The Jerc Store

RIPs

2009-06-25T18:29:00.006-04:00

UPDATE: Pitchman Billy Mays was found dead today in his home. He was 50. Unbelievable.

I haven't updated in a long time -- no time at all -- but I felt the need to chronicle today/this week as it will become legendary in pop culture history.

Michael Jackson, the "King of Pop," died suddenly today after an apparent heart attack. The artist behind best-selling album of all time died at the age of 50.

Also today, actress Farrah Fawcett lossed her very public battle with cancer. The "Charlie's Angels" actress famous for her pin-up status, Fawcett recently released a documentary depicting her struggles called "Farrah's story." She was 62.

Hollywood lost another legend earlier this week when former Johnny Carson sidekick Ed McMahon submitted to a number of health problems. He was 86.

Memorial Day Weekend, whoo!

2009-05-23T23:26:00.005-04:00

Holy crap -- I can't believe it's been more than two weeks since I last posted. I won't make too many excuses, but my life is moderately hectic right now. I'd say that in about two weeks, thing will calm down a little and I'll get back to some sort of regular posting routine. In the meantime...

Happy Memorial Day Weekend

from The Jerc Store!

It's nice to have three-day weekends, eh? Enjoy!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T10:32:00.006-04:00

Happy Mother's Day

from The Jerc Store!

Don't forget to wish your momma a happy Mother's Day today! And if you're having trouble finding the right words to say, DON'T take the Shia-LaBeouf-approach...

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds." -- Actor Shia LaBeouf

That's, uh, flattering...and really f'ing creepy. Read more here.

What's also moderately creepy (but obviously much more hilarious) is SNL's new "Dick-in-a-Box" guys skit, "Motherlover."

Anyway... Happy Mother's Day!

Pig pandemic

2009-04-28T19:44:00.003-04:00

As if the incessant coverage of the Swine Flu weren't scaring me enough... :(

It's only a matter of time until we start seeing these commercials on TV, right?

Pageants and healthcare are about integrity, okay?

2009-04-27T23:22:00.005-04:00

With all the drama drama surrounding the Miss USA pageant last week, I feel the need to bring the attention off the question of gay marriage that [in my opinion] Miss California so totally flubbed and focus it on Miss Arizona's awesomely terrible "stance" on health care in America.

"SNL"/"All That"/"Keenan and Kel"/"Mighty Ducks" star Keenan Thompson (dressed to the nines in a hoodie) asks the pageant contestant, Alicia-Monique Blanco, if the United States should have universal health care as a right of citizenship.

Taking a page right out of Miss South Carolina 2008's book ("Everywhere, like such as, the Iraq..."), Blanco declares the issue a matter of integrity... several times... and leaves us all scratching our heads.

Really? Did these girls not come prepared to answer questions like these? We just had a presidential election with bountiful coverage of every important issue plaguing our country --you had the "study guide" five months before the test, you witless loser.

RIP Bea Arthur

2009-04-25T17:23:00.005-04:00

We are losing American icons left and right this month... :(

Actress Beatrice "Bea" Arthur, best known as Dorothy on Golden Girls, lost her battle with cancer today. She was 86.

[read the full story]

Thank you for being a friend, Bea.

So, it's not free?

2009-04-21T18:12:00.004-04:00

Way to go, Dunkin Donuts: The doughnut chain quietly recanted its "Free Iced Coffee Day" last month -- usually on the same day as Rita's Free Water Ice Day -- and declared today plain-old "Iced Coffee Day," offering its cold java drink for 50 cents all day today.

In attempt to spin the ire of freebie lovers, DD is donating 5 cents of every purchase to benefit Home for Our Troops, a national nonprofit dedicated to building specially adapted homes for severely injured veterans.

I know I'm a little late on this, but hey, you've still got four hours or more to hit up your local DD and pay for what should have been your free iced coffee. Damn these tough economic times.

Dream a dream of this lovely lass...

2009-04-15T11:00:00.002-04:00

It's the new Internet sensation, but if you live under a rock and haven't seen it yet, please watch this clip from Britain's Got Talent. I find it hard not to weep, and I promise you it's not over the way this woman looks...

[watch Susan Boyle sing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables]

I couldn't embed the video for copyright reasons, but Susan Boyle, 47, certainly made her mark this week with her appearance on the original "American Idol"/"America's Got Talent" show.

She's no looker -- and she probably turned a few stomachs with her sexy hip swivel in Simon Cowell's direction -- but Boyle sure can sing. Pretty amazing.

Harry Kalas passes away at 73

2009-04-13T22:53:00.006-04:00

[NOTE] As promised, here is a tribute to the late Harry Kalas in the form of a special guest post from Dave.

"We lost our voice today" - Phillies President, David Montgomery

The Philadelphia Phillies family and the entire baseball world lost a beloved figure today in Harry Kalas, when he was found collapsed in the broadcast booth just after noon. He was rushed to the hospital where he was pronounced dead. Kalas was 73, and in his 38th season of broadcasting Phillies baseball.

While the entire city of Philadelphia is in a state of shock, we must remember that Harry died doing what he loved, which is something that cannot be said for most who have passed on. A man who called over 6,000 games in his career, his voice will always be synonymous with Phillies baseball.

For 38 years Philadelphians welcomed Harry Kalas into their homes whether on TV or radio; many can remember listening on tiny transistor radios when games were not televised. 610 WIP's Anthony Gargano recalled stories of his childhood, when his parents would order him to sleep on a school night, and the Phillies would be playing a 10 p.m. game on the West Coast. He would hide a silver transistor radio and fall asleep to the sweet sounds of Harry The K with the radio under his pillow.

Others in the Philadelphia media echoed these thoughts, affirming that there will never be a classier individual in the business.

"He was just such a genuinely nice guy, and there will never be anyone else like him", said my uncle, KYW 1060's Ed Benkin. "I remember meeting him when I was an intern at 6 ABC in college, and asking him to come on my talk radio show at Rowan. Without hesitation he gave me his home number and agreed. I still have the cassette tape of that show, and will keep it forever."

Baseball is very different from the other three major sports: Because of the downtime between pitchers, you hear stories and anecdotes from the announcers and really get to know them. Harry Kalas was a part of all of our families.

Personally, I know there were times at school or work when I would have a rough day, but come home and put on a Phillies game; things seemed just a little better when Harry was at the mic. He could get you through a tough day, or an entire two-hour drive.

Every kid in this area who played baseball with their friends, or little league, has envisioned in their heads Harry Kalas announcing their at bat. I know I certainly did.

Everyone has done an Harry Kalas impersonation. Some are better than others. But there will never be a voice like Harry's.

We'll always remember the "Long Drives" and the "Outta Heres." The "Can you believe it's" and the "Chase Utley, you are the man's." None of us will forget the nicknames of Mitchie-poo and the Krukker, or Mike Schmidt becoming Mich-ael Jack Schmidt.

I am sure when Harry got to the pearly gates of Heaven, his best friend in the world Richie Ashburn, "Whitey," was waiting there with a cigar, a gin and tonic and a few kind words. While we'll never hear him call another inning of Phillies baseball, somewhere up there, he is calling every pitch with "His Whiteness."

As for this Phillies fan, I know I'll never be able to watch another Phillies home run without the echoes of "Swing and a long drive..." in the back of my head. He'll never be replaced or duplicated. Growing up -- aside from my father's-- his is the most familiar voice of my childhood.

Harry Kalas is a part of every memory I have of Phillies baseball. From Mitch Williams striking out Bill Pecota to win the 1993 Pennant, to the heart break of Joe Carter's home run. From the Brett Myers curve ball to send the Phillies to the post season for the first time in 15 years, to Eric Hinske chasing a Brad Lidge slider low and away. Harry is a part of everything, and watching a Phillies ballgame will never be the same.

Harry, we'll forever love and remember everything about you. You will be deeply missed by all of us.

RIPs in baseball

2009-04-13T18:23:00.003-04:00

The baseball world has taken a few hits this week with the passing of longtime Philadelphia broadcaster Harry Kalas, the untimely death of young Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and the accidental death of former All-Star pitcher Mark Fidrych.

As a non-Philadelphia fan living in this area, I've talked a lot of smack on Philadelphia sports teams, but --fan or not-- there's no denying how influential Harry Kalas has been in baseball. I'm sure fans are glad he was able to see and call the Phillies winning the World Series before he passed.

Please check back soon for a heartfelt guest post.

Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T14:26:00.006-04:00

Happy Easter

from The Jerc Store!

Fun fact for you on your Easter Sunday:

In medieval times a festival of egg throwing was held in church, during which the priest would throw a hard-boiled egg to one of the choirboys. It was then tossed from one choirboy to the next and whoever held the egg when the clock struck 12 was the winner and retained the egg. Good times...

Baseball!

2009-04-05T17:48:00.003-04:00

Tonight marks the start of the greatest time of the year: Baseball season.

The Philadelphia Phillies and Atlanta Braves will open the regular season tonight at Citizen's Bank Park, then the rest of the league will kick off their seasons tomorrow on Opening Day.

Opening night preview

And might I also add that with the beginning of baseball comes the end of my social life -- fantasy baseball is a sad, sad addiction.

(Off topic, but let's also rejoice that the Nova-Nation chants are no more. Haaaa)

...And GO YANKEES!

Prostitute 'slap-chopped' by the ShamWow guy

2009-03-31T11:00:00.002-04:00

I'm an infomercial junkie and the ShamWow! ranks right up there with the Magic Bullet and Snuggie as one of my favs. So, naturally, I was pretty upset to hear that the magic towel salesman, Vince Shlomi, was recently arrested for assaulting a hooker.

According to reports, Shlomi -- also known as "Vince Offer" -- paid 26-year-old prostitute Sasha Harris $1,000 in February for "straight sex." But, as he told police, the woman bit his tongue while kissing him and refused to let go. He then punched her several times and ran into the hotel lobby to call police.

I guess it's pretty unlucky that his other highly tauted infomercial is for the "Slap Chop." (And ironically enough, he quips "You're gonna love my nuts" during the demonstration. See below for the remixed version.)

Both were charged with battery. Check out the pics courtesy of The Smoking Gun. They're pretty gruesome:

Funny -- I can't look at those pictures without saying, 'wow' every time. Thanks, Vince!

Thanks, TJS!

I bet I can find Waldo...

2009-03-30T22:30:00.007-04:00

[NOTE] This is a special announcement from my friend, Matt, who has organized a fantastic event at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey. If you are in that area or know anyone there, spread the word -- You have the chance to do some good while being a part of history and setting a Guinness World Record!

Last year, Matt and more than 700 others set the Guinness World Record for most people dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This year, it's all about Waldo, and it won't be too hard to find him with potentially 1,800 people dressed as the stripey fellow. And hey, it's his 21st birthday this year!

Here are the details (ala Matt):

New Brunswick, NJ – On April 2, the Rutgers University Programming Association (RUPA) and Rutgers Student Life will attempt to break another Guinness World Record™. Over 1,500 Rutgers students, faculty, staff and community members are expected to overtake the historic State Theatre located in downtown New Brunswick, New Jersey, dressed as publishing phenomenon and pop culture icon, Where’s Waldo?

For an “entry fee,” each participant will be asked to bring at least one children’s book to donate to literacy efforts in the local New Brunswick School District. In addition to breaking the Guinness World Record™, the goal is to collect over 4,000 books. Candlewick Press, publisher of the best-selling “Where’s Waldo?” series, has also pledged to donate one book for every participant in attendance that evening.

The event will start at 8:00 p.m. with the doors of the State Theatre opening at approximately 7:00 p.m. Event participants are asked to wear blue jeans or pants and will be provided with Waldo’s iconic long-sleeved striped shirt, knit hat and glasses as stipulated in the official Guinness World Record™ requirements.

“The “Where’s Waldo? world record attempt is a truly unique charitable event,” said Matthew Ferguson, Assistant Director for Student Life and RUPA Advisor[ “The ‘double bottom line’ of collecting books for local schools and charities as well as attempting to break the Guinness World Record™ allows the members of our community to get involved with a philanthropic project while being a part of an exciting and memorable event.”

The event is a part of Entertainment Rights’ year-long 21^st birthday celebration for Waldo. Last summer, Waldo got his digital passport as he leapt off the pages of books, joining millions of other 20-somethings to travel the digital highway. An official Waldo online presence was established on key social networking sites including Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. Waldo’s official online destination, www. findwaldo.com, launched in September, timed to his 21^st birthday.

In April of 2008, Rutgers University was successful in breaking the Guinness World Record™ for the Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Ninja Turtles.

This event is being co-sponsored by the Rutgers Center for Communication and Health Issues’ RU Sure? Campaign which debunks myths about alcohol-use on campus and encourages students to choose responsible alternatives. Barnes & Noble, the official campus bookstore of Rutgers University, is also a co-sponsor of the event.

