening.

The event will start at 8:00 p.m. with the doors of the State Theatre opening at approximately 7:00 p.m. Event participants are asked to wear blue jeans or pants and will be provided with Waldo’s iconic long-sleeved striped shirt, knit hat and glasses as stipulated in the official Guinness World Record™ requirements.

“The “Where’s Waldo? world record attempt is a truly unique charitable event,” said Matthew Ferguson, Assistant Director for Student Life and RUPA Advisor[ “The ‘double bottom line’ of collecting books for local schools and charities as well as attempting to break the Guinness World Record™ allows the members of our community to get involved with a philanthropic project while being a part of an exciting and memorable event.”

The event is a part of Entertainment Rights’ year-long 21^st birthday celebration for Waldo. Last summer, Waldo got his digital passport as he leapt off the pages of books, joining millions of other 20-somethings to travel the digital highway. An official Waldo online presence was established on key social networking sites including Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. Waldo’s official online destination, www. findwaldo.com, launched in September, timed to his 21^st birthday.

In April of 2008, Rutgers University was successful in breaking the Guinness World Record™ for the Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Ninja Turtles.

This event is being co-sponsored by the Rutgers Center for Communication and Health Issues’ RU Sure? Campaign which debunks myths about alcohol-use on campus and encourages students to choose responsible alternatives. Barnes & Noble, the official campus bookstore of Rutgers University, is also a co-sponsor of the event.

Kinda makes you feel nostalgic, right? Thinking about your kiddie crusade to find Waldo amongst the pyramids and vikings. If you can, get out to RU and find/be Waldo! It's a great cause and is sure to get a lot of attention nationwide!

"PLEASE, let me be your Rock of Love..."

[NOTE] Leading up to this concert, I couldn't find many reviews -- mostly because this was only the third or fourth stop of this tour -- so I hope this helps people going to future concerts get an idea of what's in store.

As I mentioned last week, my girlfriends are fantastic for supporting my love of Bret Michaels and this weekend only elevated my irrational obsession of the "seasoned" rocker.

My four friends and I journeyed down to the House of Blues in Showboat Casino Friday night (March 20) for Bret's Atlantic City stop on the "Rock of Love Bus Tour."

We made it down in good time, but our 20-minute check-in and dimly lit hotel room made getting ready for the show a frantic mess of high heels, eyeliner and lingerie (What? Did you think we would show up to a Bret Michaels concert and not dress the part?).

Doors opened at 8 and the show was set to begin at 9, but we unfortunately got in there a little later than I had hoped and fans were jammed tight up to the stage. My friends and I scooted through the crowd and landed about 20-25 rows of people away from the stage. I wanted to get closer, but we were essentially stonewalled by people much larger than we. (Rachel would later say we were blocked by the "fat fortress.")

In my opinion, Bret brought the house down. His voice is a little gruffer than it used to be and he didn't play long (little more than an hour?), but his and the BMB's energy had the crowd -- hardcore Poison fans, Bret Michaels solo enthusiasts and reality television lovers alike -- dancing, jumping and unskinnybopping all over the place.

Bret was smiling the entire time, doing some dancing in his skintight jeans and repeatedly reaching out to the extended hands of fans pouring over the railings. He told mildly insightful stories about his songs (like writing "Every Rose" in a laundromat), reminded us that "ROL" has been the highest rated show on VH1 for three seasons and directed cameramen around the stage as they filmed segments for the channel.

The music was a mix of old Poison, new Bret Michaels Band and cover songs. He opened with the again-popular "Talk Dirty to Me" (for all the Guitar Hero fans in the room), ripped through the "oldest of the oldschool Poison" with "Look What the Cat Dragged In," ended with "Fallen Angel" and encored with "Nothing But a Good Time" (which I called from a mile away -- video below).

Bret also went oldschool with covers of "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Of his newer material, he played the theme to his hit reality show, "Go That Far," the corny-but-catchy "Bittersweet" and --my favorite-- "Driven."

Looking back, I'm a little disappointed we didn't work to get backstage, and while I didn't get to meet Bret, my friends and I did manage to meet and get a hug from Chuck Fanslau, the drummer from the Bret Michaels Band (and who infamously kissed Beverly in ROLB ep. 4 -- pictured below)!

So, overall, Bret Michaels' solo concert was nothing but a good time and my friends and I are already planning to see Poison (with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick) in June when they kick off their tour in NJ in June -- whoo! And you can bet your extension-wearing, silicone-loving butt I'm going to be front row next time Bret comes to town ;)

Put a little Spring in your step

Little bit of chaos going on this week, but I couldn't neglect to remind you all that today (Friday, March 20) is Free Rita's Day!

