IKEA Sweet IKEA

Comedian Mark Malkoff, who works as a ticket handler for "The Colbert Report," won't be staying at friends' houses or in a hotel while his New York apartment is fumigated this week.

Instead, the 31-year-old will be staying at an IKEA store in Paramus, N.J., and documenting the experience on his Web site: Mark Malkoff Lives in IKEA. The videos are a little scripted in parts, but it's still awesome. The guy is living in an IKEA storefront and jumping on beds and wearing bathrobes that don't belong to him.

And by the looks of the videos, he's making a lot of friends in the store--employees, staff, customers...

The sinks and toilets don't work in his room, though, so the comedian will be using the employee locker room and using the cafeteria to cook meals he buys himself.

Malkoff contacted the store three weeks ago and they agreed to the arrangement, saying that it'd be fun, but he has to be out by the time the store closes Saturday night (IKEA is completely closed on Sundays).

Oddly enough, Malkoff's wife opted to stay with relatives while the apartment is unavailable. Bad decision, lady. This setup looks awesome.

If you want to visit Mark, you've gotta get out to the store by tomorrow night:
IKEA
100 IKEA Dr.100 IKEA Dr.
Paramus, NJ 07652
201-843-1881

Stand up, comedian

Dave Chappelle has broken his own Laugh Factory endurance record, after telling jokes for six hours and 12 minutes Sunday.

His previous record was six hours and seven minutes, set in Mid-April. Apparently Dave heard Dane Cook--who held the record before Chappelle--was going to attempt to break the record.

But Dane will probably break it by stealing six hours worth of Chappelle's material and throwing in a few cadence-ly challenged jokes at the end. "I'm Dane Cook, biotch!"

President of poultry

While Stephen Colbert's U.S. presidential hopes have been squelched, KFC would like to extend an invitation to Colbert to preside over the fried chicken cartel for a day.

KFC sent a letter to the Comedy Central host today, detailing possible presidential duties. Colbert would first be sworn in by placing his hand on the book containing the Colonel's secret recipe, according to KFC President Gregg Dedrick.

"Your first official duty would be to help us sort the "left wings" from the "right wings. We'd also like you to hold a 'State of the Chicken' address with some of America's most dedicated restaurant managers. One of the best things about being KFC president for a day is that you don't have to choose sides. We have plenty of mashed potatoes and gravy, cole slaw and macaroni and cheese to go around, and KFC will allow you the liberty of enjoying all of our sides!"

Colbert hasn't returned word yet on whether or not he'll reign over the KFC White House, but it's apparent that KFC will stop at nothing to whore itself out with celebrities--do we remember the American Idol Sanjaya/bowl-cut stunt?