Kinda makes you feel nostalgic, right? Thinking about your kiddie crusade to find Waldo amongst the pyramids and vikings. If you can, get out to RU and find/be Waldo! It's a great cause and is sure to get a lot of attention nationwide!

"PLEASE, let me be your Rock of Love..."

2009-03-23T20:38:00.010-04:00

[NOTE] Leading up to this concert, I couldn't find many reviews -- mostly because this was only the third or fourth stop of this tour -- so I hope this helps people going to future concerts get an idea of what's in store.

As I mentioned last week, my girlfriends are fantastic for supporting my love of Bret Michaels and this weekend only elevated my irrational obsession of the "seasoned" rocker.

My four friends and I journeyed down to the House of Blues in Showboat Casino Friday night (March 20) for Bret's Atlantic City stop on the "Rock of Love Bus Tour."

We made it down in good time, but our 20-minute check-in and dimly lit hotel room made getting ready for the show a frantic mess of high heels, eyeliner and lingerie (What? Did you think we would show up to a Bret Michaels concert and not dress the part?).

Doors opened at 8 and the show was set to begin at 9, but we unfortunately got in there a little later than I had hoped and fans were jammed tight up to the stage. My friends and I scooted through the crowd and landed about 20-25 rows of people away from the stage. I wanted to get closer, but we were essentially stonewalled by people much larger than we. (Rachel would later say we were blocked by the "fat fortress.")

In my opinion, Bret brought the house down. His voice is a little gruffer than it used to be and he didn't play long (little more than an hour?), but his and the BMB's energy had the crowd -- hardcore Poison fans, Bret Michaels solo enthusiasts and reality television lovers alike -- dancing, jumping and unskinnybopping all over the place.

Bret was smiling the entire time, doing some dancing in his skintight jeans and repeatedly reaching out to the extended hands of fans pouring over the railings. He told mildly insightful stories about his songs (like writing "Every Rose" in a laundromat), reminded us that "ROL" has been the highest rated show on VH1 for three seasons and directed cameramen around the stage as they filmed segments for the channel.

The music was a mix of old Poison, new Bret Michaels Band and cover songs. He opened with the again-popular "Talk Dirty to Me" (for all the Guitar Hero fans in the room), ripped through the "oldest of the oldschool Poison" with "Look What the Cat Dragged In," ended with "Fallen Angel" and encored with "Nothing But a Good Time" (which I called from a mile away -- video below).

Bret also went oldschool with covers of "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Knocking on Heaven's Door." Of his newer material, he played the theme to his hit reality show, "Go That Far," the corny-but-catchy "Bittersweet" and --my favorite-- "Driven."

Looking back, I'm a little disappointed we didn't work to get backstage, and while I didn't get to meet Bret, my friends and I did manage to meet and get a hug from Chuck Fanslau, the drummer from the Bret Michaels Band (and who infamously kissed Beverly in ROLB ep. 4 -- pictured below)!

So, overall, Bret Michaels' solo concert was nothing but a good time and my friends and I are already planning to see Poison (with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick) in June when they kick off their tour in NJ in June -- whoo! And you can bet your extension-wearing, silicone-loving butt I'm going to be front row next time Bret comes to town ;)

Put a little Spring in your step

2009-03-20T06:00:00.001-04:00

Little bit of chaos going on this week, but I couldn't neglect to remind you all that today (Friday, March 20) is Free Rita's Day!

From noon to 10 p.m. at participating Rita's Ice locations across the nation, you can snag a free regular-sized water ice! The chain has been giving away those cups of goodness as a thank you to its customers for 16 years now.

It's gonna be cold and un-spring-like in the northeast this weekend, but that's not gonna stop us. Enjoy!

Luck o' the Irish

2009-03-17T08:00:00.001-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day
from The Jerc Store!

It kinda stinks that St. Patty's Day is on a weekday this year, but that doesn't seem to stop millions from celebrating the notoriously drunken holiday. I will not be partaking, but Godspeed to those of you who do.

Little fun fact for you: The most leaves found on a clover is 18, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Think about how lucky that would be!

And for all you true Irish out there (1/2 of myself included), here's St. Patrick's tale:

Good St. Patrick traveled far, to teach God's Holy Word
And when he came to Erin's sod, a wondrous thing occured
He plucked a shamrock from the earth and held it in His hand
To symbolize the Trinity that all might understand
The first leaf for the Father
And the second for the Son
The third leaf for the Holy Spirit
All three of them in one.

New meaning to "passing" an ordinance

2009-03-15T13:23:00.004-04:00

The greatest part of my new journalism job? No more boring Township Committee, Board of Education, Planning Board and Economic Development Council meetings. But, I must say, if something like this happened, it would have made those 19 months of monotanous meetings totally worth it.

In the middle of a Medina City Council meeting in Ohio last week, the sound of farting sent council members into a giggling fit, so much so they had to take a recess. I don't find this immature as much as I find it relieving that these people don't take their roles as local officials too too seriously.

Not quite sure who the perpetrator is (and it's likely the "fart application" for the iPhone), but that kid in the yellow shirt aptly appears at the same time the flatulance begins. Hmm...

Bret: 'Bus,' birthday and a book?

2009-03-15T05:00:00.007-04:00

During my blogging sabbatical, lots of exciting and offbeat stories made it to the forefront of every imaginable news outlet (excluding, of course, The Jerc Store). Among these were the "Octo Mom," a violent chimp attack, a crashing plane miraculously landing in the Hudson and Chris Brown allegedly beating girlfriend Rhianna.

I'm over all of these stories, and --frankly-- too lazy to write about them, so let's move on to more important things, like Bret Michaels.

Today is his 46th birthday -- rarrr.

A big thanks to my girlfriends for dignifying my irrational love of the Poison front man: A group of us is going to see Bret in concert next weekend at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. (And we're buying appropriate "Rock of Love" attire, to boot.)

But what really prompted this Bret lovefest post is the announcement this week that he will be penning a "tell-all" autobiography called "Roses and Thorns: The Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy to My Realty." Got a nice ring to it, eh?

The book, which hits shelves in June, will explore "every aspect" of Bret's life, including the sex, the drugs, the rock 'n' roll...and the diabetes? He'll also go into detail about his very public conflicts with Poison guitarist CeCe DeVille.

And speaking of the band, Poison will be touring with Def Leppard and Cheap Trick this summer. Hey, whaddya know? They kick off the tour June 23 in Camden. Hmm... Maybe I will get more miles out of my new hookerwear than I thought!

"The Hills" have five

2009-03-12T10:00:00.000-04:00

For as much as I loved Whitney on "The Hills," I must admit I've barely given "The City" a second glance. I'm not really sure why -- Perhaps it's the lack of Speidi or the fact that I can't understand anything that Australian guy says.

Either way, I am [shamefully] looking forward to MTV's original scripted drama returning to Monday nights in April.

Check out the trailer for season five below. I love how it opens with a fortune teller soothsaying Lauren's misfortunes ("People who you thought were your friends turned out to be your enemies"). Gee, how insightful. Think she's got cable?

And just as Brett Favre proclaims at the end of every

season, Lauren Conrad claims to be quitting The Hills...for good this time...

Seriously...

...But probably not.

And even if LC does take a break from the show that made her famous enough to have fake internships, fake boyfriends and a fake clothing line, producers are looking at ways to continue airing the popular show. Rumor has it that Lo is on board. And I'm sure they'll have a hard time getting Heidi and Spencer to come back...

Go fish

2009-03-11T23:24:00.006-04:00

I love offbeat news stories as much as the best person, but I love 'em even more when they hit closer to home:

In what really shouldn't have been an entertaining story, employees at a Philadelphia pet store were shocked this weekend when they opened what they believed to be a shipment of exotic fish and instead found a cadaver.

Jon Kenoyer, of California, died unexpectedly last week and had requested his body be donated to Alzheimer's research in Allentown, Pa. His body, flown across country by US Airways, somehow got mixed up with a shipment bound for Pets Plus USA.

When the package arrived at the store, the owner knew immediately that something was amiss. The package was not opened.

If you take a second to think about it, this story is horrible, but the one shred of lightheartedness was the wife's statement that her late husband was a practical joker and she considers this his one last prank.

Important to note that this should not dissuade people from donating their bodies to research, she added.

Guess who's back, back, back...

2009-03-11T22:25:00.005-04:00

Fanfare, please:

The Jerc Store is back online!

I am hooked up on a brand-new laptop -- one that does not shut down every fifteen minutes and is not infected with a virtumonde virus. Thanks to those who weighed in on the purchase, to Tom for helping me pick this baby out and to Dave for making Windows Vista slightly less terrible.

Hopefully everyone out there in Internet land has not given up on this site. Please start visiting regularly again because the posts will be flowing. Thanks again for your patience :)

[NEW] You can now e-mail me directly at: jerc@thejercstore.com

Another update

2009-02-17T18:36:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone -- A few people have asked me what the deal is ("The Jerc Store is really hurting"), so I wanted to let you know that yes, I'm still alive and I will soon return to posting at the rate I had been.

My laptop is [almost] officially shot. The power adapter port thing (I really know what I'm talking about) doesn't give the computer enough juice to even boot up, thus making it impossible for anyone to tackle the virus, which, if you recall, was the original reason posting ceased.

The good news is that the government is giving me a lot of "free money" in about two weeks: Because I didn't get a stimulus check last year (for whatever BS reason), I am apparently getting one this year on top of my tax return -- whoo hoo! -- and that means it's time to start shopping around for a new laptop!

Now, while I could afford a MacBook with this money, I'm not sure that it's the best route to go. That's where you (if anyone still reads this) come in: If anyone's got any suggestions for a good, middle-of-the-road laptop that would primarily be used for writing and surfing the Web, please throw them my way.

Once I make the purchase, I'm hoping to give this site a facelift and get back to bringing you the entertaining -- yet utterly pointless-- posts you once so enjoyed

Until then, please be patient! I promise to be back soon!

25 things you don't care about unless they're yours

2009-02-07T13:45:00.007-05:00

I thought the "25 things" note on Facebook was getting a little out of control, and the fact that CNN and TIME wrote about it this week just reaffirmed that.

For those unfamiliar with the popular "chain" note on the social networking site, it's basically as follows: You are "tagged" by someone and you write 25 random things about yourself, "tag" 25 of your friends --including the person who tagged you-- and it continues on from there.

And while I (unfortunately) am guilty of partaking in this narcissistic fad, I've definitely read some things about people and said, "WHO CARES?" Do I care what your childhood pet's name was? Not really. Do I stay up late wondering whether or not you've ever been to Tahiti. Not so much.

So, why is this blowing up? Because people like to talk about themselves -- duh. Isn't that the whole reason we have Facebook? Keeping in touch with people is nice and all, but most people really just want to see how many "friends" they can accumulate and how many photos they can be tagged in.

But hey, like I said... I'm guilty. I did it, too. But my 25 random things are more awesome than most people, haaaa.

Anyway, enough of that. I thought this TIME article was hilarious. I'd do the same (i.e. point out stupid things people I know have written), but I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone. Still, it's pretty ridiculous that thing has been recreated 5 million times...

From time.com:
A girl I knew in high school has memorized all of Janet Jackson's dance routines. A college acquaintance is afraid of train whistles. Five separate people harbor lifelong desires to visit New Zealand.

How do I know these things? Because they won't stop writing about them on Facebook! Facebook's "25 Things About Me" meme seems harmless enough; people write 25 facts about themselves and post them on their Facebook pages, just as they do with videos, status updates and photos of last weekend's party. An estimated 5 million of these notes — that's 125 million facts — have appeared on the website within the past week.

Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of worktime productivity down the drain. But it's just so stupid. Most people aren't funny, they aren't insightful, and they share way too much. Facebook is a loose social network; a "friend" on Facebook might translate to someone you'd barely recognize in real life. I don't care that my college roommate's sister is anemic or that my stepcousin's boyfriend gets nervous around old people (apparently he's afraid they're going to die).

Below are 25 facts I wish people hadn't told me about themselves. They come from friends, friends-of-friends, friends-of-friends-of-friends and coworkers. They are all real, though I wish some of them were not.