From noon to 10 p.m. at participating Rita's Ice locations across the nation, you can snag a free regular-sized water ice! The chain has been giving away those cups of goodness as a thank you to its customers for 16 years now.

It's gonna be cold and un-spring-like in the northeast this weekend, but that's not gonna stop us. Enjoy!

Luck o' the Irish

Happy St. Patrick's Day
from The Jerc Store!

It kinda stinks that St. Patty's Day is on a weekday this year, but that doesn't seem to stop millions from celebrating the notoriously drunken holiday. I will not be partaking, but Godspeed to those of you who do.

Little fun fact for you: The most leaves found on a clover is 18, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Think about how lucky that would be!

And for all you true Irish out there (1/2 of myself included), here's St. Patrick's tale:

Good St. Patrick traveled far, to teach God's Holy Word
And when he came to Erin's sod, a wondrous thing occured
He plucked a shamrock from the earth and held it in His hand
To symbolize the Trinity that all might understand
The first leaf for the Father
And the second for the Son
The third leaf for the Holy Spirit
All three of them in one.

New meaning to "passing" an ordinance

The greatest part of my new journalism job? No more boring Township Committee, Board of Education, Planning Board and Economic Development Council meetings. But, I must say, if something like this happened, it would have made those 19 months of monotanous meetings totally worth it.

In the middle of a Medina City Council meeting in Ohio last week, the sound of farting sent council members into a giggling fit, so much so they had to take a recess. I don't find this immature as much as I find it relieving that these people don't take their roles as local officials too too seriously.

Not quite sure who the perpetrator is (and it's likely the "fart application" for the iPhone), but that kid in the yellow shirt aptly appears at the same time the flatulance begins. Hmm...

Bret: 'Bus,' birthday and a book?

During my blogging sabbatical, lots of exciting and offbeat stories made it to the forefront of every imaginable news outlet (excluding, of course, The Jerc Store). Among these were the "Octo Mom," a violent chimp attack, a crashing plane miraculously landing in the Hudson and Chris Brown allegedly beating girlfriend Rhianna.

I'm over all of these stories, and --frankly-- too lazy to write about them, so let's move on to more important things, like Bret Michaels.

Today is his 46th birthday -- rarrr.

A big thanks to my girlfriends for dignifying my irrational love of the Poison front man: A group of us is going to see Bret in concert next weekend at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. (And we're buying appropriate "Rock of Love" attire, to boot.)

But what really prompted this Bret lovefest post is the announcement this week that he will be penning a "tell-all" autobiography called "Roses and Thorns: The Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy to My Realty." Got a nice ring to it, eh?

The book, which hits shelves in June, will explore "every aspect" of Bret's life, including the sex, the drugs, the rock 'n' roll...and the diabetes? He'll also go into detail about his very public conflicts with Poison guitarist CeCe DeVille.

And speaking of the band, Poison will be touring with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick this summer. Hey, whaddya know? They kick off the tour June 23 in Camden. Hmm... Maybe I will get more miles out of my new hookerwear than I thought!

"The Hills" have five

For as much as I loved Whitney on "The Hills," I must admit I've barely given "The City" a second glance. I'm not really sure why -- Perhaps it's the lack of Speidi or the fact that I can't understand anything that Australian guy says. 

Either way, I am [shamefully] looking forward to MTV's original scripted drama returning to Monday nights in April.

Check out the trailer for season five below. I love how it opens with a fortune teller soothsaying Lauren's misfortunes ("People who you thought were your friends turned out to be your enemies"). Gee, how insightful. Think she's got cable?

And just as Brett Favre proclaims at the end of every

 season, Lauren Conrad claims to be quitting The Hills...for good this time...

Seriously...

...But probably not.

And even if LC does take a break from the show that made her famous enough to have fake internships, fake boyfriends and a fake clothing line, producers are looking at ways to continue airing the popular show. Rumor has it that Lo is on board. And I'm sure they'll have a hard time getting Heidi and Spencer to come back...

Go fish

I love offbeat news stories as much as the best person, but I love 'em even more when they hit closer to home:

In what really shouldn't have been an entertaining story, employees at a Philadelphia pet store were shocked this weekend when they opened what they believed to be a shipment of exotic fish and instead found a cadaver.

Jon Kenoyer, of California, died unexpectedly last week and had requested his body be donated to Alzheimer's research in Allentown, Pa. His body, flown across country by US Airways, somehow got mixed up with a shipment bound for Pets Plus USA.

When the package arrived at the store, the owner knew immediately that something was amiss. The package was not opened.

If you take a second to think about it, this story is horrible, but the one shred of lightheartedness was the wife's statement that her late husband was a practical joker and she considers this his one last prank.

Important to note that this should not dissuade people from donating their bodies to research, she added.