Zig-a-zig-aww man.

Being an international symbol of girl power was not enough to trump the millions of people who like watching cars drive around in circles, as Brazilian race car driver Helio Castroneves beat out Spice Girl Melanie Brown for the Dancing With the Stars title.

This is without a doubt an upset, as Mel B and Maksim were the highest scored pair all season, but--still not as big of an upset as Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan being voted off entirely too early in the competition. She was by far the best dancer and her departure was the surprise of the season. (Don't feel too sorry for her though, she landed her hot dancing partner as a boyfriend, rarrr.)

I've watched only bits and pieces of the season, mostly because I can't stand the 45 minutes of commercials and 15 minutes of dancing they present each week, but the finale was actually bearable in that respect. What was not bearable was special guest Celine Dion's lack of enthusiasm and stifled smile as she belted out probably the biggest movie hit of all time midway through the show. Could they seriously not find someone who's had a hit in the last three years?

Anyway...Congratulations to Helio, but next to Scary Spice, he's a wannabe.