1. I eat tacos with a fork.
2. I was fat in middle school. The wake of that horror has yet to subside.
3. I keep forgetting that Barack Obama is our President.
4. I have been pooped on by a monkey.
5. I am addicted to the ass-slap dance move. Sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it.
6. When I finally told my now fiancé that I liked him (as in, liked him liked him), I drunkenly gave him the Anchorman line, "I want to be on you." He had only seen the movie once and had no idea what it was from.
7. Just because I realize that Asian women are smarter, more attractive, and have about themselves a generally superior level of class does not mean I have a fetish. Just that I'm racist.
8. I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last.
9. I can't grow hair on my arms.
10. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
11. I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog.
12. I was born with jaundice.
13. I was born pigeon-toed.
14. I was born with an extra kidney. I wish I could have sold it on the black market and made some money, but it was underdeveloped and did nothing but cause me to wet the bed until the third grade.
15. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
16. A horse once fell over while I was riding it.
17. I don't believe in democracy.
18. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.
19. I drink two glasses of wine every night before bed. Wait, did I just admit to alcoholism?
20. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.
21. I once sent a teacher into early retirement by pretending to be a cheetah and swiping at her from under a desk.
22. I once ran into New Kids On the Block's Joey McIntyre in the lobby of an off-Broadway show. I told him he was the first boy I ever loved. He laughed and kind of smiled. This was the most gratifying moment of my life.
23. My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.
24. I don't understand what people see in the Godfather trilogy.
25. Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.

'Ew' does not even begin to describe this...

2009-01-30T18:31:00.006-05:00

The bad news is that my laptop is still all virused-up, but the good news is that I've opted to completely wipe out the hard drive and start over. So until that's done, my posting will still be scarce, but I have to share this story I heard today -- And I thought my computer was sick!

From Philadelphia Daily News:
Dad had gone out to get coffee and breakfast. Mom was helping their 4-year-old son on the toilet. Their 9-year-old daughter was playing Nintendo.

That was how the morning of Jan. 3 played out for the Wolfe family of Massachusetts inside Room 142 of the Homewood Suites in Mount Laurel, Burlington County. Soon, the Wolfes would pack up and finish their long drive home from Florida.

But, wait: The couple's 22-month-old son was supposed to be on the hotel's pull-out sofa, watching TV. Instead, according to a federal lawsuit filed this week in New Jersey, the toddler was choking on a used condom that had been left in their room before they checked in.

When Amy Wolfe heard her youngest child chewing and choking on the condom, she rushed over to help him and retrieved it from his mouth, but according to the lawsuit, the boy already had "ingested the contents."

[I won't be offended if you just threw up in your mouth a bit. And actually, if you don't think that's gross, pretend like you're that child and consider it one more time... That would be disgusting if it were your own --'stuff'-- but you just ate a lustful night between anonymous people. That thing was hanging out for God knows how long in the rollaway couch in what you considered to be a "nice" hotel.

Now, I was shocked to hear that this happened in Mt. Laurel, the town next to mine. So I thought, "Hmm, let me check this place out" and went to its Web site. Lo and behold, I'VE STAYED THERE.
The Wolfe family's lawsuit contends that Homewood Suites and its subsidiaries, Hilton and Blackstone, put the child at risk by subjecting him to an increased risk of contracting a "sexually transmitted disease, including HIV or AIDS, or some other, potentially life threatening, potentially fatal illness."

I guess Hilton hotels are just as skanky as the heiress herself?

Change is on

2009-01-20T22:10:00.002-05:00

Hey all -- Still working out the bug in my computer, but I couldn't let today pass by without a quick mention:

Today is a huge milestone in American history as our 44th president -- and first Black president -- took office, promising hope and a change in the God awful state of our nation.

Right now, President Obama (wow, weird to say) and the First Lady are on the party scene, hitting up presidential ball after presidential ball. More power to them.

Raise your hand if you're proud to be an American today!

Update

2009-01-15T13:56:00.006-05:00

Now, not only is my laptop sick, but I'M sick now, too. Many apologies for the scarce posting. Apparently the laptop's got a Virtumonde or something. From what I'm told it's a pretty badass virus. [And if anyone knows how to get rid of it for good, PLEASE share!]

So, we're working on repairing the computer (and my health), and hopefully I can soon rejoin the blogging race...and stop burning my mouth on scalding hot tea, which I just did - @*?$%#!!!!!

Major FAILs of the Week

2009-01-06T23:09:00.002-05:00

Just an FYI - my laptop's computer virus is back, which means that whole "whoo-hoo! I'm going to post more now" promise is taking a little detour. This whole mess has pushed me even closer to emptying my bank account for an MacBook. My Mac desktop is wonderful, but it's so full of photos that it moves slower than my 1995 computer in the office. Anyway, enough babbling. Here's something to keep you entertained til I can post again...

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

Real quick

2009-01-04T23:30:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone - Many apologies for the lack of posting lately. As you've probably read, my computer came down with some sort of ridiculous virus that basically made it explode every time I hit the power button. Fortunately, my boyfriend dedicated about 17 hours to this problem and miraculously got it working again. (I've just been too afraid to turn it on for the last week.)

So again, sorry for slacking and hopefully within the next two days I can get back to some sort of regular posting. Thanks for the patience!

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

2008-12-29T22:15:00.001-05:00

You guys remember my post about the Palin family baby name generator? (If you didn't try it out, please do - it's quite entertaining). Well, we weren't just being mean by making fun of the ridiculous names the children in the family have: Apparently they're all quite fine with producing offspring with equally as terrible names.

Sarah Palin's 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, gave birth to a son Sunday. The baby's name? Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston. If you got that output from the Palin family baby name generator, you win!

Tripp weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

What makes me laugh is Bristol's fiance, Levi Johnston, apparently had the following on his MySpace page in September before news dropped about his sweetheart's pregnancy: Under status: "in a relationship," but after kids: "I don't want kids."

Either way, it looks like the couple will make out by selling photos of the new baby Palin. Reports Monday night put the number close to $300,000.

Yes, Sarah Palin is now a grandma. I guess now she's gone from MILF, to VPILF, to GILF. Either way, I've got a message for her: Have a nice Tripp, hopefully we don't see you Fall of 2012.

yup, lots of "coughing"

2008-12-29T22:03:00.003-05:00

As predicted, my computer completely exploded with pop-ups -- something about Adware? Spyware? A virus in the computer's registry?? Who knows.

My boyfriend dedicated about six hours of his Sunday trying to debug the thing, but apparently whatever I picked up is a bitch of a bug. So I will try to post as much as possible from my much slower -- but less-virusy -- computer, but I can't guarantee anything. Sorry ya'll :(

cough

2008-12-27T17:47:00.003-05:00

No, I'm not sick, but I am moderately convinced my laptop came down with some sort of virus Christmas Eve. Luckily, (I think) it's all better now -- I just didn't turn it on for three days (hence the brief hiatus) and hoped it sorted itself out, which pretty much guarantees something worse will happen in about 10 minutes.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Who's looking forward to 2009?? I am if it'll bring me a new job, more money, increased relaxation time and a slight drop in lbs. Oh yeah, and if that recession thing could go away, that'd be hot.

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

2008-12-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Just think: 25 years ago that phrase was nothing more than a line in some movie about a little blond kid and his BB gun, a movie that debuted around Thanksgiving and was pulled from theaters before Christmas even came around.

But now, "You'll shoot your eye out, " sexy leg lamps and the phonetical pronunciation of "fragile" (fraaah-jeeel-aaay,--must be Italian) are Christmas staples, especially thanks to TBS and TNT's 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" -- a tradition that began in 1997.

Love it or hate, the movie has become a holiday tradition: Last year, the movie marathon brought in 4.4 million viewers - about 1/6 of the American population. Pretty ridic.

What's also ridiculous is the fact that a San Diego man has recreated the Parker house after winning an eBay auction, and it's become a major tourist attraction in Cleveland. Read all about it here. Roadtrip anyone?

And if you have any interest in reading the original movie review for "A Christmas Story," click here.

So, enjoy your holiday and sing "fra-ra-ra-ra" as you enjoy 24 hours of Christmas classic -- I triple dog dare you.

"I, Heidi, take thee Spencer..."

2008-12-22T22:00:00.009-05:00

I figured it'd been awhile since my last "Hills" full episode recap, so when better to get back to it than the season finale? So sit back, relax and embrace my sarcastic commentary like Heidi and Lauren at a not-really-black-tie event.

So let's start with the less important --but just as staged-- storyline of the night: Audrina and Justin Bobby heading out to Palm Springs on a weekend getaway. Can we just talk about JB in the overalls without a shirt on his motorcycle? Aaaaand cue the banjo here. But what really made me laugh was Justin's acute observation that every time they go away together, it's never just the two of them -- it's always Audrina's friends "nibbling" in her ear. He's right. And in Palm Springs it was just the two of them... and the producers... the director...the camera men...the boom mic guy...

Things got more interesting when Justin Bobby presented a ring -- from his mouth. That's charming. He did manage to call Audrina by her name rather than the ever-affectionate "dude." For a split second I thought they would totally get married. I mean, it's no Patron, but the two of them had been chugging from that champagne bottle.

Back in LA, Lauren and Lo got all do-ed up (though their hair looked exactly the same as it always does) for a black-tie event hosted by none other than Brent Bolthouse. And Lauren wore lime green. (Shoutout to the show's editing team for cutting in the Dandy Warhols "We Used the Be Friends" here.)

Shockingly enough, Heidi was "working" the event, and I love that she looks around and says, "I haven't seen people look this nice and dressy in a long time," yet the girl just got married three days ago.

Anyway, Heidi approaches Lauren for a heart-to-heart... which really turns into three minutes of the most awkward television ever. There's a lot of nodding and furrowed brows (as per usual on The Hills), and the word "madame" is used way too many times than it ever should between two peers. The most cringe-worthy moment comes after Lauren drops the, "It is what it is" bomb and Heidi pauses, looks pensively and says, "You been working out?" Um? There's more champagne chugging --this time on Lauren's end-- and I am again waiting for two more people to run away and get married.

Speaking of elopement, we find Heidi and Spencer this week attempting to make their Mexico matrimony legal in the US. We also witness Heidi awkwardly explaining the marriage to her friends, family and co-workers. You gotta feel bad for Heidi's mom here -- the poor woman just wants to be there to watch her daughter get married. "There are a lot of people hurt here, a lot of people who have helped mold you into the person you are today," she says. Wait, am I wrong in thinking she's referring to Heidi's plastic surgeons here?

Against her family's wishes, Heidi goes to the courthouse to meet Spencer and Stephanie for a really romantic ceremony before a fake judge. (Yeah, this was shot after hours and probably wouldn't have been legal even if they had gone through with it.) Steph implores Spencer to hold off on the marriage because it's not what his bride really wants. And even though he whines about having gotten all dressed up in his nice suit, he has a change of heart and tells Heidi he'll "deal with" giving her her dream wedding.

And hey, did anyone else think the judge said "through all the day of your lies" to Spencer during his vows? Freudian slip much? I wish she would have made him swear to shave off his Santa Claus beard, too.

So that ends season, what, four? Of course they didn't get married -- it would have essentially put the kibosh on all of the storylines that producers had cooked up. Those people can't keep coming up with new things all the time - they aren't miracle workers for God's sake.

And on the After Show, Lauren's big announcement was --surprise, surprise-- another season of The Hills is forthcoming. Perhaps there will be little Speidlets soon. I wouldn't be surprised if the producers offered them a raise in pay to reproduce.

Here's the final installment of my Hills drinking game. Until next time...

Whenever you hear "dude"--twice if it's a term of endearment.
If you have a craving for Sonic's chocolate cheesecake bites.
Whenever you're a little sadder than you expected that Whitney is gone.
Any time someone takes a swig of champagne.
Every time Heidi and Spencer's wedding is blamed on alcohol or Mother Nature.

Person of the Year '08

2008-12-17T17:07:00.004-05:00

Yup, shockingly enough, Barack Obama has been named Time's Person of the Year for 2008. (I'm sure Sarah Palin was hoping she'd at least win something this year...but praise the Lord she didn't.)

It's no surprise our soon-to-be first Black president is gracing the cover of the annual issue, but I'd still suggest you take a gander. The article is very well-written, and right off-the-bat puts to rest your, 'Gee, Obama as Person of Year - that's original' complaints.

It's unlikely that you were surprised to see Obama's face on the cover. He has come to dominate the public sphere so completely that it beggars belief to recall that half the people in America had never heard of him two years ago — that even his campaign manager, at the outset, wasn't sure Obama had what it would take to win the election. He hit the American scene like a thunderclap, upended our politics, shattered decades of conventional wisdom and overcame centuries of the social pecking order. Understandably, you may be thinking Obama is on the cover for these big and flashy reasons: for ushering the country across a momentous symbolic line, for infusing our democracy with a new intensity of participation, for showing the world and ourselves that our most cherished myth — the one about boundless opportunity — has plenty of juice left in it.

Read on: 2008 Person of the Year. (Don't you love that they no longer call it 'Man of the Year'?)

Blogs of note

2008-12-17T14:42:00.003-05:00

You may or may not have noticed a new link in my "more reading material" section, but I'd like to give a plug to my friend (and former roommate), Katfox, who has just started a new blog about her photography. Please check out her stuff and feel free to visit her blog and/or Web site. You can also get in touch with her to have her take some kick-ass photos for you because she's awesome. End of story.

And while I'm in a promoting mood, check out some other friends of The Jerc Store, namely Geoff, Miss, David Dust and Billions of Currency. Lots of fun --and diverse-- reading material on there for ya, so check 'em out.

Major FAILs of the Week

2008-12-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

[NOTE] I should put my own picture up here based on my complete failure as of late to update more than three times a week. Sorry :(

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

Speidi and the Patron make it happen

2008-12-17T09:51:00.007-05:00

As much as I feel the last episode of "The Hills" deserves a Jerc Store-style recap (and perhaps it will get one, if my job ever stops consuming my life), I just have to ask the question now: Was anyone else super confused by the Speidi wedding in the Mexico this week?

I consulted with fellow Hills-buff, Stef, on this and she confirmed that it wasn't just me being as vapid as most of the girls on the show - the continuity of the episode really didn't make sense.

In real life --that is, the life that you and I lead-- news of Heidi and Spencer eloping in Mexico broke Nov. 24, just three weeks before this episode aired. Meanwhile (in Hillsland), Lauren and the crew are saying goodbye to Whitney, who is about to leave for a new life in New York City. But, we've been seeing promos for Whitney's new show, "The City," for at least three weeks now and the show premieres in two. How is that they'd already shot, cut, edited and shipped all the footage for Whitney's new show essentially before she's left?

Did that explanation make sense to anyone? No? Okay, try this one out then...

Heidi and Spencer go to Mexico. One night they're drinking--heavily. Now, it's nighttime when Spencer seemingly forces shots of Patron down Heidi's throat and convinces her to marry him right then and there. (Of course, being the gentleman he is, Spencer pushes, pushes, pushes and then sticks his lip out and says, "You're sure?" Please.) The next time we see the couple --now newlyweds-- is during a morning in their hotel room as Heidi talks about being hungover last night from all the Patron. But yet, they whip out a camcorder to show footage of their wedding, shot in daylight.

If they were taking the shots at night and decided on a whim to get married at night, how was the wedding that they're seemingly discussing "the morning after" shot in daylight?

Could this mean that The Hills is --OMG-- fake? Did they do something like this to --GASP-- improve ratings?

[UPDATE] And hey, previews for next week's season finale show Heidi and Spencer making their elopement legal in a courtroom, but apparently that was filmed after hours and is likely not real either. Haaaaaa.

Thanks, Geoff and Stef!

'Oh, you guys can't breathe in outerspace?'

2008-12-13T00:03:00.004-05:00

"Dark Knight" ads are popping up all over the place now that the movie is out on DVD and word just came out that Heath Ledger has been posthumously nominated for a Golden Globe. (Ledger, who played the Joker, will vie for the title of best supporting actor Tom Cruise, Robert Downey Jr., Ralph Fiennes and Philip Seymour Hoffman.)

All this Batman talk got me thinking about how awesome Dark Knight is and reminded me of a funny College Humor short I saw a few months back. I'm a Batman fan all the way (much more realistic, relative to other super heroes), but this made me laugh.

RELATED LINKS
Riddled with rumors
Dark curse?
Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint...and a Chupa Chup
Coasting by
"WHY SO SERIOUS?"
Update: Heath Ledger death an accident
Update: Heath Ledger's death
BREAKING NEWS: Actor Heath Ledger found dead

Major FAILs of the week

2008-12-10T10:00:00.000-05:00

Here are this week's Major FAILs of the week. Feel free to share your FAIL photos/videos here or by sending them to failpictures@gmail.com.

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

Chimpanzee riding on a Segway

2008-12-09T19:50:00.003-05:00

So, I haven't been able to get this song out of my head ALL DAY. It's silly, yes, but it's damn catchy. (And moderately impressive, too. I've never tried riding one of those things, but I'd imagine it's tricky.)

Better shake it like a Polaroid while you can

2008-12-08T22:27:00.005-05:00

I'm a photo freak. I'm constantly documenting every important and mundane moment in my life by way of my awesome digital camera. That thing comes with me everywhere. But for the most part, those pictures just end up on Facebook, because it's en vogue. Having tangible photos is so last decade, right?

Well, apparently the people at Polaroid picked up on that: This month is the last month the iconic Polaroid film will be in production. Pretty sad, huh?

What will Outkast tell us to shake it like now? On what will Tyra base her "America's Next Top Model" castings? What will Eskimos get when they sit on ice for too long?????

Read more about Polaroids production shutdown and Americas response. (And for your information, shaking a Polaroid might actually hurt your picture.)

I feel a little guilty now. Like my love of the convenience that is digital photography is the sole cause of this. Actually, maybe we can just blame Ashton Kutcher because his stupid digital camera commercials never stop being on television.

RIP Polaroid. You will be missed.

Thanks, TJS!

I nose this ain't a good way to die...

2008-12-08T21:53:00.004-05:00

Yeah, it's been almost a week since my last update - work is killing me, but hopefully things will calm down soon. Regardless, I'm pretty sure I 'picked' a nugget of story to come back with...

Apparently no one taught Ian Bothwell that picking your nose isn't a good habit to get into. The 63-year-old Manchester man reportedly died 'digging for gold' in his shnoz.

According to a coroner's report, Bothel -who suffered from dementia and alcoholism- died from a nosebleed caused by constant picking. Authorities initially believed the man had fallen and hit his head, but later found his nasal cavity was filled with blood as a result of epistaxis (aka nosebleed).

"There is no explanation for this death other than he died from a nose-bleed, consistent with picking his nose. I do not think for a moment he knew what he was doing was going to cause his death."- Manchester coroner Nigel Meadows

I'm writing this one down to threaten my kids with some day. "Hey, little Jimmy - quit picking you're nose or you'll end up dead in a pool of your own nose blood like Ian Bothwell."

Major FAILs of the Week

2008-12-03T10:00:00.003-05:00

Plaxico durress

2008-12-02T22:45:00.003-05:00

By now, you've probably heard about New York Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, stupidly shooting himself in a New York nightclub this weekend. Not surprisingly, the Giants announced today that they're placing Plax on the reserve non-football injury list, which means he won't be back for the postseason, either.

This move comes a day after the wide receiver was charged with illegal weapons possession, for which he could receive between 3 and 1/2 to 15 years in prison if convicted. Burress is due back in court March 31, unless he reaches a plea agreement.

Burress shot himself in the right thigh in the VIP section of the nightclub about 1 a.m. Saturday, police said. He did not have a permit to carry a handgun in New York.

A witness reported hearing a popping sound before Burress' legs began to shake, according to a criminal complaint. It said the person saw a bloody pistol fall out of his pant leg and land on the floor before Burress said, "Take me to a hospital."

Apparently, Giants receiver Steve Smith also had a run-in with guns this weekend, but he was on the other end of it.

Police in Clifton, N.J., said Smith was robbed at gunpoint in the early hours of Nov. 25. The second-year receiver had returned to his townhouse in a chauffer-driven car when he was approached from behind by man who held a gun to his head, Clifton police Capt. Robert Rowan said. Smith turned over his jewelry and money and cell phone, the captai said, and the man is still being sought, he said.

Well...if Burress is out, I guess it's a good thing nothing happened to Steve Smith. Maybe if Smith had a gun, no one woulda messed with him, haaaa. Actually, I shouldn't joke about that. I don't want anything to screw up the tear the Giants are on right now.

Recession is in session

2008-12-01T13:55:00.004-05:00

It's official, folks: We've got a recession on our hands.

The National Bureau of Economic Research said Monday that the U.S. has been in a recession since December 2007.

Employers have trimmed payrolls by 1.2 million jobs in the first 10 months of this year. On Friday, economists are predicting the government will report a loss of another 325,000 jobs for November. Well that's uplifting...

Click here to read more from CNNMoney.com.

Sick, sick, sick

2008-12-01T11:13:00.004-05:00

I think I have a decent immune system, but I'm pretty sure my body can sense it's Thanksgiving and just collapses every year around this time. Fortunately--well, kind of--my boyfriend is sick too, so we have been sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves the last few days.

During that time, he came across Google's Flu Trends, this nifty little site that shows you how your state compares with others at any given time throughout the year. And if you check it out, you'll notice that the entire country is at "low" risk right now, but we're riiiiight about to hit the national spike in flu sickness - whoo-hoo!

Thanks, TJS!

Rampage in India

2008-11-28T23:12:00.002-05:00

[UPDATE] 11 p.m., Nov. 28: The last terrorists involved in the attacks at Mumbai's Taj Mahal hotel were killed early Saturday, Mumbai's police chief told CNN-IBN. But the director-general of the national security guard said the situation remains unresolved. The conflicting accounts came after a fire broke out and a flurry of heavy gunfire. The death toll from the rampage has risen to 160 civilians, police and military, including 5 Americans. Indian officials are suggesting the terrorists came from Pakistan.

Not to be a downer on your holiday happiness, but it's important to note what's going on in India today/tonight.

From CNN.com: Gunmen rampaged through a series of targets in the Indian city of Mumbai killing indiscriminately and taking hostages at two luxury hotels.

Mumbai police spokesman Satish Katsa said gunmen have taken over the Taj Mahal Hotel and Hotel Oberoi, and were holding hostages on multiple floors.

Flames and smoke poured from the Taj early Thursday, and several explosions were heard at the building. (Photo, right: Blood stains the floor of the railway station.)

At the Oberoi the military reportedly entered the building and a large explosion was heard shortly afterwards. Another hostage situation was unfolding at Cama Hospital, CNN's sister network in India, CNN-IBN reported.

One witness told local reporters that gunmen tried to find people with U.S. or British passports and took about 15 of them hostage.

Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding...

2008-11-28T22:49:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I'm backtracking on the Heidi-Spencer wedding, as is the rest of the free media world--or at least those who had nothing better to write about than the faux-reality show stars' apparently faux wedding in Mexico last week. (Yeah, and that includes you, Associated Press. You're not so much better than the rest of us. Pfft.)

It appears as though Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's elopement was not actually a legally binding union, as previously reported.

"We had a beautiful ceremony here ... officiated by a minister and photographed by the hotel photographer. We've never been happier. And, like other elopements that happen outside the country, we'll take care of the legal details when we get home," the couple said in a statement.

Us Weekly, which features the two on its cover this week, reported that Speidi decided to get married while drinking margaritas on the beach. An hour later, they were exchanging vows, the magazine said. Gee, that sounds super well-thought out!

Apparently, it was thought out enough for MTV to get in on the action: "Fans will be able to see the exclusive footage from the ceremony in an upcoming episode, and we will continue to follow the newlyweds' relationship as it plays out in real life," said Executive Producer of "The Hills," Liz Gately.

It's not clear right now whether the footage of the ceremony will be a reenactment of the ceremony or footage obtained from another source. But I'm so totally sure it will be as totally real as the rest of the show.

Black --and deadly-- Friday

2008-11-28T10:38:00.007-05:00

I've never been into the whole Black Friday thing, though I admittedly thought about getting up at 4 a.m. today and hitting the stores from some deals. Unfortunately for my shopping ambition (but fortunately for my dwindling back account), I am working today...not quite sure why, because everyone I need to contact --including the police department-- is off today, grrr.

Anyway. For those of you who got out to the stores or plan to get in on the tail end of the door buster deals, good for you... but be careful! I just caught wind of an incident in Long Island where a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a Black Friday crowd. (*Note, this picture was not taken from the same Wal-Mart.)

The news story seems to have a lot of unconfirmed information, but apparently a pregnant woman also taken down in the stampede and despite previous reports of a miscarriage, doctors say the baby is fine.

The unidentified worker, employed as an overnight stock clerk, tried to hold back the unruly crowds just after the Valley Stream store opened at 5 a.m.

Witnesses said the surging throngs of shoppers knocked the man down. He fell and was stepped on. As he gasped for air, shoppers ran over and around him.

"He was bum-rushed by 200 people," said Jimmy Overby, 43, a co-worker. "They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too...I literally had to fight people off my back."

Crazy stuff. Click to read more.

Thanks, TJS.

[UPDATE] 11 p.m. Nov. 28: In an unrelated incident, two men were shot dead in a Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, California, after they argued in the store, police said. The toy company and authorities said the California shootings had nothing to do with shopping on Black Friday

Day 'o turkey

2008-11-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving
from The Jerc Store!

It's turkey time again! Hey, did you know that the first Thanksgiving celebration lasted three years? True story. How sweet would that be to be off from work on holiday for three years? Anyway, enjoy your food, football and five-hour, post-feast nap -- I know I will.

And hey, be careful out there shopping tomorrow.

Major FAILs of the Week

2008-11-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

It's a 'Speidi' wedding!

2008-11-24T22:11:00.006-05:00

Well, they did it. 'Hills' stars Heidi and Spencer have reportedly tied the knot, with fewer family members than photogs in attendance. Gee, that's not like Speidi at all...

Us Weekly has confirmed the union, and will feature a full spread on the private ceremony in its upcoming issue, on stands Wednesday.

Here's a taste:

Introducing, Mrs. Heidi Montag Pratt!
The Hills star wed her longtime beau, Spencer Pratt, in a secret ceremony in Cabos San Lucas, Mexico, on Nov. 20, Us Weekly reports in its newest issue. See exclusive photos wedding photos in Us Weekly's new issue, on stands Wednesday.

"The minute we said our vows, I couldn't stop crying," Montag, 22, tells Us.

See more amazing celebrity wedding photos.

At the altar, Pratt, 25, told his bride: "Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I'm honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always."

Someone who might not be so thrilled? Montag’s mother.

"I called her right before the ceremony, sort of hinted that something that happened, but her reaction was to ask me if we were breaking up! I told her it might be something else, and she said, 'Well, if you ever plan on getting married just know that your stepdad is really upset that you want your father to walk you down the aisle,'" Montag tells Us.

"She was starting so much drama, it kind of pushed me toward wanting to get married without that," she adds. "I don't know when I'll tell her." Um? I guess now?

Pratt and Montag have had a tumultuous relationship.

In 2007, Pratt popped the question (after just eight months of dating) with a diamond-encrusted platinum band set with a purple stone that he'd purchased from the mall.

See how much stars paid for their engagement rings.

But after bickering over Pratt hitting on women in a club, the pair took a "relationship vacation" just a few months later.

"I'd just turned 21, and it was scary because I was so young," Montag told Us following the split.

(What happened to the bling? "I turned it into a pendant," Montag told Us in December. "It wasn't my dream ring. I don't like what it represents. I might sell it.")

The pair gave it another go in May 2008, after a secret make-or-break getaway to Mexico where "Heidi read me biblical passages like 'Honor thy wife,'" Pratt explained.

By the end, he'd convinced her to plan their wedding again.

"I'm ready to marry Spencer," Montag told Us that month. "He's my soulmate."

Just what the Dr. ordered

2008-11-23T00:01:00.001-05:00

It's not exactly free health care, but as of right now, you can now get a free 'appointment' with Dr. Pepper.

The soft-drink maker said earlier this year that it would give a free soda to everyone in America if Guns N' Roses released its "Chinese Democracy" album before the end of 2008. The album, which has been famously delayed since recording began in 1994, goes on sale today (Sunday).

And what the heck is the connection here?

"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love. So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as 'Dr Pepper for the ears' because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic." - Dr Pepper director of marketing Jaxie Alt.

Coupons for a free 20-ounce Dr. Peppers will be available for 24 hours on Dr Pepper's Web site. They'll be honored until Feb. 28.

RELATED LINKS
Dessert in a can = no no
Dessert in a can
Chocolate's 'Reign' over marketing

Happy Birthday, Leen!

If there were CNN.com in Hell...

2008-11-22T15:00:00.002-05:00

Hilarious image from holytaco.com! Click photo for a better view.

Back of the hand-wich

2008-11-20T22:13:00.005-05:00

You know, sometimes my boyfriend jokingly tells me he's gonna give me a knuckle sandwich, but I think this guy took it a bit too far...

From the AP - A man faces a domestic battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday.

Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

...Perhaps it was a CLUB sandwich? Haaaaa. (I get this obnoxiously corny sense of humor from my father, by the way.)

I love stories like this. Every so often, a precious gem of a police blotter item comes across our desks in the newsroom. Last week, I wrote about a guy who crashed his truck into a gas station, knocking out two gas pumps, the attendant's booth and a Snapple machine...and then walked home, leaving the car there, like police weren't going to trace it back to him. (And yes, he was drunk.) But man, assault and battery by sandwich - that's delectable.

Sex down under

2008-11-19T21:43:00.001-05:00

The Hollywood actor with the most pornstar-like name has been named People's 2008 Sexiest Man Alive.

Hugh Jackman, star of the upcoming "Australia," will be featured on the cover of this week's mag, which hits stands Friday.

The 6-foot-2 Wolverine likes to sing and make pancakes at his home, his wife of 12 years, Deborra-Lee Furness, told the magazine. Hmm... that kinda makes him seem a little less bad-ass.

Jackman beat out a number of hunks to win the sexy title. People gave us a sneak preview of the runners up before Friday's issue is out, including Daniel Craig, Twilight's Robert Pattinson, Zac Efron and Michael Phelps (um, are they just looking at pictures of his body?).

There were also a few blasts from the past, namely Mark-Paul Gosselaar and ex-Dawson Creek-er Joshua Jackson, who have both reinvented themselves in primetime dramas "Raising the Bar" and "Fringe," respectively. Hey, what about Mario Lopez?

Who else can we expect? Guess we'll have to wait for the issue to come out, but I'm hoping to see Chase Crawford (left, Nate, "Gossip Girl"), Ryan Kwaten (Jason, "True Blood") and of course, Bret Michaels! haaaa

RELATED LINKS
Sexy time

Major FAILs of the Week

2008-11-19T10:00:00.003-05:00

Proposition 8 passing

2008-11-19T00:14:00.006-05:00

NOTE: This is a special-guest feature from my coworker (and fellow blogger), Geoff, regarding the recent passing of Proposition 8. Check out his blog and visit often!

I've been asked to write this post about Proposition 8 passing in California not only because I have a super-awesome blog about facing anti-gay prejudice, but also, I suspect, because I seem to have picked up the "gay beat" at the office.

For those not in the know, Proposition 8 was a referendum passed this November in California by a margin of 52-48. It actively removes gay couples' previously legal right to marry under the state constitution, defeating a recent state Supreme Court decision saying that very constitution afforded us those rights.

The way in which it was done has brought about a lawsuit, something I plan to post about on my blog in the future. The proposition's passage was a surprise for many because early polls showed the "no" votes winning by a decent margin. A last-minute cash infusion from certain right-wing causes, notably the Church of Latter-Day Saints, helped the "yes" side air a great number of misleading ads and apparently pushed them to victory.

Although it passed along with similar referendums in Florida and Arizona (where it had previously failed), and an initiative in Arkansas (where gay marriage is already illegal) banning unmarried couples from adopting, Prop 8 is particularly unsettling for several reasons, mostly because it actively took rights away, using a document that's supposed to grant them. That sets a dangerous precedent that should scare us all.

Protesters across the nation demonstrated their displeasure with the passage of California's Proposition 8 on Saturday, and with any luck, gave the gay-rights movement some much-needed momentum. I know a number of people who were involved in the various demonstrations, and I've heard they were moving, massive, and momentous.

My friend Dima Otvertchenko called Saturday "a day to remember." He also took some great pictures of the rally in Los Angeles, and they make me feel all warm, fuzzy and empowered inside. Check 'em out:

You can see more of them here.

My friend Nori, above left, told me she wore her rainbow Batman shirt specifically for the march. "Though I suspect the 'Straight Against H8' sign Dima and I had broke a few hearts," she noted sagely. (Soon you'll be able to see her thoughts on marching over at her own blog.)

Sara Perle, a friend of mine who's a law student in New York City, says The New York Times underestimated the protest there with its guess of 4,000 people. She told me that a friend of hers who volunteered had a somewhat better view than she did and thought there were about 20,000 people there.

"I could only see a very small part of it because it was so packed I couldn't get around the corner!" Sara said. "They had traffic basically down to one lane on Broadway and people totally packed on either side of the street."

She also suggested you look up estimates of the turnout at the protest nearest you.

Another friend of mine posted a note on Facebook describing the rally in Santa Barbara, Calif. which he said featured speakers from all walks of life talking about why this is something we need to protest.

It all sounds very moving, and I'm sorry to have missed it, but it was my boyfriend's birthday this weekend, and he had to work on protest day. While I work a normal week, his days off are Thursday and Friday, and though he managed to get Sunday (his actual b-day) off, he had no such luck with that day in-between. I live in central New Jersey while he lives 2.5 hours north, outside of Poughkeepsie, N.Y., so seeing each other takes a bit of planning.

That means that while everyone was protesting, I was up in Fishkill, N.Y. doing laundry, grabbing a last-minute card and one final gift, and then going out to dinner.

I rationalized missing everything by deciding that celebrating him would be my own form of protest. While I didn't get them to do the birthday "gong parade" to our intimate table for two at O'Sho in Poughkeepsie, I did give him a pile of presents the next morning, making him a very happy 25-year-old.

So to all of you who protested, please accept my sincere thanks! And to you who voted for Prop 8, I say this:

Too bad! I still love him, and that's not something you can change with a poorly reasoned law.

I remain firmly convinced that history will be on our side, and that in our lifetime we'll be able to get a real, 100% legal and federally approved marriage. But I'm not about to sit around waiting for someone else to make it happen!

RELATED LINKS
Gay in Public

'True' hit

2008-11-18T18:31:00.005-05:00

I was so happy to hear from several of my friends over the last few weeks that they are as obsessed with HBO's "True Blood" as I am. And now CNN is jumping on the vindication train. Whoo!
If you've never watched the show (or have only watched one episode), you probably think the viewing population has been drinking some sort of Tru Blood Kool-Aid; I'll admit, I was a little weirded out by the first episode myself. But give it two episodes, and you'll be absolutely hooked.

Anna Paquin ("Fly Away Home" anyone?) stars as Sookie Stackhouse, an innocent-but-feisty Louisiana girl who's got the hots for Bill the vampire in a town where vamps have only recently begun integrating. The ancillary characters have got issues all their own, and there's lots of sex, drugs and blood-thirsty roles.

Read more about how the show has taken off since its September premiere.

Now, I know the haters are probably rolling their eyes over the whole vampire trend (ala "Twilight"), but this show is way, way better--and hotter. (Be warned, True Blood is not for watching with your parents in the room--I don't care how old you are.)

Anyway, give it a shot. Sundays at 9 on HBO. But if you'd like to get the full effect of how incredibly addictive the show is, go online or watch On-Demand and start from the beginning.

And for those of you who already True Blood fans, you'll be pleased to hear that it's been picked up for a second season!

Thanks, Geoff!

More 'Hills'

2008-11-16T23:06:00.005-05:00

While my coverage of "The Hills" has been waning in recent weeks, I still thought it fair to post a 'scoop' I heard tonight: After much speculation whether or not MTV's most famous faux-reality show would continue for another season, Audrina Patridge has confirmed that the fifth season is a go.

Lately, Hills protagonist Lauren Conrad has been questioning whether she'd like to continue with the show that made her famous, but apparently she caved. Or maybe she's not even on the show anymore and we'll be watching Audrina and Holly live their lives. Just like watching paint dry.

Check out what Audrina had to say here.

Bet on Brett the Jet, says the pet (ha, POET!)

2008-11-13T17:15:00.005-05:00

It's another glorious evening of Thursday night football, and the New York Jets will battle the New England Patriots for first place atop the AFC East.

And you should probably bet on the Jets, not due to the plague of injuries the Patriots have faced this season, but because Princess the camel says so.

Princess, from Lacey Township, NJ, has correctly identified winners in each of this year's NFL weeks, standing at an impressive 10-0 going into tonight's game. Geez, I should call Popcorn Park Zoo for my Survivor Pool pick this week, no?

The owner of the zoo, John Bergmann, chooses a game at random each week and writes each team's name on each of his hands. He puts a graham cracker in both hands and whichever hand Princess eats out of it is her "pick" for the week. This week? It's the J-E-T-S: Jets! Jets! Jets!

The 2,600-pound Bactrian camel had a winning percentage of .647 last year, correctly calling 11 out of 17 games. She also reportedly predicted the Giants would defeat the Patriots in last year's Super Bowl showdown. Smart camel.

I'm sure now that I'm writing about Princess and her accuracy, the Jets will get squashed, Brett Favre will break his leg and the stadium will somehow catch fire (because that's just how my luck has been going these days), but hey, who doesn't love a football-game-winner-picking camel?

"I'll never let go, print journalism; I'll never let go..."

2008-11-12T18:57:00.005-05:00

So, I'm depressed. Today, I drove into work for an ominous "all-staff" meeting with my company's executive editors, whom we only see about three times a year. And while we were all surprised that we weren't laid off [...yet], the news was grim. Apparently, the company is beginning its "streamlining" (code for "layoff") efforts, so the writing is on the wall.

Our company's satellite offices (ours included) are all being closed so we can consolidate staff into the main office (which is an hour away from my house). What they're really saying is that we're going to be crammed in like sardines until we're picked off one by one. Rumor has it that we'll each be meeting with the executive editors to discuss our positions, straight up "Office Space"-style.

In another dated movie reference, it's kinda like the Titanic just hit the iceberg and it's only a matter of time til we're all floating dead on planks of wood in the middle of the ocean. God, I love that I went to school for journalism. I mean, I knew the money was awful (my academic advisor told me that the guy who worked across the street at 7-Eleven would make more), but the economy --and the Internet-- are eating my industry alive.

Basically, it's not good... but my one laugh today came after reading an e-mail from my fellow reporter (and blogger), entitled "6 Emails You Get When Your Company is About to Go Under." Check it out and see how many apply to your job, and if it's a lot...start applying to other jobs.

Major FAILs of the week

2008-11-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Veterans Day!

2008-11-11T15:19:00.002-05:00

Happy Veterans Day from The Jerc Store!

Veterans Day was first incorporated by President Woodrow Wilson as Armistice Day in 1919 in honor of the Armistice treaty which ended WWI.

In 1938, Armistice Day was enacted as an official American holiday, but after WWII, citizens felt that the veterans of all wars should be recognized. In 1954, Congress changed the name from Armistice Day to Veterans Day.

In America, the holiday now celebrates the approximate 2.9 million U.S. veterans with parades and ceremonies among other events.

RIP Gus

2008-11-10T19:21:00.006-05:00

Sad news, everyone: Gus, the World's Ugliest Dog, is dead.

The 9-year-old pooch, who won the ugly crown in June, lost his battle with cancer today.

Gus, a hairless Chinese crested from Florida, had one eye and three legs. His adopted family reportedly rescued him after learning he was being kept in a crate inside someone's garage. He had one leg amputated because of a skin tumor and lost an eye in a cat fight.

Owner Jeanenne Teed said Gus passed away in her arms this morning. The skin cancer he had been battling had wrapped around his spine and the dog had lost half of his body weight. He was in a lot of pain and needed to be put down, she said.

As World's Ugliest dog, Gus had been featured on the Today show, Fox & Friends, Rachel Ray. He even had his own Animal Planet special.

Chinese crested dogs have a reputation for being pretty ugly, but poor Gus...he was hideous.

Grandpa shooting the 'J

2008-11-07T11:00:00.002-05:00

A 73-year-old Tennessee man scored two points in a college basketball game this week.

Ken Mink, a full-time student at Roane State Community College, scored two points Monday night in a 93-42 victory over King College's junior varsity. The shooting guard got in the game with about 16 minutes left in the second half and attempted one shot in three minutes. He came back into the game, was fouled and made two free throws.

The 6-foot-tall septuagenarian said it was the first time he shot a free throw in more than five decades. He played 52 years ago at Lees College in Jackson, Ky, but lost his spot on the team after someone soaped the coach's office and he was expelled during his freshman year. He still says he did not commit the prank.

Mink reportedly runs a 6.6-second 40-yard dash and has a 20-inch vertical. I'm pretty sure he'd beat me out for a spot on the team. That's sad.

The retiree wears number 54 on the team. Last year, after shooting baskets at a neighbor's house, he wrote to several area colleges, and Roane State coach Randy Nesbit agreed to give him a chance. Mink has practiced regularly with the team since school began in August.

“(Mink) gets up and down the floor and can get shots off in practice,” said teammate BJ Ware. “He can definitely still play for being that old.”

Cosby's gone mad

2008-11-06T22:40:00.006-05:00

I recently heard the audio of this on my favorite morning radio station and I could not believe how insane Bill Cosby has turned. He sounds like he's doing an impression of Kenan doing an impression of Bill Cosby on All That (remember that show??).

Anyway, take a look. He's out of control. He makes a bunch of crazy noises, forgets the name of the other team and cuts himself off for a commercial break.

His brain cells are torched

2008-11-06T22:13:00.007-05:00

A Georgia man set his home on fire yesterday after reportedly trying to clean it with a blowtorch.

Instead of using a broom, Galen Winchell used a blowtorch to clean out the cobwebs from the exterior eaves of his home.

He should take a blowtorch to the cobwebs in his brain, no? There's gotta be a lot of 'em.

Winchell noticed smoke coming from his attic around 11 a.m. Firefighters responded with three trucks and the power company arrived to disconnect the power, which runs through the attic. The fire was contained to one end of the house, however there was water damage and smoke damage throughout. No one was injured in the blaze.

A good piece of advice: The fire investigator warned residents not to use a blowtorch to rid their homes of cobwebs. That's good to know - I was thinking about doing some cleaning this weekend.

To church in a hank-Baskett

2008-11-06T18:16:00.009-05:00

Okay, that was a bad pun attempt. Sorry.

I probably wouldn't be writing about some playmate and a football player, but Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson has become quite the local celebrity in my town lately now that she's been dating Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett. Apparently the two really enjoy hitting up the Redstone in my town.

The 23-year-old Wilkinson and the 26-year-old Baskett are now officially engaged, sources say. Not only am I happy for them, but this gives me a chance to post my pictures of Hank buying my friends and me shots last summer at McFadden's in Philly. My friends think it's funny that one of our female friends (who shall remain nameless) was repeatedly hit on by Hank that night, but she turned him down; they then deduced that that would make her more unattainable than a Playboy Playmate. Good for her!

Baskett reportedly proposed to Kendra --on one knee-- at the Space Needle in Seattle last weekend. The Eagles were away playing the Seahawks Sunday. Both families were on hand for the proposal.

Hugh Hefner, who was recently ditched by all three of his Girls Next Door, released a statement Saturday, saying that Kendra had found "someone she would like to spend the rest of her life with." He said that he would give her away in a special wedding ceremony at the Mansion in June.

Hef's other former-gf, Holly Madison, has been dating “Mindfreak” illusionist Criss Angel, but I don't think the 82-year-old minds too much: He's "dating" a pair of 19-year-old twins, Karissa and Kristina Shannon. Good for him!

Foxy laaaady

2008-11-05T19:35:00.005-05:00

A woman, bit by a rapid fox, ran a mile to her car with the animal still attached to her.

The Arizona jogger said she was running on a trail Monday when she noticed the fox in a clearing. It did not initially appear aggressive, but as she approached, the fox attacked and bit her foot. She grabbed it by the neck but it bit her arm and clamped down. It did not release, even when the jogger tried to choke it, she said.

Concerned that the fox could have rabies, she ran all the way to the car--a mile away--with the fox still biting her arm. She pried the animal's jaw open, wrapped it in a sweatshirt she was wearing and tossed it into her trunk before driving to a hospital.

When an animal-control person removed the fox from the vehicle, it bit the employee, too - oops!

Shockingly enough, it turned out the animal had rabies. Both the jogger and the animal-control person are receiving rabies vaccinations.

Thanks, Dad!

RIP Michael Crichton

2008-11-05T16:25:00.005-05:00

Famed writer Michael Crichton died unexpectedly Tuesday night after a private battle with cancer, sources say.

Crichton, a 66-year-old medical doctor, was best known for penning "Jurassic Park" and his work with the television show "ER."

He also wrote "The Andromeda Strain," "Sphere" and "Rising Sun" and his 2004 novel, "State of Fear," in which he took on global warming and the theories surrounding it. He directed "Westworld" (1973), "Coma" (1978), "Looker" (1981) and "Runaway" (1984).

Crichton, who graduated from Harvard Medical School, won an Emmy, a Peabody and a Writers Guild of America Award for "ER," and won other awards as well.

[click here to read his New York Times obit]

He is survived by his wife, Sherri, and daughter, Taylor.

Major FAILs of the week

2008-11-05T10:00:00.003-05:00

The voters have spoken...

2008-11-04T23:47:00.003-05:00

In what certainly turned out to be a historic election, a record number of voters hit the polls today and voted for what they're hoping will be the change our country needs.

From AP: Barack Obama was elected the nation's first black president Tuesday night in a historic triumph that overcame racial barriers as old as America itself.

The 47-year-old Democratic senator from Illinois sealed his victory by defeating Republican Sen. John McCain in a string of wins in hard-fought battleground states — Ohio, Florida, Virginia and Iowa.

Obama and his running mate, Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, will take their oaths of office as president and vice president on Jan. 20, 2009.

Congratulations to our new president and congratulations to those of you who voted - you made history!

Election Day 2008!

2008-11-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Election Day
from The Jerc Store!

Choose or Lose, Vote or Die - whichever pro-voting slogan you subscribe to, today is the day for you to Rock the Vote.

Polls are open - go, go, go! Click here for polling places.

And don't forget to check out these free deals once you've done your duty as an American. Enjoy!

RELATED LINKS
Let free-food ring
Decision 2008
Don't vote!
Baby mama ain't Obama
Grand Old convention
Dems fightin' words

Let free-food ring!

2008-11-03T16:00:00.001-05:00

My fellow Americans, tomorrow is Election Day and in the true spirit of our obese country, a bunch of businesses are bribing you to vote with free food!

Democratic, Republican, Independent, Libertarian - whatever. Vote for whomever you want, but make sure you vote! Here are a few freebie deals for you to check out tomorrow after you've hit up the polls:

For starters, Starbucks is offering a free 12-oz (tall) coffee to any voter. The promotion, announced in a 60-second commercial during this weekend's Saturday Night Live, is available all day. The company is going by the honor system, so just let the barista know that you voted and you're good to go! [click here to find a Starbs near you]

Krispy Kreme, on the other hand, is requiring an "I Voted Today" sticker for you to bag your free doughnut. Present the sticker to the cashier, and you'll receive a free star-shaped doughnut with patriotic sprinkles. Go America! [click here to find a Krispy Kreme near you]

You can also satisfy your Election Day sweet tooth by heading over to a Ben & Jerry's "scoop shop" between 5-8 p.m. tomorrow. The company is offering free scoops during that time with their "Democracy Never Tasted So Sweet" campaign. Scoops are limited one per customer.

I've also heard that some Chick-fil-A locations will be offering a free chicken sandwich to those wearing "I Voted Today" stickers tomorrow and those who bring in their political yard signs on Nov. 5. I'd check with your local Chick-fil-A for confirmation, but that's an awesome deal if you're more of a savory person like I am. [click here to find a Chick-fil-A near you]

If you've got any other freebie tips, feel free to post 'em! Happy voting!

RELATED LINKS
Decision 2008
Don't vote!
Baby mama ain't Obama
Grand Old convention
Dems fightin' words

Deja vu debating!

2008-11-02T23:35:00.004-05:00

With just two days left til we pick a new prez', you've probably already decided for whom you're voting. This little video won't change your mind, but it should at least give you a good laugh.

Make sure you vote Tuesday! (Bet you've heard that before, too...)

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

"World F----ing Champions"

2008-11-02T18:20:00.005-05:00

NOTE: I promised a "Yay Philadelphia" post, so here's another special guest post from Dave, my Philadelphia sports fan friend. If you missed Chase Utley's speech at the celebratory parade (from which this post gets its title), click here.

"The Philadelphia Phillies are World Champions."

I truly never thought I would ever get a chance to say those words. From the bottomless pit that was Philadelphia sports for the last 25 years, Philadelphia finally has a world championship to celebrate. And it feels damn good.

After a 46-hour rain delay, the Phillies were able to edge out the Rays 4-3 to win the World Series. We’ll always remember the names of Eric Bruntlett --who scored the winning run-- Pedro Feliz --who got the winning RBI-- and Eric Hinske --who was the last out of the game and was struck out by Brad Lidge.

Words cannot express what I felt when that last strike was recorded. There are no words. Those who are 4-for-4 fans (Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, Sixers) know what that feeling was. It was something special that cannot be replicated. I really wish I had more words, but there aren’t any. If you’re not a part of this fan base, you’re probably thinking I’m crazy, but those who are a part of it know exactly what I mean.

After the game there was joyous celebration throughout the city. Unfortunately, there were certain cases of idiocy. Cars were flipped over, stores encountered vandalism, and even some police officers were assaulted. Keep in mind, that despite the 117 arrests that night, there were literally MILLIONS of people who celebrated responsibly and correctly. Those who wanted to be jackasses were arrested. If the national media chooses to focus only on 117 bad guys, then shame on them. Philadelphia fans should not care how the national media portrays us right now. This is our time to celebrate. This time is about the people of this city who deserve it and pour their hearts out for their sports teams.

There are so many stories that can be heard on talk radio about loved ones who are no longer with us. The last definitive memory I have of my late grandfather was in July of 1993, just three months before he passed away. He picked me up from school and we watched a baseball game. It was Kevin Stocker’s first game as a Phillie. The game was nothing special: Phillies blow a lead in the 9^th, Dykstra wins it in the bottom of the inning, a pretty typical game for that team. The point is that baseball bonded us, as it has bonded many families, particularly in this area.

This was truly a magical group of players. There was just something different about this team that you could feel for a long time. From the moment Shane Victorino hit the grand slam off CC Sabathia, the most dominant pitcher in baseball; it truly felt like this team was writing its own script.

And so the city finally has a championship to celebrate. The Phillies have ended the 25 years of broken hearts. Somewhere, Ronde Barber is still running toward the end zone with that football, and it doesn’t matter. Donovan McNabb may (or may not, depending on who you ask) be throwing up on that last drive in the Super Bowl, and it doesn’t matter. Most importantly, Mitch Williams, you’re forgiven.

The city that was once starved for a world championship can now taste the fruits of victory. From the heart of this sports fan, I can only say thank you, and please Sports Gods, don’t make me wait another 25 years.

In 1975, when the Flyers were one game away from their first Stanley Cup, their coach Fred Shero gave an excellent quote. “Win tonight, walk together forever.”

The 2008 Philadelphia Phillies surely will.

RELATED LINKS
Another curse broken
Or don't blame it on the rain...
Blame it on the rain
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco
Dem's fightin' Phils

Fall back, yo

2008-11-01T10:38:00.003-04:00

Just a reminder, my friends: Don't forget to set your clocks back!

On the first Sunday in November (tomorrow), clocks are set back one hour at 2 a.m. local daylight time, which becomes 1 a.m. local standard time.

And you know what that means - one more hour to party-it-up tonight! Whoo! (It also means that the clock in my car will finally be right again...)

Your computers might not set themselves like they used to, so beware of that. The Energy Policy Act of 2005 changed both the starting and ending dates of DST. Since 2007, daylight time has started on the second Sunday in March and ended on the first Sunday in November (rather than the first Sunday in April and the last Sunday in October).

BOO!

2008-10-31T00:02:00.000-04:00

Happy Halloween from The Jerc Store!

So, what are we gonna see more of this year: Political figures (most notably Sarah Palin) or Heath Ledger's The Joker? Maybe it'll be the rebirth of Britney Spears. What am I being? That's a secret ;)

I haven't been this excited about Halloween in awhile, so bring on the trick-or-treaters and crappy candy corn - it's Halloween weekend!

[and Happy Birthday, Rachie!]

Another curse broken

2008-10-29T22:01:00.002-04:00

Congratulations to the Philadelphia Phillies: Under manager Charlie Manuel, the "Phightins" beat out a young Tampa Bay Rays team to win the World Series , 4 games to 1.

Most of the country didn't really care about this series (as evidenced by a 25% drop in ratings from 2007), but it was still pretty exciting.

...and hopefully I don't have to bail out my friends from jail tonight.

After a 3-2 Philadelphia win in Game One, Tampa Bay struck back Thursday to even the series. The Phils then stormed back after a 90-minute rain delay Saturday, winning in one of the oddest endings to a game I've ever seen [click here to read the recap]. Then came Sunday, when the Rays just basically rolled over and died--even Phil's pitcher Joe Blanton jacked one out of the park.

Then we had the controversial Game Five. On a cold and rainy Monday night, the Phillies struck early, going up 2-0 on a Shane Victorino single in the first. Tampa Bay's slumping stars finally got a little something going in the top of the fourth, making it 2-1. The elements started to take over in the fifth inning, but Commissioner Bud Selig allowed the game to continue long enough for the Rays to manufacture another run off Phillies ace Cole Hamels. The tarps came out and the Phillies fans cried foul.

After rain and snow --yes, snow-- Tuesday, the teams took the field tonight, 46 hours after Game Five's suspension. The 3-inning game, which required an exorbitant amount of strategy, began with a lead-off double by Geoff Jenkins, followed by a sacrifice bunt by Jimmy Rollins and an RBI single from Jayson Werth. Tampa Bay's Rocco Baldelli jacked one over the fence in the top of the 7th, tying the game at 3, but not for long: Pedro Feliz put the Phils back on top in the bottom of the 7th and Brad "Lights Out" Lidge came in in the top of the 9th to shut down the Rays and bring Philadelphia its first championship since 1987.

[NOTE] Before I get into my schpeel and get scathing comments in respone to this post, I have a guest writer on-deck to write a "Yay Philadelphia" post in the coming day, so chill out on the hate messages. Now, on to my rant...

I grudgingly congratulate the Phillies because--being from south Jersey--I've just had it with the bandwagon fans who have come out of the woodwork the last month, and especially the last week. I know it's to be expected, but it's just obnoxious. Philadelphia was a city that was all about "bleeding green" for its Eagles for the last several years, and now that the Eagles are in last place, these people are jumping ship and "painting the town red," as they say. Suddenly everyone remembers that Philadelphia has a baseball team and their clothing, cars, away messages and Facebook statuses are overwrought with Phillies exclamations. You talk about bleeding green--I think I'm vomiting red. (That doesn't sound very healthy, eh?)

But hey, congraulations to all the real fans. Your curse is over. Now you can stop complaining. Hey, now you're just like everyone else. Now you've just gotta win 24 more World Series titles to catch up with the Yankees, haaaa. Oh, and the Eagles still suck.

RELATED LINKS
Or don't blame it on the rain...
Blame it on the rain
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco
Dem's fightin' Phils

Major FAILs of the week

2008-10-29T10:00:00.002-04:00

I'm starting a new weekly feature at The Jerc Store: "Major FAILs of the week" will be a selection of hilarious 'fail' photos from failblog.org. The site encourages you to share "fails, pwns and owns with the world" by sending in your photos/videos to failpictures@gmail.com.

So without further ado, here are your major FAILs of the week...

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

Grandma-ma

2008-10-28T20:33:00.004-04:00

So it's pretty offbeat when a 56-year-old woman gives birth, and even more so when a 56-year-old woman gives birth to triplets. But how about when the kids she's birthing are actually her grandkids.

Jaci Dalenberg, of Cleveland, was acting as a surrogate mother for her daughter, Kim Conseno. She gave birth to identical twin girls and their fraternal sister Oct. 11 by way of C-section.

The babies were born more than two months premature and each weighed less than 3 pounds, but are said to be doing well.

According to a spokeswoman, the 56-year-old offered her surrogate service to the daughter when she and her husband, Joe, were waiting to adopt. The couple used vitro fertilization and the embryos were implanted into Dalenberg's uterus.

Joe and Kim also have an 18- and 13-year-old. You can check out their "Our Life With Triplets and and Teens 'Oh My'" blog.

So...what do the kids call Dalenberg? Mama? Grandma? Grandmamama?

Pot-luck taco

2008-10-28T17:47:00.004-04:00

I hope you all remembered to visit your local Taco Bell today for a free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco. And sorry if you're just seeing this now: The special, offered because Jason Bartlett stole a base in Game One of the World series, was only from 2-6 p.m. today.

But if you did get your taco, I'd be willing to bet it didn't come with the toppings that one Colorado couple got during a recent trip to a Del Taco restaurant...

The couple called local authorities Oct. 16 when they discovered a small baggie of marijuana in their taco order they pick up at Del Taco.

Police said Dennis Klermund, the employee who waited on the husband, initially denied that the pot was his; he later admitted the bag was for his friend when a drug-sniffing dog found marijuana in a locker.

The 26-year-old, who is no longer employed by Del Taco, faces possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

"If there was no television, this guy would be living in a tree"

2008-10-28T17:25:00.006-04:00

I swear, I will get a 'Hills' update soon: I passively watched last night, and while the episode was pretty bland, I did find some things to poke fun at. I'll have to On Demand-it-up over the next few days and try to put together a comprehensive Hills fest of the last three episodes.

In the meantime, check out Lauren's appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman last night.

The first few minutes are somewhat awkward, with Letterman straight up telling Lauren that she's the reason why people on The Hills hate each other...and she has no idea how to react.

Lauren then discusses the show, the cast, her upcoming books and plans for the future--or tries to, as Letterman interrupts her every 2.5 seconds. Still, LC manages to slip in a great jab at Spencer (around 2:15 in).

Overall, Lauren seems pretty daft, but she's probably just too creeped out by Letterman drooling all over her. Check it out, particularly around 5:45 when Letterman starts giving his thoughts on Brody.

RELATED LINKS
Lauren Conrad: Over 'The Hills'
Head from 'The Hills'
Back in 'The Hills'
"Drama follows them"
Boys make girls cry and something's gotta change
"You always miss a best friend"

Or don't blame it on the rain...

2008-10-28T09:44:00.007-04:00

[UPDATE] The remainder of Game Five will be played tomorrow, Wednesday, beginning at 8:37 p.m.

NOTE: This is a special-guest feature from my friend, Dave, who is the biggest Philadelphia sports fan I know. As an anti-Philadelphia sports fan myself, I obviously did not plan to write a sympathetic post in opposition of the events of last night's World Series Game Five, but I know that the suspension is drawing huge criticism and who better to air the grievances than a tortured Philadelphia sports soul?

The stage was set last night. It was supposed to be the night that the so-called curse was lifted, and Philadelphia had a sports championship to celebrate.

God had other plans.

We all know what happened: Delayed after 5 ½ innings; play will resume when "weather conditions permit." [see the logistics surrounding the suspension, below]

No one can be blamed for what happened with the weather. If it’s going to rain, it’s going to rain. Nothing can be done; however, the way it was handled was perhaps the biggest disgrace that Commissioner Bud Selig has ever been apart of. And if you’re a baseball fan, you know there were many--including but not limited to the tie at the all star game in 2002, and the continuous blind eye to blatant use of performance-enhancing drugs.

What the casual fan may not have seen last night was Selig’s post-game press conference, which was an absolute joke. It was an obvious attempt to deflect blame off of himself. You can go back and read the transcript yourself, but he essentially blames the groundskeeper, and then the weatherman at the stadium for letting it get out of hand.

The real problem, however, may not even be Bud Selig; it is rooted in the fact that these games don’t start until about 8:45 pm. There is no reason that these games can’t start at 7:30 or 8:00 on the dot. Major League Baseball wonders why kids aren’t as interested in baseball as they used to be. Perhaps it’s because they’ve never been allowed, or physically able to stay up until 1 am to see a team experience the joy of winning a World Series.

Nevertheless, the city of Philadelphia deserves better. The wait is now on and the worst part is, the fans of this city don’t even have a clue as to when the final 3 ½ innings of this game are going to be played. The anticipation is intense.

Look at it this way Philadelphia: The wait has been 23 years, 6 months, 28 days since the 76ers completed the sweep of the L.A. Lakers in the 1983 NBA finals. What’s one (or two) more days?

And hey, it could be worse: Game Four of the 1911 World Series between the Giants and the Athletics in Philadelphia was postponed for six days due to rain.

RELATED LINKS
Blame it on the rain
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

Blame it on the rain

2008-10-28T07:34:00.005-04:00

Updated Oct. 28, 2 p.m.

Yeah, you like that Milli Vanilli reference?

Anyway. For the first time in World Series history, a game has been suspended due to the weather. Due to a rain/snow storm hitting the tri-state area (yes, snow in October), the remainder of the game will be played tomorrow (Wednesday), beginning at 8:37 p.m.

Game Five--the potential championship-clinching game for the Philadelphia Phillies--was suspended in the bottom of the sixth inning, after the Tampa Bay Rays scored a run to tie the game at 2.

Thankfully, baseball officials said it was not an option to make the game official after five innings, determining the Fall Classic winner by way of a called game.

When the game does resume, it will be picked up from where it was left off; fans and commentators have criticized the determination, stating that the call should have come at the beginning of the sixth inning (before Cole Hamels gave up the run in poor weather conditions), or that frame should be erased and the game should resume from the top of the inning.

Check back later for a special commentary and updates on the game.

RELATED LINKS
Taco, taco, taco!
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

Decision 2008

2008-10-28T06:00:00.002-04:00

Today, we are exactly one week away from what is being touted as one of the most important elections in the history of America.

Still haven't decided for whom you're voting Nov. 4? Take a look at the Match-O-Matic. You'll answer a series of questions on hot issues (health care, taxes, the environment), and the Match-O-Matic will do all the work of picking a candidate for you!

You may not completely agree with it, but if nothing else, you'll gain a better understanding of each candidate's platform.

You can also refer to this Web site.

...And if you've already got your man picked out, take a look at this interesting dance-off between the Republicans and the Dems. ;)

Baby Mama's got a little one

2008-10-27T18:17:00.003-04:00

You might have noticed that "Saturday Night Live" star Amy Poehler was sporting a little more than a baby bump in recent weeks, but bump-be-gone! Poehler is officially a mommy!

The "Baby Mama" star gave birth to her baby, Archie Arnett, on Saturday. The baby, born to Poehler and husband Will Arnett, was 8 lbs, 1 oz.

SNL has been infamously bad the last few yeares, but the election has revitalized a few of the skits. In honor of Poehler, I'm posting a video of the "Palin Rap," which made me laugh incredibly hard. It's gonna be a shame when Poehler leaves this year.

RELATED LINKS
Poehler peacing out
Fierce to the trannieth degree

J-Hud's mother, brother killed

2008-10-24T18:29:00.010-04:00

[BREAKING NEWS] The body of a young boy found today in a car has been confirmed as that of Julian King, Jennifer Hudson's 7-year-old nephew.

Several news agencies are reporting that the mother and brother of singer/actress Jennifer Hudson were found dead today in Chicago.

A male family member discovered the body of Hudson's mother, Darnell Donerson, 57, and police later found the body of Hudson's brother, Jason.

The shootings are believed to be domestic.

[UPDATE] Police confirm they have taken a person into custody but are not saying who it is. News reports, however, say that person is Hudson's brother-in-law, William Balfour. Balfour's mother has also acknowledged her son has been questioned about the shootings.

Authorities issued an Amber Alert for Hudson's 7-year-old nephew, Julian King, and were seeking a 1994 white Chevrolet Suburban.

The alert said the child was possibly abducted, and accompanied by a man — considered armed and dangerous — who was a suspect in the double homicide investigation. Records with the Illinois Department of Corrections show the man, who has not been charged with a crime, is on parole and spent nearly seven years in prison for attempted murder, vehicular hijacking and possessing a stolen vehicle.

Newsfeed eating up lies

2008-10-24T18:10:00.004-04:00

I heard a funny story this morning about a guy in Australia who took a "sick day," but got busted because his boss read his Facebook status: "Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f..k it i'm still trashed. SICKIE WOO!"

I laughed out loud when I heard it, thinking, "See? This is exactly what they told us in college about the professional backlash possible in putting dumb crap on social networking sites."(Thanks, Prof. Brown!)

An e-mail, presumably between Doyle and his boss, surfaced on the Internet shortly thereafter: The boss asks the 21-year-old AAPT worker for a medical certificate to prove he deserved the day off, and he writes back saying he did not need a medical certificate for one day's leave. The boss then discloses his proof behind the doubt, and Doyle says, "HAHAHA LMAO epic fail. No worries man."

This story is all over the damn Internet... but now it appears that the now-famous Kyle Doyle might have been framed! [DUN DUN DUN]

"Following an investigation into AAPT's email records, we can confirm the email exchange between two of our employees ... never occurred." -- statement from AAPT.

It appears that either someone set Doyle up--even his mother is vouching for him. Yeah, set up or he set this up to get his 15 minutes of fame, mmm? Either way, pretty comical.

As of this morning, Doyle's status reportedly read: "trying to hide :-/" and he had received at least 175 personal messages regarding the incident.

Taco, taco, taco!

2008-10-22T23:04:00.003-04:00

Hey, if you run into Tampa Bay Ray Jason Bartlett anytime soon, make sure to say 'gracias' -- Thanks to the speedy shortstop, we've all got a free taco coming to us!

On Oct. 28 (Tuesday) between 2 and 6 p.m., you can head out to your local Taco Bell and request one free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco ala the fast food chain's "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion.

Jason Bartlett stole second off the Philadelphia Phillies' Carlos Ruiz in the fifth inning of tonight's Game One World Series game. Yum!

Taco Bell ran the same promotion during last year's World Series. Boston Red Sox outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury stole a base in Game Two.

RELATED LINKS
World Series set to go
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

EMPLOYEE: DUMB B----

2008-10-22T22:45:00.005-04:00

A Missouri man was shocked to find a racial slur on his Journeys receipt after returning a pair of shoes this weekend.

Keith Slater, 22, bought an $80 pair of shoes at the store, but later returned them after finding a better bargain at another store. Slater got his money back, but was later shocked to see that the receipt identified him as "Dumb N-----"

Like, really? Did anyone there think that someone somewhere might possibly notice the N-word printed on their receipt? My God, that's stupidity!

By the time the college student returned to Journeys that night, the store was closed. When he came back on Saturday, employees said that a generic code had been entered with the return and that's what appeared.

But, Slater's father said, there were six or seven choices that came up when that code was entered and the one the employee had chosen was at the bottom of the list. Probably not a coincidence then, eh?

The employee who rang up Slater was fired, according to a statement issued by Genesco Inc, the company that owns Journeys.

"While we are continuing to investigate this incident, it appears an employee in one of our stores entered highly inappropriate statements in a form used to process a merchandise return...Needless to say, such an act was not authorized by Journeys, and will not be tolerated." --Genesco, Inc.

The Slaters received an apology call today from Genesco's corporate office, and have also been contacted by the Justice Department. The department will reportedly refer the case to the FBI to investigate whether a civil rights violation has occurred.

Goldie on healthcare?

2008-10-21T22:18:00.005-04:00

For whom would your dead goldfish vote?

The short on Port

2008-10-21T22:03:00.003-04:00

My apologies for the lack of 'Hills' recaps lately. Admittedly, I've missed the last two episodes and have had no time to catch up...and until that happens, here's a little teaser for the new Hills spinoff, "The City," starring Whitney.

From what I can gather, there will be a bit less airhead conversation and bit more focus on the career path than The Hills offered; that's a good thing if we're trying to influence young women to get excited about being successful in a professional sense, but it's probaaably not going to be that good for ratings.

Then again, if Lauren makes good on her promise to quit filming the reality show, then I guess "The City" is all we got.

Hey, at least there's a guy with a hot Australian accent!

RELATED LINKS
Lauren Conrad: Over "The Hills"
Head from "The Hills"

World Series set to go

2008-10-19T22:52:00.003-04:00

On deck for the 2008 World Series: Tampa Bay Rays versus the Philadelphia Phillies. Either way, history will be made.

The Rays beat the Red Sox tonight in dramatic fashion, and I could not be happier. Well, I could be if the Yankees didn't suck so badly this year, but hey -- F Boston!

Rays pitcher Matt Garza kept the Sox to one hit--a Dustin Pedroia HR--through six innings. Rookie Evan Longoria tied the game in the fourth, and in the fifth, Rocco Baldelli singled in Willy Aybar, who subsequently homered in the 7th, putting the Rays up 3-1.

The next four Rays pitchers allowed just one hit total, and September call-up David Price looked to shut down the Sox in the ninth. After walking Jason Bay, Price struck out Mark Kotsay, who broke his bat earlier in the game out of frustration. Sox captain Jason Varitek, batting .053 in the ALCS, embarrassingly whiffed on a slider from Price. Jew Lowrie grounded out to end the game, and the young Rays team dog piled it up in the middle of the field.

After changing their moniker, logo and colors, the Tampa Bay Rays--in their 11th MLB season--set their club record for most wins in a season, landed their first division title, and set a record for most wins by a worst-to-first team.

The Rays will host the Phillies Wednesday night in Game One. I guess it'll be rally towel versus cowbell...?

The Phillies, who clinched a big-show berth last week, have the weight of William Penn on their shoulders. For those of you unaware, "the curse" is allegedly to blame for no major Philadelphia sporting team (arena football does not count) having won a championship since the One Liberty Place skyscraper--which dwarfed the city's statue of founder William Penn--was completed in 1987. The last team to a win a 'chip was the 1983 76ers.

The city, still haunted by Joe Carter's walk-off home run in the 1993 World Series, is hoping this Phillies team will bring a seemingly long overdue parade down the streets of Philadelphia. (And apologies to my friends, but as a New York sports fan living in southern New Jersey, I would love nothing more than to see this curse continue for another 30 years, but that's just me.)

And don't forget - Taco Bell is again offering its "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion. If a base is stolen during any game of the World Series, the fast food chain will offer a free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco to its customers. If the base is stolen during Games 1-4, the deal will take place Oct. 28; if Games 5-7, then Nov. 3. I'll keep you posted. Last year, we said 'gracias' to speedster Jacoby Ellsbury, but I guess we won't be relying on him --or any other BoSox player-- to do that for us this year, haaaaa.

RELATED LINKS
Boston wins World Snoozefest
Speedy Gonzalez
Yo quiero free taco

'Feast' your eyes on this world record

2008-10-19T19:20:00.007-04:00

Maybe the country of Iran should change its name to Hungary (haaa):

On Friday, organizers in Tehran attempted to break the Guinness World Record for Largest Sandwich, but locals ate the sandwich before it could be measured.

The 1,500-meter-long sandwich was going to be stuffed with 700 kg of ostrich meat and 700 kg of chicken, but people rushed forward and devoured it "in minutes," according to a witness.

Mmmm, Ostrich-chicken sandwich - however could they resist?

Three Guinness representatives on hand had not yet measured the meal, but organizers of the event said video taken could still prove that the sandwich is (or was) capable of holding the record.

The current "largest sandwich" on record hales from the U-S-of-A (pictured right): Wild Woody’s Chill and Grill of Roseville, Michigan created a 5,440-lb (or 2467-kg) sandwich in 2005.

RELATED LINKS
'When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza line'
Ear today, hair tomorrow
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Hiccup in the plan
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Who wants to break stuff?

This is news?

2008-10-16T23:08:00.004-04:00

Now, I once questioned the newsworthiness of a story I wrote around the holidays about a woman who had been searching for a fruitcake recipe for 30 years, but seriously CNN? This is news?

Please refer to artistisahorse.com. You can get the horse's painting (not a painting of a horse, a painting by a horse) for $900!

Lauren Conrad: Over 'The Hills'

2008-10-16T22:52:00.006-04:00

Uh-oh 'Hills' fans - Lauren is talking about calling it quits!

The Hills protagonist told Extra! last night that, "It's coming to a point where I love this show so much, but I'm ready to kind of walk away. I've been doing it for five years now. Five years on TV is a really, really long time."

Ahhh, suddenly it makes sense why they are not pushing Whitney's life on us!

Lauren apparently wants to walk away from MTV's most popular show to tour college campuses and talk to co-eds about domestic violence and the like. (Similar to past Real World-ers.)

But wait--there's more: Lauren and Heidi are friends again!

USmagazine reports that the two made up at a Malibu Rum sponsored dinner at STK in Los Angeles Tuesday night. Heidi came over and congratulated Lauren on her clothing line and the two hugged. Daww, how sweet...but I didn't believe they were ever really fighting in the first place.

RELATED LINKS
Head from 'The Hills'
Back in 'The Hills'
"Drama follows them"
Boys make girls cry and something's gotta change
"You always miss a best friend"

The Jerc Store

RIPs

Memorial Day Weekend, whoo!

Happy Mother's Day

Pig pandemic

Pageants and healthcare are about integrity, okay?

RIP Bea Arthur

So, it's not free?

Dream a dream of this lovely lass...

Harry Kalas passes away at 73

RIPs in baseball

Easter Sunday

Baseball!

Prostitute 'slap-chopped' by the ShamWow guy

I bet I can find Waldo...

"PLEASE, let me be your Rock of Love..."

Put a little Spring in your step

Luck o' the Irish

New meaning to "passing" an ordinance

Bret: 'Bus,' birthday and a book?

"The Hills" have five

Go fish

Guess who's back, back, back...

Another update

25 things you don't care about unless they're yours

'Ew' does not even begin to describe this...

Change is on

Update

Major FAILs of the Week

Real quick

Cos I'm Tripp-ing babies

yup, lots of "coughing"

*cough*

"You'll shoot your eye out!"

"I, Heidi, take thee Spencer..."

Person of the Year '08

Blogs of note

Major FAILs of the Week

Speidi and the Patron make it happen

'Oh, you guys can't breathe in outerspace?'

Major FAILs of the week

Chimpanzee riding on a Segway

Better shake it like a Polaroid while you can

I nose this ain't a good way to die...

Major FAILs of the Week

Plaxico durress

Recession is in session

Sick, sick, sick

Rampage in India

Maybe it's not such a Speidi wedding...

Black --and deadly-- Friday

Day 'o turkey

Major FAILs of the Week

It's a 'Speidi' wedding!

Just what the Dr. ordered

If there were CNN.com in Hell...

Back of the hand-wich

Sex down under

Major FAILs of the Week

Proposition 8 passing

'True' hit

More 'Hills'

Bet on Brett the Jet, says the pet (ha, POET!)

"I'll never let go, print journalism; I'll never let go..."

Major FAILs of the week

Happy Veterans Day!

RIP Gus

Grandpa shooting the 'J

Cosby's gone mad

His brain cells are torched

To church in a hank-Baskett

Foxy laaaady

RIP Michael Crichton

Major FAILs of the week

The voters have spoken...

Election Day 2008!

Let free-food ring!

Deja vu debating!

"World F----ing Champions"

Fall back, yo

cough